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1. The General said:

   April 15th, 2009 at 4:42 pm

   Any post with the tag ‘tethered laotian prostitute’ is officially endorsed by The General.

2. HornsHornsHorns said:

   April 15th, 2009 at 7:02 pm

   “sports-personship”?

   Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break.

   Or kill me now.

3. Vasherized said:

   April 15th, 2009 at 7:23 pm

   “Tethered Laotian prostitute” sounds like the title of DrJ’s travelogue from the Far East.

   Part II of this riveting series on the decline of western Physical Edcation has convinced me that I need to put my kid in a Dean Karnazes boot camp in the Gobi Desert. Assuming I have kids and such a camp exists.

4. Scipio Tex said:

   April 15th, 2009 at 7:43 pm

   Does Dean Karnazes use your gay running system or does he run like a normal badass* like I do**?

   * I only run 3 miles
   ** then I vomit

5. Vasherized said:

   April 15th, 2009 at 9:19 pm

   We mock your heel-striking, shin-splinting, vomit-inducing hetero style while breezing through our effete 30 mile warmup on five lone breaths. But there’s hope for you yet.

   I did enjoy his book that you recommended. Dude came here on a spaceship and he’s leaving on one. He’s just running to kill time.

6. Facebook User said:

   April 15th, 2009 at 9:28 pm

   Speaking of furry wombats, Kate Winslet gets butt ass naked in Australia with Harvey Bad Lt. Keitel (Jane Campion at the helm). Can’t remember WTF it was called but Vasherized probably knows.

   Derek Trucks knows how to play guitar.

7. NateHeupel said:

   April 15th, 2009 at 9:31 pm

   People Puzzles- “For students to practice using proper communication and cooperation skills.”

   People puzzle #1: girl is with her friends at crowded bar. Gives fuck-me stare. How to separate her from her friends and get her in a cab in ten minutes?
   –Use the most powerful force known to American citizens: narcissism. Lure friends away with promise of “talent scouts from NBC”. They’ll believe it because, let’s face it, anyone can get on NBC these days.

   People puzzle #2 for girls: living with boyfriend for two years. Biological clock ticking. How to convince him to marry you and get an engagement ring larger than your best friend’s?
   –Promise him a three-way with hottest remaining friend. Once married, reveal fundamental truth of marriage: he’s been duped.

8. Vasherized said:

   April 15th, 2009 at 9:54 pm

   Sailor,

   Kate’s pre-landing strip era late-90’s furry wombat was one of the few redeeming qualities of that movie.

   Holy Smoke was the title.

   Keitel isn’t cast in movies any more because every director knows he has a “baby arm” clause:

   You don’t wanna see it? Don’t cast me.

9. Ghost of Johann Gottlieb Fichte said:

   April 16th, 2009 at 4:17 am

   The irony, Herr Tex, is this: these halbmensch athletic endeavors are a direct result of the greatest competition das Welt has ever known. Ja, I speak of battle with Napoleon himself!

   In 1805 at Jena, he handed uns unser asses. All of Prussia recognized the failure of the Will, but only I devised the corrective.

   What was the problem? Soldiers came from the farms and mills where they had the skills to live a life of independence from the State, and so they felt no compunction to give their life for the State.

   They needed to learn Dependence, and for this I devised an entirely new school system. I thought of Grades so that you knew your work was for the judgment of your betters, and Bells so that you realized your time was not your own, and homework so that you learned all of your time can be controlled. There is so much more, but the main thing was never, niemals, let the student see the beginning and end of any process so that he stays in the dark and has no useful skills. When you are Ignorant, you are Dependent. To fire a musket, you do not need to learn to compete, only to Obey.

   Funny thing, long after I died your Meister Educator Horace Mann brought my system to your country to keep down the Immigrants–the Jews and the Catholics and the Slavs. Only thing is, now you all use it. Well, this is a serious mistake as I devised a completely different school for the officer class, one in which competition and mastery were supreme!

   If you want an educational system in which no one develops noble qualities, that is your business. But my stern Warning is this: keep your present schools for the underclasses but form new programs for your purest and best students in which they learn to compete and develop the Will.

10. DDD said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 6:38 am

    “Uh, no. That’s a terrible life lesson. I learned this after trying to guard Joey Wright at Gregory Gym. I didn’t need inclusion in that game. So I headed to the Asian courts. Dropped a double-double on them. Then they broke the curve on my statistics final. It all evens out.”

    If just get things off of high shelves for them you can avoid their wily and evil ways.

11. Spider said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 7:23 am

    “Teachnology”? That’s not even a word. How can you have physical education if you’re doing away with education?

12. Texoz said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 7:40 am

    1st things first. That Shelia in the last photo has the hairiest and largest wombat I have ever seen on the interwebs. Congrats.

    Secondly, I asked my boy (in K right now) what they do and he said they’re not supposed to play dodge ball but they turn their soccer/kickball into dodge ball. Hooray for Darwinism. Even at 6-years-old the male’s natural instict to protect the cave and hunt for food takes over.

    Thirdly, my boy and 8-year-old daughter go to a earthy-crunchy (read liberal) charter school in AISD and miracle of miracles they have an active PE sched. In addition to soccer (with winners/losers), running laps and the surreptitious dodge ball, they also have 1 to 2 hour hikes once a week. They’re located on the eastern edge of Austin and have access to river front property with trails.

    I have no doubt they’re involved with physical activities because on a regular basis they come home with the bruises and scrapes you expect kids that age as they run around wrecklessly all day.

13. Nero said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 9:56 am

    We played smear the queer almost every day. That’s a great game, because the “excuse” to hit somebody (rules) were just thrown out the window, and physical beating was the main focus. Second focus – juking and running fast.

14. Nero said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 10:04 am

    School is such an important setting for physical competition for a couple of reasons.

    1. It provides the required number of individuals for team sports. Basketball takes at least 4 people (2 on 2) but more like 6 or 10 to get a good game together. Volleyball or whatever else takes more.

    2. It allows kids to play against peers. Same height, same general strength. I could go play tennis with a kid, but I would have trouble adapting my game to his level. And that’s about the only sport, because what other sports are competitive 1 on 1? Not many.

    My friends and I would also organize street hockey games in local parking lots so we had yet another excuse to hit each other and get cool looking scabs.

15. Vasherized said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 10:40 am

    And that’s about the only sport, because what other sports are competitive 1 on 1? Not many.

    Backgammon.

    Better be packing a rusty shank at my table.

16. Uncle Bevo said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 11:19 am

    Good article about “vanishing” PE classes on ESPN’s Outside the Lines today. A show you need to Tivo if you’re not watching.

    Hook ‘em.

17. Scipio Tex said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 12:10 pm

18. Texoz said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    On a non-related note, how much longer do I have to look at Varez’s armpits on the barkingcarnival home page? They’ve been up there so long I can smell them through the internet.

19. Horncasting said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    Agree with most of what was said, but was pleasantly surprised in the area recently.

    This year my son’s elementary school started a – get this – track team for the 4th and 5th graders. Typical running and jumping events with real live winners and losers. The unbelievable part is that the kids actually have to try out and they only take a handful of kids for each event (something like 5 kids total per event in a school with 10+ classes in each grade).

    No “Go Team”, no “come on along and get a participation ribbon” BS. Actual competition where some kids (gasp) will not make the cut.

    Tryouts are today. He’s going for the 100, 200 and long jump. I guess we’ll see if he gets dinner.

20. Scipio Tex said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Texoz:

    Our admin is less motivated than a lottery winner.

    Horncasting:

    Good luck to your little guy. Hope he gets to eat tonight.

21. Holy Cow said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    Wow, I’ve got to hook up with this Civony website.

22. CrazyJoeDavola66 said:

    April 16th, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    You know, behind this big move to banish competition from our kids’ lives is a consulting firm that out-pandered all the other consulting firms and expects to be paid soon and handsomely, bitches.

    And God help you if you try to horn in on their government contract.

23. Nero said:

    April 18th, 2009 at 9:17 am

    I watched the video above and I saw nothing in the piece about recess. Why do you need funding for physical education? Why do you need extra PE teachers?

    I agree that those things would help for sure, but you can accomplish a lot just by turning the kids loose outside for 30 minutes a day on the jungle gym and ball courts. They will invent their own games and chase each other around like they’ve done since the beginning of time.

    Not everything needs to be organized.

24. Rabies has affected 'bo 's mind said:

    April 19th, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    I believe in lots of fresh air and activity for our youth, but there are risks-uh, like wild beasts. You can’t be too careful, Scipio. I’m sorry and you should know better.

25. Huckleberry said:

    April 19th, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    My kids’ elementary school’s recess period is 15 minutes.

    Every teacher my daughter has had has heard my bitching. So has their secretary and assistant principal.

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