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What the f*ck are roster craws?

Posted by HenryJames on July 8th, 2009 under Football

MackBrown-TexasFootball.com, in conjunction with too many to mention, released Texas’ fall football roster the other day. What day exactly? I don’t know. The internet cannot be bothered with such things.

The roster is of interest for two reasons. Position changes and height/weight of players. Some of you might like finding out player nicknames so that you can work them into conversations. “Oh, you’re talking about ‘Big Cat’ Alexander?” I hate you in advance.

Quarterbacks

Texas has finally dispensed with the notion that Colt McCoy is 6′3″. He’s listed 6′2″ 210 and will measure 6′1″ and change at the combine. Not that it has ever effected his performance. They’ll still say he runs a 4.5 though, and CloseToJumping will still tell me that he dominated Cephus Scott in high school.

Garrett Gilbert is listed at 6′4″ 207 so he’s got NFL size to go with his ability.

Running back

Not a lot going here. Do we really care if Fozzy Whitaker is 3 pounds heavier than he was in the spring?

Chris Whaley is listed at 6′3″ 235, and this is good news. If accurate. He was pushing 245-250 in the spring. His playing time is still directly proportional to his ability to keep McCoy upright.

Ryan Roberson is listed as both a running back and linebacker, and I assume a decision will be made in August where he will end up.

Wide receiver

Freshman Greg Timmons is listed at 6′3″ 196.

Not much else going on although DJ Monroe and Desean Hales will continue to dress up as Kriss Kross on Halloween.


“We’re open.”

Tight end

What in the name of John Mackovic is going on here? We have ten scholarship players at the position, but only two of them have even caught a pass in college.

I’m fairly certain that Ian Harris, Ahmard Howard and Josh Marshall are all the same guy. Six-four-two-fitty and never played a down. I will from here on out switch their names to entertain myself. Ian Howard, Ahmard Marshall and Josh Howard. No one will know the difference.

Both Dravannti Johnson and Dominique Jones are listed as DE/TE. Johnson, to my knowledge, has never played the position. Jones has and is a fantastic blocker.

The good news is that DJ Grant is now 220, and Barrett Mathews reported at 6′2″ 215.

Freshman Jonah MetzenbaumTrey Graham is listed as 6′5″ 235.

Offensive line

Adam Ulatoski has shrunk to 6′6″ while Kyle Hix is now listed as 6′7 1/2″. Ulatoski is taller than Hix so I’m not sure why he was, uh, downgraded.

Freshmen Paden Kelly (6′7″ 270) and Garrett Porter (6′6″ 305) got their initial measurements.

David Snow put on 20 pounds and is listed at 300. Good news. I think he is Texas’ next great center and sooner rather than later.

Redshirt freshman Mark Buchanan is now up to 310 while classmate Luke Poehlmann is only 265. We’ll check back with you next year, Luke.

Defensive line

The first thing that jumped out to me is that Lamarr Houston is up to 300 pounds. Hope it’s good weight.


“There is not good or bad. Only weight.”

Kheeston Randall has put on necessary weight and is up to 288.

We have the initial measurements for freshmen Derek Johnson (6′3″ 310), Calvin Howell (6′4″ 280) and Tevin Mims (6′4″ 245). Howell and Johnson will probably have to provide depth so I hope they don’t throw up in the tunnel before the OU game! Johnson has lived in both West Memphis and El Paso so that dude can’t be scared of shit.

And Sergio Kindle is listed as a 6′4″ 255 DE/LB, up sixteen pounds from last year.

Linebacker

Not a whole lot to report here. Tariq Allen is already 245 so I’m interested to see what Muschamp has planned for him.

Emmanuel Acho, Jared Norton, Roddrick Muckelroy and Keenan Robinson are all between 232-237.

Freshman Patrick Nkwopara is listed at 5′11″ 210.

Defensive back

Blake Gideon is up to 200, and Earl Thomas is at 197.

Chykie Brown and Curtis Brown are both listed as 6′0″ tall although Chykie is at least an inch taller.

Thoughts?

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36 Responses

  1. bighornfan32 said:

    July 8th, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    Your Big Cat sentence reminds me of the guy behind me at the open spring practices who’d refer to the guys by their high school. “There goes big Waller, watch him run em over. That Pearland is a jitterbug.” WTF?

  2. CloseToJumping said:

    July 8th, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    If Chris Whaley is below 250 in reality, I will shit a golden pack of cigarettes and light Luke Poehlmann’s underweighted mullet on fire. One of the most hilarious things I have ever seen with my own eyes is the image of the last race Whaley was in. Holy shit that is good awesome.

    At Wide Receiver, the question has to be asked – What is Philip Payne still doing on the roster?

    Does Blake Gideon at 200 pounds catch a pop fly from an 8 year old? Or does the added weight merely disable his ability to be in position to drop it?

  3. The letter "U" said:

    July 8th, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    How come I’m ALWAYS the one that has to be left out? How about a *uck, or a fu*k, or a fuc*? Fuc*ing vowel discrimination is what it is. Fu*kers.

  4. Roster Craws? said:

    July 8th, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    You mean “Lobster Claws?”

  5. Injun Joe said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 3:48 am

    Scipio think weight bad. Scipio always get mad about mad dog making player heavy. Heavy player bad. You no think so?

  6. Bob in Houston said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 4:57 am

    “Not craw, CRAW!”

  7. Nordberg said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 5:34 am

    “Ryan Roberson is listed as both a running back and linebacker, and I assume a decision will be made in August where he will end up.”

    Probably TE. No reason that we should ever have under 15 TE’s on scholarship. You hear that Timmons and Chiles? Report to Jeff Madden immediately for bacon and chocolate.

  8. BatesHorn said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 6:17 am

    “We have ten scholarship players at the position, but only two of them have even caught a pass in college.”

    And yet they all suck worse than my undersized 7 year old.

  9. Vasherized said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 6:27 am

    Keep Grant and Matthews then clean house. Just start all over.

    Losing Pianalto to UNC then Irby to injury really screwed us. Don’t expect Irby to play a down of football anytime soon if ever again. He’s got significant nerve damage to overcome.

    So that leaves us with Grant, Matthews, and Rabinowitz, who has decent size just suspect hair and questionable hands.

  10. HenryJames said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 6:33 am

    We need to find another Doug Ginapp.

  11. Vasherized said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 6:55 am

    We are all just members in God’s reality show called Life.

  12. BrickHorn said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 6:57 am

    So that leaves us with Grant, Matthews, and Rabinowitz, who has decent size just suspect hair and questionable hands.

    Oh, you’re talking about “T-Boogie” Rabinowitz. Dude likes to listen to music and focus. And nobody really knows this, but old “T-Ray” can sing, too.

  13. Nordberg said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 7:02 am

    I also find it funny that we’re throwing everyone at the TE position, after a year in which our offense exploded when we took the TE off the field.

  14. Airplane passenger said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 7:21 am

    I asked for something light to read and the stewardess gave me a leaflet called Famous Jewish Sports Legends. T-Ray was listed as a TE.

  15. HenryJames said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 7:24 am

    Am I the only one who didn’t know that Graham “still holds the fifth grade jump rope record of 57 consecutive minutes without a miss?”

  16. Blueshorn said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 7:31 am

    “I also find it funny that we’re throwing everyone at the TE position, after a year in which our offense exploded when we took the TE off the field.”

    Yes, Mack/Davis-speak can be called funny if one comes from the “it’s better to laugh than cry” school of thought.

  17. The General said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 7:38 am

    Irony is not spelled with a T and a E, much to the dismay of Greg Davis.

  18. BrickHorn said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 7:40 am

    I asked for something light to read and the stewardess gave me a leaflet called Famous Jewish Sports Legends. T-Ray was listed as a TE.

    Oh, you’re talking about “T-Money” Rabinowitz?

  19. Blueshorn said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 8:03 am

    Am I the only one who didn’t know that Graham “still holds the fifth grade jump rope record of 57 consecutive minutes without a miss?”

    I bet his mom wrote that. At least we know he can jump high enough to clear a rope.

  20. Blueshorn said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 8:11 am

    Am I the only one who wonders how often Graham or his handlers check back to see that the jump-rope record still stands?

  21. Nordberg said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 8:20 am

    My daughter is currently in training to break that record. Graham helps Texas to a national championship, training stops. I think we have a deal.

  22. Steve Nebraska said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 8:38 am

    Does Timmons’ weight include the Big Daddy Kane fade?

  23. Levander Williams said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 8:57 am

    The fact that we go ~10 deep at TE when we run a 10 or 11 personnel set as our base offense defies any logical explanation.

  24. Nordberg said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 9:08 am

    Johnson, Jones, and Howard need to move back to the defensive side of the ball yesterday. That would be a good start. Granted that would only leave us with seven scholarship TE’s, but we could probably manage.

  25. Stuck in MN said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 9:13 am

    I believe it was DKR who said “you can’t beat OU unless you have the chutzpah to stand toe to toe and punch them in the jaw”. T-Ray has that chutzpah.

  26. HenryJames said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 9:30 am

    You know, the Nazis had pieces of chutzpah that they made the Jews wear.

  27. Duke of Ohio said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 10:34 am

    “Report to Jeff Madden immediately for bacon and chocolate.”

    I have four years of eligibility left. If I report to Mad Dog, will he give me bacon and chocolate. Ummm, bacon.

  28. Horn Brain said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 11:10 am

    The reason we took the TE off the field is because we didn’t have any good ones. Jordan Shipley played TE most of the year from the fourth wideout spot once we lost Irby. If Irby hadn’t been hurt, he would have caught a lot of the balls Shipley got from that position. You’ll remember Irby was wrecking shit before he got McGahee’d. So our offense exploded, we lost our TE, replaced him with an injury-prone wideout with a psychic connection to Colt, and managed to keep him reasonably healthy all year, despite trying to get him real dead against Okie State.

    If we can’t find a TE to take at least some of the beating for Shipley, then I can’t imagine he’ll survive the entire year. He still needed shoulder surgery this spring, if that tells you what kind of a beating he took. Therefore, Mack and Davis’ 10 TEs are logically supported. Most of them are hybrid TE/D* or TE/WR anyway. They’re giving everyone with any potential a shot at it in the hopes of finding someone who can catch enough balls to keep Jordan alive through this season, which hopefully will be fourteen games.

  29. Levander Williams said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    “Therefore, Mack and Davis’ 10 TEs are logically supported.”

    I will respectfully disagree.

    There is no support for taking up nearly 12 percent of the scholarship roster to stock a position that will have – at most – one spot on the field and which has arguably been misused/underutilized more often than not in this offensive scheme. I’d even grant you that some special teams players could be stockpiled as ‘depth’ here, but I haven’t seen too many of these guys making big impacts on punt & kickoff coverage, and most haven’t seen the field in any meaningful respect (if at all).

    By contrast, we have 15 guys (18 players with three of these likely walk-ons) to staff five slots on the OL, and seven LBs to cover two positions there. And we all know about the depth issues at DT. I guess I should be happy that we don’t have seven fullbacks on scholarship.

    The trial & error approach to evaluating and developing the TE position needs to be re-evaluated. If it was working, we would be doing better than a 10-20% hit rate, and we wouldn’t have to shelve the position when one guy goes down for the year.

    Time for Bruce Chambers to move along?

  30. Ben Alexander said:

    July 9th, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    meow

  31. Newy25 said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 5:34 am

    If you think we really have 10 TE’s then you probably think michael Jackson is really a normal guy. Half of those guys will switch after the first week of August camps.

  32. Levander Williams said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 5:52 am

    Right. In fact, we have 12 on the roster.

    Trey Graham Fr.-HS TE
    D.J. Grant Fr.-RS TE
    Ian Harris So.-SQ TE
    Ahmard Howard So.-SQ TE
    Blaine Irby Jr.-2L TE
    Josh Marshall Jr.-SQ TE
    Barrett Matthews Fr.-HS TE
    Mac McWhorter Sr.-3L* TE
    Foster Vimont Fr.-RS* TE
    Dravannti Johnson Fr.-RS TE/DE
    Dominique Jones Fr.-HS TE/DE
    Greg Smith Jr.-2L TE/OL

    So I’ll grant you that Vimont and MacWhorter are walk-ons, and I’ll even give you Johnson & Jones as converts back to DE. Smith stays as the default blocking surface in two TE sets.

    That still leaves eight TE roster spots for one place on the field, and most of them were TEs last year. So yes, we do have way too many TE roster spots (and scholarships) for what this offense does.

    If they aren’t making it here, they need to find another spot to make an impact – whether that is at another position or another school. If it’s not an issue of being short on talent, then we need to look at why they are not developing in a way that makes a meaningful impact to the team.

    Again – what is Bruce Chambers adding here?

  33. HenryJames said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 6:02 am

    Dude opened the door to Dallas Carter!

  34. Blueshorn said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 6:52 am

    Mac McWhorter Sr.-3L* TE

    Anyone know what one has to do these days to letter on the Texas football team?

  35. aggy said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 7:45 am

    I crawed on a sheep last night..

  36. Horncasting said:

    July 10th, 2009 at 8:29 am

    If it makes you feel better about the numbers than just move Howard (DE), Marshall (WR), Johnson (DE) and Smith (OL) over to their other positions they won’t play this year either.

    One of the Barkers wrote that they thought Jones might be a good fit at TE when they did the writeup of the incoming recruits. We don’t need him at DE this year, and long-term the position may be stacked depending on how the Jeffcoat recruitment goes. I have no problem with that move.

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