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19

Bad News Bill

Posted by Guest Columnist on June 30th, 2009 under Baseball

Uncredentialed Barking Carnival correspondent Fake Ken Tremendous returns and marks the occasion by getting in his dreamwagon and doing donuts on Bill Little's lawn. - S.R. Just when I think I'm going to get a break from my mean-spirited criticism of Bill Little's cornpone musings, the Longhorns go and lose in heartbreaking fashion in the College World Series. And, of course, Bill pumps out this piece full of strained metaphors, ambiguous
17

One Vote For Best Ever: The 1975 Texas Longhorns

Posted by Guest Columnist on June 19th, 2009 under Baseball

Blueshorn sent in this Guest Column. Enjoy. S.R. ONE VOTE FOR BEST-EVER: THE 1975 LONGHORN NATIONAL CHAMPS As the 2009 Longhorn baseball team works its way toward a possible championship series in Omaha, it’s always fun to look back on other great teams in our storied past. The '49 and '50 teams, coached by Bibb Falk, set the standard. The 1983 title is associated with some of the biggest names to play
53

Bill Has a Dream

Posted by Guest Columnist on June 4th, 2009 under Baseball

Fake Ken Tremendous or whatever you want to call him is back with another Bill Little exegesis. Ouch. - The Mgmt. _________________________________________________________ Throughout the long, dark off-season, Bill Little has written about nothing other than dead, dying or terminally ill former Longhorns. I was starting to get depressed. It's my job to riddle Bill Little columns with rhetorical bullets, and he was ducking behind the sports journalist's equivalent of human shields. Until
45

How to Lose Fans and Infuriate Me

Posted by Guest Columnist on May 13th, 2009 under

Mas cinema. This from SydneyCarton. - S.R. __________________________________________ Hi! Due to the continued dearth of off-season topical conversation, Sailor Ripley has entreated a few guest lecturers to contribute to The Barking Carnival. Fortunately for him, my unchecked hubris, proclivity towards wild exaggeration and generality, and immediate recognition that HenryJames is an unrepentant fairy should allow me to fit in perfectly well within the swelling ranks of Barking Carnival. Today, probably to the complete and general
30

The Best Movies You May Have Never Seen

Posted by Guest Columnist on May 12th, 2009 under

As we continue our quest to turn this sports blog into Ain't It Cool News, I give you another Guest Film Crit lecturer - our pal, Scagnetti. - S.R. _______________________________________ There seems to be no middle ground on here, albeit a ground that’s well-tread with expansive, intelligent discourse. Appears we either ham up the art or pick the popcorn outta our teeth. This stops NOW! Sailor asked me to write something for you bloodhounds, and I look forward
38

An Englishman in College Station

Posted by Guest Columnist on May 11th, 2009 under

Frequent Carnival visitor EnglishAg mentioned to me that he was an English exchange student in College Station. This struck me as an interesting situation so I asked him to write it up (with no hope for any ball kicking). Here it is.
19

The Rhythm Method: 2009 Texas Tech Spring Game

Posted by Guest Columnist on April 19th, 2009 under Football

Uncle Bevo braved West Texas winds and the ever-present potential for mud rain to go out and scout the Pirates of The Plains. We're hopeful dedfischer of Tortilla Retort will reply. Here is UB's report. - SR ___________ Most people don’t associate delicate sensitivity with football. Some things just don’t fit together in our minds, like Donald Trump and quiet dignity, Lindsay Lohan and a clean hair follicle test, or Tom Cruise
29

Texas Longhorn Spring Football Practice Report

Posted by Guest Columnist on March 1st, 2009 under Football

Vasherized spent some time watching the lads and filed this report. - SR I arrived at the first spring practice today a little late because I got sucked into an infomercial on Time Warner Cable by some guy named "Mad Dog" promising me I could bench 550 within 14 days. I bought it. After a few minutes strolling around Denius Fields, I realized that half of our two deep bought it as well.
7

Behind Enemy Lines: Texas A&M @ Texas Basketball Preview

Posted by Guest Columnist on January 23rd, 2009 under Basketball

Longtime contributor South '06 has graciously stepped up and offered to give us the Aggie perspective of this weekend's big tilt. You can also look forward to his forthcoming blog on all things Aggie, Spence Park Soap Box. It should be launched in the next week or two. Be sure to check out Trips Right's usual excellent preview work as well.
15

Six Inches

Posted by Guest Columnist on October 24th, 2008 under Football

Thoughts from BL. Bill Little commentary: The treasure chest Saturday in Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium was a keepsake kind of day. Oct. 19, 2008 Bill Little, Texas Media Relations Somewhere, tucked away in a box of old keepsakes, is a faded orange ribbon. It is about an inch wide and probably six inches long, Oh. My. God. I think Bill's writing about his penis! and it’s not even burnt orange, because the color of the