Barking Carnival

Mecca is this way.

Dallas Cowboys cornerback and possible member of Al Qaeda, Orlando Scandrick, purposely injured Roy Williams’ shoulder during a practice yesterday. After the collision between the two players, Scandrick made fake crying sounds and mockingly clung to his shoulder. While the star receiver laid writhing on the turf, Scandrick took advantage of the break by enjoying one of his patented kitten sandwiches and washed it down with a refreshing glass of Christian blood.

After being fired by the Philadelphia Inquirer, Stephen A. Smith’s tenure at ESPN has come to an unceremonious end. It has been reported that Smith and the World Wide Leader in Sports were unable to reach an agreement in contract negotiations. He will finish out his current contract on ESPN radio. According to Deadspin, Smith was unwilling to take a cut in pay, apparently negotiating from the leverage point of a

At least two Oklahoma athletes, defensive end Frank Alexander and basketball guard Ray Willis, were injured in an after hours skirmish at a Norman nightclub called Sooner Knights. An unidentified person was also injured after being run over with a vehicle. The brawl reportedly involved guns, knives and tire irons, which is nice. Police were also

Sorry about the title but it was either that or “Spurs Sting the Hornets in 7” or “Bzzz Kill for New Orleans.”

The Spurs held off a late surge from the Hornets to win game 7 on the road, 91 – 82. Manu Ginobili, bald and unorthodox, once again coldly euthanizes another opponent, scoring 26 and hitting four foul shots in the final 50 seconds. San Antonio, making their fourth appearance in the

The art of honing the toughest and most rugged cut of beef from the bovine into a juicy, tender and angelic delicacy is a quasi religion every bit as worthy as the sun, the moon, the multiple arms of Vishnu or the open field tackle. It can be as easy as you want it to be or seemingly more difficult than conjuring theurgic interveners from the stars. What I’m aiming

Vigorously massage them with all your might. On the Republican side of the aisle, Governor Mike Huckabee lashed back over the weekend by capitalizing on the ineradicable discontent amongst conservative voters by easily winning in Kansas and Louisiana. Senator McCain will remain the inevitable nominee. The Huckabee victories are unsurprisingly minimized by the vast amount of extremely conservative blocs in both Kansas and Louisiana. McCain just won Virginia in a dogfight.

"Don't blame the American people! Blame the Democratic Party leadership. Terry McAuliffe is an idiot." -- Zack Exley, 2002 “I ought to be left alone; I'm not doing money anymore. I'm not involved in any campaigns. My wife and I decided I don’t want to do it anymore.” -- Terry McAuliffe during federal inquiries, 2000 “… in 2000, we had a devastating loss. This party was demoralized in 2001,

The United States Sentencing Commission voted to reduce the mandatory sentencing guidelines for crack cocaine. Even though crack is the same substance as cocaine, sentences levied for crack were 100 times more stringent than offenses involving powdered cocaine. These laws were conceived back when Ronald Reagan was rapidly devising new ways to get more non violent Americans incarcerated, with the lone exemption of otherwise admirable folks who inadvertently stumbled

The first part of the bird's nest has been unwound. The USA Today Coaches' Poll has Ohio State and LSU playing for the national championship. Ohio State has 46 first place votes. LSU has 11 first place votes followed by OU with two and Hawaii with one. Considering that the coaches' poll, combined with the Harris Poll, make up two thirds of the BCS rankings, it would likely take a drastic disagreement from the

Rochester, N.H. -- An embarrasingly lightweight drunk, Leeland Eisenburg, 47, entered the Rochester headquarters of the Hillary Clinton campaign with road flares, a Cornish game hen, a package of hot dogs and AA batteries strapped to his chest. The Somersworth, N.H. resident insisted that the desultory assortment fastened to his torso was a bomb and was positive his behavior would be an infallible method for acquiring a face to face discussion

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Barking Carnival

Author Archive for chooky

Orlando Scandrick Hates Roy Williams and the Dallas Cowboys

Stephen A. Smith Finished at ESPN

Sooners Joust at Norman Nightclub, Sooner Knights

Never Underestimate Certain Organs in a Champion

Brisket Pictorial

Delegates to Provide Happy Ending

The Ass Menagerie

Improved PR for Crack Cocaine

Coaches’ Poll has LSU Going #2

Hostages Taken at Clinton Headquarters

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