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It’s Baaaaaack!

Posted by Vasherized on July 9th, 2009 under Football

Sort of. Maybe. In other words, you might see the vaunted Wrecking Crew make a return to the gridiron this Fall. But nothing is guaranteed — the Shermanator is just hoping it comes back.

Here is Fightin’ Texas Aggies Head Men’s American Football Coach Mike Sherman, attempting to be optimistic and relevant, against all odds:

The Wrecking Crew may or may not return this Fall.

Luckily for the Aggies, this clip can’t be embedded but here is the transcript:

“You can’t just say that we’re going to be the Wrecking Crew …”

Accurate! Missing tackles and leaving guys 20 yards wide open in the secondary doesn’t qualify, even if you really want to call Von Miller the second coming of Quentin Coryatt. I guess you could call him that and some Aggies would fall for it and start buying his jersey again but the smarter ones would still call you crazy and take out their frustrations on livestock. Nobody wins.

“There were a lot of great players and coaches that were a part of that.”

And none of them are on your roster or coaching staff, which is why the Wrecking Crew is disintegrating into fable. Load the next round into the chamber, SIR!

But along the same lines that’s a, a, a , part of our history that I hope to repeat …”

… before my contract is bought out and Mr. Bill has to spend $9 million a year on its former coaches as contributions dwindle and the front office continues to hemorrhage money on bat shit prevention, bass fishing, archery, and golf. It HAS to come back! It MUST! Dat Nguyen, please call collect from Vietnam! Aaaaaahhhh … shit, where were we? Can we just cut that part out and leave the first sentence about repeating history? Thanks.

“We want to be an aggressive, attacking style defense with players that are passionate about busted coverages playing football.”

I want to dip myself in a vat of honey and have Megan Fox lick me dry, but that doesn’t mean it will happen. In fact, that has a better chance of happening then Texas A&M manufacturing a winning record this year. I’ve got some game. Aggies don’t. Wagers?

megan fox
My money’s on Vash.

“It doesn’t matter about what we say, it matters about what we do.”

Like lose to Baylor.

Robert Griffin ain’t gettin any slower …

“We can get to where we want to get. I have no doubt we can recruit players that want to play at Texas A&M to come here.”

Can you guarantee they won’t suck?

“And I have no doubt that I can coach them to be the best players they want to be”

But what if they like sucking? Maybe that’s why they came to A&M, to continue the tradition wrought by Dennis Franchione? After all, this is a school of traditions. Even their traditions have traditions.

“Bla bla bla … to the point where we’re not saying we’re the Wrecking Crew but our fans our saying we’re the Wrecking Crew.”

You can just feel the conviction in his voice, can’t you? That is called a chuckle of confidence, where you just hope to dern heck that it turns out to be true. This vestige of 90’s Aggie glory doesn’t even deserve to be capitalized anymore.

Ye Aggies faithful, bangers of pots, drinkers of milk whole, wearers of jump suits white and overall gay, chanters of whoops, entertainers to all — this is YOUR Texas A&M football coach, Mike Sherman.

And I’m so glad he’s not ours.

For the record, since they will ask — this post took 28 minutes, 37 seconds of my precious time.

And I guarantee it will yield hours of pleasure thus keeping the mythical UT:A&M obsession ratio leaning healthily in our favor. More importantly, it keeps the hook set for an impetuous Aggie fanbase that has not feasted on the sweet bounty of a Big 12 Championship or legitimate bowl game since medieval times. The situation is plummeting into a Faber College level of standards, which is an insult to the best movie ever made.

“0.0, Ms. Murano … Sherman, you’re not far behind!”

Ramming speed, indeed.

Let’s hear it, farmers. Here is where I shall attempt to defend myself with a 19th century musket … while booking tickets online to Pasadena for next January.

One Man Wrecking Crew

Thoughts?

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42 Responses

  1. BatesHorn said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 10:22 am

    “I want to dip myself in a vat of honey and have Megan Fox lick me dry”

    Thanks, now I have to clean my keyboard. Jerk.

  2. Ag_in_TX said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 10:33 am

    Is it just me, or do y’all have more articles about A&M on this webiste than I do on my Aggie website?

    holla, holla…..

  3. Scipio Tex said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 10:41 am

    I will offer a small bone: I like Trent Hunter at safety and their OLBs (Ricky Cavanaugh, Von Miller) have potential.

    That’s all I got.

  4. Does Advertising Work? Just Did. said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 10:44 am

    Why is this newsworthy? The Tour de France is on Versus. The Astros & Rangers are in the midst of their pennant runs. NBA free agency just started. Your obsession continues. Now, pardon me while I continue to lurk on this blog.

  5. Michael Scott said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 10:45 am

    “I will offer a small bone”

    That’s what she said!

  6. LonghornLawyer said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 10:51 am

    What, wah? You haven’t booked your tickets to Pasadena yet?

  7. Vasherized said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 10:59 am

    Scipio = Aggie sympathizer. Typical.

    Would you trade any of those guys for one of our starters? Maybe Miller but I can’t think of any others.

    Sherm will have a hard time improving on 4-8 and in July, yes, these prognostications are considered newsworthy. Hook set. Aggie fail.

  8. HenryJames said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 11:15 am

    I actually think the Aggies have some good young skill position talent on offense, but it will probably take at least another year for their line to catch up.

  9. Nordberg said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 11:22 am

    “I will offer a small bone”

    Like you have any other option.

  10. Nordberg said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 11:23 am

    HJ, I think we’ve been hearing that for the last seven or eight years. For awhile it was Real Deal and Farmer, and then it was McGee, Lane, and Goodson.

  11. Vasherized said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 11:37 am

    I’ll give you Fuller. Who else?

    Abilene Christian has as many recognizable names on their 2 deep as A&M.

  12. HenryJames said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 11:42 am

    Fuller, Tannehill, Johnson and Gray.

  13. Scipio Tex said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 11:43 am

    and Evan Eike!

  14. HenryJames said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 11:44 am

    You are the Cole Smith of BarkingCarnival.

  15. Ag_in_TX said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 11:57 am

    I think Jeff Fuller and Jerrod Johnson would both start at WR for y’all.

    I think Cyrus Gray would too, as would Kevin Matthews at center.

    Other than Trent Hunter, let’s not talk about our defense.

  16. Vasherized said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    Forgot about Gray. He’s legit. I’ll pass on Johnson and Tannehill.

    And I’ll take David Snow’s stool sample over the real Kevin Matthews.

  17. Nordberg said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    Fuller I guess would. I have no idea what kind of WR Johnson would be. Gray is solid, comparable in quality to all of the guys in our RB logjam.

  18. Bartoncreek said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 12:40 pm

    Damn. Like trying to read the articles in Playboy. Impossible with a picture like that. What were you talking about again? The last thing I remember is “Wagers?” This a Trips Right article?

  19. bighornfan32 said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    “I think Jeff Fuller and Jerrod Johnson would both start at WR for y’all.

    I think Cyrus Gray would too, as would Kevin Matthews at center.”

    Is that running a four wide offense, cause otherwise you are full of shit. And Cyrus Gray would be in the running but I doubt he is any better than Fozzy or Cody.

  20. Ag_in_TX said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    And, he’s not a starter yet, but every pecker in Austin would be stiff if Christine Michael were on the 40 acres.

  21. Nordberg said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    So would Christine Michael’s.

  22. Vasherized said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    If Michael were in Austin he’d also have an OL to run behind.

    It’s going to be tough sledding for anybody in the A&M backfield until the OL comes together. That could be years away…

  23. Ag_in_TX said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    I don’t know about years – maybe year? We’re finally getting a little age and depth (Fran sucks). Coming out of spring practices, starters are:

    OT
    Lucas Patterson – 6-4, 297, Jr., 2V
    Lee Grimes – 6-6, 339, Sr., 2V

    OG
    Matt Allen – 6-3, 285, Jr., TR
    Michael Shumard – 6-5, 301, Sr., 3V

    C
    Kevin Matthews – 6-4, 297, Sr., 2V

    Matthews is on the Rimington Watch List along with Chris Hall.

    The only decent depth is Chevalier, Grimes and Eike (throw in Frost?) – we burned too many shirts this past year and hopefully will burn none this year.

    So, line play will hopefully be at least average this year and hopefully good the next. Hell, if Sherman can do anything, it ought to be coach offensive linemen.

  24. CloseToJumping said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    I like Fuller. Tannehill has nice hands and would still have them on any good team’s bench. Gray is a run of the mill Big 12 back. Michael? We’ll see, but off the field plays its role on the field too. Johnson is a mediocre mobile QB. HenryJames is dumber than a sack of hammers.

  25. Eskimohorn said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    Ag, you lose 3 starters after next season. Things look like they’re going to get worse before they get better. And, will Jake follow his brother after back-to-back-to-back losing seasons?

    A&M follows Texas, Tech, TCU, Houston & Baylor as competitive teams in Texas. They’re competing with Rice, UTEP & SMU now for relevance.

    Imagine if Briles, Sumlin, June Jones or Muschamp had been hired instead of Sherm. Even with a cupboard long-time bare since RC’s hay-day, these innovative coaches would have A&M going to bowl games, on the rise and a cause for concern for Tech, Texas, OU & LSU. Shit, Briles would compete instantly for top recruits throughout Texas, especially in Houston.

    Instead, A&M boosters made a comfort hire. Promoting its esoteric traditions is more important than winning. Thank goodness.

  26. uthookem said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Would Briles have even gone to TAMU? Did TAMU even try to get him?

  27. Vasherized said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    Peace offering: I’ll buy any Aggie a night’s worth of beer (on sailor ripley’s expense account) if you show up to stubb’s tonight for black joe louis & the honeybears / spoon wearing overalls and maroon face paint.

  28. Nordberg said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    Hell I’ll do that.

  29. Vasherized said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    How will I tell you apart from HenryJames in that outfit?

  30. Nordberg said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    I will look uncomfortable in mine.

  31. RansomStoddard said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    Is it wrong that I’ve dragged my kids to Transformers 2 dozens of times in the last ten days? I mean, I really really like the, uh, battle scenes or something.

  32. Vasherized said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 6:44 am

    Sherm clearly read this story yesterday and decided to do someting about it, reeling in a big commitment from Shreveport Byrd ATH Jarret Fobbs.

    Whatever we can do to help, Mike.

    Legit offer list from schools like Bama, LSU, and Nebraska but most of them wanted Fobbs to play DB and he would rather catch footballs in endzones at A&M. That’s the plan anyway.

    Fobbs’ folly gives the Aggies 18 commits for 2010 and a veritable “pipeline” into Shreveport, doubling up on the commitment from LB Jonathan Stewart last year.

  33. Blueshorn said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 6:59 am

    “Hell, if Sherman can do anything, it ought to be coach offensive linemen.”

    Sherm needs to HAVE some offensive lineman before he can coach them.

  34. Captain Obvious said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 10:16 am

    All the needs to be said about the Ags offensive line is Patterson has played defensive tackle the past two seasons, effectively missed spring ball, and is listed as starting as their left offensive tackle.

  35. jc25 said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    You lost me at Megan Fox.

  36. bizzle said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 12:50 pm

    Don’t sleep on Tony Jerod-Eddie, he of the hyphen.

    Other than that. . .we got nothin’.

  37. bizzle said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Also, for the record, Cole Smith tried to fight me. Twice.

    I consider it a badge of honor.

  38. HenryJames said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    Maybe he had you confused with mediocrity? It was a constant battle for him.

  39. Bornahorn said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    This is curious:

    Aggies in the NFL

    On their page listing the Aggies in the NFL, they have a picture of what looks like a Minnesota Viking receiver (#89). The only guy on the list who plays for Minnesota is an OL.

    Was one of their skill players previously with the Vikes?

  40. Woody Bombay said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 3:13 pm

    That, Bornahorn, is Master Robert Ferguson. The guy who spent one entire semester on the aTm campus.

  41. Burnt Orange Dog said:

    July 12th, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    Looks like Sherm just got Corey Nelson.

  42. Vasherized said:

    July 12th, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    ShermWow.

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