And their clowns.

When my wife and I were dating we went to meet some members of her extended family who were visiting from out of town. She spent a good 30 minutes giving me the lowdown on all the various people and what to expect. A split second after we had knocked on the hotel door, she turns to me and says “oh by the way, I forgot to tell you, my cousin’s fiance is a midget.”

I mean, nothing against little people, but she could have given me at least a few minutes to digest that bit of information before the little person opened the door. Wouldn’t you move that to the front of the list of things to tell someone about- ahead of such mundane facts as don’t let Grandpa have any booze?

Excellent story.

I grew up with a guy that eventually was a roommate in college and for a while afterwards and he’s now a business partner that has a serious fear of midgets and dwarfs. I used to threaten this guy that one day I’d hire a few to come in while he’s sleeping and then simply stare at him, gathered around his bed, making squeaking noises in an effort to wake him up. I found great amusement in the concept. I was joking about it one night when a bunch of us were out having drinks. Everyone chimed in and had a good chuckle at said dipshit’s expense. 2 days later I woke with a ceramic clown doll staring at me on my nightstand. Point taken. The midget-threatening came to an end.

There was a Thursday night ESPN game between Mississippi State and someone like Memphis or something, years ago. They did a bit on Jackie Sherrill and his affinity for clowns. They showed video inside his home, with him showing them around shelf upon shelf of clown dolls and masks. That seems what part of each day in Hell is like. Being trapped in a house with Jackie Sherrill and his unbridled clown fetish.