Articles
An Englishman in College Station
Posted by Guest Columnist on May 11th, 2009 under Uncategorized
Frequent Carnival visitor EnglishAg mentioned to me that he was an English exchange student in College Station. This struck me as an interesting situation so I asked him to write it up (with no hope for any ball kicking). Here it is.
– S.R.
_______________________________________
Howdy!
I hope that is the correct version of hello in these parts… everything I know about tu was learnt in College Station and tested on Texags. You have to forgive me if my view is a little distorted.
In short, I was an English exchange student dropped into College Station for a year… fast forward a few years and Sailor has given me free reign to talk about my experiences in the hope that I give the ags a kick in the balls. Unfortunately, I don’t think I have it in me to do it. Not because I ‘bleed maroon’, but because I was dropped into Disney army-ranch and had a great time.
The backstory to all this is that my original choices UCLA and USC chose exchange students with good academic standing, leaving me with my third choice – admittedly, A&M didn’t really want me either, but in the brave world of international academia, they really had no choice.
Being the only student from the Lancaster University in College Station had its perks – no direct academic competition meant that, provided that I didn’t make a spectacular ass of myself in class, I was free to do whatever I pleased.
Consider that for a moment, you are 19 years of age, you have practically no responsibilities, a free pass to do whatever you want …and you are in College Station, the land where the cheerleaders are dressed in overalls, are male and encourage me to squeeze my balls whenever the football team are losing.
The real differences between university in England and America are obvious – American universities are so wealthy – Harvard has greater annual income that all English universities combined, so the facilities really are first rate and the campuses incredible. Admittedly, business school isn’t exactly expensive to run, but there is a whole world of difference between the Lowry Mays School of Business and LUMS. The biggest difference is in the education. An English education is all about the academia. Courses at Lancaster consisted of followed the path of:
1. reading list and essay title;
2. 1 week preparation time;
3. seminar with 5-10 other people discussing / grilling your work
4. repeat 10 times; and
5. final exam with 2 questions to answer in 4 hours.
In comparison, in College Station, a former Enron employee would read you excerpts of Ken Lay’s autobiography before asking you to complete a multiple choice test. One big production line.
Anyway, rant over. College isn’t about studying. It is about binge drinking and girls trying to find themselves. College Station was quite good for that – many will laugh at that statement, but all the girls want is a guy that doesn’t wear dickies. Many people have said that the best place to be a college athlete is Baylor – I agree with that – a never ending supply of baptist guilt ready to be exploited. Well change the words athlete and baptist guilt with exchange student and top heavy country girls in hotpants… you get the general idea.
If the pros of College Station are the girls and lax educational standards, the big con is the eternal hell of aggie athletics. Sailor may allow me to drop by again with my outsider’s views on sport, so I don’t want to give things away too much…suffice to say RC Slocum sent me to athletic hell – not by sucking so bad that I didn’t care, by being just a turnover here and a couple of bad decisions from being good. Imagine, I go back to England throw away my fake id, my girlfriend and everything else I held dear only to be left with an aggie athletics hangover – one that remains to this day.
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Activity
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James commented on the blog post NFL Draft: A Mockery 1 hour, 1 minute ago
Re: Claussen
Phil Rivers is a huge dickbag and he’s doing ok.
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whiskey commented on the blog post NFL Draft: A Mockery 2 hours, 3 minutes ago
Patrick, from a personality standpoint Clausen isn’t exactly likeable. I think the perception of him having leadership or other intangible issues is really tied to the fact that many people just don’t like the kid. The same discussion went on to some degree amongst the ND fan base his 1st two seasons.
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Nickel Rover wrote a new blog post: If we can stop Tim Duncan… 6 hours, 16 minutes ago
Basketball:
So Scipio did a great job on introducing us to our ACC counterpart and robbing me of an easy morning column. A great read though, it sounds like they are in Texas’ wheelhouse since it isn’t at Wake. You can see the whole bracket here.
Obviously Kentucky is the 2nd opponent and I don’t think there’s
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Sean commented on the blog post NFL Draft: A Mockery 6 hours, 36 minutes ago
Wait…. Taylor Mays is Jewish?
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Want to plant my feet on Rampart Street… 7 hours, 10 minutes ago
but the pollsters have been far slower to hop on board.
Lazy humans and no brand to fall back on. I don’t think Duke is the third best team by any stretch but what are you going to do.
Tell your guys not to screw up my bracket.
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admin commented on the blog post Want to plant my feet on Rampart Street… 7 hours, 10 minutes ago
…but the pollsters have been far slower to hop on board.
Lazy humans and no brand to fall back on. I don’t think Duke is the third best team by any stretch but what are you going to do.
Tell your guys not to screw up my bracket.
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
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admin commented on the blog post Want to plant my feet on Rampart Street… 7 hours, 10 minutes ago
…but the pollsters have been far slower to hop on board.
Lazy humans and no brand recognition to fall back on. I don’t think Duke is the third best team by any stretch but what are you going to do.
Tell your guys not to screw up my bracket.
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Castille Day 7 hours, 38 minutes ago
Weird. At least he didn’t steal any laptops or TVs. Or did he?
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NFL Draft: A Mockery 7 hours, 53 minutes ago
Good catch, Primetime. I’m fairly certain he just confused Rolle with DRC. Or maybe he confused Antonio Cromartie with DRC.
Whiskey,
I realize your a ND fan, but what makes you so confident in Claussen? He had a very good season, but what about his leadership skills or lack thereof?
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post A Wake Before The Funeral 8 hours, 9 minutes ago
Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. I’d like us to get the win. I think.
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ursa major wrote a new blog post: Want to plant my feet on Rampart Street… 8 hours, 15 minutes ago
3 seed? New Orleans… to Houston?
As Dr. John so eloquently put it, we are going on down to New Orleans. (Yes, I realize that the song is going home to New Orleans…I don’t care.)
I was pretty nervous before the draw today. We’ve been undersold for about a month. The computers have had us in the
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whiskey commented on the blog post The week in news- Bowl Bust, Anti Piracy and Barnstorming FedEx 8 hours, 21 minutes ago
The Cotton Bowl is a really cool venue. It was a bummer watching them play that game at Jerry’s house this year. I hope the new game comes to fruition. Nice counter on Bosworth. I never personally cared for “The Boz” persona but in retrospect I’ll say that was really pretty
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Evan Turner is the Best Player in the Country 8 hours, 27 minutes ago
Definitely taking him in my player draft. Awesome. Need to study the brackets a bit more but Lighty also impressed me today.
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Sean commented on the blog post NFL Draft: A Mockery 8 hours, 45 minutes ago
Rodgers-Cromartie is still on the Cardinals. He didn’t leave.
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Scipio Tex wrote a new blog post: A Wake Before The Funeral 8 hours, 49 minutes ago
What happens when a stoppable force meets a movable object?
We’ll find out on March 18th. Meet Wake Forest.
This game will be watching drunks trying to brawl. Neither belligerent will land a punch, and it will be viewed by both fanbases with equal measures of horror, embarassment, and amusement.
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skymonkeyhorn commented on the blog post Texas Basketball is Dangerous 8 hours, 58 minutes ago
Some one sent this quote from the Dallas Mornong News to me.
“I’ve had teams in the past that were just where we are right now mentally. And we got it turned around. I had a team in the exact same situation, and we ended up going to the Sweet 16 and ended up losing -
I.M. Hipp commented on the blog post Castille Day 9 hours, 20 minutes ago
He really screwed himself. We probably would have won two more games with him. He was more worried about the “devil’s lettuce” than developing into a solid back. Pathetic.
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Kevin Berger commented on the blog post React-to-Ology: Early Look at the Madness 9 hours, 38 minutes ago
dick, thanks for the heads up on the east bracket. In my haste to get the post up I had a brain cramp on the bracket.
As for KU, when you compare their bracket to Syracuse you have to scratch your head. Even Self mentioned as much.
Scooby, you’re probably right about the 8/9.
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skymonkeyhorn commented on the blog post Texas Basketball is Dangerous 9 hours, 47 minutes ago
I have been thinking that the team quit on Barnes some time during the last 14-15 games.
My brother in Michigan thought the the team fell apart after the 11-12th game of the season I think that it was atm @CC game.
I wonder if Barnes has health issues, he just looks bad on TV and -
dick commented on the blog post NCAA Basketball Tournament Lines 9 hours, 56 minutes ago
Marquette line really surprises me. I like Washington and normally I would be impressed with a conference tourney winner but that falls under the Pac 10 sucks rule to me. I would have liked to see Washington lined up against a different 6 seed.
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Farmer Ted commented on the blog post Quick Bracket Thoughts 9 hours, 57 minutes ago
Call me crazy but I would prefer to face OSU over any of the other three 2 seeds. They basically lost to Michigan (who truly sucks) on Friday, played Illinois even yesterday and beat an exhausted Minnesota team today. They aren’t exactly on fire. As for the other #2’s, I have no interest in playing
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Trips Right commented on the blog post Texas Basketball is Dangerous 10 hours, 6 minutes ago
sky, it’s pretty crazy really. Barnes sounds like he’s mailing it in at this point.
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whiskey commented on the blog post NFL Draft: A Mockery 10 hours, 7 minutes ago
Good discussion. The perception of Clausen is interesting. He might surprise you. Tate is a player that will contribute wherever he ends up. He’s serious.
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Trips Right commented on the blog post Early NCAA Tournament Bets 10 hours, 10 minutes ago
Utah State can really shoot it. They’re the top 3 point shooting team in America. But they struggle against quicker athletes and can be banged inside. the big 12 isn’t getting a lot of credit so the line is short, imo
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skymonkeyhorn commented on the blog post Texas Basketball is Dangerous 10 hours, 11 minutes ago
Is it just me or is Damo sounding a lot like Ricky?
Are they just providing some giggles for the rest of the teams? Or do they think this shit will fly even with the blue hairs ?
Will rick ever live down the quotes that will be recorded in Scipio vast mental vaults -
Trips Right commented on the blog post NCAA Basketball Tournament Lines 10 hours, 20 minutes ago
I posted my picks, but as you stated Richmond looks like easy money.
I think Purdue is a shell and Siena is experienced, athletic and talented. Saints roll.
I’m fading Gonzaga and St Mary’s. Zero athletes on those clubs.
I”m also fading Michigan State with NMSU. They’ll be able to get shots against
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dick commented on the blog post NCAA Basketball Tournament Lines 10 hours, 24 minutes ago
I like UTEP and Wake to add to Trips bets, which I support fully.
Richmond = 4 units
Siena = 3 units -
dick commented on the blog post NCAA Basketball Tournament Lines 10 hours, 25 minutes ago
Just to try and keep it on the same thread, Trips likes:
New Mexico -9
Baylor -12
Louisville pk
Aggs -2
Richmond pk
NM St +12
Siena +4
FSU -1.5 -
Hiphopopotamus commented on the blog post Two Down, One To Go 10 hours, 28 minutes ago
Always interested…good stuff all around.
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dick commented on the blog post Early NCAA Tournament Bets 10 hours, 31 minutes ago
Love Siena, love Richmond, love Louisville. Why is the ags line so small? I’ll take them but that line scares me a bit. Seems like a sucker bet maybe.
SizzleChest said:
May 11th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
That wasn’t a cheerleader that encouraged you to squeeze your nuts. That was HenryJames.
Tate Pittman said:
May 11th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Hey, limey – would you help me with this?
Spawn of Cthulhu said:
May 11th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
I salute you. I spent a year at Lancaster University as an exchange student in 1986-7.
The work wasn’t grueling (I remember my Biochem final was 300 true/false questions), I learned to play rugby (started with Rugby League, since that was easier for an American to understand), and I enjoyed the fact that all the beer I could drink was imported at domestic prices. A great experience.
On the other hand, I can’t imagine the culture shock you must have had by ending up at College Station. The area around Lancaster is fairly rural, but still the people seemed otherwise normal.
The other interesting thing, I noticed, was that the rivalries in the UK were much older. Our rivalry with TAMU, OU, etc goes back maybe a century. The rivalry between Lancaster and York goes back 600 years or so and involved warfare and lots of killing and devestation. It felt good to beat them on the rugby pitch, though we weren’t allowed to execute them afterward.
Vasherized said:
May 11th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
I got arrested for pissing on a statue at the University of East Anglia so at least we have something in common.
The nut squeezing should be familiar for you EPL fans. I’m assuming it’s Man U given Lancaster’s proximity but it could just as well be Liverpool.
I’m amazed at how relatively unscathed you emerged from the fightin farmer worm hole.
Three snaps and a pint for you, EnglishAg.
Facebook User said:
May 11th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
That was a prefect not a statue, you sodding tosser.
Vasherized said:
May 11th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
If those cheeky bastards didn’t stand so damn still maybe my legless arse could tell the difference you yabbing yob.
Black Scholes said:
May 11th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
I think the lesson here is when they ask you for a third choice – juuuust in case those first two in So Cal don’t work out – it’s not the time to throw some agricultural and mechanical school onto the queue just to be cheeky. Just a thought.
Valhalla Rising said:
May 11th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Pint ‘n pie anyone?
Ben E. Hill said:
May 11th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
“top heavy country girls in hotpants…”
The phrase “country girls” here (along with history and physics) suggests this disproportion isn’t long for the world.
EnglishAg said:
May 12th, 2009 at 12:48 am
Spawn – good to hear from a fellow Lancastrian. I played rugby league too but cricket was the only sport I competed in at roses.
I know what you mean about the 600 years of history – I grew up near Lancaster so it meant more to me than most (although certainly not life and death) – kind of like being a Texan at Texas playing against Oklahoma.
I guess teaching styles are different between departments at lancaster. Just to be clear, at times tamu courses could be hard, but overall I found lancaster a constant level of pain rather than tamu’s boom / bust.
On the top heavy country girl issue, there appears to be just such a thing in my gym this morning wearing a longhorn t-shirt – not bad considering I am 6000 miles from Austin.
Watcher said:
May 12th, 2009 at 3:55 am
However good of a time you had in that wasteland, I can assure you it would have been 100 times better in Austin at t.. (ahem) at U.T.
Ag_in_TX said:
May 12th, 2009 at 5:22 am
Doubtful – if you take off your orange-tinted glasses, you’ll realize College Station is a great place to raise hell, be 20 and drink way too much.
English – interesting write-up – I am from Lancaster, TX, so we are practically twins.
I will add that you must not have been an engineering major if you did not find the academics rigorous. I can assure you the Mechanical Engineering program is violently rigorous.
And there are no female cheerleaders in the U.K. either, so you should have felt right at home.
BatesHorn said:
May 12th, 2009 at 5:58 am
Oddly enough, this experience mirrors my time at the University of Queensland, Brisbane in Australia. Since Brisbane is in the hinterland of OZ, the girls found Americans to be different in a good way. A really good way.
Luckily for me, my college won the athletic cup, so unlike the Aggies, it was all good.
intellectual type said:
May 12th, 2009 at 5:58 am
Nope, I am originally from the Austin area and a quarter of my class went to A&M and the other quarter to UT. EVERYONE, including the A&M graduates, agreed that Austin was much more fun than College Station.
Delusion said:
May 12th, 2009 at 6:04 am
I agree with you 100% Ag_in_TX! How UT consistantly ranks in the Top 5 party schools in beyond me. It must be a Burnt Orange Media Conspiracy. 6th Street has nothing on the Dixie Chicken and cow tipping. And, why would an Englishman want tan hotties in sun dresses when you can mug down with a pasty co-ed after scoring a touchdown? Sure, if he was in Austin he’d score as much as the English dude from “Love Actually,” but he’d miss out on all the great traditions at A&M.
Nordberg said:
May 12th, 2009 at 6:16 am
“Doubtful – if you take off your orange-tinted glasses, you’ll realize College Station is a great place to raise hell, be 20 and drink way too much.”
I would say that literally any college town (besides Waco I guess) would qualify as a great place to be 20, drink, and raise hell, using your criteria.
BatesHorn said:
May 12th, 2009 at 7:23 am
I drank too much, was 20, and raised hell quite successfully in Lewiston, ME. (Google it, I’ll wait)
That doesn’t qualify Bates as a good party school.
Holy Cow said:
May 12th, 2009 at 7:40 am
Without looking it up BatesHorn, is that the nome of Bowdoin College?
George W. Bush said:
May 12th, 2009 at 8:11 am
What? Be 20, drink too much, and raise hell?
Where do I sign up?
BatesHorn said:
May 12th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Fuck, I wish. Bowdoin is in Brunswick, ME, a beautiful little Maine coastal town. Gorgeous campus, even if the girls are your typical Northeast liberal arts warpigs. Famous alumni: Joshua Lawerance Chamberlain, Franklin Pierce, Longfellow, Hawthorne.
Bates College is in Lewiston, second largest population center in Maine and an old, run down mill town. Shithole. Famous ALumni: Bryant Gumbel.
Nordberg said:
May 12th, 2009 at 8:57 am
BatesHorn, I went to high school in Austin with a guy that went to Bates. I don’t suppose you graduated in 1992.
BatesHorn said:
May 12th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Westlake, Class of 92. There was also a guy in my class at Bates from Austin High.
Nordberg said:
May 12th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Holy shit.
What’s your e-mail.
lowery said:
May 12th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Bates, remember that time I stepped on your nuts when we were playing football?
I’m going to email Bevan right now. Haha. Small world.
Ag_in_TX said:
May 12th, 2009 at 9:59 am
College Station – Party Capitol of Texas*
BatesHorn said:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Jesus. Like I don’t have enough work today that you yahoos show up. Awesome.
lonestar190@yahoo.com
Spring Branch Horn said:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Did y’all receive you Masters at Bates?
Spring Branch Horn said:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:17 am
One more time
Did y’all receive your Masters at Bates?
BatesHorn said:
May 12th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Clever. No. Really. Haven’t heard that one before. Also: No Vacancies.
slobhorn said:
May 12th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Bates – do you happen to know an alumnus of St. Mark’s/Hillcrest (Dallas)/St. Stephens from your time at Bates? Now living in LA?
Parlin Hall said:
May 12th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Swift sets up the Master Bates joke like a pro in the first paragraph or so of Gulliver’s Travels.
Which is why it’s a classic.
BatesHorn said:
May 12th, 2009 at 11:58 am
I knew a few guys from Dallas while I was there. I fell out of contact with alot of people after I graduated.
Bates had one of the worst football teams in Division III, and a overall sports program that bordered on intramural in quality (except Skiing) The few Texans who actually wanted to play sports after arriving usually quit after a few weeks because the whole affair was so pathetically amateur-eque.
Morningstar Farms said:
May 12th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Scipio- when you mention Texas country girls, I can’t help but think of an overly friendly Pam Anderson type-complete with hay hanging out of her mouth!You rarely get that in the city.
Squeellyka hawg said:
May 12th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Why do people always make fun of the overtly sexual and rural people? I thought you guys were all about “feedom”.Everyone evolves differently.College will teach you all that.
scagnetti said:
May 12th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
FWIW…
When I was 20, raisin hell and drinkin my way to oblivion, I WAS in Waco, and it was great.
Bible-beatin’ Daddy’s girls are just plane naughty. Filthy wealth of riches in dear ol’ McClennan County. I did more deviously degenerate things in Waco, Texas, including the bouncy female enrolees.
EnglishAg said:
May 13th, 2009 at 1:46 am
ag-in-tx – my roommate was a engineer – he seemed to work pretty hard – i stayed out of his way. he also spent a lot of time reading gun weekly (or similar) and playing dominoes in the northside dorms.
i was lucky – the classes that i took gave me time to have a fun. maybe i would have had more fun or chased more ass at other schools – but the ‘traditions’ and overall experience will hang around longer than any STD’s i would have been at risk to at tech.
intellectual type said:
May 13th, 2009 at 5:36 am
Haha, even the Englishman likes to poke fun at Tech and their filthy private parts. Well, not poke…but you get the point. Excellent.
telekinetic fish/Rebel Rebel Republican said:
May 13th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Dear ‘hog, not true. I’m enthraled by rural Amish ppl. & their language & culture. I am also a big fan of Mr.Ed (the handsome horse resembles Jamie Moyer of the Phillies). I also shop Big Box stores because of the excellent value they offer. I enjoy (humane) fast food.