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Meet the OU offensive line

Posted by HenryJames on August 10th, 2009 under Football

As OU gets set to replace four offensive line starters, it’s time to take a closer look at their backups who were actually much better than they were. Seriously. Because Billy Mays Kevin Wilson says so.

Left Tackle Trent Williams

“The best tackle I’ve ever coached.” Bob Stoops

“I watch Trent on film every day. I’ve learned a lot from Trent. Trent is a phenomenal athlete. It’s a gift.” Cory Brandon

How good is Trent Williams? He’s so fucking good that the English language refuses to allow the replacement of his name with a pronoun by anyone other than him.

Left Guard Brian Simmons

“The best guard I’ve ever coached.” Bob Stoops

“He’s a really great guy. He’s a really good leader. He’s been here for awhile, so he knows the program, he knows how to react in certain situations. It’s good going to him and asking him questions. When I’m trying to figure out something, I go to him and he’s always there to answer it.” Ben Habern

Experienced guy. Keeps the young guys out of trouble. If you need to know how to get paid for work without showing up, he’s your guy. Also helps with filling up your gas tank without paying.

Center Ben Habern

“The best center I’ve ever coached.” Bob Stoops

“Ben on the field is a complete different person. He’s more relaxed off the field. He cares a lot. Me and Ben, we roomed together in the dorms, and now we’re still roommates outside of the dorms. So, we’ve become really good friends and the fact we know each other so well really helps us out on the field because we can just look at each other and know what is going on. For the whole offensive line, if we could get to that point, it will be really great.” Stephen Good

The Sacred Band of Thebes. The 2009 OU offensive line. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Right Guard Stephen Good

“The best guard I’ve ever coached.” Bob Stoops

“With Stephen, the most impressive thing to me is his work ethic. This guy truly is a weight-room warrior. We didn’t have to work out yesterday, but he went in and worked out on his own. You’ll tell him to run to the top of the stadium in 20 seconds, he’s going to bust it trying to make it. That’s the type of guy he is.” Brian Simmons

That Stephen! Even though he’s had two shoulder surgeries, you can still convince him that doing heavy bench presses is a good idea! Dude even drinks his own vomit as part of a nutritional supplementation program. Jerry Schmidt loves him.

Right Tackle Cory Brandon

“The best tackle I’ve ever coached.” Bob Stoops

“Cory really impresses me. He’s grown so much and matured so much over this past year. He has big footprints to fill and he’s been here for four years. He knows it’s time for him to step up.” — Trent Williams

How good again is Trent Williams? He’s so fucking good that he apparently left footprints on the field last year that OU refused to fill in.

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38 Responses

  1. TaylorTRoom said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 5:47 am

    I think it shows how good Bob Stoops’ heart is that even in 2008’s MNC attempt season, he started Loadholt at LT to help his position in the NFL draft, even though Williams was a better tackle.

  2. Ricky said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 6:12 am

    I thought he played Loadholt because he thought Phil was better at hiding his holding of the DE than Williams.

  3. Levander Williams said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 7:04 am

    “I love them. Better than ‘Cats’. I’ll watch them again and again.”

    Great strategy asking the players on the OL for insight on the play of the other guys.

    Circle jerk?

  4. Texasholdem said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 7:16 am

    The real news of the day:

    Fatal Noodling

  5. Bob Stoops said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 7:27 am

    Mr. Chapman was probably not the best noodler I’ve ever coached.

  6. TxTower said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 8:16 am

    Can’t wait for Stoops to start throwing these patsies under the bus when Bradford gets banged around a bit.

  7. Barry Switzer said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 8:41 am

    That is the best blog I’ve ever read.

  8. NateHeupel said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 9:09 am

    “If you need to know how to get paid for work without showing up, he’s your guy.”

    Fuck this. We don’t even bother making them “work” anymore. That Bomar jackass fucked it up for everyone. Now, we just forward the money to ghost accounts in the Caymans.

  9. FiesoleHorn said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 9:21 am

    Simmons was the only freshman in 2005 to redshirt, while all the other freshmen started or at least played significant time. OL’s that suddenly appear on the map in their 5th year usually have a great track record of dominant play. Plus Simmons has a physical deformity that qualifies legally for preferential parking. He’s going to be able to drive right up to the cotton bowl ramp. How do we compete with that?

  10. HenryJames said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 9:29 am

    Now, we just forward the money to ghost accounts in the Caymans.

    That’s where Ripley says he’s been sending our paychecks.

  11. kenneth said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 10:59 am

    How much does Big Red Imports pay for filling in footprints?

  12. NateHeupel said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 11:46 am

    @kenneth: It depends on the size of the footprints. They prefer to pay in the form of used luxury cars.

    @FiesoleHorn: Well, I think you compete with that by having something else to compliment Lamarr Houston at DT aside from a sieve.

  13. CrazyJoeDavola said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 12:06 pm

    Faaaaaabulous props on the Sacred Band of Thebes ref, Bruce. Er, I mean HJ.

  14. Scipio Tex said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    I would love to have a sieve at DT. Or are you implying that DeMarco Murray is entirely composed of H2O?

    Teddy Lehman was made of liquid mercury.

    Nic Harris was made of molasses dipped in slow.

  15. Big Red Auto-erotic Asphyxiation said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    Ben Habern is going to long for days he was at Liberty Christian blocking a future youth minister.

  16. Ojnab Bob said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    Hopefully OU’s Sacred Band will meet their Chaeronea several times this year… preferably in Lincoln.

  17. Vasherized said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    So that’s why they’re so good at holding…

    A macedonian phalanx in the form of Okafor, Kindle, & Acho shall make unwelcome bed fellows for the land thebes.

  18. bighornfan32 said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    “A macedonian phalanx in the form of Okafor, Kindle, & Acho shall make unwelcome bed fellows for the land thebes.”

    You’re mexican, I see.

  19. NateHeupel said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    “I would love to have a sieve at DT. Or are you implying that DeMarco Murray is entirely composed of H2O?”

    H20, HGH…really, what’s the difference?

    I still can’t believe you girls are bitching about holding. First of all, you freaking won. Second of all, if you haven’t figured out that Big 12 refs are protecting the offenses, that failure falls on Mack Brown and Greg Davis.

  20. flamingmonkeyass said:

    August 10th, 2009 at 9:39 pm

    I still can’t belive you girls are bitching about Ryan Reynolds. First of all, you freaking played for the national title. Second of all, if you haven’t figured that a guy who had two previous knee injuries might need a servicable back up, that failure falls on Bob Stoops and Brent Venables.

    FIFY

  21. TaylorTRoom said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 2:54 am

    Nate, I agree. The recent developments in the TV contract arena have made it so that the chances of the Big 12 changing officiating in any way to hinder offenses is exactly .001%.

    To us, the last month of the season with high-profile Saturday night shootouts was a travesty of bastardized officiating. To the Big 12, it was a glorious bonanza of ratings and national exposure. There is a danger of the Big 12 being perceived as an Arena rules league, as opposed to the SEC’s NFL, but as long as the ratings are there, the league doesn’t care.

  22. Ojnab Bob said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 6:27 am

    Taylor, I fear that perception already exists.

    I myself have never been less excited about the coming season… every time I try to get motivated, I recall I’m going to be watching the 21st century equivalent of 1990s Arena league games on ESPN2. By 2011, you’ll need to score on every possession to win games in the Big 12.

  23. Trips Right said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 6:34 am

    Back on topic, it appears that not only is starting center Habern out with a back, but backup center Lepak rolled his ankle and is out as well.

    Brody Eldridge has been moved to center and he’s running first string. Brody is not only the second best TE the sooners have ever had, but he’s now the third best center Bob Stoops has ever coached.

  24. HenryJames said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 6:36 am

    OU football notebook: Because of injuries, tight end Brody Eldridge is working at center

  25. Vasherized said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 6:45 am

    Coach Bob Stoops singled out true freshman cornerback Demontre Hurst as a player who’s been impressive and is likely to see playing time this fall.

    “Demontre Hurst has been outstanding,” Stoops said Monday. “Really, he’s been as good a young guy as we’ve ever brought in here. Really doing well.”

    So he’s basically an improved hybrid of Andre Woolfork and Derrick Strait. Somebody call the folks that give out the Thorpe and just cancel the ceremony for the next few years. It won’t be necessary.

  26. CloseToJumping said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 7:25 am

    They can’t help themselves. It’s pretty unbelievable.

    Eldridge working at Center, but it’s probably the best line in the country. Nice.

    Habern is a private school guy with injury issues. The back-up is a walk-on and he could be done for the year. The back-up behind him is the OU version of Greg Smith.

    That OL is in trouble. The Center is kind of important.

  27. TxTower said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 10:50 am

    Not if Ben Alexander is lined up over him.

  28. CloseToJumping said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 10:51 am

    Ben Alexander won’t be lined up over anything but a buffet this fall. Unfortunately.

  29. ponderos said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 11:56 am

    Brody is not only the second best TE the sooners have ever had,

    I hope that’s tongue-in-cheek because he’s not even in the Top 5.

  30. TaylorTRoom said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    ponderos, usually you keep up better than that. Re-read the OP.

  31. ponderos said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    Writers don’t read. Occupational hazard.

  32. Trips Right said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    Thanks for the clarification, Ernest Hemingway.

  33. NateHeupel said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 3:29 pm

    “I still can’t belive you girls are bitching about Ryan Reynolds.”

    I can’t “belive” it, either.

    “First of all, you freaking played for the national title.”

    Yes, we did. You played Ohio State for the Fiesta Bowl title. Good memories.

    “Second of all, if you haven’t figured that a guy who had two previous knee injuries might need a servicable back up, that failure falls on Bob Stoops and Brent Venables.”

    I’ve commented on this point repeatedly and readily agree. But you’re still whining like a bitch about holding.

  34. TaylorTRoom said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 4:17 pm

    It looks like Habern has a muscle injury (spasms?). Anti-inflammatories and back braces, I imagine. I guess he’ll make it thru the season with the help of a Sam’s Club size jar of Advil. I don’t know that the high ankle sprain will hinder the other guy that much, unless OU has plays requiring him to get to the corner.

  35. CloseToJumping said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    Taylor–

    Honestly. The guy needs leverage with his legs, starting at his feet and working up. He’s undersized to begin with and he’s wearing a boot currently. The ankle might be needed for him to be effective.

  36. TaylorTRoom said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    CTJ, I concede. From your lips to God’s ear.

  37. Trips Right said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    I hate to see any kid get injured.

  38. flamingmonkeyass said:

    August 11th, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    “But you’re still whining like a bitch about holding.” And yet we can’t bring up us being a better football team with better coaches and better players, without some Sooner piping up about the great and powerful Ryan Reynolds.

    Here: Just admit that we were the better football team last year, and that’s the real reason we won, and I promise to never bring it up again.

    Oh and good catch on the “belive”. I forgot a letter. Boy do I look foolish. Wow. Real egg on my face on that one. I mean, how could anyone even undertand what I was trying to say with a screw up like that. It’s outrageous. I should probably be banned. At the very least it destroys any sort of argument I have, or will ever make. Thank goodness there’s someone such as yourself to point out these things or else someone might mistake this whole thing for a blog on the internet, where mayhap spelling isn’t always the most premier attribute.

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