Blogging Co-Prosperity Sphere advocate Michigan fan Brian Cook has tasked College Game Balls with this week’s questionnaire for an escape into whimsy and Pretend-land.

1. Which freshman impressed you more last weekend: the California dream Matt Barkley who quarterbacked USC over tOSU or white lightening Tate Forcier who slashed through Notre Dame? Which one would you like to have on your team? Feel free to write in another worth candidate.

If you can distinguish a caretaker from a playmaker, the answer is Tate Forcier.

Barkley should be commended for his poise in a hostile environment, but his game winning drive consisted of handing off successfully and flipping two backyard nerfballs to an open Joe McKnight, trailed despairingly by a Midwestern Caucasian. Jim Tressel lives to poo himself on the big stage – it doesn’t require any magic. It only requires Tressel, a pair of Dockers, a Top 5 opponent, and Ellen Tressel’s chili. 15 of 31 for 195 and a pick is only the stuff of legend for breathless ESPN analysts and the majority of SEC QBs.

Tate Forcier was the catalyst in Michigan’s win. Unlike Barkley, he was featured rather than compensated for in Michigan’s game plan. Look at the spectacular 4th and 3 31 yard TD run to put Michigan up 31-20 or the winning TD drive with 2:13 left in which he made all of the plays. 310 yards from scrimmage and 3 TDs isn’t bus driving.

As for which I’d take, Barkley is an obvious NFL talent, but I’ll pick Forcier for his suitability to what Texas does on offense and my preference for mobile QBs in the college game. Let’s pray he’s not on the Chad Henne development plan.

2. Let’s play a game of pretend the unthinkable happened. Commissioner __________ of your conference has been forced to resign after he was caught canoodling with some harlots. Great news, you’ve been chosen to succeed him. To make your mark you decide to make a big change. What is it going to be?

Why would I want this job if I can’t canoodle with harlots?

I’ll play along…

I disband the Big 12 and work to create a national superconference. Failing that, I convince the Pac 10 (their current commisioner’s background is in Women’s Tennis – I kid you not) to ditch their non-revenue producing scrubs along with ours and form a 16 team mega-conference that will dominate nearly 40% of the nation’s televisions. We are now poised in the sweet spot of the West’s demographic inevitability. The BigPac 16 – though it sounds like a Costco bulk toilet paper bundle – would be feared.

3. This week the quality of games is kicked up a gear. Other than your own, which game are you most looking forward to?

Florida-Tennessee. It will be deeply satisfying to watch Urban Meyer pole-axe Lane Kiffin’s street agent addled program, dismember his gridiron corpse, drench it in naptha, ignite it, and sprinkle Tennessee’s charred remains in the Okefenokee Swamp to be absorbed in a muggy stew of flamingo shit and gator urine. Other than that, I’m a Kiffin fan.

4. What mascot and/or tradition would you thieve from another school if it was socially acceptable.

We’re going Ivy league. Meet Keggy the Keg. Mascot of Dartmouth athletics.

I’ll incorporate Keggy into my own traditions with Bevo. Each week, Keggy’s role can be fulfilled by a different convict who would otherwise be performing in prison rodeos. Keggy-convict’s objective would be to ride the beast, possibly spurring him into the opposing team’s Cool Zone equipment or trampling a male cheerleader. The keg costume would prevent major injury, working much like the barrels of a rodeo clown. Good family fare.