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Posted by Scipio Tex on April 15th, 2009 under Uncategorized
I was watching HBO’s Real Sports last night and I came across a follow-up on a story run seven years ago on the battle over dodge ball at elementary schools. Can’t find the video, but the segment included such activities as tag where no child is ever “it”, no-touching policies (no hugs, high fives, pats), jump roping without a rope (so that you don’t ever get your feet tangled and experience failure), and all games with even a hint of competition are scrubbed from the curricula like an OCD’s hands in a Calcutta restroom.
I laughed at the initial premise but as the story unfolded I began to think about the bigger questions it raised and my laughter was choked off by a feeling of…well….is rage too strong?
Then I started reading about this movement.
I give you
It’s part and parcel of a continued societal effort to turn our kids into wilting petunias while deluding them that they’re towering oaks – preparing future generations to go forth into the world and be routed by any number of other reality-adherent nations and cultures in business, sports, science, artistic achievement, and war.
Let’s dip our toes in, shall we?
It isn’t all bad news when it comes to physical education in schools.
Wrong. It’s all bad news.
According to a recent article in USA Today, physical education departments across the country are embracing a more liberal approach to getting kids active.
They’re making them wear Eracism t-shirts and taxing the shit out of them!?
Eschewing traditional measures of physical achievement, such as speed and endurance, many teachers and coaches are offering their students the opportunity to learn new skills not typically seen in phys ed classes of old.
What sort of monster would want speed or endurance associated with physical education?
These include rock-climbing, swing dancing, self-defense and inline skating.
Rock-climbing is great, but you know that its wussified version will consist of a puffy kid sheepishly trudging up a set of stairs while wearing a helmet, knee and elbow pads, and a support harness. So introduce some reality: put them on El Capitan as high school seniors and see what they’ve learned.

You can do it with proper self-imaging
Swing dancing? How 1997. Are we going to make them wear chain watches too? They made me square dance in elementary school and I was traumatized by that shit. Compromise: teach them Jamaican Dance Hall daggering. Life skills.
Inline skating? Oh. We’re preparing our little boys to be teenage handjob-hustlers on Venice Beach. Do they have to bring cut-off shorts from home or will they be provided?
Like rock-climbing, self-defense sounds promising, but I can assure you that it’s a conflict resolution seminar taught by a dude with a ponytail that looks like Tim Robbins in High Fidelity.

Let’s talk through this while you assault me
Back to the article…
A junior high school in Petaluma, California, even features a class to teach circus skills, such as juggling, plate-spinning and stilt-walking.

Outstanding. Carny school. Excellent life preparation for living in a gypsy caravan, swindling the elderly, and being blinded with a hot poker by the head of the Beggar’s Guild.
These changes reflect a new emphasis on participation over competition.
Mom, I participated! I participated! I put on my uniform! And I showed up at the event!
Except that these kids will call their moms by heir first names and there won’t be any exclamation points because the genuine exclamation points in life happen when! you! push! your! limits!
While sports will continue to be a mainstay of phys ed programs, it has been suggested that only about 10 percent of kids are natural athletes who thrive on competition.
I love when journalists do that. Suggested by whom? Talmudic scholars? Aromatherapists? DMV workers? Your chiropractor?
Good to know that 90% of us aren’t wired for competition. I’ll be sure to pass this on to India and China via Charles Darwin.
We’re to believe that the natural athlete Illuminati – 10% of our population – has created an entire physical culture centered on themselves? OK. As they represent a tiny minority, one should have no problem allowing the remaining 90% to compete against each other.
Still not acceptable?
Because their problem is with competition itself. Sports are just one arena for that opposition. This is about some bullshit post-modern notion that standards – and the competition that tests and defines them – are bad, repressive, arbitrary. That iron doesn’t sharpen iron in all human endeavor. None of us should have an edge at all, in fact. It’s ceding to the lowest common denominator, embracing calculated self-delusion, avoiding anything that could result in failure and bruise our precious self-image.

Why learn to experience failure and success when you can manufacture an illusion of achievement a whole lifetime? No highs, no lows, no humanity. Welcome to the Brave New World. Take your soma and adhere to the no-touching policy.
We’ve seen the Internet Bubble, the Housing Bubble – child’s play. They’ll pale next to the Participation Trophy Bubble and its effects.
The new physical education guidelines introduced in California emphasize developing movement skills, social interaction and self-image over how fast or how skilled a student might be at a particular sport.
It would be monstrous to allow skill to determine one’s perception of value at a particular task. Better to leave self-image totally untested and unchecked by reality. That should create a charming human being in very short order when reality eventually punches them in the throat.
Movement skills? Ah, yes. Indeed. We must liberate our children from the conformist straightjacket of simple running, jumping, skipping, and hopping. We must teach them MOVEMENT SKILLS!
Move across the space, Timothy! Liberate yourself. Work yourself across the space – let your body merge with the infinite. Roll randomly while flailing your arms about. That’s it! OK, don’t move anymore. Now envision a self-image of yourself moving. You are baboon-energy, Timothy. Now a moth, a titwarbler, a paramecium. Simply be.
Next, social interaction. Chatting is the New PE. Let’s teach social interaction skills that they’ll use for a lifetime – like talking a girl into bed, encouraging a work colleague to voice his bad idea out loud so that you can win the promotion, or how to get your friend with the truck to help you move.
In these new classes, the goal is to get young people to enjoy being active and to help them develop good exercise habits that will last a lifetime.
Yes, stilt-walking is a past-time one can master and enjoy for a whole lifetime. Stilt-walking in your neighborhood in your 40s also guarantees that you’ll be treated like Jackie Earl Haley in Little Children.

What?
When China takes us over via strongly worded letter in 2039 and you hear tale of a crazy old man living up in the woods of Alaska – one of the last holdouts – taking potshots at Chinese soldiers with a homemade slingshot made of marmot gut, please find it in your hearts to forgive me for competing.
Even if I’m not a natural athlete.

IMAGINARY JUMP ROPE!
Be sure to read Part II.
TaylorTRoom said:
April 15th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I remember my 6th grade PE in 1975. We had to climb a rope (no knots) hanging about 25 feet. No instruction- just peer pressure and ridicule for failure. We all managed to do it. Looking back on it, I can’t imagine what the purpose of the kid “spotting” the rope was. Soften the fall?
The wrestling instruction actually seemed pretty useful, too. It’s a different world for kids now. Do fathers still bring boxing gloves home for their sons? That was my dad’s solution for the “fighting” problem my mom said I had with my big brother, when I was 6. He tossed them to us, and said, “Go fight with these. Make sure you do it outside.”
Mack Brown said:
April 15th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Will this effect my awards banquet?
Facebook User said:
April 15th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I’m Close To Jumping and I endorse this message.
Vasherized said:
April 15th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
I’m going daggering tonight.
The General said:
April 15th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
because the genuine exclamation points in life happen when! you! push! your! limits!
. . . or when Pete Carroll tweets.
dano said:
April 15th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
As a climber, I can tell all the hippie parents that they’re just setting their kids up for more feelings of failure. Your strength and power to weight ratio is badass when you’re young. Kids are incredible climbers. However, they’ve got nowhere to go but down. Literally.
Dr. Venkman said:
April 15th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Being as how I have no fond memories of PE at any level, and I have no substantial investments in the double-knit short business, I find it hard to lament the partial passing of this time honored crucible of humiliation and peer degradation.
Oh how we’d laugh at the ‘roided up antics of that special group of kids who where not only juicing themselves like Bill Romanowski without the sense of restraint, but who were also 2-3 years older than the rest of us for some reason…
Well, we’d laugh when it was someone else’s turn to be the “prison bitch”.
Competition is great, but that was never what PE class was about, or, at least it wasn’t about athletic competition. There was, admittedly, a sort of low Darwinistic element to the thing. I can’t say I feel like it had any great positive impacts on my life, though.
Not that the “new PE” seems a ton better, but, like I say, I can’t bring myself share the outrage.
Scipio Tex said:
April 15th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Dr Venkman:
I willing to bet you found other areas in your life where you competed – and competed very fiercely – and were made a better person for it. My point is that sports is just one vehicle that’s part of a broader movement to create a society of self-satisfied delusional nitwits.
As for PE – I agree with you. In no way should it be about glorifying the best athletes. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try a bunch of different sports and see if you can find one – running, swimming, skateboarding, tennis – that suits you. Or – failing that – simply improving in some physical endeavor. I’m not for Cult of The Jock.
HenryJames said:
April 15th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I think the bigger problem is the lack of physical education at all. Kids are still competitive. They’re just fat little fucks who are competitive at video games and other tertiary shit.
misterloki said:
April 15th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I am a leftist bleeding heart liberal, and I find the pussification of American children extremely disturbing. However, I think that many kids correct this problem themselves, outside of school. I know that my nephew plays tackle football on the street, just like I once did. Competitive drive usually overcomes the prevalent ideology.
dedfischer said:
April 15th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
I’ll never forget this. I once told my dad that I wanted to join the Boy Scouts with my friends. He replied, “Son, I’ve known the Scoutmaster since the day he was born over 35 years ago. Do you want to grow up to be a pussy?” Then, we went out and roped some shit, or shot stuff out the pickup window. I never knew how lucky I was until I saw how most people grew up.
Dr. Venkman said:
April 15th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Hmmm, well, I don’t think of myself as a particularly competitive sort of chap. Without too much conceit, I’ve got substantial natural advantages at what I do for a living … a sort of DJ Dozier of the software business. I’ll probably never have the drive to build empires, but, I’ve got the vision and chops to build some fairly wicked stuff.
Still, what I build has to compete in the marketplace even if I don’t take it to the field myself, so, agreed, I’m in the game pretty deep most of the time.
And I do agree with the general thrust of your essay. As far as my own experience as a parent has gone thus far, I get fairly outraged with the standardized test movement. Slapping the label “exemplary” on a kid just because they’ve successfully stayed coherent for an hour and a half is probably more potentially damaging to our culture than pretending their mastery of movement skills might make them the next Walter Payton.
SizzleChest said:
April 15th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Where does competitive eating fit in all of this? My fat ass wants to know!
Kafka said:
April 15th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
In 2035, China will still be occupied with gradually absorbing Russia and most of the rest of the old USSR. China will probably own a big chunk of the USA by then though.
Part of the reason that PE has softened so much is that schools are afraid that a kid will get hurt and the school will have to pay a fortune as a result of a lawsuit. Same reason that diving boards are much less common than they used to be (especially high diving boards).
BatesHorn said:
April 16th, 2009 at 5:56 am
Why is scip off his meds?
When I was in 4th grade, we played tackle football every day at recess. Every. Day. And 3/4 of the time, my teacher, Mr. Batt would be the quarter back for both teams.
I still dream about those games.
Trips Right said:
April 16th, 2009 at 6:15 am
Great read man.
When my kids turn 13, I’m dropping them off in the 5th ward with nothing but a basketball, brand new Jordans, and Larry Bird jerseys.
Who’s got next muthafuckas?
Spider said:
April 16th, 2009 at 7:17 am
Daggering will seriously build up your quads.
Just sayin’.
dutchie said:
April 16th, 2009 at 7:46 am
WOLVERINES!!!
Facebook User said:
April 16th, 2009 at 7:55 am
I love Red Dawn.
Ellsworth Toohey said:
April 16th, 2009 at 9:37 am
I approve of this.
Nero said:
April 16th, 2009 at 9:42 am
I sucked ass at football, mainly because I hit pueberty about 2 years later than everyone else. But through getting the shit beat out of me, I realized maybe I should try something else.
I found swimming and ended up being pretty good at at, and I still swim almost daily. Not every kid is going to be good at all of the sports and activities that they are introduced to. But it is likely that if you introduce them to enough, and in a setting of REAL COMPETITION, they will find something that they like to try hard at.
And to me that is the key. To be good at anything, even if you are the most talented mofo out there, you must TRY HARD.
This non-competition, participation based hug-fest discourages childred from developing one of the most important skills for later life – CARING. Not like care-bears, I mean caring as in heart. Striving for something.
Scipio Tex said:
April 16th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Well said, Nero.
Fuzzy said:
April 16th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Lighten up, Francis.
I am wired for competition – played sports my entire life and led my company softball team up until I got too busy and too high up to do it.
My wife, on the other hand, hates competition.
She’s in a LOT better shape than I am.
PE is not about competition. It’s about learning to exercise. Folks who want to compete have those opportunities. They’re not banning little league.
Please folks – allow some of the experts who actually research this stuff and figure it out to do their jobs. They know what they’re doing, for the most part. This will either get more kids to exercise, or it won’t. We’ll find out soon enough.
The one thing I’ve learned over the past few years of working with policy folks is not to start a sentence “I think…” because you’re about to say something dumb. This article would be a lot more compelling if it backed up it’s criticism with research rather than opinion.
the Bobs said:
April 16th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Fuzzy, would these be some of the same “experts” that have managed to build a public school system where the only category our students consistently outperform other industrialized nations in is “self-esteem”?
Where in most objective academic competitions the leaderboard is littered with home-schoolers, kept far away from “experts” for the most part?
Perhaps they can be funded by the “experts” who managed to leave our economic engine purring…
hiphopopotamus said:
April 17th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Great read. I’m beginning to think you and I might get along.
NateHeupel said:
April 18th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
“Please folks – allow some of the experts who actually research this stuff and figure it out to do their jobs. They know what they’re doing, for the most part.”
You do realize that the leading “expert” as far as the discussion at hand goes is a professor at Eastern Connecticut State University? ECSU, the leading liberal arts university for the eastern half of the state of Connecticut!
Newy25 said:
April 19th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
“Please folks – allow some of the experts who actually research this stuff and figure it out to do their jobs. They know what they’re doing, for the most part. This will either get more kids to exercise, or it won’t. We’ll find out soon enough.”
Experts = Gay ass liberals who want to tax you at 100% and tell everyone everything will be OK and Obama will take care of you.
The rest of us will learn to compete and fight for ourselves so when the country implodes we will have a fighting chance against China for work.
BatesHorn said:
April 19th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Fuzzy does make a useful points.
I was late to develop like Nero. It’s why I bombed out of organized football early. Never stopped me from playing pick up and play ground. I’m the dude that lights up a reciever crossing the middle in flag football than inevitable starts a fight.
I’m not tall now, and I’m also the guy in a pick up game of hoop who will throw elbows, block out, and generally yell at people for not playing defense or chucking craptastic threes. I’m the guy at a company softball event who always takes it a little too far.
I’ve got all the compete a human being could need. It doesn’t mean I’m wildly successfully or taking over the world, however. I just “that guy” who gets a little too in to it.
I think physical PE is important, but it’s not the salve that’s going to bandage the world’s problems.
On the other hand, one of the best (read successful and well off) lobbyists and political gurus I know is also the most physically hopeless and un “PE” people I’ve ever met in my life.
NateHeupel said:
April 20th, 2009 at 7:24 am
FWIW, scipio, I watched the Real Sports follow up this weekend. You were absolutely right. It’s been a long time since I felt the need to break something tasteful.
hot stove steve said:
April 20th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Scip, my little sister is about to finish high school. for the last 5-7 years, her PE classes were a joke.
But if you think that makes kids less competitive, you’re wrong. Kids these days are fucking piranhas, waiting to devour each other at the first opportunity. They just do it in a different arena than you did. The humiliation of dodge ball is now the humiliation of slampages, myspace, and youtube.
PE may have lost its competitive edge, but I assure you the kids have not.
Valhallarising said:
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 am
The essay and TaylorTroom’s post really hit home. The rope to the ceiling always seemed to be hanging there like some medieval torture device – I climbed it well enough, but I never really found it applicable to the moment. Looking back, the rope was like a supreme arbiter of some sort. As for boxing gloves, when my dad and I left Rocky I, we went right to the sporting goods store and bought a “Father-Son” boxing set – I was so excited to get home and whack him until he had 3 hits on my face in 0.8 seconds!
Bookman said:
April 25th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
My parent’s generation fucked up the world.
EDSBS » Archive » GET CAREER ADVICE FROM THE CAREER-LESS said:
April 30th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
[...] kids! Have you ever wanted to get daggered? Well, if you come to BLOGS WITH BALLS in NYC, we personally guarantee that Dan Steinberg of the [...]
Brian said:
April 30th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
As a substitute gym teacher on occaison (I am a younger guy so they give me phys-ed a lot) I can say that the elementary or younger kids I do classes for, they work on team work skills a lot, being a good sport, things like that. We play games that are competitive, and I make a point to not let kids cheat or give them pity. I encourage the kids who are obviously shitty when they do well, and when the kids who are obviously a bit better mess up, I let them know it, and they like that too. I just try to make sure the kid is doing as well as he can at the game, but I ALWAYS give the winner the option to be the leader of the next game, and recognize that person, just as often a girl as a boy.
Also,
I have to say, even if the only thing we outperform in is self esteem as a country, that might just be enough (without going into all the other bs that makes these studies somewhat invalid IMO). Imagine two countries. One that says, oh I cant do that because I’m not good enough, or I don’t know enough, or any other form of self doubt. Then you take country two. Everyone in country two says, get out of my way fuckers, I’m trying to invent the light bulb. Or, Move back, I make bicycles, why shouldn’t I build an airplane with my brother? Which country would you rather live? Id pick the one that allows you to fail and fail until you get it right. Self Esteem helps make that possible.
Vasherized said:
July 6th, 2009 at 8:56 am
Daggering is evolving at an alarming pace. I think this phenomenom deserves on on-site investigation and I nominate myself for an all expenses paid trip to Jamaica (or Trinidad) to deliver the goods.
Jamdog said:
July 6th, 2009 at 9:19 am
That video is crazy, Vash. A liitle bit on the uncivilized side these “daggerers”