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Baylor Open Game Thread

Posted by The General on November 14th, 2009 under Football

Three Baptists walk into a bar. The bartender says “Now hold up, fellows. This is a very nasty saloon. There’s drinking going on, smoking, gambling, and probably some sex acts in the back booths.” The Baptists look around and say “Well, as long as there’s no dancing…” . . .

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  1. Three Baptists walk into a bar. The bartender says “Now hold up, fellows. This is a very nasty saloon. There’s gonna be drinking going on, smoking, gambling, and probably some sex acts in the back booths.”

    The Baptists look around and say “Well, that’s OK – so long as it’s just us.”

  2. There is zero buzz about this game anywhere. The Big 12 is extremely depressing this year. This must be what it has felt like to be an Ohio State fan over the last ten years.

  3. i was a student at BU for the first ever school-sanctioned dance on campus in spring of 96…

  4. Leaving to the side the bizarreness of a “school-sanctioned dance,” and questions about who the hell would attend such a thing, the fact that it was not permitted until 1996 is outstanding. Outstanding in the sense that it really says everything that needs to be said.

  5. Is that a computer giving the intro? It was like listening to the LCRA weather updates.

  6. HJ –

    I’m pretty sure it was. FSW spares no expense.

  7. Even FSSW HD looks like shit.

  8. Emily Jones is not hot.

  9. If this game gets boring, you can always switch over to…uh…Duke vs Georgia Tech?

  10. Woody Bombay said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:01 am

    Those Horned Frogs are fired up! Actual GameDay sign;

    Top
    Coached
    University

    Oh yeah!

  11. There’s always Kentucky v. Vandy. Remember, nothing can touch the AWESOMENESS of SEC football. By definition that’s a better game than #2.

  12. I’d watch Kentucky v. Vandy only if it were a Civil War reenactment.

  13. Woody Bombay said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:05 am

    They just showed a UT girl who’s so hot I’d hit on her in front of my in-laws.

  14. If OU and OSU lose today, does Texas win the South?

  15. That’s be an awesome Civil Ware re-enactment. And it would look strangely like a pot-deal in Nashville, as a bunch of guys in khakis with ray-bans on those foam strings that go around their neck awkardly interact with a bunch of meth-heads with acid washed jeans and white Reebok high tops. And yes, I lived in Tennessee for awhile.

  16. Michael Huey is so pale he makes Chris Hall look ethnic.

  17. That roster picture of Greg Smith looked like Huckleberry after dominating a tricky equation.

  18. What’s this, a 1st quarter drive?

  19. Holdem,

    I think so.

  20. We have finally found a defensive front that our line can blow up.

  21. That pump fake was white on white crime.

  22. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:08 am

    Does Baylor have fans? I’ve never been to a game in Waco.

  23. They have well wishers.

  24. Baylor has almost no fans.

  25. Art Briles bought that shirt at Chess King.

  26. ahh, there we go – marching backwards

  27. You know Baylor sucks when three dudes get juked by Cody Johnson in the open field.

  28. We won’t see Cody Johnson again until the 3rd quarter now.

  29. Baylor has the highest proportion of hot chicks dating guys who have no business being with a woman that hot anywhere outside of Ole Miss. But chicks at Ole Miss will bang.

  30. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:11 am

    Bill Buckner would not have caught that.

  31. Wow. That was a neat-o catch!

  32. “Juke” and “Cody Johnson” don’t belong in the same sentence, bless his heart.

  33. Stupid throw.

  34. It’s like the play action caused the Baylor LB to run right in front of the route.

  35. Does the O-line have wider splits today?

  36. Pawelek drains a six pack of Stroh’s before every game.

  37. Woody Bombay said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:13 am

    I hope we’re able to impress Art Briles enough to get a decent vote out of him.

  38. Johnson went 4-31 on that drive. Greg Davis has fixed our running game.

  39. The Longhorn band should play “I’m a Baylor Bear, Man” after every Baylor punt.

  40. Was McCoy listening to headphones?

  41. The Baylor Line…is usually +30.

  42. We used Greg Smith as a decoy for Jordan Shipley on that TD.

  43. Is Muck hurt?

  44. I use Greg Smith as a decoy to keep birds out of my vegetable garden.

  45. what gives? no muck but we start AJ?!

  46. Muck has a sore knee.

  47. A. Williams is playing.

  48. oh, and chicks at Baylor WILL bang… I can attest.

  49. Didn’t turn around and look for the ball.

  50. Pass Interference on Chykie. They are shredding our defense, embarrassingly.

  51. those screens are killing us

  52. Baylor has thrown more screens for positive yards on this drive than Texas has thrown since 1990.

  53. Oh good grief.

  54. Does Muschamp play base D the first series or two, then make adjustments? Not criticizing, just curious.

  55. christalmighty

  56. It looks like their receivers are holding, no?

  57. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:24 am

    Nice camera angles, Fox.

  58. They are just blowing up our corners on blocks. Simple strategy but they are hitting their blocks.

  59. We need some SEC refs.

  60. dave lapham needs to die a quick clean death. hes a nice enough guy, but is about as deft as Mack’s hairdo

  61. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

  62. Great play by A. Williams

  63. back to back AJ genius

  64. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:27 am

    Or Big East refs, HJ.

    Or Aaron Williams!

  65. Aaron Williams is evil.

  66. Now we know why A Williams is playing. Thank goodness.

  67. thank god for a tv mute button and 98.1 FM on my home stereo

    A. williams pick in your face bitch

  68. Two great plays in a row by A Williams. Glad to have him back.

  69. Yes! Way to hold, D!

  70. i like GD throwin the ball to CJ out of the backfield…

  71. Welcome back Aaron

  72. Look what happens when we try to screen.

  73. and Greg Smith cant catch the swine flu if he wanted

  74. Greg Smith is supposed to have hands??

  75. Greg Smith has woman hands.

  76. is that not delay of game in cfb?

  77. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:30 am

    Way to help the defense get some rest, Greg.

  78. Offense puts the D right back on the field. Way to go, Greg. The question is, Davis or Smith?

  79. Greg Smith has the ball skills of a 3 yr old Jason Witten.

  80. Could we please stretch the field.

  81. I like how we don’t run the ball a single fucking time on that three and out.

  82. Now now, EBS has been decent on his few catches this year. Good play by Pawelek there. Less good that Colt could’ve run for the first down.

  83. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:31 am

    Is that not a penalty (running after fair catch)? Honest question.

  84. I would have like to see more CJ ramming straight at them there, but that said, EBS should have had that 1st down.

  85. HJ – we tried to run, but the handoff (ie, pass to the sideline) was knocked down.

    To me, those are running plays.

  86. Could have used some “Extra Ball-catching Surface”!

  87. i think Musch will be able to send some safety blitzes on this next series

  88. Bobby Jack – yes, I believe it should be a delay of game penalty.

  89. Florence looks terrified.

  90. Short.

  91. Short again.

  92. FUCK FSN AND THEIR FUCKING REPLAYS

  93. i heard or read soewhere, that that screen is the first checkdown from a called run. GD would rather throw that screen out to a one on one matchup on a ‘run’ as opposed to getting stuffe at the LOS

  94. How sweet the Muschamp.

  95. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:35 am

    How many plays does Fox miss today?

  96. Is Dustin Earnest the next Mike Singletary?

  97. dave lapham’s brain needs a lapham-oscopy

  98. It’s like someone told Greg Davis to hand if off a couple of plays.

  99. Hey, let’s not throw to M. Williams.

  100. Shipley is a witch.

  101. quick drinking game, take a shot everytime Lapham says Baylor needs to be unpredictable… Oh SHIP nice catch!

  102. Wow. Just wow. I want to marry Shipley.

  103. Our defense against anyone is like Mandingo vs. a little white chick.

  104. I really wish Colt would throw to someone other than Shipley sometimes.

  105. maybe FSN should ask Texas to stop running the hurry up offense since it interferes with their broadcast. gay.

  106. I really dislike playing teams that are successful with their WR screens. Just tempts Davis to run his shitty versions more.

  107. The Fox producer in the truck must have gotten drunk with Lapham before the game, because he’s not quite catching up to the pace of our offense.

  108. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:39 am

    You would think somebody at FSN would have noticed that Texas runs a lot of no-huddle this season. Good Lord.

  109. Nice tackle there by Jordan Timberlake.

  110. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:39 am

    Baylor commercial: “I came for the International Studies program.” Are you serious?

  111. i know i was an ‘all-star’ at Baylor… not the one theyd advertise, but an all-star nonetheless

  112. Our no-huddle is fucking stupid. Our offense is not good and we need to stay on the field.

  113. Captain Obvious said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:40 am

    Dear Garrett, do you want to be my roommate next year? Maybe it will help me get the ball. You can even have the big bedroom

    - Malcom W.

  114. Christ this is frustrating. I’ve seen better camera work in midget porn.

  115. tucker can tackle but seemingly cant kick it past the 15 yard line
    the MOST consistent pet peeve i have for us, NO TOUCHBACKS

  116. We need a new kicker too.

  117. Why does the kicker have 3+ tackles this year??? But our STs are much improved?

  118. lapham, 15 minutes later….

  119. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:42 am

    Is Justin Tucker our leading tackler on kickoffs?

  120. That was like watching a horror movie.

  121. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:43 am

    Florence gets the chyk-er

  122. That was a fumble is CB rakes his arm

  123. Joey Florence is rattled

  124. “if”

  125. Chykie started that blitz in Belton.

  126. jordan continues to make poor decisions on punt returns

  127. Can’t believe Florence never looked at his weak side.

  128. Someone should start a small business that you can hire players to run delayed blitzes on average people. Like have Chykie Brown hit them as they’re walking to their car and shit.

  129. Florence is a true fish, right?

  130. OMG Trey Newtron is teh answer!!!!

  131. ghost,

    I don’t think Florence is making more than one or two reads max.

  132. The Saints should draft Shipley.

  133. Woody Bombay said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:48 am

    Corso asked if he could get paid for that commercial in hand jobs.

  134. 2nd quarter. Michelada time.

  135. i like how Cody just pushed Ula into the right block… hahahaaa, CJ as OLine coach

  136. Cody Johnson does not live in the matrix.

  137. Baylor might want to cover Johnson out of the backfield.

  138. love that CJ catch out of the backfield

  139. Just polished off a plate of my brother-in-law’s excellent eggs benedict. It is good to have GameDay with a professional chef.

  140. What does it say about our play-action passing that we throw to the back we fake to?

  141. Colt, 6/9 for 69
    hahahahahahaha

  142. That was the McCoy pick-6 play, but he threw it low.

  143. Way to run right into him, Colt.

  144. 7% completion rate out of the empty set?

  145. Why aren’t we throwing downfield?

    And WHY did McCoy run TO the defender and not behind his blocker?

  146. “It’s not an interception when the ball ricochets off that turf.”

    Thanks, Dave. I now have to drink a double.

  147. kirk is great at blocking

  148. Nice block, Kirk.

  149. kirk has no FINISH, a block or a catch or a run… make gather splinters already!

  150. captain kirk with the clutch block for colt

  151. Buckner with his 2nd great catch.

  152. Well, OK. He extended that play. Lucky, but it worked.

  153. Buckner wears Gorilla Glue on his gloves.

  154. Dave Lapham just dropped a Hoyt Wilhelm reference.

  155. If anyone has Hoyt Wilhelm in Dave Lapham bingo, drink.

  156. Cody Johnson and Tre Newton: THUNDER & LIGHTNING!

  157. We HAVE to throw to Malc eventually, right?

  158. And the O-line comes through again!

  159. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:53 am

    Greg Davis creates energy. Who creates synergies?

  160. Has that up tempo shit ever worked?

  161. Lapham thinks Hoyt WIllhelm is a NASCAR driver

  162. Are the refs drunk? Whats with the problems spotting the ball.

  163. The obligatory false start. That was a called play by Davis. Adversity, by Greg.

  164. OK, how about …
    Johnson & Newton: LOW-PITCHED RUMBLE OF AN UNBALANCED WASHING MACHINE & MAG-LITE FLASHLIGHT!!!

  165. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:54 am

    On 3rd and 10, there’s no better play than getting it to Kirk 8 yards from the 1st down marker

  166. worse play call. ever.

  167. Could Colt not have left the pocket on that one — seemed like a lot of room to his right.

  168. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:54 am

    Did anybody run an actual pass route from that bunch?

  169. Typical Kirkendoll play.

    It is good that Buckner is playing again. It is really bad that we are playing our shitty recxeiver sets and not throwing downfield. GD continues to be a fucking idiot.

  170. Wow a John Gold sighting.

  171. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:56 am

    North Slap-Fight Update, Brought to you by Versus: Mizzou 3 KSU 3, almost at the end of the first quarter.

  172. Jim Koch for OC

  173. we are not our name…

  174. Well, let’s see what Muschamp can dial up for NickFlo during this commercial break.

  175. Muck is done for the day.

  176. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 10:57 am

    Waco has a “sky line”? Sorry, I haven’t been there since…hell, I don’t remember.

  177. If Kirk makes that block, Colt goes for 30 at least.

    For the love of God, no more 5 wides. It is seriously killing me.

  178. Well, it is frustrating to watch the offensive regression.

  179. Tre Newton, son of Nate Newton, revelations never cease, and he gets big chunks of yards. Lets keep him fresh!

  180. Williams is good.

  181. the waco skyline inspired one of its native sons, Steve Martin, never to return, “It gives you the middle finger, it literally tells you to fuck off…”

  182. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:00 am

    Nice face mask/hold/face rape on Alexander.

  183. That’s running into.

  184. Is Earl Thomas playing? Or is Baylor just not even trying to throw his way?

  185. A. Williams is the most talented CB in the country.

  186. i wonder if this is just me, quick question to the Board…. Who wants to do FLO from Progressive?

  187. They declined that penalty? Huh.

    What retarded play-calling set do we go with here? I’m guessing Bubble Screen to Chiles, followed by zone read to CJ, followed by Colt holding the ball way too long and trying to force a 6 yard throw to his roommate?

  188. Sasha – the latter.

  189. Here comes the WildHorn!

  190. Ghost, I like your calls, but I’m feeling a Davis reverse

  191. Kansas State just fumbled out of the endzone. Touchback, Missouri.

  192. Progressive Flo? IHI

  193. Well played Ghost

  194. holy crap, Ghost.

  195. OK. I got the first one right.

  196. That’s 1 for ghost!

  197. Nice camera work, FSN.

  198. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:04 am

    Oh, by the way, touchdown.

  199. That is the third TD we’ve seen about 40% of.

  200. Wow. 44yds? I’ll take it.

  201. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:05 am

    Nice run. Too bad we missed the relevant parts.

  202. And another FSN TD missed as we update on some shitty Big 11 game. Nice to see you Tre!

  203. thank gawd we didnt have to wait for roomie to roomie love fest on that drive.

  204. I am upgrading:
    Johnson & Newton: LOW-PITCHED RUMBLE OF AN UNBALANCED WASHING MACHINE & BI-XENON HEADLIGHTS!!!

  205. Wow. Nice move. That safety didn’t even touch him.

  206. I’ve given up on FSN coverage and went to the radio to try to keep up.

  207. Fox is killing us. Would love to have seen that play.

  208. And yet people still think Jordan Lake is any good….

  209. Newton’s 4th law: Give #23 more carries.

  210. Roni Deutch is the only person scarier than the IRS.

  211. touchback?

  212. May I repeat a famous (or is it infamous) barker, Cody Johnson is doomed.

    Way to go, Tre! Thank you, Nate. My favorite of the great Cowboy O line.

  213. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:08 am

    Touchback alert!!! Touchback alert!!!

  214. WOW!!!! first since Clinton was in office

  215. What’s that thing that just happened when we kicked off? They don’t have it on their 45 yard line … weird.

  216. WHo just kicked that? Touchback?

  217. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:09 am

    Statesman tomorrow: Running Game Woes Fixed.

  218. We’re 15-119 on the ground.

  219. Predator

  220. “3rd and 15 or longer is not where you want to be against Will Muschamp.”

    Woo-hoo! Lapham comes through with another shot-worthy analysis

  221. Kenny V

  222. They got ball.

  223. Which of our six airborne guys blocked that kick?

  224. Smash and Dash… thansk Dave

  225. Kenny bought his way into The Club!!

  226. Colt really wanted to force that one into Shipley there.

  227. The Baylor punter thought Vaccaro fouled him, but he isn’t going to say anything.

  228. Kenny plays STs like theyre pickup bball

  229. GET UP SHIPLEY. OH FUCK

  230. Oh fuck

  231. That might be the end of the day for roommate.

  232. 5 wide bullshit just got shipley killed. fucking asshole davis

  233. ticky-tack call on the Unsportsmanlike

  234. Baylor defenders are smart. It’s only 21-0, let’s celebrate.

  235. Oh my goodness. I almost just had a breakdown. Thank goodness Shipley got back up. Whew…

  236. Tre has no quicks. Yes, I knew that before I typed it, but I typed it anyway.

  237. Newton sucks. Put in Vondrell

  238. ticky tack

  239. Malcolm is the right idea

  240. What a great horizontal run call by Davis. Go West (or East) Young Man!

  241. Those are some BS calls. Come on.

  242. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:15 am

    Bullshit call.

  243. The right penalty on the Shipley play was 15 yards for leading with the crown of the helmet.

    Colt finally throws to M. Williams. And he underthrows it. Fuck. out of the circle of trust again.

  244. Missouri 10 Kansas St 3

  245. Malcolm’s intermittent does of Redwood Hands, or good D?

  246. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Calls, I mean.

  247. i want NOT us to be in the same conversation about favorable game penalties

  248. Today’s officiating brought to you by the SEC.

  249. Good play by the defender.

  250. i know for a fact they feed the bears amylnitrates

  251. It is a strong internet meme, so it may happen. But hard to say “the game was on the line.”

  252. Some nice dead air there.

  253. the refs had warned Baylor 3x about taunting before the first flag …

  254. Too easy.

  255. That second taunting penalty wasn’t bad. Stupid decision by the safety.

  256. I guess Sasha’s future hubby is OK! Whew.

  257. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:19 am

    Hey, look at that. Innovationness. Faked the screen.

  258. kenny V wreckin shit like a pickup game!

  259. This reminds me of playing the old SWC private schools in the 70’s – watch the band at half and then head to a late brunch

  260. Frustrating that we fake the screen only when we have 3 yds of field to go

  261. Florence is puckering up good.

  262. It looks like Mack wants to shove it up Briles ass. Good for him, I love it.

  263. Joey Florence… ‘Woah!’

  264. OK. Now that whole sack play was kinda humorous.

  265. I think it’s very unlikely that any of our defensive players actually said those words, Dave.

  266. The ankles work every time…

  267. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:24 am

    It’s cool how Dave Lapham has access to every player’s internal monologue.

  268. Ship is really OK

  269. “Da-ave. What are you doing Dave?”

  270. Crap. I hope we try downfield again soon. Knowing GD, he may not call another one.

  271. I wish we’d run that deep post play to Goodwin or Williams occasionally.

  272. Emily needs to put on apron and bring me my pancakes

  273. Did Monroe transfer?

  274. Quick straw poll… Emily or Flo?

  275. Emily = Nebraska.

    She looks like she could bust some sod.

  276. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:26 am

    Fox: WTF happened on the field?!

  277. Monroe SHOULD transfer.

  278. The next guy Chiles makes miss will be the first.

  279. How many fucking times will we miss the beginning of the fucking play to listen to that stupid fucking asshole Lapham?

  280. That pass to Chiles is always good for 1.5 yards.

  281. Running game clicking … time to go to Chiles for 2 yards.

  282. “The Col. is a Norman Rockwell portrait of perseverance.” – Lapham

    Laps, Rockwell only painted lily white redheads and was rumored to be quite the racist. I salute you for knowing the name of an artist, however.

  283. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:28 am

    Kirk’s 4th best play this year.

  284. CVictoryJoyously said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:28 am

    “Johnson takes a small hole and widens it” I giggled.

  285. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:28 am

    Rockwell painted Andy Dalton?

  286. Kirkendoll has found a team with corners slow enough for him to juke.

    It is insane that we don’t throw to our good receivers while Kirkendoll and Chiles get touches. Just insane.

  287. Baylor appears to lack composure.

  288. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:29 am

    Please say “facerape”!

  289. #12 Howard?!

  290. That WAS a horsecollar on Chiles. Good for Kirk. I do think the refs are trying to stop cheap shots and keep players from getting hurt. Remember that fat Baylor player that literally jumped on Ricky’s leg when he was down. Only gouged it, but could have really hurt him.

  291. check that, #13… wha?!

  292. Play action, throw to Houston. Come on Greg.

  293. oh, shit, Ahmad Howard. Weird.

  294. 21-150 on the ground.

  295. Did Baylor really beat Mizzou????

  296. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:32 am

    Sadly, this game is going to hurt Colt’s Heisman chances.

  297. Well, this got out of hand in a hurry.

  298. you know, if it wasnt for those graphics, Dave wouldnt know what to say on those promos & profiles.. DRINK!

  299. No Fozzy today?

  300. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:33 am

    And stupidly, I should add.

  301. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:33 am

    SUPERMEGATOUCHBACK!

  302. Holy, crap, Hunter needs a tailwind to kick it outta the endzone

  303. Whittaker’s uni looks mighty clean. We’re riding the red hot Johnson.

  304. Another touchback? Whoa… what corrections will be needed this week?

  305. Safety.

  306. Briles can challenge that, if there was a change of possession, thats a touchback

  307. Eat shit Briles. I love it.

  308. I love the Achos

  309. When you’re up by this much, plays like that just become amusing.

  310. “The Achos are grande, are they not?”

  311. Can we make it 44-0 before half? Acho bros are bringing it!

  312. The Achos are Grande?

  313. The only change of possession would have been in the end zone for a TD

  314. “Check the graphic before speaking, Dave…”

  315. Hahahaaa how’s that shit-sandwich taste, Art?

  316. I hate that 5 wide set. But its hilarious that we are up by 37 and running it.

  317. Chiles with no place to fall down!

  318. Point-a-minute defense?

  319. Does Dave think the Achos are Latin? Manuel Acho?

  320. That was Chiles’ attempt at juking. Also hilarious.

  321. Colt was chewing on Chiles, or so it appeared.

  322. what the hell is that new sticker below the state sticker on the back of the helmets?

  323. Colt was chewing on Chiles, or so it appeared. Heads up by Tre.

  324. 17 second left, might as well run a 6 yard crossing route to the guy with no hands. Fucking bizarre decision.

  325. The Greg Smith volleyball set play is back.

  326. Nice volleyball set, Greg

  327. Finally a tipped ball that goes our way.

  328. Bobby Jack Akina said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:41 am

    Tre Newton the only guy on the team who understands that OB stops the clock?

  329. Jinx

  330. Greg Smith couldnt catch the clap from a Newark hooker…

  331. Baylor got 53 yards on their first drive. They’ve finished the first half with 37 total yards.

  332. Emily has man hands. And maybe an Adam’s Apple.

  333. Baylor has no business being in the Big 12. Damn you Ann Richards. Damn you to hell.

  334. It is funny — most of the time our worst defensive series is the first one. Then coaching takes over.

  335. How is Emily Jones not a power forward in the WNBA?

  336. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:45 am

    I don’t know, TOR. They’re pretty good in baseball.

  337. hearing Cronkite’s voice is hauntingly sad, no? made my heart stop for a second. the man was a legend…

  338. Matthews MDeeeeeez Nutz said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:46 am

    COLT! . . . dude, you missed by two feet! Now D has to murder, murder, murder, and murder future evangelical Frye’s managers over and over and over and over again. Plus The Pick Six! Muchos Gracias, Tomahawk Thomas, money can’t replace BOOM chest friction. UT gravelly ad, sell me a Whataburger!!!!

  339. They have baseball in the Mtn West and CUSA.

  340. Baylor T&F, men & women’s BB, baseball and soccer, plus i think briles has ‘em on the right track…

  341. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:47 am

    17-6 Mizzou just before the half. As much as I hate KSU, I’d still like to see them win the North so we could skull f*ck them in the Championship game.

  342. GT down 10 to Duke at any point. This epitomizes the lack of quality behind #3.

  343. I would really like to see TCU play someone really good. They just might be for real. Otherwise this is an amazingly mediocre year.

  344. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:52 am

    The Erector Set is shaking as UCF ties up Cougar High at 17. Good game.

  345. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:53 am

    Oh, I spoke too soon. Extra point blocked, so Houston still up 17-16.

  346. I hope Coach Briles enjoys the prison sodomy we giving him at home today.

  347. i like how Mack said we’re going to come out in the 2nd half like it’s 0-0. Hopefully that means we’re going to try and score another 40 on them.

    This is a great way to remind Art where exactly he lives in the pecking order of the Big 12.

  348. Well, at least I didn’t miss any exciting scoring or a kick ass defense in the first half. Oh, what’s that? It was the best we’ve looked all season? Check.

    I’d like to thank Dish Network for saying that the game would be on HD, so I record the HD channel, only to come home an hour after the game starts to find out they are not broadcasting the in HD in my area…yeah, I guess no one in Houston cares to watch this game in HD.

    The sad thing is, I thought of also recording the non-HD channel this morning, but gave Dish credit…last time that will happen.

    FUCK DISH NETWORK!

  349. uthookem –

    It was not the best we have looked all season IMO. But it is one of the worst teams we’ve played. UCF gives these guys a smooth butt-fucking.

  350. That’s a terrible shirt, Emily.

  351. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    Yeah, UCG would kill these guys. They’re playing Houston even.

  352. Good night. The UH defense is terrible…UCF is giving them all they can handle.

    Not sure if we realize it, but we’re going to win it all…easily.

  353. It is impressive that UCF has held UH to 17 points. No mean feat.

  354. Wonder if Sumlin is already packed. Cougar High is gonna be sad the minute this season is over.

  355. CVictoryJoyously said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    Houston just tried to steal the hand-off from the Baylor RB. Allsome

  356. If UCF would give Baylor a smooth butt-fucking, what do you call what we are giving them? An Oz-like communal shower gang rape?

  357. I would say that if I were looking for a new coach somewhere, Notre Dame or Michigan, I’d start with Brian Kelly. But Sumlin might be my second call.

  358. This is more of a dismemberment, then making lampshades from Baylor’s skin.

  359. This is more like something that should only happen in German pornography. A Cinncinatti Surprise. Or a Boston Steamer.

  360. Cody Johnson is Glass-Bottom-Boat-ing the Baylor defense.

  361. It’s like we’ve figured out that the backside defenders either need to be cut or turned and sealed. Eureka!

  362. Nothing like running bubble screens to your leat dynamic receivers.

  363. Did Lapham just say Jordan Lake’s ‘contact ratio is pretty high?’

  364. Can we please, please, PLEASE pass downfield?

  365. Mack won’t be satisfied until Briles does some serious felching.

  366. Not that Mack will enjoy, this is just a result of the BCS. Now FELCH, damn you briles!

  367. We on’t be throwing downfield anymore today. It will be a steady diet of handoffs and stupid short throws. And Gd will believe that this score justifies starting Chiles and Kirkendoll. And not playing Fozzy. And we’ll be back where we were before the OU game, like magic.

  368. Ryan Roberson in at linebacker.

  369. “Using an extra player won’t work for Baylor either.”

    Good stuff – FINALLY – from a Fox announcer

  370. WTF? Fozzy hasn’t played at all, and fucking CHILES STARTED?

    Fuck me…I’m not going to be a fun-to-be-around fan next weekend at DKR…

  371. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:19 pm

    CFL reference? Check. Drooling? Check. Face Rape? Still Waiting…

  372. Shipley has gone full retard on his punt return decisions over the last few weeks.

  373. He looked like Sonic the Hedgehog on that last one.

  374. And M. Williams and Goodwin have a combined 0 catches, with only one ball throw to Williams and none to Goodwin. Kirkendoll has at least 5 catches.

  375. How did Missouri give up 427 yards passing to these guys?

  376. If we’re just goling to hand off, get Colt out of there

  377. We have a 100 yard rusher!!!

  378. A statistically disappointing 40-point beatdown …

  379. John Chiles gets tackled by caucasians in the open field.

  380. Chiles can pick up three yards like a mother fucker.

  381. Arrrrgh! The “successful rush” BS recounted. Channelling GD,

  382. HJ-

    I’ve been wondering that all day.

  383. I really don’t know if we’ll be able to beat an SEC defense with 3-5 yard passes.

  384. Chiles now falling down BEFORE the catch.

  385. And screw FSN and their no replays.

  386. Chiles and Kirkendoll = “first-unit.” Kill me.

  387. Again, Chiles gave “great effort” on that play.

    Fuck. Does that kid have pictures of MB and GD fucking a 12 year old boy?

  388. We’ll beat them 13-10, Sasha.

  389. Sweet farmer tan, Lake

  390. Chiles is a train-wreck.

  391. Bench Chiles now

  392. Why does Chiles play? I don’t see what he offers at all.

  393. Wow. Can someone get that kid off the field? HE HAS HAD HIS FUCKING CHANCE! THERE IS NO FUCKING UPSIDE!!!!

  394. Upon Chiles’ latest drop, Mrs BEHorn says, “You’ve got to do better than that.”

    How right she is.

  395. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    Time for a pick-six

  396. How can they tout the alleged “Malcom Williams” inconsistency with Chiles’ performance on that series?

  397. Our DE just got held on that reverse, but the refs are like ‘fuck it.’

  398. Their trick play reverse just went for three yards…that would have been a TD against a Chizik defense.

  399. Ben Alexander looked allsome in the open field. Ha.

  400. I find myself pleased that Baylor picked up a first down. Not sure why.

  401. Is there some kind of conspiracy against letting Gilbert get on the field?

  402. Mack wanted Colt to go out on a clean series. Won’t happen now – Gilbert’s up next.

  403. Fucking Acho brothers.

  404. Acho GRANDE

  405. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    Well, I called the pick.

  406. Nice.

  407. Acho Grande!

  408. Achos ownz U

  409. Fuck Sonny Acho…for not having more kids!

  410. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand there’s Gilbert.

  411. Laredo Stret said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    Gotta love those Acho guys! Waytogo, EAcho!

  412. OK. Lets let Gilbert throw!

  413. Excuse me – Garrett “Handoff” Gilbert.

  414. We’re so good at jumping routes.

  415. We’ll never see Tre Newton again. Ever.

  416. It was nice knowing Tre Newton…we won’t see him again until spring practice.

  417. Wrong, they let Newton fumble.

  418. See what happens when you don’t let Gilbert throw.

  419. Nice hustle by DeSean Hales though even if he didn’t come up with the ball.

  420. And did you see Kirkendoll working to make the recovery?

    … neither did I.

  421. We’re making Baylor bounce everything to the outside which typically leads to a TFL.

  422. Missouri 17 Kansas St 12

  423. Actors are some weird people

  424. For the love of fucking shit let Gilbert throw the fucking football! What the fuck is wrong with this fucking coaching staff that they are too fucking worried about Baylor’s feelings to let next year’s starter “play” the game. Good Lord.

  425. I don’t think I’m the first dude to see Kenny Chesney’s ass up close.

  426. I can’t imagine why Briles decided to stick it to Texas last year? It must have been arrogance, though I cannot imagine why considering the consequences others have suffered as a result of slighting Texas. Brown has a strong sense of justice and fair play. Those who don’t recognize it, pay the price.

    I think Brown is right. More power to him.

    On another note:
    Uh Oh, Poor, Tre.

  427. Yeah, don’t show the game. Show the assholes up in the booth talking. It’s not like there is audio or anything.

  428. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    Gannaway no juega muy bien.

  429. jesus christ, holdem, we’ve run three fucking plays so far. Relax.

  430. Missouri 24 KSU 12

  431. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    UCF 30 Houston 20. The Erector Set is about half full.

  432. not saying he actually will throw the ball, but nothing to freak out about already.

  433. That’s not a route that Buckner should be running.

  434. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    Keenum picked off. UCF with the ball inside the 10. Cougs going down…

  435. The Foz!!!!!!!!!!!!

  436. Don Beebe is a fucking moron.

  437. would rather go back to the old system than a playoff.

  438. Gilbert showing pretty good escape-iness.

  439. I don’t know if Gilbert is a threat on called runs, but he looks pretty elusive in the pocket and keeps his eyes downfield.

  440. So, I guess we’re into garbage time here?

  441. Gilbert wishing for his HS OL

  442. Can someone let Beebe know that only eight or 16 of the 60 bowl-eligible teams wouldn’t be going to a bowl….grrrr….now the fuckwad is talking about the controversy of undefeated teams. Let’s have a fucking playoff douchebag!

  443. I hope someone shoots those freecreditreport.com dudes.

  444. Dave Lampshade is not quick-minded.

  445. Colt has a jackhammer mind.

  446. Beebe is still there.

  447. Come on scrubs. Don’t fuck up our defensive stats.

  448. That should have been picked, but #29 is a walkon.

  449. Vaccaro hit him like he came into the lane in Gregory.

  450. think Vaccaro likes to hit? with or without a basketball?

  451. Vacarro thought he was in Gregory…

  452. damn you HJ.

  453. Nice tackle by Marcus Davis.

  454. ransomstoddard said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    Well now we know why Goodwin and Chiles are falling down the depth chart: they can’t actually catch the football and have no wide receiver skillset.

  455. Incredible play by Eddie Jones.

  456. Eddie Jones?

  457. Rollllllllll Eddie Jones!

  458. EDDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  459. Wow. Just wow.

  460. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    At least Florence threw a TD.

  461. Awesome…Eddie just made Greg Davis look better.

  462. Matthews MDeeeeeez Nutz said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    we all make plays, me all rock lil woodrows

  463. I love watching D-linemen run down the field.

  464. Meanwhile, UCF is putting away Houston.

    Another good weekend coming our way?

  465. Nicely done by Eddie Jones! (Man, I remember a time when another #32 was scoring TDs for the Horns.)

  466. Emily Jones hands look like The Thing’s from the Fantastic Four.

  467. Did Emily have on a man’s watch?

  468. FSW obviously does not have the capacity to air a replay. Their replay guy (singular) must be in Norman. Pathetic.

  469. capacity, capability, wtf’ever. FSW sucks.

  470. Missouri 31 KSU 12

  471. The Mizzou juggernaut rolls on.

  472. B12 north should be ashamed of itself.

  473. Damn our walkons and true freshmen.

  474. mookiepatookis said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    38-12 Mizzou

  475. That Baylor TD is on the UT kicker. Our punting and kick offs worry me in a NC game.

  476. Homesick Alien said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    We’re saving our Shutout Package.

  477. De-cleater on that punt return at the bottom of the screen

  478. Our kicking game is awful. That Tucker kid is terrible at everything he does. I have no idea why Gold isn’t our only punter.
    And No. 27, our 4th strong LB, is awful — like Scott Derry awful.

  479. Gilbert has too strong of an arm for our WR, reminds me of TJ his first year hitting guys in the face with the basketball.

  480. No. 27? Brewster?

  481. Hate ot admit this, but that’s what everyone said about Chrissy Simms too. And it turned out that he just lacked touch.

  482. Muschamp is not going to happy with these garbage TDs

  483. I picked 43-13…that’s looking pretty close.

    Glad we decided to only play half a game today, but all in all, good experience for the backups.

  484. Matthews MDeeeeeez Nutz said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    dude from home improvement just scored?

  485. DId you just call him Chrissy Simms? fuck you cocksucker.

  486. Fuck me. Not Brewster. Dude playing in the middle that blew the tackle on the long run.

  487. ransomstoddard said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    Pretty pathetic performance by our two’s

  488. Stats are for losers, but I bet Muschamp is furious. Especially when he realizes it’s Briles that scored on him.

  489. Ah, chitwood. I did call him Chrissy. Because he is a bitch.

  490. I apologize if my sarcasm meter was off on the Chrissy comment. Cocksucker may have been a little harsh.

  491. ransomstoddard said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    Agree that we have the weakest kickers in Division I. It baffles me how a campus of 49000 kids cannot produce anyone who can kick or punt the ball more than thirty yards.

  492. cocksucker comment reinstated.

  493. 14 pts in last 2 minutes to Baylor – thanks kickers. Hard to blame the subs. Can our second team offense hold on for 1:37 or so.

    Hope that 14 to Baylor won’t hurt us in polls, dammit.

  494. That was more like our 3rd string really.

  495. Nice to see you show up in the fourth quarter and find something stupid to bitch about, ransom.

  496. I don’t need to hear about Dave Lapham’s eating habits.

  497. It is pretty funny that Briles was running trick plays on the last drive.

  498. shocking isn’t it, HJ?

  499. I bet our players hate Davis

  500. Man. Shipley is cut. Look at his arms. Wow.

  501. Is there any particular reason for following Shipley around with the camera like that? Weird.

  502. If I were Vondrell McGee, Fozzy Whittaker, DJ Monroe, or Malcolm Williams I’d be furious about today. Otherwise — we ran some dumb sets, but we destroyed what may have been the worst team we’ve played this year. Seriously, Baylor was horrendous. Best game our OL has had all year, too.

  503. Sasha you really have a thing for the roomie.

  504. Yeah. It is hard to see how I would find a 6′+ muscular guy attractive. Especially one that does nothing but make plays game after game. Its a mystery.

  505. We covered the spread, no one got hurt and we have things for the coaches to bitch about to players this week.

    All in a days work for a road game in conference.

    And we actually ran the ball well. Who would have thunk it?

  506. Ok. This makes complete sense if you are a woman, which my super intuitiveness now indicates to me is probably the case.

  507. WOW. Stanford all over “#9″ USC… can we please drop them to the mid-20s now, please?

    Iowa, welcome back to reality. OSU, don’t get cocky just because you have 10 at the half. Reminds me of the famous Woody Hayes quote after a 4-0 victory, “We knew we had it won after the first safety. The second time we were just running up the score.” But F Woddy Hayes.

  508. Watched Florida and Alabama, and quite frankly, I thought we looked better while viewing all games through my orange tinted glasses. (btw, they are really comforting) We didn’t get the TCU game.

    Mark May will never give us any credit for anything. Sickening as a commentator, and should come off the air. I think he makes a concerted effort to forget we play on Saturday. Now he is pimping TCU. Don’t doubt they are good, but do they belong on the same field with Texas, Alabama, and Florida? Who knows, they still must prove themselves. I say give them a slot in a BCS bowl if they win out against the loser of the SEC championship game. Settle it on the field.

  509. If I were Vondrell McGee, Fozzy Whittaker, DJ Monroe, or Malcolm Williams I’d be furious about today.

    Vondrell McGee sucks at football. He should’ve gone to Texas State or some shit if he wanted to play a lot. DJ Monroe is fast, but he’s a 5′8″ 140 lb RB. Foswhitt has a stupid first name. Really Malcolm Williams is the only one with cause to complain. There are only so many RBs that can get carries in any one game.

  510. bighornfan32 said:

    November 14th, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    Shipley is not 6′+, Sasha. Sorry to ruin your fantasy…

  511. Hi everybody
    I am troubling with credit score problem, and I really want to solve it my self

    Please let me know if you have the free Credit Report & Repair Kit.

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