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Matt Millen: Elite Football Analyst

Posted by Scipio Tex on May 7th, 2009 under Football

Ah, you just knew that was going to happen, didn’t you?

In a society that increasingly values name recognition over accomplishment and where dumb notoriety is The New Compelling, Matt Millen has been named as one of ESPN’s lead college football studio analysts and will also contribute to NFL studio shows.

You’ll remember, dear reader, that we saw him last on the Super Bowl broadcast where he was attempting a deftly executed career resuscitation in the spirit of Nicolae Ceauşescu.

Never mind that Millen is – without question – the worst GM of the last two decades, the sole architect of last year’s record-setting moribund 0-16 Detroit Lion team, led his franchise to a 31-84 record over a seven year reign of terror, and whose last name is used as a euphemism for colossal fuck up by all Michigan residents, such as “Jesus Christ, this state is a Giant Millen!”

Don’t tell that to one of ESPN’s forty three executive vice presidents, Norby Williamson:

“Matt will play a major role in our NFL and college football coverage and fans will enjoy hearing the strong, candid opinions which have made him one of the absolute best analysts in the business,” said Norby Williamson, ESPN executive vice president, production.

It appears that naming their child Norby was only the first of the Williamson’s long litany of child-development offenses.

Matt Millen, I wish you the best. Your ability to break down players is second only to your ability to break down organizations.

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14 Responses

  1. Huckleberry said:

    May 7th, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    I know I might be crazy, but I seem to remember that Millen was a decent analyst, or at least a decent color guy. A case of someone being terrible at the job they analyze other people doing.

    Or maybe that was someone else.

    It’s sort of like the converse of people thinking you can’t coach if you didn’t play.

  2. Facebook User said:

    May 7th, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    Nice Cedilla.

  3. Scipio Tex said:

    May 7th, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    Matt Millen is the 1 out bunt with a man on 1st with your #4 hitter of football knowledge.

    He was a decent color guy in the sense that he was animated and enthusiastic and could communicate very basic football knowledge (these safeties are in Cover 2!) but his credibility talking players or organizational philosophy is non-existent.

  4. Scipio Tex said:

    May 7th, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    Nice Cedilla.

    Can we please try to keep this blog clean?

  5. Facebook User said:

    May 7th, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    Your love for Matt Millen knows no bounds.

  6. Vasherized said:

    May 7th, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    Your love for Matt Millen knows no bounds.

    Somewhere tonight Peter King is jealous.

  7. Parlin Hall said:

    May 7th, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    On the execution of Ceausescu and his wife, from the Wikipedia bio:

    “The firing squad didn’t bother to wait for them to be tied up and blindfolded, as is traditional for people to be executed in such a manner, but simply began shooting as soon as they appeared.”

  8. Huckleberry said:

    May 8th, 2009 at 4:17 am

    I admit, my views on his analytical skills are possibly colored by both my lack of NFL watching and the lack of decent analysts in the business.

    It’s quite possible Millen was the best NFL color guy I would hear for months at a time.

  9. BrickHorn said:

    May 8th, 2009 at 7:14 am

    In a society that increasingly values name recognition over accomplishment

    In this case, name recognition comes from accomplishment. Millen was a very good college football player, and a pretty good NFLer. The problem isn’t Millen’s lack of accomplishment, it’s the general public’s mindless belief that the best athletes are also necessarily the best sports analysts. This belief is especially prevalent if is said athlete is a white guy.

  10. Stephen A. Smith said:

    May 8th, 2009 at 7:25 am

    Word, BrickHorn.

  11. Isaiah Thomas said:

    May 8th, 2009 at 8:06 am

    Matt Millen led the Lions to as many Superbowl victories as every other Lions GM in history combined. His accomplishments include drafting talented players like Joey Harrington & Charles Rogers. I didn’t see any of you doubting those decisions. Not everyone gets blessed with talent like the Patriots or Steelers. Cut him some slack.

  12. Phenomenal Smith said:

    May 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am

    Ceausescu. He was not shy about dictating.

  13. Sug Knight said:

    May 8th, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    I remember when the Lions hired him, I thought “that is one of the stupidest color analyst in the business. What are they thinking?”

    So no, I do not think he was a decent color analyst. Then again, when your competition is Boomer Esaison or Tony “Goose” Siragusa… well, Pottsie Weber might look good.

  14. the Bobs said:

    May 8th, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    anybody think he’s likely to sound very impressed with the wide receivers he sees?

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