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The Duke Shopping List

Posted by The General on March 20th, 2009 under Basketball, Uncategorized

If you want a preview from a guy who know’s the players names and shit, Trip’s Right breaks down the Dookie’s so thoroughly that you can’t even find pieces of them in his stool. If you are in to sifting blogger feces, not that there is anything wrong with that. (Author’s note: Look at my vocabulary. It is enormous. Three sentences and four different crap references. Print this out and read it on the can. It’ll help you poo.)

The General’s Keys to the Game
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us No Not That One

You think Patton is saying, “Token, take that hill. NOW, SON, NOW!”

Yeah, me neither.

1) Rebounding. We have to own the boards. We need offensive boards to create offense. We need defensive boards to limit Duke’s possession’s because they will probably turn us over. Damian James and Dexter Pittman need to own this. We have a ginormous advantage in the interior. It is bad when you don’t take advantage of your, uhhh . . . advantages. Ok, moving on.

2) AJ needs to be good AJ not bad AJ. I hope the rims remain kind.

3) We need to keep Dexter on the floor. This is going to be hard. My biggest fear is that Duke pulls Thomas and goes small early to make Dexter guard on the outside and punish him in an up and down game. That is what I would do.

4) How the officials call the flop is going to make a big difference in this one. The crew we had for Minnesota seemed to call only moving screens (I guess the Big 12 didn’t get the points of emphasis memo this year) and bad charging calls. This could be an issue. Rick needs to be in the zebra’s ear early on this one.

5) We need to try the big lineup (Atchley, James, Pittman) and post up Damian on Gerald Henderson. We should score or put a foul on Duke’s best player in that scenario.

6) It would be nice if the conference play film was unavailable for Duke like it was unavailable for Minnesota.

Tubby: “Ricky, dude, why aren’t there any games from January on, plus no Michigan State film? That is not cool man”
Rick: “Fucking Ogden. He probably tried to roll it up and smoke it again. I don’t know what I am going to do with that goon. I’ll overnight it to you on Monday. How’s your wife?”
Tubby: “The games on Thursday, ass.”
Rick: “Great. See ya then. Gotta go. Real busy. Bye. Click.

7) I think we get 15-20 out of Dexter, Damian, and AJ. It’s not enough. Provided we get what we have been getting from the Doge Ward hybrid point guard, we need numbers from Justin Mason or Connor Atchley. I am counting on zero from Gary Johnson.

8 ) Texas needs to be physical. I mean dirty. John Stockton knee to the jewel’s dirty. ACC private school kids hate that.

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Olivia Newton John knows what to to. Let’s hope the Horns do to.

Thoughts?

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18 Responses

  1. Bobby Hurley said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    I think my brother is a douche for going to Seton Hall.

    The thing that scares me about this game is that the scouting reports are so apparent.

    It scares me more than showering with Mitch Richmond.

  2. Taymon Domzalski said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    Who wants to sex Domzalski?

  3. Joey Beard said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    I agree with point number 4. I was a McDonald’s all american based on my ability to flop.

  4. Will Avery said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:09 pm

    I was AJ Abrams when AJ Abrams wasn’t cool.

  5. I have marvelous hair.

  6. Chris Carrawell said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    I was a better shooter than Dogus Balbay. If I was playing your number 1 point wouldn’t matter.

  7. Mike Chappell said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    You were always coach K’s favorite. It’s why you played and why I transferred.

  8. Brian Davis said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    Christian, it is fabulous.

  9. Chris Burgess said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    Physical…pffft.

  10. Billy McCaffrey said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    Your lockerroom is gayer than a gladiator movie. That’s why I transferred.

  11. Cherokee Parks said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    Puff puff give bro.

  12. Corey Maggette said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Slap the flo? Slap my ass you crazy crackers!

  13. Sheldon Williams Forehead said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    Go big or go home.

  14. I really wanted to embed the Let’s Get Physical video but youtub hates me. It is one of the top 4 worst video’s to watch for straight dudes ever.

  15. Alla Abdulnabi said:

    March 20th, 2009 at 11:55 pm

    Fatwa!!

  16. [...] The Duke Shopping List [...]

  17. Hey, when am I eligible for NBA free agency again?

  18. Trajan Langdon said:

    March 21st, 2009 at 8:52 am

    I’m from Alaska. Isn’t that weird?

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