Football Articles
Cushing, Matthews Jr: These Aren’t The Roids You’re Looking For
Posted by Scipio Tex on April 3rd, 2009 under Football
Cushing’s father is unavailable for comment and also incapable of wiping his own ass without toilet paper stapled to a stick
I am deeply shocked that Brian Cushing and Clay Matthews Jr allegedly tested positive for steroids. So are the guys at Steroid Nation who pointed out Cushing’s (alleged!) prominent gynecomastia some time ago.
Of course, I also wrote this two months ago:
USC has four linebackers that will go in the first two rounds of the draft and we get a quality LB every five years. Maybe there’s something to having a real LB coach who knows how to teach and evaluate the position. Also, HGH is fuckin’ awesome
Brian Cushing raises some Bobby Carpenter questions. You know he’s using and if he stops you’ve drafted a bust. If he’s smart enough to alter his chemistry with undetectables, then you’ve got a super-physical and multifaceted LB who will give you ten years – and an occasional murdered prostitute..
Cushing’s mother is also outraged at these unfounded accusations
I’d like to read Pete Caroll’s Twitter on this. I anticipate only nine exclamation points at the end of each of his 13 year old girly stylings – to demonstrate solemnity and regret.
So far, the Trojan blogging community is like a syringe filled with silence.
C’mon guys. You knew. We knew. Have fun with it. (Allegedly)
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Facebook User said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:21 am
From Phil Mickelson to Charlie Atlas.
HenryJames said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:35 am
Half the guys on Hot Chicks With Douchebags look like Cushing.
You’re telling me that a guy from New Jersey uses steroids? I don’t believe in nothin’ any more, man.
Texas State Teke said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:38 am
Brian Cushing seems like a pretty cool dude to me, bro.
Capt. Insano said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:38 am
Shocking. I don’t believe it.
jc25 said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:42 am
Ray Maualuga was too busy checking out Erin Andrews to be bothered with that HGH stuff.
Dunstan Pearl said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:48 am
Cushing looks shockingly like Napoleon Dynamite in that left pic.
Phil Mickelson said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:51 am
I resent that, Mr. Ripley: I’ve always worn modesty shields.
Facebook User said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:56 am
Love that the Google Ad is Human Growth Hormone and USC Football Tickets.
HenryJames said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:58 am
And Fossil. The only dude I know who wears a Fossil watch is Doperbo. Traded in his Swatch like a year ago.
Andy Katzenmoyer said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:05 am
DUDE!!! It’s just protein powder and fish oil. No roids. I SWEAR!!!!
Mangino said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:06 am
“Cushing’s father is unavailable for comment and also incapable of wiping his own ass without toilet paper stapled to a stick”
Thank you Mr Scipio, thank you! Finally I can combat the stink-ass that has ravaged my nether regions…
SausageFest said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:43 am
Cushing REEKS of steroid abuse. Remember a few years ago when one (or both) of the Ting brothers (they of the illustrious “I’m going to bat down the painfully obvious chance at a game-preserving interception in the MNC game”) were popped for using? Believe one of them quit the team because of it. Irony: the small asian cornerback gets popped and dropped, but Captain Lactation is beyond reproach by the USC fanbase. Ninja please…
Ricky said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:51 am
ESPN still has Raji’s drug test failure up on their main NFL news after almost a week but even though this has been out there for 2 days there is nothing about it anywhere on the ‘Worldwide Leader of Sports’.
SausageFest said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:53 am
BTW, if I’m not mistaken, that photo of “Papa Cushing” looking to be in full off-contest shape would be the German Gigantor, Marcus Ruhl. He’s probably sitting at close to 380 there, since the dude competes at around 300 shredded. Ricockulous.
misterloki said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 11:58 am
I love that the lead story on TrojanWire is “Linebackers impress at Pro Day.”
Mister Mike said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 1:08 pm
“ESPN still has Raji’s drug test failure up on their main NFL news after almost a week but even though this has been out there for 2 days there is nothing about it anywhere on the ‘Worldwide Leader of Sports.”
Joe McKnight approves this message, and thanks you for your time.
the Bobs said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
re: I love that the lead story on TrojanWire is “Linebackers impress at Pro Day.”
love the second comment on that one:
Like I told them. Roid up in college. Clean up with the pros. Literally.
Posted by: Bobby Carpenter at April 3, 2009 02:06 PM
Cut Hollwood pay by 85 % said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
He looks like Steve Wentz!! I like “Fall Out Boy”-but this is ridiculous!
exuLt said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
“…also incapable of wiping his own ass without toilet paper stapled to a stick.”
Yo! Who needs that trailorpark contraption when you can have a bidet? Wintertime gets a little tedious, tho.
No Continental Breakfast said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
I love fossil watches.
Inchworms & centipedes said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Scipio, can’t stop laughing, and yet, somehow, its all so sad…I need a drink…where’s President Bush when you need him!
Black Scholes said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
‘Ninja please …’
Nice.
Scipio Tex said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Carroll says it is all B.S.
'cept death 'n taxes said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Can you imagine the horrific consequences that will have on their offspring if they decide to have children down the road. They’ll end up with some kind of multiple birth abnormalities since steroids have an adverse effect on the testicles(i.e.sperm production). Not a good idea, no matter what. “Our love is in jeopardy”…
bRING YOUR OWN TOILETRIES said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
12 toes, 3 arms and 4 feet; as a licensed prosthetic limb salesman, there is nothing inherently wrong with having a few spare parts. Actually, it makes good business sense!!
hardhorn said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Where are Orakpo’s before and after shots?
hot wire said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Easiest way to test for ‘roid use is to do the sac size test. Don’t know if it is constitutional or not, but there is probably one more reason why it is not a measureable the NFL chooses to quantify. If the combines included the sac size test, along with the vertical, shuttles, and etc., it is easy to imagine that 75% of the draft would go up in smoke. Picture 300lb men walking around with 5th grader sized testes. One need not have a Phd. or test tubes to detect this outlandish lack of symmetry and proportions. What more of a test does anyone need if one is serious about detecting ‘roid use? Just get’em to drop their tighty whiteys. And if they end up having the look of a neutered dog down there, then they probably went to OU or USC.
justaguy said:
April 3rd, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Are we sure that first picture isn’t Gene Gene the Coke Machine Chilton?
conspiracy theorist said:
April 4th, 2009 at 10:31 am
ESPN sure does act shady when it comes to USC.
It was yahoo who broke this ‘roid story. and it was yahoo who broke the Reggie Bush “free house and payoffs to the family” story. Yet in both cases ESPN ignored it as much as possible, and even swept it under the rug.
When Mark Sanchez raped a girl 3 years ago, there was zero pub about it on ESPN. If fact, whenever they do their mock drafts and discuss player intangebles like “character,” they *praise* Sanchez for his, conveniently forgetting how he victimizes women.
Compare to Calhoun and the recruiting violations. ESPN was on him like stink on shit. No program gets a bigger pass than USC.
Something dirty is going on
Scipio Tex said:
April 4th, 2009 at 10:37 am
theorist:
I don’t know about the Sanchez stuff. Obviously, I remember the allegation, but it was later proven to be baseless. If you have some supporting documentation to show that there was a whitewash, bring it on. Otherwise, pretty weak.
As for Bush, there’s no question that situation was about dirty and corrupt as it gets.
PatronSaint said:
April 5th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Wouldn’t it be bigger news if a Jersey douche didn’t use roids?
Bornahorn said:
April 5th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
I heard Kiper on the radio yesterday talking about the draft and there was absolutely no discussion about the USC linebackers being on ‘roids. They had three going in the first round and another in the second.
They did mention, however, two kids who tested positive for grass. They did not go to USC.
Tobias Funke said:
May 1st, 2009 at 5:12 am
I’m not sure what Cushing eats but I understand that he feeds his dog table scraps
http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic-art/100077/10548/Belgian-Blue-bull