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Stats n’ Bloodies

Posted by Vasherized on November 8th, 2009 under Football

Here are a few Saturday stats that go well with a Sunday morning Bloody Mary while you book flights to Pasadena, set fantasy football lineups, and pretend your female companion really doesn’t care that you plan to watch another 12 hours of football today. February is for mending relationships and watching college basketball — nothing else.

Jordan Shipley set a Texas record single game record with 11 catches for 273 yds and 1 TD against UCF. Colt and McCoy were in roommate/PS3 mode, as half those yards came from Shipley simply finding open space after completing his Greg Davis-imposed 7 yd slant/curl/hitch route. If Colt doesn’t float the ball short to a wide open Shipley on the sideline, Jordan goes for 91 and a TD instead of 53 and getting caught by a linebacker, putting his total yardage for the day above Trevor Insley territory at 321 yards on the day. With his unrepentant disdain towards opposing secondaries, Jordan is quickly redefining the term “white supremacist”.

With 41 wins, Colt McCoy sits just one game behind the NCAA’s all-time win leader, Georgia’s David Greene. He’ll eclipse that mark against Kansas in two weeks and could finish his career with a total of 46 if Texas wins out. That will be a tough one to break unless Garrett Gilbert stays all five years. Too soon?

I just heard Mitch Albom say that the SEC Championship game was effectively the national championship game. Mitch has spent too many Tuesdays with Morrie and Saturdays at the all-male spa instead of watching football, namely the Texas defense.

Muschamp’s unit took over the #1 overall ranking, holding opponents to an average of 231 yards per game despite logging 62 more plays than Florida’s defense. Sergio Kindle’s stat line of 9 tackles, 3 TFLs, and 1 sack — the equivalent of Tommie Harris’ entire senior year at OU — only approximates the level of destruction he wrought on UCF’s offense. Lamarr Houston wasn’t far behind. Their belief in Muschamp’s scheme and playcalling is approaching Sunni/Shia proportions and the results are equally violent. If Vandy’s DL can get to Tebow that easy, I like our chances of shutting down Florida’s Plebeian battering ram offense. Bama is a much bigger threat because of Ingram, despite fielding a QB that curls his eyelashes before every game.

Consecutive games in which officiating has determined the winner of an SEC game: 687. This week’s egregious entrant: LSU/Bama. Shocker!

Peterson clearly had not one but two feet in bounds with the 4th Quarter INT that would have given the Tigers the ball near midfield down 6 points. HenryJames accurately pointed out that in the SEC you need three feet in bounds. Only Tebow gets that call when passing touchdowns to HIMself. But this game was effectively over when Jarrett Lee came in at QB for an injured Jordan Jefferson.

Iowa is now 9-1, exceeding a typically Ferentzian year of 8-4 but now equally irrelevant after losing to Northwestern. Kafka’s metamorphosis is now complete.

Announced attendance at the game: 101,003. Seats empty at kickoff: 15,000? False Starts on UCF: 1. Correlation!

Texas rushed the ball 25 times for a net of 67 yds. Greg Davis will be satisfied with the 2.7 ypc average because three of those carries went for touchdowns.

Trips Right predicted before kickoff that Cody Johnson would roll for 150, citing his recent conquering of an eating disorder. I also predicted that Marquise Goodwin would have a huge game. Thankfully FLV Bets yielded another profitable week going 3-2 +3 units. Cougar High covers the pick’em by a skinny, shaved, beautiful … point.

The Big 12’s Jordan Shipley, Danario Alexander, and Desmond Briscoe are 4th, 5th, and 6th in the nation in receiving yards per game, respectively, behind some guys named Freddie Barnes, Greg Salas, and Golden Taint.

HenryJames’ javelin team came back for the win 7-6 at the Austin Renaissance Festival. No stats were recorded for our least athletic Barker.

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10 Responses

  1. parlin said:

    November 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am

    “HenryJames’ javelin team came back for the win”

    With HJ throwing or catching?

  2. Vasherized said:

    November 8th, 2009 at 11:01 am

    parlin,

    He usually excels at both but read the last line carefully. He’s pretty down today, go easy on him.

  3. t1climb1 said:

    November 8th, 2009 at 11:20 am

    With his unrepentant disdain towards opposing secondaries, Jordan is quickly redefining the term “white supremacist”.

    I believe Scipio has the best line ever regarding Shipley’s badassery. Something like “Shipley has now humiliated more African-American males than Flava Flav at the source awards”.

    Still one of the best lines I’ve ever read on this site. Well that one and the gratitude being the guilt of the unworthy line. It’s a tossup.

  4. BrickHorn said:

    November 8th, 2009 at 11:44 am

    Those two girls are understandably horrified by monkey foot hands.

  5. Sugarpants said:

    November 8th, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    I heard Tebow has a third leg he only uses in sideline catch situations.

  6. Sailor Ripley said:

    November 9th, 2009 at 12:04 am

    I just heard Mitch Albom say that the SEC Championship game was effectively the national championship game. Mitch has spent too many Tuesdays with Morrie and Saturdays at the all-male spa instead of watching football, namely the Texas defense.

    Should be a common refrain over the next few weeks. OK by me.

  7. lurkerinthedark said:

    November 9th, 2009 at 6:46 am

    I love the SEC lovefest.

    I do not fear Florida or Alabama.
    Muschamp’s Bunch will destroy them.
    And even Greg Davis likes Pasadena.

  8. Bob in Houston said:

    November 9th, 2009 at 8:58 am

    Should be a common refrain over the next few weeks. OK by me.

    I wonder how the boys at ESPN will build up to this one, considering what happened the last time?

  9. BatesHorn said:

    November 10th, 2009 at 8:50 am

    They’ll treat the SEC champ the same way they handled USC: cradle the balls… stroke the shaft… work the pipe… and swallow the gravy…

  10. Vasherized said:

    November 10th, 2009 at 10:58 am

    Bates,

    That sounds like Thanksgiving at HenryJames’ place.

    We’re already seeing some chatter in the media about our easy path to the title game but none of that will be remembered if we beat FloriBama.

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