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Anatomy of a Barking Carnival Post
Posted by Minnesotahorn on August 7th, 2009 under Uncategorized
So often I’m asked, “Minnesotahorn, how is it you guys at BC are able to provide consistently informative, insightful and witty commentary?” Often this is by my cardboard cutout of Colt McCoy. Well Colt, since you set a single season completion percentage record and because you let me fill in your half of the conversation, I’ll tell you. Let me walk you through the process of how the magic happens.
8:15: Close office door. Use full length mirror to admire Kenneth Cole paisley suspenders.
8:20 – 8:38: Gaze serenely at framed desk photo of self with chin resting on fist.
8:40: Open Wordpress. Hit ‘new post’ and cast aspersions towards Henry James’ sexual proclivities.
8:50: Hear Boss coming. Look busy.
8:51: Helpfully suggest to Boss that office morale could be greatly improved by magazine rack in men’s room along with subscriptions to MAD magazine, Teen People and Juggs.
8:55: Marvel at Boss’s shortsightedness. Close door. Un-minimize Hulu episode of TJ Hooker. Take pants back off.
9:30: Compare Tim Tebow to Lorena Bobbit.
9:45: Invite Hindu tech guy to lunch at Fuddruckers. Laugh uproariously while extending high five invitations to silent, unsmiling coworkers.
10:00: Peruse Ain’t it Cool News, M Go Blog and Lolcats for easily plagiarized material.
Half way there.
10:55: Contemplate cheating on diet with bag of Cheetos from vending machine. Forego as we all know how that game ends: waking up in the bathtub of a strange motel next to three empty absinthe botlles, a half dozen whip-it cartridges and some severed non-matching prostitute fingers. Or as we call it, Tuesday.
11:00: Ask mail room intern for some hip, edgy slang terms. Yes he’s on summer break from Rice after attending Phillips Andover Academy but he’s still black right?
11:10: Scowl bitterly when Tech Guy declines invitation to split take out vegetarian platter from Thai Kitchen. Uppity curry-jigaboo.
11:15: Worry about reply count. Throw in gratuitous OU slam.
11:45: Decline spell checker.
What’s the worst that could happen?
12:00: Hit ‘post’ . Nod smugly while contemplating Webby acceptance speech.
12:15: Watch Tech Guy and coworkers leave for Fuddruckers. They have chicken fingers now?
So as you can see it’s a pretty complex and labor intensive process which I think demonstrates the diligence and cleverness of us Barkers. You’re welcome.
Oh and Bob Stoops tells children there’s no Santa Claus and wears cancer pajamas.
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No Kalin Lucas?
No problem.
“Too Easy” has had his share of leg and ankle problems this season, and with two minutes left in the Spartans’ second round matchup with Greivis Vasquez and the Maryland Terrapins, he made an early exit.
State’s 5′11″ point-man Korie Lucious may have a little something to
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 2 hours, 50 minutes ago
This really has been a great start. It’s pretty exciting to see dark horse teams winning by playing solid basketball rather than just shooting the lights out. 4 year players are so key.
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Bob in Houston commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 2 hours, 51 minutes ago
And nobody melts down like Maryland fans. I can’t even post some of the stuff they have spewed.
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dick commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 3 hours, 38 minutes ago
Hopefully, yall caught the Maryland Michigan St ending. Freakin’ thrilling. Maryland almost pulled off a comeback for the ages.
officially the best opening weekend ever
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 3 hours, 43 minutes ago
Tom Izzo can coach some ball.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 3 hours, 45 minutes ago
MSU at the buzzer!!!!!!
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 3 hours, 47 minutes ago
Fear the Turtle! Came all the way back from a dozen down to take the lead on MSU…
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D W commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 3 hours, 53 minutes ago
It’s incredible how few teams play good, fundamental basketball.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 3 hours, 58 minutes ago
tOSU will be moving on. Evan Turner does a little of everything. 22 pts, 8 reb, 8 ass. Great player.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 3 hours, 58 minutes ago
tOSU will be moving on. Evan Turner does a little of everything. 22 pts, 8 reb, 8 ast. Great player.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 4 hours, 4 minutes ago
Bob Huggins looks like a guy I wouldn’t want to play for. He makes Barnes look like Dick Vermeil….
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 4 hours, 6 minutes ago
Scratch that. The Big Red are blowing Wisconsin out.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 4 hours, 8 minutes ago
I’d be happy to see the last two minutes of the OSU/Tech game. 4 pt game with just under two minutes.
Cornell putting it to the Bo Ryan’s….
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 4 hours, 34 minutes ago
Cornell is playing phenomenally well. I’d be surprised if Wiscy doesn’t cut into the lead in the 2nd half.
Jay Bilas may end up looking like a genius.
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admin commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 4 hours, 50 minutes ago
parlin – Shoot me an email sailorripley at barkingcarnival dot com.
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 5 hours, 44 minutes ago
I really want Mizzou to give it to WVU.
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What kind of NBA player does Samhan end up as?
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dick commented on the blog post Second Round Bets 6 hours, 9 minutes ago
I really like Cal today.
ATM and Cornell look too good to be true and the public is all over both of them.
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 6 hours, 31 minutes ago
Gonzaga is getting plowed like a future Zeta during her Provisional Summer session.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 6 hours, 42 minutes ago
Jordan Hamilton + 2 years ~ Wesley Johnson. Discuss.
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James commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 7 hours, 1 minute ago
” a heavily tattooed lycanthrope Irish wookie named Lucas O’Rear”
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Texas Turns the Page 7 hours, 2 minutes ago
gotta,
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 7 hours, 13 minutes ago
Would have never guessed that UNI had an Ali shooting threes for them….
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 7 hours, 30 minutes ago
Anyone else as confused as I am by this “Ivan Brothers” ad campaign? WTF?
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 7 hours, 33 minutes ago
Cuse looking strong. Another week of R&R for the big man….
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http://nbcsportsmedia1.msnbc.com/j/apmegasports/201003202121769017659-pf.widec.jpg
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Ali Farokhmanesh hitting the biggest shot of the season is the definition of March Madness.
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Nordberg said:
August 7th, 2009 at 5:31 am
Well, something had to follow To Catch a Predator.
jk LOL funny haha kaythxbye.
HenryJames said:
August 7th, 2009 at 5:36 am
So often I’m asked, “Minnesotahorn, how is it you guys at BC are able to provide consistently informative, insightful and witty commentary?”
Define ‘often.’
LonghornScott said:
August 7th, 2009 at 5:45 am
Wait, HJ is the editor? That’s like having Marv Albert running HR.
BrickHorn said:
August 7th, 2009 at 6:43 am
Funny stuff. And so true.
Minnesotahorn said:
August 7th, 2009 at 7:02 am
“Define ‘often.’”
Well once. And that was by my mom. And you have to replace ‘you guys at BC’ with ‘Milton Berle’.
Flamingmonkeyass said:
August 7th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Two classics back to back? You guys just keep getting better and better.
Although why should have to make stuff up when, well, this: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=dw-michaelcrabtree080609&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
NateHeupel said:
August 7th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Golden post, but I’m surprised no one’s posted on this. http://cfn.scout.com/2/885276.html They’ve got you boys going 9-3 with losses to us, Okie State, and even Mizzou.
I’m an OU fan and alumnus. When UT played OSU in Austin last year, I was cheering for a megaton-sized meteor to plant itself at DKR and turn the Austin metropolitan area into a crater and tourist spot. But even I read that prediction and thought “What a load of bullshit.”
Harry Rosen Bag said:
August 7th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Minnie,
You continue to amaze and entertain! Thanks for pulling back the curtain..
Scipio Tex said:
August 7th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Good stuff, Minnesota.
MY favorite:
we all know how that game ends: waking up in the bathtub of a strange motel next to three empty absinthe botlles, a half dozen whip-it cartridges and some severed non-matching prostitute fingers. Or as we call it, Tuesday.
NorthDallasSooner said:
August 7th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Good work Minny. Sent off to boss.
The General said:
August 7th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Your cut out is the Colt beefcake hammer picture, isn’t it? I have the same one on my ceiling.
BatesHorn said:
August 7th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Allsome. And I actually have work to do today and this post just put me behind schedule.
Excellent stuff, Minn.
n-ea said:
August 7th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
“11:00: Ask mail room intern for some hip, edgy slang terms. Yes he’s on summer break from Rice after attending Phillips Andover Academy but he’s still black right?”
Well, it may not be slang, but my name migth be of some use to you in the future. “N-ea” comes from one of my friends who teaches 3rd grade in Louisiana. N-ea is one of her students. It’s pronounced Nah-dash-ea, not shitting you, you pronounce the hypen.
Parlin Hall said:
August 7th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
You lost believability with the “workplace” fiction, though saying “boss” when you meant “Mom” was a good save.
Bob in Houston said:
August 7th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Nate: CFN predicted 8-4 for Texas last year.
Minnesotahorn said:
August 7th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Thanks all.
Parlin – Damn, was it that obvious? Maybe if I switch my Hulu time to LA Law…
NateHeupel said:
August 7th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Bob in Houston: I called “bullshit” on that one, too. Even as a Sooner, I realize that predicting UT to win less than 10 games in any given season under Mack Brown is a huge freaking deal that would require a meltdown of catastrophic proportions.