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Rich Powerful Good Looking Dude Avoids Strange

Posted by Doperbo on December 2nd, 2009 under Uncategorized

Logan Steelcock- the successful media and internet mogul with an estimated net worth of approximately a quarter of a billion dollars- was seen late Thursday night successfully avoiding strange, according to sources.

“He was in the restaurant earlier” recalls Miguel Oliva, the maitre d’ at Alain Ducasse in Midtown. “Several of his associates had left and he was alone at the bar. This blonde chick comes up and starts talking to him. Smoking hot. You shoulda seen her. She laughed a lot. Got all giggly. Put her hands on his arm a few times, you know how they do. Sweet Jesus she was hot. He bought her a drink and then paid his tab and just left. All by himself. No shit. I know because Carlos valeted his Veyron and he was alone. The guy’s a fruit. If not, what a nutjob. Some kinda headcase or something. Damndest thing I ever saw.”

“Yeah, I saw Logan yesterday” confirmed a co-worker. “He was working on a networking deal with some UK contacts until pretty late. Probably left around 7 or so. I rode the elevator down with him. There were only three of us, counting the lady from accounting that jumped on at the last minute. She kept accidentally tripping into his side with her boobs. It’s funny because she doesn’t even work on our floor. Anyway, he handled it pretty well. Made a joke about it, then jumped off a floor early at the last minute to get away. Man, she has some great boobs. What were we talking about?”

Apparently Mr. Steelcock was hit on approximately 7 times yesterday by women ranging in description from ‘moderately attractive’ to ‘Daaayyuum’ according to several key sources. He also received around a dozen text messages inviting him to ‘party’ and one pair of women’s undergarments placed on his windshield with the words ‘WANT YOU’ written in some sort of personal lubricant. It appears that despite these advances, Mr. Steelcock proceeded straight home where he ate a spaghetti dinner with his wife, read a biography of Rasputin, and played Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 for an hour before getting completely pissed off at the snowmobile level before going to bed.

It is unclear whether Mr. Steelcock intends to randomly bang anyone tomorrow, though sources in the families domestic staff point to the recent purchase of Chinese Sex Pheromones (Lepidoptera: Tortricidae) by several of the housekeepers as a sign of possible success in the near future.

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58 Responses

  1. Minnesotahorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    That’s fantastic.

  2. bigdukesix said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    Rasputin was definitely an interesting dude.

  3. CloseToJumping said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    It seems pretty simple to me. If you don’t want to stick with one woman, don’t get married. If you’re worth $500million and want to keep getting laid whenever you like, then why marry someone and have to split that dough up at some point?

    Tiger Woods’ claim today that he’s been too heavily scrutinized by the media makes me want to vomit. You make $50million+ per year from endorsements because you’re a public figure, you fucking twit.

    On top of all of that, the guy just took a big screaming dump on the concept of him being a role model across multiple cultures.

  4. uthookem said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    I heard Mr. Steelcock just purchased a Real Touch, does that count as cheating?

  5. bigdukesix said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    You make $50million+ per year from endorsements because you’re a public figure, you fucking twit.

    Not to mention the only reason he even has access to these women is that he’s a public figure.

  6. BatesHorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    It’s true.

    That snowmobile level is f-ing hard.

  7. Doperbo said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    Thanks, I’m glad the satire translated.

    Hugh Grant. Kobe Bryant. David Letterman. LL Cool J. John Edwards. Steve McNair. Alex Rodriguez. John F. Kennedy. I tried to think of a smart powerful rich dude (all good looking except for Letterman) who was somewhat reiliably monogamous and only came up with Tom Hanks. You know Genghis Khan is related to 0.5 percent of the men in the world (16 million or so descendants) for a reason. Being able to bang whomever, whenever you want usually has a fairly predictable outcome where men are concerned.

    Frankly, I don’t care who Tiger screws. I just think the assumption that men of his power set will ever really settle down is completely flawed. His stance exudes hypocrisy but so does the feigned surprise from the media, frankly. I’m not sure why they ever get married. It rarely ends well.

  8. BrickHorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    Being able to bang whomever, whenever you want usually has a fairly predictable outcome where men are concerned.

    Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

  9. Bill Clinton said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    “I tried to think of a smart powerful rich dude . . . who was somewhat reiliably monogamous and only came up with Tom Hanks.”

    That depends on how you define “monogamous.”

  10. magnusbleuveigner said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    “Men are only as faithful as their options.”–Chris Rock

  11. BEHorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    “…then why marry someone and have to split that dough up at some point?”

    Signed Prenuptial, Esquire, begs to differ with your conclusion that much dough will be split.

  12. BEHorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    “On top of all of that, the guy just took a big screaming dump on the concept of him being a role model across multiple cultures.”

    Au contraire – Tiger is now the new Jerry Lewis in France.

  13. lowery said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Haha.

  14. Bartoncreek said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    I’ll gladly bang Elin if she is looking for payback. Just don’t make me pronounce her name while I’m doing it. Can’t multi task with that degree of difficulty.

  15. magnusbleuveigner said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    Barton,

    Call her Freyja instead, that should be easier.

    My dad is from Sweden. I have lots of family there. My cousin spent a semester at UCLA. I asked him what he thought of the broads in Brentwood. His response was, “Magnus, I’m from Stockholm.” Fuckin show off.

    My real name isn’t Magnus by the way, not that it matters.

  16. texastough said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    Damn Magnus, all this time I thought I was reading posts authored by a real-life blue-vein porn star. Thanks for crashing me back to reality.

  17. Bob in Houston said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Jay Leno?

  18. CloseToJumping said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    BEHorn–

    You’re not very familiar with how prenups work, are you? Or, I guess, you think he’s earned nothing for the last 3-4 years or whatever?

  19. magnusbleuveigner said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    Don’t worry, I’m still the Swedish Rocco Siffredi….mmm nnnassttyyy…mmorre more…

  20. SL Xpress said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    I’m under the illusion that Paul Newman didn’t cheat. I have no idea how true that may be.

  21. CloseToJumping said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    Tom Cruise

    Neil Patrick Harris

    John Travolta

  22. srr50 said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    George Clooney is a very smart man.

  23. CloseToJumping said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    Roman Gabriel

    Mike Piazza

  24. HenryJames said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    Chooky

    Rip Taylor

    Gert B. Frobe

  25. Vegas said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Obscure Joe Dirt Reference?

  26. ghostofagroundgame said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    Magnus –

    I hung out one afternoon on Biblioteksgatan in downtown Stockholm, and christalmighty are those stereotypes about hot Swedish women entirely true.

  27. Mysterious Package said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Tony Soprano

  28. Minnesotahorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    I love that the most closely related article is, “Vince Young is a Black Dude”.

  29. Woody Bombay said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    Holy cow, who’d want to fuck Jay Leno?

    Letterman is butt-ugly, but chicks dig a sense of humor, too. Leno doesn’t even have that to fall back on.

  30. The General said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    I have this theory on monogamy that basically goes like this: Monogamy is finite.

    Every dude has a threshhold Even ugly fat dudes like myself get poontang thrown their way every once in a while. Every man has a personal finite monogamy limit that may or may not be exceeded. For some dudes they may get the poon thrown at them seven times in ten years or so. These guys are probably safe. Some dudes may get the poon thrown at them every other week, and they must have a high monogamy threshold to maintain a relationship.

    But celebrities and athletes get poon thrown at them every time they leave the house. There is zero chance that these guys stay monogamous because of the sheer volume.

    Poor Tiger is just a victim of circumstance.

  31. USMC said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    The General is wise..

  32. bighornfan32 said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    Bill Gates?

  33. tree said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    Magic Johnson
    James Worthy

  34. The General said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    AC Green?

  35. MilkmanDan said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    His stance exudes hypocrisy

    I blame Butch Harmon.

  36. ransomstoddard said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    I’m enjoying it because this guy is a pr robot geared to cranking out money based on the illusion that he is somehow better, in every way, than anyone else. Now we find out he’s just as big of a hounddog, and just as stupid, as every other Bill Clinton out there. Seriously, how stupid do you have to be to get married and pull this crap?

    I’m reminded of the old Lenny Bruce line: “Show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I’ll show you a man who’s tired of screwing her.”

  37. TaylorTRoom said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    Has anybody, when asked at a restaraunt for a name to put on a waitlist, said “Logan Steelcock” yet?

  38. magnusbleuveigner said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    No, but I did switch out ‘Logan’ for ‘Holden’.

  39. BEHorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    CTJ – re: “You’re not very familiar with how prenups work, are you? Or, I guess, you think he’s earned nothing for the last 3-4 years or whatever?”

    Actually, I kinda am familiar with ‘em … but if you think that a pre-nup for a guy like Woods has to provide the ex Mrs. with more than reasonable maintenance after a separation, then I guess you’re not. (He’s not obligated to agree to share some prix fixe percentage of marital earnings with her.)

  40. BEHorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 10:20 pm

    And CTJ, for what it’s worth, here’s a little snippet from an on-line summary of California law on spousal support in prenups (remember Eldrick is from here and, I believe, still maintains a home here – though he likely limits his time in CA to avoid being subject to state income tax) — note the comment that, under a leading Oregon case (which may well be followed in CA due to the absence of controlling CA Supreme Court precedent), the marital standard of living is NOT the standard for testing unconscionability:

    ***

    A waiver or a restriction of spousal support in the agreement is unenforceable if either the party was not represented by independent counsel or the agreement was unconscionable at the time of enforcement. There is no provision for a knowing waiver of the independent counsel requirement. It is impossible to know in advance whether the spousal support provision is unconscionable, because it is tested at some time in the future. We know that a spousal waiver will not be enforced if it leaves an ill or disabled spouse unable to support him/herself. Unfortunately, there is scant California authority for the meaning of unconscionability in the support context. A leading Oregon case which has been cited in California suggests that a waiver of support will be upheld unless the other spouse has no other reasonable source of adequate support. That case made it clear that adequate support means the minimum amount a person needs to support him/herself and is not related to the parties’ marital standard of living. The Colorado Supreme Court upheld a spousal support waiver between a millionaire husband and a wife who was earning only $1,500 after the divorce. The Arizona Court of Appeals adopted what it called the “majority rule” established in these cases, that spousal support waivers will be enforced unless the waiver would render one spouse without a means of reasonable support or the spouse would become a public charge either because of a lack of property or unemployment. However, these cases are not binding on California courts, which have not shown reluctance to follow a “minority” rule if that is considered to be the enlightened position. It may be prudent to include restrictions on the payment of support rather than an outright waiver in any agreement.

    ***

    Does that help?

  41. CloseToJumping said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 10:33 pm

    Oh shit. You’re posting legal drivel. Please stop before I point out to you that USC has indeed already lost 3 games on their 12 game schedule.

    Prenup or not, the dude violated the trust of the relationship with infidelity and he’s in trouble. They’re currently renegotiating the prenup as we speak, which means she’ll be getting a lot more than the $20million she agreed to before the marriage.

    There is the classroom and then there is real life. A major public figure porking women and having it go public and jeopardize his status as an endorsement horse is going to avoid a messy divorce at all costs. That is what’s happening here with a renegotiated prenup and goes back to my initial point, if you want to get laid, why put yourself in a spot to part with a ton of that dough? On top of all of this, we haven’t even broached child support and what she’d get in that regard.

    Does that help?

  42. CloseToJumping said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 10:37 pm

    http://www.huliq.com/3257/89335/tiger-and-elin-woods-prenuptial-agreement-being-revised

    That’s the first link I found on their renegotiation, but there are plenty. I read a different one earlier today.

  43. BEHorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    CTJ – well, it helps you sound like the guy about whom it was said: Often wrong, but never in doubt.

    Look, I made a passing attempt at humor … you fired back with something that was, in short, incorrect. My longer post was just an attempt to offer some hopefully useful color (sorry, Eldrick) on why she isn’t going to get rich off this. Now you come back with some terse nonsen about “classrooms” and “real life” and “renegotiated prenups”?

    Here’s another “classroom” fact for you: You can’t t include “morals” clauses in prenups either, so it doesn’t matter if Tiger was fucking Mother Theresa … my point above, which was simpy that Tiger doubtless has an airtight prenup that protects the great bulk of his enormous wealth, is just true. The case. “It.” You don’t have to be right on this one, you’re right plenty of other times.

  44. BEHorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    And if it would make you feel better to point out USC’s losses this year, go right on ahead. I live in the middle of SC fan, so I am entirely aware of their record — but I never mind hearing about their losses.

  45. BEHorn said:

    December 2nd, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    And yes, I read your link too. If Tiger wants to slip her a few extra mil not to bail, good on him. It’s still not going to put that big a dent in his massive net worth.

  46. CloseToJumping said:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 12:16 am

    You seem intent on dragging this into a boring, personal dick measuring contest over who has more legal expertise, apparently especially as it relates to the state of California. That given, I am happy to concede that you do and you always will. That has to be a blast for everyone at parties.

    My original point was that mistakes like this lead to guys having to split with a lot of dough. Maybe the rising figure above $20million isn’t a lot to you or Tiger, but it remains a lot of dough, and we’re not even talking about the kids and the support he’d be having to put up there too. Please abstain from posting a California child support statute to refute this concept, as I don’t give a shit about it and the reality is that it would cost him plenty. Irrespective of what kind of technical legal discussion you can win by pulling out new excerpts, errors like this cost a lot of money for someone who gives a shit about their public appearance and doesn’t want the dirty laundry out there. Airtight prenup or not.

    You’re obviously a lawyer, so I am guessing, if you’re worth a shit, you’ve had to look at situations for your clients in terms of risk and reward, irrespective of what the terms on the paper have said, and then provided counsel.

    Prenup, Esquire: “What is it worth to you to get out of this and move on, reputation and future endorsement earnings in tact, Mr. Client? The prenup says $20million and it is air tight. However, she’s saying give her $100million or she spills everything and ruins your public image. The prenup is airtight, so we can fight it. It may be worth it to go in for $50 or $75 and end this thing, though.”

    Having had to participate in a few arbitrations with lawyers in the business world, I’ve seen this process in action. The side with more to lose is going to pay more to make things go away, no matter what the documents say. And if Woods is worth the reported $500million to $1billion, then I’d argue even if it sticks at $25million-ish, that is a chunk of net worth he’s splitting with that hurts.

    If I am wrong on paper, great. I am not worried about having doubts. The reality of these events doesn’t give two shits what California legal precedent says. If you’re still not bridging the gap on how we’re having two conversations here, neither of which are anything other than boring and wish to discuss it further, I don’t know what to tell you. This has entered bizarroland for me.

  47. James Tanner said:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 4:59 am

    Sheesh, I go out for just a couple of hours, and when I come back there’s urine all over the place. It’s almost like my ex-girlfriend’s cat moved back in.

    My take (though some may find this wrong, and if they do, I’m totally totally OK with it..’.please don’t pee on me) is that it’s none of my damn business, really. Nothing to do with Tiger or his family or nothing. It’s just the type of self-gratifying media spectacle/jerkoff that makes me lose IQ if I pay attention. Tigergate means about as much to me as a Natty Light commercial and it’s about as enlightening. And that’s how it should be. I don’t know the guy.

    And besides, we’re about to face the most fearsome defense since Gallipoli. Focus, people.

  48. ransomstoddard said:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 6:28 am

    Believe me, a prenup for a guy like Woods is like the Pope’s balls. She’ll get 50 million just for the mere promise not to go public with all the gory details. He has no choice.

  49. Bob in Houston said:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 6:37 am

    I’ve been trying to ignore this story and it just won’t stop. I see/hear it everywhere.

    The biggest aspect of the story to me is how the Woods image is taking a beating, but OTOH, I realize now I should have thought other areas of his life might be out of control based on all the on-course cursing and the flinging of equipment.

  50. Book Deal said:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 6:55 am

    If Tiger doesn’t pay her off, I will.

  51. t1climb1 said:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 7:59 am

    This will be ancient history the moment Tiger wins his next tournament. For those that think his earning potential with sponsors will take a hit just need to look at the numerous examples of athletes getting caught behaving badly and how that turned out for them. Unless you commit a violent crime this country will always give it’s sports heroes a second chance, and sometimes a 3rd, 4th, and 5th.

  52. BEHorn said:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 8:32 am

    CTJ – not really “intent” on anything, including trying to win — or even engage in — a tedious internet insult war.

    I understand your point: She’s going to try to leverage some more dough out of Tiger. My response – her leverage is at least somewhat limited by her prenup. Both things are true. Tiger’s made a billion or so to date. Giving Elin another $50M or whatever to stick around and maximize his earning potential is, TO HIM, chump change and a reasonable investment in himself.

    What’s more interesting is how the Swede in Need is putting a price on herself -
    Elin: “I should leave him.”
    Elin’s advisor: “Damn right!”
    Elin: “But I wonder if I could get more money?”
    Elin’s advisor: “I guess so … but he did fuck around behind your back for 3 years while you were preggers, making you look like an idiot.”
    Elin: “Yeah, well … bygones! Let’s talk loot!”

    Reminds me of an old Groucho Marx story (by the way, Groucho was beloved at parties): Groucho asks a woman if she’ll sleep with him for a dollar. She indignantly says no. Then he asks her if she’ll sleep with him for a million dollars. She ponders a moment, then says yes. “Great!” Groucho says. “Now we know what you are, and we’re just haggling!”

    Well, Elin Nordegren Woods, now we know what you are … and Tiger’s just haggling.

  53. Marketing Dept. said:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 8:35 am

    He may lose some endorsements but he will get new ones.

    Tiger Wood Condoms:

    Bring out the big stick

    Drive longer

    I can’t drive a car, but I can drive her wild.

    When you pull out the wood, roll up a Tiger.

  54. UT_BKC said:

    December 3rd, 2009 at 11:47 am

    Everything I’ve read and heard on the news sasy 300 Mil… that’s a little more than 20.

  55. Barking Carnival — Blog — Trail Mix said:

    December 5th, 2009 at 1:34 am

    [...] with the Huskers on both sides of the ball and CTJ has blessed us with the first ever back to back mudholes.  I feel safe in saying that this practice has now reached that transcendent level of tradition [...]

  56. Konga, tangerine & tyka rasheed said:

    December 8th, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    I thought doperbo hated the word “dude”. i get it.

  57. where's tyka rasheed this time? said:

    December 8th, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    i also like the clipper cooper character.

  58. Bugs bunny said:

    December 8th, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    Put a tiger in yer tank.

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  • ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition   5 hours, 12 minutes ago

    Wow. Wake won’t break 50. Not surprising really — we should have beaten Wake and they are not a very good team.

  • Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition   5 hours, 17 minutes ago

    Kentucky doing their best to beat Wake by half hundred. Close call….

  • RRR wrote a new blog post: Survive and Advance   5 hours, 21 minutes ago

    We really struggled in the first half, but battled through it to get a tough win against Jacksonville.  On to Oxford!

     Forget what conference they play in, Jacksonville is a very good basketball team, and they got to Lubbock not because of a crazy bank shot at the buzzer in Phoenix, but by playing aggressive, intense defense for

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  • ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition   5 hours, 39 minutes ago

    The shamrock is on his left shoulder. The Griffin looking thing is on his right.

  • ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition   5 hours, 47 minutes ago

    Everytime I see a Gumbel brother I think of “Gumbel to Gumbel”

  • Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition   6 hours ago

    Kentucky starting to pile on Wake. That would have been our fate…..

    KSU just killing the Mormons on the glass…

  • Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition   6 hours, 28 minutes ago

    10 point lead for the Mormons again…

  • ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition   6 hours, 42 minutes ago

    This is the first-time Frank Martin has ever met a Mormon who wasn’t on a bicycle.

  • Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition   6 hours, 47 minutes ago

    Does that mean he gets to pick his wives first???

  • ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition   6 hours, 48 minutes ago

    BYU starts a 2-time Utah “Mr. Basketball.” Everything about that sentence kills me.