Uncategorized Articles
The New Physical Education Part II: The Games They Play
Posted by Scipio Tex on April 15th, 2009 under Uncategorized
First, read Part I.
Would you like to learn about some of the games our kids will be playing? These should prepare them for shooting pirates in the head from the back of a destroyer.
My favorites, with comments:
Ball Wrestling – This is one of the favorite activities of my students.
Well, it is a game that they can play for a lifetime.
Basketball Golf- This activity is an integration of two sports, basketball and golf! Students practice their shooting skills and use a scoring system taken from the game of golf.
Didn’t the South Park dudes make a movie about this? Still, I have no problem with this game. Kids are actually keeping score and may even attempt to chart personal improvement. Heresy! It is missing a crucial violence component, but we’ll let that pass.
Cooperative Hoops- “To have students understand the concept of inclusion and that everyone belongs no matter the situation.”
Uh, no. That’s a terrible life lesson. I learned this after trying to guard Joey Wright at Gregory Gym. I didn’t need inclusion in that game. So I headed to the Asian courts. Dropped a double-double on them. Then they broke the curve on my statistics final. It all evens out.
E.T. Phone Home- “Students must come up with a communication plan and implement it to complete the challenge. ”
That sounds physically taxing. Let our kids develop vital telecom skills. My communication plan is screaming FUCK THIS GAME at the top of my lungs.
Foam Ball Passover- To encourage students to work together to accomplish a common goal.”
This name sounds like a cargo cult religion. Ever’ yeauh, big foam ball pass over da village. We tink ’bout deaf of Christ. Den Jon Frum come bring us all da spam we kin eat.
Invent A Game- “To have students work cooperatively with each other.”
Instructor: OK, kids – ummm, invent a game! I’m going to go outside and smoke cigarrettes.
Mine Field- “To have students experience the loss of their sight and to develop feelings for those less fortunate than them. ”
We really need to be talking to first graders about U.S mine fields maiming kids in Laos? In PE? Developing feelings for the less fortunate is a crucial component of physical education. I am reminded of the Texas-Miami Cotton Bowl.
People Puzzles- “For students to practice using proper communication and cooperation skills.”
People puzzle #1: girl is with her friends at crowded bar. Gives fuck-me stare. How to separate her from her friends and get her in a cab in ten minutes?
People puzzle #2 for girls: living with boyfriend for two years. Biological clock ticking. How to convince him to marry you and get an engagement ring larger than your best friend’s?
Pioneer Games- Students will be introduced to games that date back to pioneer children and will improve certain skills.
Hey kids, this pioneer game is called learn to shoot Pa’s long rifle while he’s out hunting so that the local Kiowa don’t bash your head into a tree and make Ma the chief’s favorite new squaw. The skill it will develop is called Will To Live. Ready? Begin!
Radioactive River- “To work together as a team, show positive sports-personship and figure out solutions to the problems presented.”
When I was a kid, rivers were made of taffy or licorice.
Secret Handshake- “To give students an opportunity to cooperate with each other in a physical activity setting. ”
SAE rules! Woohoo! Now do a lemonade kegstand.
Sharks and Barracudas- The activity called the Sharks and Barracudas is a fun children’s phys. ed. game involving tagging and chasing.
Strongly approve of this game. It will subvert this whole touchy-feely athletic paradigm when the kids google what a shark and barracuda actually are. They’ll see lethal beautiful killing machines unfairly savaging marine life all around them – specifically targeting the sick and weak – and they’ll begin to realize that there’s a whole other world out there that they’re not being adequately prepared for.
Sneak Attack- “To encourage cooperation and use of offensive and defensive strategies. “
Abso-fucking-lutely. Now we’re talking. Let’s teach them Comanche-Ninja skills. How did this slip into the curricula? Probably someone using Comanche-Ninja skills, is the answer.
The Bus- “To help students cooperate when completing physical challenges. “
I can’t think of anything more challenging than successfully negotiating the muni.
Titanic Challenge- “To foster positive cooperative/communication skills and strategy development. “
They have to sketch a naked Kate Winslet? Like Sharks and Barracudas, kids will google Titanic and realize that we live in a world of harsh folly. So, I approve.
Twisted Sisters Disco Inferno- “To have students work together to solve a problem. “
WTF? What problem? If Dee Snider should wear that much rouge?
Wombat Ball- Played like softball but instead of a wooden bat and ball, a wrapped up towel and volleyball are used.
A bat wrapped in a towel hitting a volleyball. Why not cover the child in bubble wrap as well?
Better idea: what if we had children draw lots to battle a wombat in a fighting pit armed only with a bat, a towel, and a volleyball. Start of fight: hurl volleyball at wombat. Use towel as combination matador cape and gladiator net. Club wombat on its spine until dead as it death rolls on your femur, nearly severing your artery. Roll in its death musk while screaming your challenge to rivals. Eat its still beating heart in front of classmates. Draw eyeblack on using its liver bile.
Now that I’ve examined some of these games, I actually feel better. Despite their wussy intent, there’s enough subversion in them such that the children with some will to live can swallow the red pill.
GYAAAAAA!
Share This
25 Responses
Leave a Reply
Related Articles
-
38
The New Physical Education Part I
By Scipio Tex on April 15th, 2009 -
7
UTSA Wants to Play Football
By srr50 on December 17th, 2008 -
9
Fox Sports is running last year’s “Big 12 Greatest Games”
By BRAGGonUT on August 20th, 2008 -
7
Clemson to possibly win 10 games in future
By Huckleberry on October 13th, 2008 -
10
A look at the Big 12 North after two conference games
By HenryJames on October 8th, 2007
Activity
-
NorthDallasSooner commented on the blog post The week in news- Pariahs, Malcontents and Power Hour 20 minutes ago
“Coincidentally I maintain a subscription to Texas Monthly magazine in an effort to keep up with my roots in some way, shape or form. The April issue showed up at my house this afternoon and features a fairly in depth article about the ongoing drama between Texas Tech and the Dread Pirate Leach. The more
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Kevin Berger wrote a new blog post: Recapping the East 23 minutes ago
Again, no news is good news when you’re one of the top seeds in the region. That motto holds true in the East as the top four seeds advanced.
Kentucky vs. East Tennessee State
This was a blood bath from the tip. Anyone that thinks this young Wildcat club may have one eye on the
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
NorthDallasSooner wrote a new blog post: Rumor Alert–TMG 32 minutes ago
It’s certainly unconfirmed, but I got this email this morning from a friend who follows the hoops program very closely. Stay tuned……
“A very reliable source close to the OU BB program told me yesterday TMG is gone. He packed his bags and unless Capel can talk him out of it our PG for the future has left
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post The week in news- Pariahs, Malcontents and Power Hour 50 minutes ago
Great survey, whiskey. I miss football a lot.
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Kevin Berger wrote a new blog post: Recapping The South 56 minutes ago
There were lots of surprises in this region and a near miss or two that could have really turned this bracket upside down. But after the dust settled, seeds 1 through 4 remain alive…for now anyway.
Duke vs. Arkansas-Pine Bluff
Let’s start at the top where Duke methodically disposed of an Arkansas -Pinebluff cub that gave
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Because We’re Dedicated To Doing Stupid Things – Tiny Gallon Reportedly Took Payout 1 hour, 11 minutes ago
Funny, an OU blog talking about a Texas’ team when referencing the state of unrest and embarrassment. I mean, you have such a rich history to draw from. I’ll miss Tiny. Like Sailor, I love his nickname…..
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Because We’re Dedicated To Doing Stupid Things – Tiny Gallon Reportedly Took Payout 1 hour, 18 minutes ago
Why do bad things happen to bad people?
I will always love the name Tiny Gallon. I see him being a fan favorite in Turkey and he’s going to love the souvlaki.
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
whiskey commented on the blog post The week in news- Pariahs, Malcontents and Power Hour 1 hour, 46 minutes ago
This all might actually work out for Tebow in the end. If nothing else he is both a winner and a fierce competitor. I will be surprised if he goes the way of Eric Crouch. I am also liking Quinn’s chances in Denver. He knows that offense and he will
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Ag_in_TX wrote a new blog post: Utah State Post-Mortem 2 hours, 4 minutes ago
Have You Read the Gospel According To Mark? – Sign hanging in Spokane last night.
At some point, you have to ask if A&M is the best coached team in the Big XII. All due respect to Mr. Self in Kansas – but to use a poker analogy – Self is trying for a flush
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Trips Right wrote a new blog post: Second Round Bets 2 hours, 19 minutes ago
Since my leans are hitting at a better rate than my wagers I’m going to go back to basics and post every thing I like but down to half a unit. We’ll see if that works.
Here goes:
Villanova -4.5: After a scare against Bob Morris, time for the ‘Cats to wake up. Too
-
Patrick Bateman wrote a new blog post: Texas Turns the Page 3 hours, 34 minutes ago
Well, WTF was that? A train wreck is what. That’s how the entire Texas basketball season can be described. A screaming, screeching, ugly train wreck. After ascending to #1 in the nation for the first time in school history, the wheels just fell off during conference play. You can read all about the final and
-
Ibas water bottle commented on the blog post Because We’re Dedicated To Doing Stupid Things – Tiny Gallon Reportedly Took Payout 5 hours, 37 minutes ago
At what point do A.Ds stop hiring Duke people? At a certain point former coach K players stop being successful college players and start being coaches with shady recruiting results right?
Oh and God bless the crime rate in Stillwater. The simple odds keep the shit from hitting the fan regularly for us.
Who
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Nate Heupel commented on the blog post Oklahoma Sooners – Recruiting So Far 9 hours, 21 minutes ago
BOC: Neither has visited, yet we hold ’ships open for both.
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Nate Heupel wrote a new blog post: Because We’re Dedicated To Doing Stupid Things – Tiny Gallon Reportedly Took Payout 9 hours, 29 minutes ago
TMZ reports that Tiny Gallon took a $3000 payout from an agent.
My God, Capel has no control over this team whatsoever. This is 2007 offseason Texas football levels of embarrassing. You can’t let a half dozen bad apples spoil a bushel of 10 apples…that analogy sucked balls, but you get my
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Previewing Jimmer and the Cougars 10 hours, 41 minutes ago
Great stuff, bear. really looking forward to this game.
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Nickel Rover commented on the blog post Barnes worst team 10 hours, 41 minutes ago
06_UT: you are probably right. I thought about changing the post description to “least favorite Barnes team” because that’s more accurate but I didn’t feel like it.
That said, I’m not sure this team would beat those other two. They would lose Abrams and let him go 7-15 on 3s and the Abrams team played better -
admin commented on the blog post Nike U in Turmoil 10 hours, 46 minutes ago
Aren’t they building some sort of super duper hoops arena? Most expensive ever bilt or something?
Who will the get? Mark Few?
-
Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Nike U in Turmoil 10 hours, 46 minutes ago
Aren’t the building some sort of super duper hoops arena? Most expensive ever bilt or something?
Who will the get? Mark Few?
-
srr50 wrote a new blog post: Nike U in Turmoil 11 hours, 3 minutes ago
10 weeks ago, Oregon played in the Rose Bowl as Pac 10 champions. Since their loss to Ohio State, the program has been in some kind of bizzaro parallel universe where every headline concerns a player arrest, a firing, or now a resignation.
Mike Bellotti, the Duck AD and former head coach earlier this week
-
Luke commented on the blog post First Round: Clemson Tigers 13 hours, 14 minutes ago
Prescient comment, Doc.
I think we learned today that no team is really a mirror image of Missouri, even if Clemson is about as close as it gets. Unless you have significantly better/more talented athletes, if you try to run with the Tigers, you will lose. This team is so much fun to watch in games
-
srr50 commented on the blog post March Madness Open Thread Part Deaux 13 hours, 28 minutes ago
Good to see that Tom Penders still believes in the weave offense. Maryland finally figured out that if you pass quickly, the middle is always open.
37-29 Maryland late in the first half.
-
Luke wrote a new blog post: Previewing Jimmer and the Cougars 13 hours, 29 minutes ago
Kansas State is going to be under a lot of pressure tomorrow night in primetime at the Ford Center.
Not only are the Wildcats the favored #2 seed going against #7 seed BYU, but if the Wildcats lose, they may sentence hundreds of boys to nonstop harassment from all the kids who think that “Jimmer” was
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Ibas water bottle wrote a new blog post: Georgia Tech post mortem 13 hours, 41 minutes ago
We came up short.
Credit to Georgia Tech they worked the ball inside where they had the advantage and played great D on the perimeter. Matt Pilgrim is the most athletic big man we’ve had in years around here and he was irrelevant. When we tried to drive they collapsed like Chris Farley on a
SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: ””, url: ”” });
-
Phenomenal Smith commented on the blog post First Round: Clemson Tigers 14 hours, 17 minutes ago
Doc, the turnovers seemed to do the trick – there were great big chunks of time when Mizzou didn’t even have to get into a half court offense.
Great to see Ramsey have such a good game and pretty stifle Booker. As Euclid said during the game, even when Mizzou doesn’t play well
-
dick commented on the blog post Barnes worst team 14 hours, 56 minutes ago
“Also because those other teams gave great effort almost every game. This team’s effort was questionable. Dumb and lazy, not a good combo…..”
This is what made this season so bizarre for me. This has never been a problem for Barnes’ teams. But I actually questioned this team’s heart and desire to play together
-
srr50 commented on the blog post March Madness Open Thread Part Deaux 15 hours, 10 minutes ago
Travis Ford spent the 2nd half channeling his inner Rick Barnes — lot’s of standing around on offense while one player tries to generate something off a ball screen — then taking a forced shot.
So the Big 12 goes 5-2 in Round One.
-
skymonkeyhorn commented on the blog post Barnes worst team 15 hours, 14 minutes ago
This is the worst coached team ever in Barnes era. Period.
Worst defense over the whole season,
Offense sucked big time and the bench coaching was horrible, ransom’s attitude was better then the coach’s overall this season.
Trips write up pre and post better then the game plan and O schemes.
Hell we could have -
srr50 commented on the blog post March Madness Open Thread Part Deaux 15 hours, 18 minutes ago
advertisers think they will probably get some deals for the additional 32 games that would be added. The feeling is that an ESPN would disount rates somewhat, since they already have a dual revenue stream — advertising dollars and subscription fees.
It’s all about content for ESPN — even mediocre content.
-
dick commented on the blog post FLV March Madness First Round Bets 15 hours, 20 minutes ago
a great first round of the tournament from an excitement standpoint, very mediocre from a gambling standpoint.
-
srr50 commented on the blog post March Madness Open Thread Part Deaux 15 hours, 36 minutes ago
Ga. Tech — last in the ACC in free throw shooting at 64% — 13 for 13 tonight.
The General said:
April 15th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Any post with the tag ‘tethered laotian prostitute’ is officially endorsed by The General.
HornsHornsHorns said:
April 15th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
“sports-personship”?
Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break.
Or kill me now.
Vasherized said:
April 15th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
“Tethered Laotian prostitute” sounds like the title of DrJ’s travelogue from the Far East.
Part II of this riveting series on the decline of western Physical Edcation has convinced me that I need to put my kid in a Dean Karnazes boot camp in the Gobi Desert. Assuming I have kids and such a camp exists.
Scipio Tex said:
April 15th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Does Dean Karnazes use your gay running system or does he run like a normal badass* like I do**?
* I only run 3 miles
** then I vomit
Vasherized said:
April 15th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
We mock your heel-striking, shin-splinting, vomit-inducing hetero style while breezing through our effete 30 mile warmup on five lone breaths. But there’s hope for you yet.
I did enjoy his book that you recommended. Dude came here on a spaceship and he’s leaving on one. He’s just running to kill time.
Facebook User said:
April 15th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Speaking of furry wombats, Kate Winslet gets butt ass naked in Australia with Harvey Bad Lt. Keitel (Jane Campion at the helm). Can’t remember WTF it was called but Vasherized probably knows.
Derek Trucks knows how to play guitar.
NateHeupel said:
April 15th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
People Puzzles- “For students to practice using proper communication and cooperation skills.”
People puzzle #1: girl is with her friends at crowded bar. Gives fuck-me stare. How to separate her from her friends and get her in a cab in ten minutes?
–Use the most powerful force known to American citizens: narcissism. Lure friends away with promise of “talent scouts from NBC”. They’ll believe it because, let’s face it, anyone can get on NBC these days.
People puzzle #2 for girls: living with boyfriend for two years. Biological clock ticking. How to convince him to marry you and get an engagement ring larger than your best friend’s?
–Promise him a three-way with hottest remaining friend. Once married, reveal fundamental truth of marriage: he’s been duped.
Vasherized said:
April 15th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Sailor,
Kate’s pre-landing strip era late-90’s furry wombat was one of the few redeeming qualities of that movie.
Holy Smoke was the title.
Keitel isn’t cast in movies any more because every director knows he has a “baby arm” clause:
You don’t wanna see it? Don’t cast me.
Ghost of Johann Gottlieb Fichte said:
April 16th, 2009 at 4:17 am
The irony, Herr Tex, is this: these halbmensch athletic endeavors are a direct result of the greatest competition das Welt has ever known. Ja, I speak of battle with Napoleon himself!
In 1805 at Jena, he handed uns unser asses. All of Prussia recognized the failure of the Will, but only I devised the corrective.
What was the problem? Soldiers came from the farms and mills where they had the skills to live a life of independence from the State, and so they felt no compunction to give their life for the State.
They needed to learn Dependence, and for this I devised an entirely new school system. I thought of Grades so that you knew your work was for the judgment of your betters, and Bells so that you realized your time was not your own, and homework so that you learned all of your time can be controlled. There is so much more, but the main thing was never, niemals, let the student see the beginning and end of any process so that he stays in the dark and has no useful skills. When you are Ignorant, you are Dependent. To fire a musket, you do not need to learn to compete, only to Obey.
Funny thing, long after I died your Meister Educator Horace Mann brought my system to your country to keep down the Immigrants–the Jews and the Catholics and the Slavs. Only thing is, now you all use it. Well, this is a serious mistake as I devised a completely different school for the officer class, one in which competition and mastery were supreme!
If you want an educational system in which no one develops noble qualities, that is your business. But my stern Warning is this: keep your present schools for the underclasses but form new programs for your purest and best students in which they learn to compete and develop the Will.
DDD said:
April 16th, 2009 at 6:38 am
“Uh, no. That’s a terrible life lesson. I learned this after trying to guard Joey Wright at Gregory Gym. I didn’t need inclusion in that game. So I headed to the Asian courts. Dropped a double-double on them. Then they broke the curve on my statistics final. It all evens out.”
If just get things off of high shelves for them you can avoid their wily and evil ways.
Spider said:
April 16th, 2009 at 7:23 am
“Teachnology”? That’s not even a word. How can you have physical education if you’re doing away with education?
Texoz said:
April 16th, 2009 at 7:40 am
1st things first. That Shelia in the last photo has the hairiest and largest wombat I have ever seen on the interwebs. Congrats.
Secondly, I asked my boy (in K right now) what they do and he said they’re not supposed to play dodge ball but they turn their soccer/kickball into dodge ball. Hooray for Darwinism. Even at 6-years-old the male’s natural instict to protect the cave and hunt for food takes over.
Thirdly, my boy and 8-year-old daughter go to a earthy-crunchy (read liberal) charter school in AISD and miracle of miracles they have an active PE sched. In addition to soccer (with winners/losers), running laps and the surreptitious dodge ball, they also have 1 to 2 hour hikes once a week. They’re located on the eastern edge of Austin and have access to river front property with trails.
I have no doubt they’re involved with physical activities because on a regular basis they come home with the bruises and scrapes you expect kids that age as they run around wrecklessly all day.
Nero said:
April 16th, 2009 at 9:56 am
We played smear the queer almost every day. That’s a great game, because the “excuse” to hit somebody (rules) were just thrown out the window, and physical beating was the main focus. Second focus – juking and running fast.
Nero said:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:04 am
School is such an important setting for physical competition for a couple of reasons.
1. It provides the required number of individuals for team sports. Basketball takes at least 4 people (2 on 2) but more like 6 or 10 to get a good game together. Volleyball or whatever else takes more.
2. It allows kids to play against peers. Same height, same general strength. I could go play tennis with a kid, but I would have trouble adapting my game to his level. And that’s about the only sport, because what other sports are competitive 1 on 1? Not many.
My friends and I would also organize street hockey games in local parking lots so we had yet another excuse to hit each other and get cool looking scabs.
Vasherized said:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:40 am
And that’s about the only sport, because what other sports are competitive 1 on 1? Not many.
Backgammon.
Better be packing a rusty shank at my table.
Uncle Bevo said:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Good article about “vanishing” PE classes on ESPN’s Outside the Lines today. A show you need to Tivo if you’re not watching.
Hook ‘em.
Scipio Tex said:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Texoz said:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
On a non-related note, how much longer do I have to look at Varez’s armpits on the barkingcarnival home page? They’ve been up there so long I can smell them through the internet.
Horncasting said:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Agree with most of what was said, but was pleasantly surprised in the area recently.
This year my son’s elementary school started a – get this – track team for the 4th and 5th graders. Typical running and jumping events with real live winners and losers. The unbelievable part is that the kids actually have to try out and they only take a handful of kids for each event (something like 5 kids total per event in a school with 10+ classes in each grade).
No “Go Team”, no “come on along and get a participation ribbon” BS. Actual competition where some kids (gasp) will not make the cut.
Tryouts are today. He’s going for the 100, 200 and long jump. I guess we’ll see if he gets dinner.
Scipio Tex said:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Texoz:
Our admin is less motivated than a lottery winner.
Horncasting:
Good luck to your little guy. Hope he gets to eat tonight.
Holy Cow said:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Wow, I’ve got to hook up with this Civony website.
CrazyJoeDavola66 said:
April 16th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
You know, behind this big move to banish competition from our kids’ lives is a consulting firm that out-pandered all the other consulting firms and expects to be paid soon and handsomely, bitches.
And God help you if you try to horn in on their government contract.
Nero said:
April 18th, 2009 at 9:17 am
I watched the video above and I saw nothing in the piece about recess. Why do you need funding for physical education? Why do you need extra PE teachers?
I agree that those things would help for sure, but you can accomplish a lot just by turning the kids loose outside for 30 minutes a day on the jungle gym and ball courts. They will invent their own games and chase each other around like they’ve done since the beginning of time.
Not everything needs to be organized.
Rabies has affected 'bo 's mind said:
April 19th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
I believe in lots of fresh air and activity for our youth, but there are risks-uh, like wild beasts. You can’t be too careful, Scipio. I’m sorry and you should know better.
Huckleberry said:
April 19th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
My kids’ elementary school’s recess period is 15 minutes.
Every teacher my daughter has had has heard my bitching. So has their secretary and assistant principal.