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Big 12 Media Days: The return of Bill Snyder

Posted by HenryJames on July 30th, 2009 under Football

Exciting times up in…(Googles ‘Big 12 Media Days’)…Irving. Kansas State Bill Snyder is back coaching again after spending three years in retirement. Three years?! Can anyone even remember that long ago?

It’s pretty cool seeing Snyder at these type of events. It’s rare that you get to see him publicly exhibit human personality.

Q. Have you considered there’s a danger you’re going to kill yourself trying to get back to where you were when you left?

Wait. What? Did he show up looking like Hugh Hefner?

“That’s a good question. I don’t think there’s a great deal of danger. My doctor says things are on go, says I’m doing okay. You know, it’s a demanding thing no matter how you look at it. I think it is for every coach regardless of what their age happens to be.”

He then puffed out his cheeks and stuck his arms out in front of his stomach imitating Mangino.

Q. Bill, some of your former assistants have regaled us with legendary stories of the hours that they put in in those early days. Do you sense that you will be as demanding as perhaps you were 20 years ago?

Snyder says he’s not as demanding now that he eats dinner at 4:30 and has the prostate the size of a grapefruit.

“Again, I’m a little slower than most. I don’t quite — it takes me a little longer to get things done. So therein lies the need for extra hours, I guess, so to speak.”

He’s also slow. Physically, I assume.

“Not that I’m not cognizant of family…I missed out on mine to a certain degree. I want to make sure that I still have time to
spend with our eight grandchildren…”

During his retirement he came home one day to find out that he had eight grandchildren. He had thought they were stray cats that he had been feeding all these years so they’re mostly feral.

Q. Several people have tried this, gone back to a school where they were very successful, really hasn’t worked all that well most of the time. Why do you think it’s going to be different this time for you?

“Well, I don’t know whether it will be different or not, Barry. By the way, I don’t know if I ever told you face to face: You wrote one of my most famous articles ever that I really appreciate. It’s the only one I’ve ever given to my children.”

He presented it to his children with a note that said ‘Fuck you. Dad.’ But that’s what Christmas was like in the Snyder home.

Q. Bill, do you think the game itself has changed much in the few years you’ve been away?

Because Bill is an old man, and old men don’t like change.

“I think outside of on-the-field activities, certainly cyberspace has kind of taken command of a lot of different things, particularly recruiting.”

Snyder thinks NASA is sending astronauts into cyberspace.

“You know, I get up every morning early in the morning, and you get this BlackBerry thing out…”

Does Jitterbug even make a Blackberry? Snyder taught himself to use email during his time away, and now his offensive coordinator spends most of his time on Snopes debunking the emails that Bill forwards him.

But let me fill you in with what happened while you were away, Bill. Texas and Oklahoma are still good. Missouri and Kansas have gotten better. Mike Gundy entered manhood. When you and Mike Sherman trade film, make sure it isn’t ‘Cocoon.’ Not even your grandkids can translate what Mike Leach says. And that’s pretty much it.

Good luck.

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7 Responses

  1. Lowery said:

    July 30th, 2009 at 6:33 am

    Hilarious.

  2. Bastard Rapechild of El Roberson said:

    July 30th, 2009 at 7:06 am

    Excellent work as always from a KSU fan guys.

  3. Vasherized said:

    July 30th, 2009 at 7:29 am

    When you and Mike Sherman trade film, make sure it isn’t ‘Cocoon.’

    I almost made it to the end with nary a chuckle.

    Bastard.

  4. bduran said:

    July 30th, 2009 at 7:43 am

    The Snopes comment made me laugh out loud at work. Shame on you.

  5. WB_Heaven said:

    July 30th, 2009 at 7:52 am

    -Delete -Reply -Forward -Mark as spam -Move to…

    From: Snyder, Bill (w.snyder@kstatesports.com)
    Sent: Thursday, July 30, 7:44 AM
    To: Koenning, Vic (koenning@kstatesports.com)
    CC: Dimel, D.; Miller, D.; Dickey, C.; Clements, J.; Latimore, M.; Rahne, R.; Smith, M.
    Subject: RE:blitzpackages4UMASS 7/30

    hi vic,

    yea. haven’t look at it tho.

    OMG one of my grandkids just sent me this last nite. i dont know if it’s real or fake tho. it sounds scary!! check it out:

    MY NAME IS SUMMER…I AM 15 YEARS OLD WITH BLONDE HAIR AND BLOOD SHOT EYES. I HAVE NO NOSE OR EARS. I AM DEAD. IF U DO NOT SEND THIS TO 15 PPL IN THE NEXT 5 MIN., I WILL APPEAR TONIGHT UNDER YOUR BED, YOU WILL HEAR ME…. AND SEE ME FOR ONLY A SECOND……. BUT WITH MY KNIFE….. I WILL KILL YOU.

    THIS IS NO JOKE………. SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO U TONIGHT AT 10:22 IF YOU SEND THIS TO 15 PPL. SOMEONE WILL CALL U OR TALK TO U ONLINE AND SAY I LOVE U. DON’T FORWARD… COPY AND PASTE………

    THIS IS NOT A JOKE

    —- Original Message —-
    From: Koenning, Vic
    Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2:20 AM
    To: Snyder, Bill
    Subject: blitzpackages4UMASS 7/30

    Coach, I know it’s late (or early morning, what with you having us work til 1 a.m. and all, lol), but here are the new blitz plays for second and medium scenarios (see attachment). I spent 2 days on them, going over every possible minute detail for every situation, so I’d appreciate your feedback. I’ll get started on the second and long packages after I get a little sleep and hopefully be able to think about my wife and kids since 4 AM to 5 AM is my only free time now since I took the position in december. I’ve been sleeping in the office the whole summer, hope you don’t mind. Heh, it’s becoming like a second home.

    I really miss them, my children. You ever feel lonely, coach? Like the whole world’s slipping away and you’re missing out on your kids’ childhood cuz of work? Feels like their growing up so fast w/o you. Do you know of any good types of antidepressants you can recommend to me?

    I gotta say, it’s exciting to work for you, a living legend, the one responsible for the “greatest turnaround in CFB history,” but I wish you would of told me you were gonna have us work 130 hours each week. I’m rambling, sorry coach.

    Thanks,

    Vic

  6. johnnymac said:

    July 30th, 2009 at 7:57 am

    That they fired Ron Prince even after beating us two years in a row makes me feel a little bit less important than I used to.

    Then again, they only fired him after a year in which they didn’t play us at all and instead beat the snot out of the Farmers on the road – and he still got fired – so that makes me feel a little better.

    But I’m not really sure what Bill Snyder brings to the table. They’ll either be respectable again with a bunch of JC dunces or he’ll be gone by February. Either way I don’t see what the hubbub is all about.

  7. ponderos said:

    July 30th, 2009 at 8:35 am

    If I may … our take from our writer who is unfortunately immersed with “them.”

    http://www.windmilltilting.com/coach-bo/scouting-kansas-state-bill-snyder

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