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CBS Employee Drops Pants, Clicks ‘Publish’

Posted by Vasherized on October 27th, 2009 under Football

If you’re fired via email late at night, and nobody else is copied on it, did it really happen?

Sporstline.com writer Gregg Doyel might find out very soon. He’s made a fun game of trashing a new college football conference every week in a No one is worthy! merry-go-round, but this week he took things a little too far given that Doyel’s employer, CBS, has a multi-billion dollar contract with the conference, the SEC.

SEC football is overrated, and this is a dangerous position for me to take. Dangerous, because CBS has a working relationship with the SEC. At its highest levels, my company pays a lot more money to broadcast SEC football than it pays to publish me. Between SEC football and myself, one of us is expendable. And it’s not Tim Tebow.

He meant to say ‘immortal’. Easy mistake, read on:

That said, I can’t do it. Not for a second longer. I can’t carry the water for a football conference that can’t carry its own jock.

In this era of Fortune 50 corporate-sponsored journalism, that’s the equivalent of leaving a dump in the break room microwave, grabbing your hot co-worker’s tits in a crowded elevator, then dropping your pants in the lobby on the way out to lunch. Basically, an average Tuesday for Trips Right. In fact, I see nothing wrong with it.

Doyel will probably get the Office Space treatment from the lackeys at CBS, earning himself an unexpected promotion.

“We see a lot of talent in you, Greggo.”

Of course, later on in the same article Doyel touts USC as a valid national championship contender because Matt Barkley was not available for greatness when they lost to that 3-5 powerhouse otherwise known as the Washington Huskies. That team who hadn’t won a conference game in two seasons. I guess the freshman QB who had only played two career games and is actually the illegitimate spawn of Ian Ziering and a 90210 extra really was the difference! Or maybe it’s because USC’s defense has played like some of Lubbock’s fattest little girlfriends this year? Or because you can set your watch to USC shitting the bed against it’s weakest conference opponent every year? Retweet that, Pete! All of them. With pictures, if possible.

Enough about the Trojans. Their fate is not up to humans or computers or polls. The Gods rule Troy. Mere humans like Doyel are fallible, after all.

But back in SEC country, something is rotten in Destin. Or Gainesville. Is there really a difference?

The wind’s blowing, and it’s up to the human element in the BCS system — the voters — to feel it blow. Or they could use another of their five senses. They could use their smell.

Because compared to its hype, the SEC stinks.

/Clears out 401(k). Starts training for run at MMA glory.

Fierce!

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12 Responses

  1. Meekrob said:

    October 27th, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    Destin has a beach. And some nice MILF-spotting.

  2. BatesHorn said:

    October 27th, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    Allsome. The Peter Gibbons reference alone elevates this to best post of the day. And yes, I read the OSU vs. Texas preview, Huck.

  3. parlin said:

    October 27th, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    “Basically, an average Tuesday for Trips Right. In fact, I see nothing wrong with it.”

    Nice line followed by an even better one.

  4. BEHorn said:

    October 27th, 2009 at 6:17 pm

    While the author looks like he makes his living saying “youse guys” and driving a beat-up Dodge van with stolen plates to swampy areas of New Jersey late at night, the cogency of his thesis cannot be denied.

  5. burnt orange outrage said:

    October 27th, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    This guy just jumped to No. 1 on my Favorite Online Writers list…nothing personal, barkers! This is golden — somebody you’d fully expect to be deep in the SEC’s pocket blasting the conference as overrated and living off erroneous perception. I love this like Mangino loves finding a lost chicken leg between some of his skin folds after a 2-hour feeding.

  6. raoulduke said:

    October 27th, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    gregg doyel

    Gregg Doyel covers the Final Four with a mohawk. Badazz.

  7. Hornmatic said:

    October 27th, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    O’doyel Rules

  8. Spawn of Cthulhu said:

    October 27th, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    Dude,
    I live in Destin. There’s been nothing at all rotten (other than Hurricane Ivan) in the 11 years I’ve been here. Big difference vs Gainesville (Or Tallahassee, for that matter).

  9. unsub1 said:

    October 27th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    I lived in Destin (FWB) years ago. ‘Tis a magical place. Different than most of Florida. Giuseppi’s, the Mullet Festival and Lincoln Park forever!

  10. Trips Right said:

    October 28th, 2009 at 3:34 am

    This article is fatally flawed. I never drop a deuce at work. Never.

    Carry on.

  11. Vasherized said:

    October 28th, 2009 at 9:15 am

    The Destin defenders are out in full force. Wonder twin powers activate in form of Nascar mullett and a case of Busch Light!

    Destin was just the first city in the Redneck Riviera that started with D I could think of. It certainly approximates Gainesville more than Denmark but I’ll add this to our growing file of corrections.

    We sit around and read the large stack at the end of every month then roll each one lengthwise, approximating heavy timber in a ceremonial bonfire to honor our fallen barkers.

    RIP Chooky.

  12. Spawn of Cthulhu said:

    October 28th, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    Destin is of great significance to the SEC. It’s where they always hold their conference meeting in the spring (surprisingly enough, Spurrier likes to golf when he’s in town, who knew?).
    Busch Light and NASCAR belong to our less than friendly rival to the east, Panama City. It is a true shit hole.

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