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1. misterloki said:

   April 8th, 2009 at 2:55 pm

   Putting apples in tuna salad is a sin in every religion. However, “Does the realization of this ruin the moment like when you learned Top Gun is really a homosexual orgy? I don’t think so.” equates to instant redemption, so it all works out.

2. srr50 said:

   April 8th, 2009 at 4:59 pm

   Thanks for kicking off the week with your post — I had the opporunity to attend the Masters about a decade ago. I have at times made a living by painting pictures with words and wouldn’t even attempt to try to post something about the experience. There is no way I could adequately describe it without coming off banal or cliche-ridden.

3. ctex80 said:

   April 8th, 2009 at 5:54 pm

   Wait a minute. Top Gun is a homosexual orgy? Oh God…

4. Minnesotahorn said:

   April 9th, 2009 at 4:43 am

   Really well done. Only in the last year or two have I really started watching and following golf so while I understand that The Masters is a big deal and look forward to it, I don’t yet feel it in my gut like I do March Madness or the World Series or Texas-OU. Your post helps me get there. Sign me up for a helping of that tuna salad.

5. Huckleberry said:

   April 9th, 2009 at 5:26 am

   Mh -

   Well, I certainly feel it more than a non-Astros World Series (all but one, right?) or a non-Longhorn March Madness, but don’t think for a second you will ever feel The Masters in your gut anywhere close to how you feel Texas-OU.

   After last season’s game and then overall season result, my wife is considering telling me I can’t go to Texas-OU this year. She is concerned I will end up in jail. I don’t think The Masters will ever have the same effect.

6. Art Vandelay said:

   April 9th, 2009 at 5:43 am

   Great work General. Amen Corner will be on my desktop most of the day, but I’ll try and get some work done.

   It may be sacrilegious to say… but The Masters has changed for me somewhat. With the recent course changes it’s playing more like a US Open. The roars on the back 9 are as big a part of the experience as the fake songbirds. Now just making pars on Sunday are enough to put you in contention.

7. Levander Williams said:

   April 9th, 2009 at 6:07 am

   One of my most enduring memories of the Masters is Greg Norman’s complete meltdown on Sunday in 1996, blowing a six-shot lead to Nick Faldo. I don’t particularly care for either golfer, but there was high drama, and you could feel the pressure building as the round wore on.

   And, Harrington is vastly underrated – he doesn’t make many mistakes on approach and his putting will serve him well. He’s won the last two majors, and I think he could slide in under the radar with all of the focus on Tiger.

8. BatesHorn said:

   April 9th, 2009 at 6:17 am

   I’m a late in life to golf on TV guy, and I ascribe 99% of it to the fact that Golf is flat out the second (after football) best sport in High Definition. The beauty of the course literally jumps off the screen. Everytime I flip over to PGA coverage in 1080i I just can’t change the channel. And this will be my first Masters in hi-def. SWEET!

9. Minnesotahorn said:

   April 9th, 2009 at 6:29 am

   Oh indeed Huck but I was out of sporting events that elicited emotional responses from me in anticipation. Nothing approaches Texas OU.

   “After last season’s game and then overall season result, my wife is considering telling me I can’t go to Texas-OU this year.”

   That’s funny because I know exactly what you mean. For the ‘04 contest my gameday behavior and subsequent mood were were so poor that my wife told me in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t be attending in 2005 and that I’d be lucky to watch the game on TV. Thankfully she was a football fan and when the ‘05 game came about she understood the probablility of a Horn victory and what it’d mean to me to be there.

10. The General said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 6:34 am

    On The Masters v. TX/OU:

    I would never remotely compare these two events.

    The Masters is a deeply moving experience full of bliss, reminiscence, history, and tradition. I never felt like I lost a Masters tournament. I compare it to a religious experience quite literally.

    TX/OU is more like going into a fight. There is fear, loathing, anticipation, and excitement. There is always a winner and a loser. And even the winner feels a little beat up afterwards.

11. Hippie said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 6:49 am

    Gen…wasn’t jake putting with one of those mongo sized putters of the mid 80s when he won that last one?

    Bates…Augusta was breathtaking all those years on TV, with HD it is orgasmic. it’s as if they made HD primarily for this broadcast each year.

12. The General said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 6:51 am

    Jack you mean? I don’t think so. I am fairly certain that the used the same forged blade style for nearly all of his career, but i could be wrong.

13. Vasherized said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 6:53 am

    Any sleeper list that lacks Jeev Milka Singh, Nick Watney, or the mighty amateur Jack Newman shows a gross disregard for the fundamental unpredictablity of The Masters.

    I shall factor this oversight into all future input from the General.

    (Great story otherwise)

14. The General said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 7:04 am

    I agree on Watney and Singh, but my sleeper list was running long.

15. The General said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 8:06 am

    Vandelay,

    I somewhat disagree regarding the course changes. I feel the course had swung too far in the other direction in the 80’s and 90’s and had become a putting contest. This is also not what it was meant to be.

    The last two years it appeared a US Open broke out because of the course changes and the weather. The weather was very unusually cold and windy the past two years and that contributed to the bad scoring conditions.

    Sobel’s Blog provided a link to Masters Climatology.

    http://www.sercc.com/sports

    The last two years were a cold and windy sumbitch. And yet, Immelman won with a very respectable -8.

    We are supposedly in for a normal week spring Georgia weather, so maybe we shall see normal scoring this week.

16. Nero said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 8:53 am

    From the movie Sleep With Me (1994) -

    SID: It is a story about a man’s struggle with his own homosexuality. It is! That is what Top Gun is about, man. You’ve got Maverick, all right? He’s on the edge, man. He’s right on the fucking line, all right? And you’ve got Iceman, and all his crew. They’re gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they’re saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways.

    DUANE: What about Kelly McGillis?

    SID: Kelly McGillis, she’s heterosexuality. She’s saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They’re saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what’s going on throughout that whole movie . . . He goes to her house, all right? It looks like they’re going to have sex, you know, they’re just kind of sitting back, he’s takin’ a shower and everything. They don’t have sex. He gets on the motorcycle, drives away. She’s like, “What the fuck, what the fuck is going on here?” Next scene, next scene you see her, she’s in the elevator, she is dressed like a guy. She’s got the cap on, she’s got the aviator glasses, she’s wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears. She is, okay, this is how I gotta get this guy, this guy’s going towards the gay way, I gotta bring him back, I gotta bring him back from the gay way, so I’ll do that through subterfuge, I’m gonna dress like a man. All right? That is how she approaches it.

    Okay, now let me just ask you—I’m gonna digress for two seconds here. I met this girl Amy here, she’s like floating around here and everything. Now, she just got divorced, right? All right, but the real ending of the movie is when they fight the MIGs at the end, all right? Because he has passed over into the gay way. They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And they’re beating the Russians, the gays are beating the Russians. And it’s over, and they fucking land, and Iceman’s been trying to get Maverick the entire time, and finally, he’s got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that they have together? They’re all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and he says, “Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!” And what does Maverick say? “You can ride mine!” Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin’ A, man!

17. Vasherized said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 10:05 am

    Chad Campbell five under through five holes.

    Shite.

18. Art Vandelay said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 10:28 am

    General,

    Last year Trevor Immelman shot 75 in the final round and won by three strokes. Only four players broke par on Sunday. Seven players shot 80 or worse.

    In 1986 Nicklaus almost holed his second shot on the par 5 15th; in 2007 champion Zack Johnson never attempted to reach any of the par-5’s in two.

    Weather no doubt played a part the last two years, but it isn’t like those were the only two years weather was an issue at Augusta.

    Personally I’m praying for a Greg Norman/Tiger Woods final pairing… with The Shark winning on 18. Jim Nantz’s well quaffed head would explode.

19. The General said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Not my latex importer/exporter,

    It was 26 degrees when the first group teed off last year and windy, yet Immelman finished -8. It was very windy all weekend with gusts to 35 on Saturday.

    This course is just not set up for bad weather to be one of the obstacles. 13, 15, and 16 are still the birdie holes they have always been and they gave 17 and 18 their teeth back.

    The scoring so far this year shows that the changes to the course, when the weather is good for scoring, have not turned it into the US Open just yet.

    People often cite Zach Johnson not going for any par 5’s and winning, but there have been plenty of short ball guys win the Masters in years past (Woosnam, Crenshaw, Weir, Mize, etc).

    Anyway, let’s just say we disagree on this. We should know by Sunday how the most recent changes have effected the tournament. There are 39 guys under par right now, and that is definitely not US Open golf.

20. The General said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    There have been 28 better scores that Immelman’s -8 in 70 some odd Masters. If you are scoring that well in bad scoring conditions, then the course is not set up too hard.

21. Art Vandelay said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    I’m looking for loud roars on Sunday afternoon my 5 star friend. Need something to keep me awake after Sunday brunch with a few mint julips.

22. The General said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Tiger sticks one from deep in the long tall pine trees on the unstickable side of White Dogwood. If the ball goes in he will be ready for a charge.

    Take that Jimmie Nantz.

23. The Tortilla Retort » Blog Archive » The Golf Prick said:

    April 9th, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    [...] The Masters is upon us and every casual golf exhibitionist in your workplace is the world’s biggest fan of the sport this week.  Hunter, a 2 handicap, has taken the initiative this year to handle the finances and operations of your company  pool.  The first time I ever heard the term “Golf Prick” used was by a former co-worker and still good friend.  We worked as commercial credit analysts together at a large bank in Dallas, TX.  These days you look yourself in the mirror every morning and ask yourself how he ended up on the sideline wearing a headset coaching your favorite football team.  To connect these two dots, we must first trace back the roots of the GP and how his existence came about.  [...]

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