Uncategorized Articles
BC Turns Two
Posted by Vasherized on August 4th, 2009 under Uncategorized
Two years ago today, a few alumni of UT’s fledgling graduate school of improv comedy – Sailor Ripley, HenryJames, and Scipio Tex – started posting on this strange new frontier known as Barking Carnival.
Stick with us … it gets better
For the first post on this blog, HenryJames bared his soul to an audience of one, sharing some private recollections from his f Simms, Major Rulz! diary written the day after the Rose Bowl. I’d like to think he peaked with that story but that would just be my innate desire to see him fail miserably at everything he attempts. I probably need to let that go. The next post took a riveting stance (only HJ can do this) against the recent string of Longhorns arrests: Is Mack Brown gonna have to choke a bitch?
Scipio’s first entries indulged the hither-to unexplored realm of Violent Suburban Pseudo Sports, the genius that is Flight of the Conchords, and the legendary Al Jazeera Broadcasts the 2006 Rose Bowl.
Meanwhile, Sailor Ripley — the Ahab of this ill-fated space vessel – was hard at work in his Palo Alto basement practicing a controversial new form of shock therapy on some Stanford grad students in what we now celebrate as The Birth of WordPress.
Thus our motto: By Any Means Unnecessary. I’d say it was worth it, no?
He later admitted that it also helped close the book on our loss to Stanford in 2000 whilst Tiger Woods roamed the sidelines like a smug Golf Prick. He also admitted the original name for this site was Sailor Ripley’s Believe It or Die!
Believe me when I say there are more truths yet to be told.
In the past two years, many triumphant States of the Union later, we’ve made some friends and embraced our enemies. (f tim. All hail ipowers.) Now, as a promising cyber toddler, we’re approaching basic speech capabilities and the ability to fill a diaper on command. It’s all upside from here.
Enjoy the cake.
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Activity
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dick commented on the blog post Second Round Bets 1 hour, 29 minutes ago
I wish they weren’t playing Kentucky next. Same goes for #11 seed Washington having to play West Virginia.
Sucks that we are getting the two best teams left in the tourney playing in the Elite 8 possibly.
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Farmer Ted wrote a new blog post: Bo Pelini Interview 2 hours, 28 minutes ago
Steve Sipple has a Q&A with Bo Pelini in Sunday’s Lincoln Journal Star. There are some candid comments and it’s worth a read. Some notable excerpts:
On the program’s improvement: “I’m hungrier than I’ve ever been because I think we’re getting close…I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think the players feel the
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adam-biggers wrote a new blog post: Spartan Hoopla: Here’s What I Really Think About Spartan Basketball 2 hours, 36 minutes ago
Okay, gloves off.
No stats, no recaps, none of that.
If you have ever read my stuff on Bleacher Report you would notice that I keep to a newspaper style of writing. On this blog, I want to be more opinionated, but without being out of line at the same time.
Here it goes, this is what I
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P.Drez wrote a new blog post: Carlo’s Chelsea Capitulate; United Seize Control 3 hours, 10 minutes ago
An already painful week turned excruciating for Carlo Ancelotti. After being dumped out of the Champions League midweek by former hero Jose Mourinho, Chelsea failed to rebound and dropped two valuable points at Blackburn. Manchester United edged Liverpool and now control the Premier League race.
A forlorn figure on the touchline, Carlo Ancelotti could
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Tim commented on the blog post Spring Preview: Tech Offense 3 hours, 49 minutes ago
With Leach at the wheel I was expecting a 10 win minimum season with the guys this team has coming back in 2010. Now with Tubbs, Willis, and Brown running the show I’m in agreement it’s anywhere between 9-12 wins this year.
Very exciting to hear your take on the O-line ded, as
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adam-biggers wrote a new blog post: Spartan Hoopla: Michigan State Stamps Its Ticket to Sweet 16 Without Kalin Lucas 5 hours, 29 minutes ago
No Kalin Lucas?
No problem.
“Too Easy” has had his share of leg and ankle problems this season, and with two minutes left in the Spartans’ second round matchup with Greivis Vasquez and the Maryland Terrapins, he made an early exit.
State’s 5′11″ point-man Korie Lucious may have a little something to
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 7 hours, 22 minutes ago
This really has been a great start. It’s pretty exciting to see dark horse teams winning by playing solid basketball rather than just shooting the lights out. 4 year players are so key.
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Bob in Houston commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 7 hours, 23 minutes ago
And nobody melts down like Maryland fans. I can’t even post some of the stuff they have spewed.
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dick commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 8 hours, 10 minutes ago
Hopefully, yall caught the Maryland Michigan St ending. Freakin’ thrilling. Maryland almost pulled off a comeback for the ages.
officially the best opening weekend ever
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 15 minutes ago
Tom Izzo can coach some ball.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 17 minutes ago
MSU at the buzzer!!!!!!
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 19 minutes ago
Fear the Turtle! Came all the way back from a dozen down to take the lead on MSU…
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D W commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 8 hours, 25 minutes ago
It’s incredible how few teams play good, fundamental basketball.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 30 minutes ago
tOSU will be moving on. Evan Turner does a little of everything. 22 pts, 8 reb, 8 ass. Great player.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 30 minutes ago
tOSU will be moving on. Evan Turner does a little of everything. 22 pts, 8 reb, 8 ast. Great player.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 36 minutes ago
Bob Huggins looks like a guy I wouldn’t want to play for. He makes Barnes look like Dick Vermeil….
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 8 hours, 38 minutes ago
Scratch that. The Big Red are blowing Wisconsin out.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 40 minutes ago
I’d be happy to see the last two minutes of the OSU/Tech game. 4 pt game with just under two minutes.
Cornell putting it to the Bo Ryan’s….
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 9 hours, 6 minutes ago
Cornell is playing phenomenally well. I’d be surprised if Wiscy doesn’t cut into the lead in the 2nd half.
Jay Bilas may end up looking like a genius.
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admin commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 9 hours, 22 minutes ago
parlin – Shoot me an email sailorripley at barkingcarnival dot com.
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 10 hours, 16 minutes ago
I really want Mizzou to give it to WVU.
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Round 2 Saturday Recaps 10 hours, 29 minutes ago
What kind of NBA player does Samhan end up as?
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dick commented on the blog post Second Round Bets 10 hours, 41 minutes ago
I really like Cal today.
ATM and Cornell look too good to be true and the public is all over both of them.
I gotta believe that Izzo beats Maryland today, I haven’t been impressed with the Terps this year. I am surprised that they are favored.
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 11 hours, 3 minutes ago
Gonzaga is getting plowed like a future Zeta during her Provisional Summer session.
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Alex wrote a new blog post: The Top 10 Reasons our Cal Bears will beat the Duke Blue Devils 11 hours, 8 minutes ago
Kevin Berger from March To March lays it out for us here.
1) Interior Worries. As in the Bears shouldn’t have any defensively even if Cal is an undersized group. Brian Zoubek and Lance Thomas aren’t going to drop step and dunk you to death on the low block so Mike Montgomery can
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 11 hours, 14 minutes ago
Jordan Hamilton + 2 years ~ Wesley Johnson. Discuss.
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James commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 11 hours, 32 minutes ago
” a heavily tattooed lycanthrope Irish wookie named Lucas O’Rear”
That is just strong command of the English language.
This piece was a nice balm on the hangover.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Texas Turns the Page 11 hours, 34 minutes ago
gotta,
I think your overall point is a good one. Barnes is a “system” guy especially defensively, which plays into how he overall plays the game. He wants to play a high pressure, overplay man2man scheme predicated on effort, good technique and overall quickness. Similar to Duke, but even Coach K (in fairness
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 11 hours, 45 minutes ago
Would have never guessed that UNI had an Ali shooting threes for them….
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 12 hours, 2 minutes ago
Anyone else as confused as I am by this “Ivan Brothers” ad campaign? WTF?
Mister Mike said:
August 4th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Speaking of ‘State of the Union’, when can we expect the first one of the new season? I’ve been eagerly awaiting it like a diabetic fat kid waiting for his next piece of chocolate cake.
Oh…and Happy Birthday, btw BC.
Orangechip said:
August 4th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Here is my favorite post of yesteryear. You’ll see how far we’ve come… and see my favorite opening line of all Scipio’s posts. http://barkingcarnival.fantake.com/scipio-tex/texas-football-quick-impressions-of-arkansas-st-game
Levander Williams said:
August 4th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Offering us safe harbor from the insular circle-jerk that is Hornfans.com for two whole years now…
Keep up the good work, fellas.
glenn said:
August 4th, 2009 at 9:51 am
damn, i read the subject line and thought, ‘oh, boy, looks like boston college has the mob in its crosshairs.’
congrats, bcboys, you’ve crafted the best sport stalk — err . . . sports talk — site in the known universe.
huge said:
August 4th, 2009 at 9:58 am
you had me at baboon shit…
mikey4 said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:01 am
You guys do a great job. Thanks for writing.
ponderos said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:06 am
I thought this was going to be about baseball.
Nordberg said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:08 am
I’d forgotten just how ugly that Arkansas St. game was.
BEHorn said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I’d also (blissfully) forgotten about Larry MacDuff.
BatesHorn said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Strong stuff, gentlemen. Well done.
Now fix your links.
t1climb1 said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:25 am
I love you guys so much! Only after a lonely night staked out in the bushes outside of Scipio’s house with a machete, a jar of Vaseline, and a thermos of Black Velvet whiskey can my feelings be adequately expressed.
Vasherized said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Bates,
3/7 is the success rate we strive for.
Scipio Tex said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:31 am
That’s because I just fixed three of them, you walking package of fail.
Happy Birthday.
Vasherized said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Ha.
HenryJames said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Anniversary? Leave it to our resident femme to remember something like that.
Scipio Tex said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Seriously. Now I have to run get a card at a gas station, rip out some flowers from a neighbor’s flower bed, and steal a balloon from a gym grand opening.
Vasherized said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Okay, I will not post a tribute to the fifth anniversary of your gay marriage next week.
Trips Right said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Are we potty trained yet?
Vasherized said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Apparently not.
CloseToJumping said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Is Vasherized seriously a female? I am probably walking into something on that.
Congrats, fellas. Well done.
Scipio Tex said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Depends what you mean by “female.” Do you posit, for instance, that gender identity is physical or mental?
Austin180 said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Happy Birthday! I stop by here several times a day to read the truth. Well done, sirs.
Vasherized said:
August 4th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Fortunately I passed Sailor’s hernia check.
Can’t say the same for some of you geriatrics that piss in bags.
srr50 said:
August 4th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Two years.
Now can I get my parking ticket validated?
Nik said:
August 4th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Well done, guys. Can’t get through a day without BC!
Trips Right said:
August 4th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Sorry srr50, Scipio spent all that was left in the transportion budget on mimosas and foot massages in Vegas.
jinx said:
August 4th, 2009 at 11:31 am
BC rocks. Sadly, this is my first source for all Longhorn knowledge. You guys bottled the best part of another un-named Longhorn blog before it was de-nutted.
…and many more, on channel 4
bighornfan32 said:
August 4th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Good job fellas. You have succeeded in entertaining me thoroughly, when I know that I’d surely hate you all in real life.
Nordberg said:
August 4th, 2009 at 11:49 am
“Good job fellas. You have succeeded in entertaining me thoroughly, when I know that I’d surely hate you all in real life.”
These are internet people. They do not actually exist in real life.
the Bobs said:
August 4th, 2009 at 11:55 am
just read the Al Jazeera at the Rose Bowl piece… can’t decide which is my favorite part. The top two contenders:
Ibn Mukar: … Tell me Al-Haziz, have you observed the Texas Pom Squad? The women wear chaps.
Al-Haziz: Observed? Ha, brother. You underestimate me. My eyes are as a falcon’s. I am as rigid as Sha’ria right now.
OR:
Al-Haziz: He (Mack Brown after a halftime interview) rejected the Prophet and will suffer torments in Hell. (shrugs) It is the way of things.
Ibn Mukar: You speak truly, Brother.
(pause)
Al-Haziz: Super nice guy though.
Ibn-Mukar: Totally.
BrickHorn said:
August 4th, 2009 at 11:56 am
These are internet people. They do not actually exist in real life.
We exist only as thoughts in the mind of Sailor Ripley’s MacBook Air.
the Bobs said:
August 4th, 2009 at 11:56 am
great work!
Keep it up… please
Parlin Hall said:
August 4th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Hats off to the BC gang. My nomination for best sentence:
“Beating a bad Nebraska football team is the college football equivalent of winning Best Anal.” –Scipio Tex
If you have several hours to kill, the following are some of my favorites, in no particular order. Apologies to Trips that I don’t follow basketball more–his writing is quite good. And with apologies to the other fine writers on the board, my recommendations of some of the finest writing here are Scipio heavy.
Some of the best writing actually came out of the Tech game, both before and after. I can’t locate the story with the still photograph of the facemask and holding, but that, as they say, was worth a thousand words. Here goes:
closetojumping/why-texas-stomps-a-mudhole-in-texas-techs-ass
henryjames/this-one-hurt
chrisapplewhite/which-was-worse
huckleberry/college-baseball-and-manufacturing-runs
doperbo/colt-mccoy-epic
scipio-tex/the-etymology-of-the-golf-prick –>
dedfischer/the-golf-prick/
scipio-tex/mike-sherman-lashes-out
scipio-tex/mike-leach-mourns-pirate-slayings-loss-of-somali-recruiting-pipeline
scipio-tex/texas-am-preview
vasherized/muschamp-unplugged-mother
scipio-tex/my-longhorn-turkey-day
scipio-tex/today-in-t-boones-office
scipio-tex/texas-football-nebraska-post-mortem
barking-carnivals-kansas-state-football-state-of-the-union
The General said:
August 4th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Happy Birthday! I stop by here several times a day to read the truth. Well done, sirs.
Dude, you can totally read those side bar ads anywhere, but Sailor Ripley’s local rub and tug says, “Thanks!” for reading them here.
UTomlinson said:
August 4th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I’ve been reading BC blogs daily for almost a year now. Thanks for the great insight and laughs!
Vasherized said:
August 4th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Okay I think all 30 of our readers have been accounted for.
Bartoncreek said:
August 4th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
31. Keep up the great, high paying work. What I can’t offer you in cash I can offer in thanks. It is a hell of a blog.
Art Vandelay said:
August 4th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Happy Birthday!! I just spent two hours catching up after 2 weeks in the Colorado Rockies.
Barking Carnival is my own virtual Burnt Orange version of Entourage. Apologies if I leave some key players out or offend:
Vincent Chase: Scipio
Eric Murphy: Sailor Ripley
Johnny Drama: Henry James
Turtle: Vasherized
Ari Gold: Trips Right
Billy Walsh: CloseToJumping
Lloyd: ChrisApplewhite (sorry CA…. Lloyd is training to be an agent though)
Marvin: srr50
Dedfischer: Seth Green
Nick Rubenstein: Doperbo
Burnt Orange Wookie said:
August 4th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
32. Norman delenda est.
The General said:
August 4th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Art Vandelay, that was one of the best backhanded compliments I have ever seen.
Orly Taitz said:
August 4th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
This blog has the same birthday as Barack Obama?
Huh.
Know what? Just to be safe, let’s see the birth certificate, OK?
Texoz said:
August 4th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
You’ve been publishing for two years?
BFD.
Call me when there’s a BC in every hotel room bedside drawer.
Huckleberry said:
August 4th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
In honor of the two year mark, I am working on the release of something even cooler than my second post on BC. I know, you say that’s not possible. I beg to differ. Look for it later this month!
HenryJames said:
August 4th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I hope it’s a suicide letter.
Huckleberry said:
August 4th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I JUST GOT STOMPED!
But, no, it’s not that cool.
NBMisha said:
August 4th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Thanks, HJ, for pointing me to this site. Even more thanks to the stable of regular barkers who make a regular visit worthwhile.
LonghornScott said:
August 4th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
HJ has trouble staying regular.
ChrisApplewhite said:
August 4th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Lloyd!?
Minnesotahorn said:
August 4th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
The anniversary party invitation Sailer sent me says it’s at a Show Biz Pizza in Southwest Fresno. I can’t wait to see you all there!
HenryJames said:
August 4th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
You can still get in the ball pit.
SizzleChest said:
August 4th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
This post brought a tear to my eye just like whenever Derek Bell came to bat in the Astrodome and they played “Ring My Bell”. Tear. Squirt.
Nobis60 said:
August 4th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Great stuff, gents. Keep ‘em coming *requisite gay innuendo*
Horn In Exile said:
August 4th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
This blog is so essential to my daily fiber that a successful BM requires BC on my BB.
Flamingmonkeyass said:
August 4th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Thanks for making this place even better than the old 360 board (back when i was known as Sherlock Horns). It’s good to have an intelligent place to dicuss Longhorn sports. I’m just glad I can do my part to bring many of those discussions down to the lowest common denominator. You’re welcome.
Sasha_Is_A_Longhorn_Dog said:
August 4th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Happy Birthday guys! Thanks for the fun and insightful reading. You help this girl impress all her guy friends with “knowledge” that I’ve really stolen from y’all.
This probably means I owe you something but since you don’t know who I am, tough cookies.
BrickHorn said:
August 4th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
You help this girl impress all her guy friends with “knowledge” that I’ve really stolen from y’all.
I know exactly what you mean. Just mentioning the Log 5 Method or Binomial Distribution Function has gotten me more ass than the Kardashian sisters’ tandem bike.
So, I guess what I’m saying is that this knowledge has gotten me, like, more than three fairly big asses.
sunset87 said:
August 5th, 2009 at 6:48 am
Happy B-day BC! Great work.
How about a game of guess the barkers in the picture above (I know it’s not really them).
Henry James – The guy with purple tie and turq
sunset87 said:
August 5th, 2009 at 7:20 am
Oops!
Continued:
Henry James – The guy with the purple tie and turquoise jacket…playing the ole “pull my finger game” with himself.
Sailor Ripley – Back middle…sporting the metrosexual look, and that might be too generous of a description.
Scipio – Professor pornstache on the stool… his wife told him that tie reeeally looks sharp.
Thanks barkers for the entertainment and good info.
coach callahan said:
August 5th, 2009 at 7:29 am
There is no way in hell I would get into something called “the ball pit” that is associated with this website. Save me some pizza though.
ScoobySanchezJr. said:
August 5th, 2009 at 8:06 am
I just read ST’s (I doubt that is his real name)first blog. I really enjoyed the part about BJ and the Bear. That brought back some memories as I remember watching it every day (I think it came on on TBS every afternoon).
Anywho, ST left out the greatest part of BJ and the Bear. BJ and B fathered a show even more awesome than itself . . . wait for it . . . Sheriff Lobo.
Burnt Orange Wookie said:
August 5th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Speaking of old classics. One of my favorites was that strange incident with the Baylor Bear and “teh bowie knife.”
Parlin Hall said:
August 5th, 2009 at 9:50 am
The Baylor Bear/bowie knife one morphs into the Mike-Sherman-speaking-Klingon one.
Scipio: he do the police in different voices.
shockthenation said:
August 5th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
That Aggie State of the Union from 07 was dated August 9th. Do we have some of those to look forward to in the next week? This is a long month we have left.
SizzleChest said:
August 5th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I forgot to add something important.
Cunt.
Stuck in MN said:
August 5th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Lobo, lobo, bring back Sheriff Lobo.
Vasherized said:
August 5th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Sizzle,
Some friends of mine got bored in a Bolivian salt flat and sent me this picture. I still don’t quite know what to make of it …
NorthDallasSooner said:
August 5th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Feliz Cumpleanos, boys. The banter is fun, and usually intelligent, sometimes even respectful. Keep it going. Even the other guys enjoy….
SizzleChest said:
August 5th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Vasherized,
I think it’s a tribute to former Penn State and Seattle Seahawks tailback Curt Warner, however the dude forming the “r” seems to have thrown his back out and collapsed temporarily.
Hip Tips said:
August 5th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
I may get fired one day for laughing so hard at this site.
keep up all the good work.