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Posted by Guest Columnist on March 1st, 2009 under Football
Vasherized spent some time watching the lads and filed this report. – SR
I arrived at the first spring practice today a little late because I got sucked into an infomercial on Time Warner Cable by some guy named “Mad Dog” promising me I could bench 550 within 14 days. I bought it. After a few minutes strolling around Denius Fields, I realized that half of our two deep bought it as well.
There are a few certain truths oft repeated after the first open practice that give some hope of an imminent national championship merely from viewing young men wearing shorts and helmets. But they’re also wrong so they won’t be repeated here.
And we could very well win every game in 2009 — our schedule certainly opens itself to that possibility. But nothing one can glean from a spring practice is a reliable barometer of our projected success next season. In fact most of the things you’ll overhear could also be heard at a NAMBLA conference. Or on Sailor Ripley’s Twitter feed:
“Chiles’ calves look better then ever. He’s clearly taking the move to wide receiver seriously.”
“Alex Okafor looks like a man … the man I always wanted to be.”
“David Snow looks like a Siberian grave digger.”
(Actually, that one was from my notes. And I just learned about another David Snow … he was an infamous serial killer. See where I’m going with this, McWhorter?)
In reality, the first spring practice is only good for a few things: leaving work early, hitting on players’ girlfriends as a pseudo-deathwish to instill new meaning in your life, confirming Sergio Kindle and Colt McCoy are indeed still enrolled at UT, and handing out fake depth charts to Rivals interns. Love those guys!
A few things I was able to glean from watching the guys run around in what was a pretty lackluster practice on an 88-degree day in late February:
Naturally, David Snow lined up with the second team OL and gave Muschamp heartburn for much of the afternoon. Conversely, our second team interior DL will give you Tourrette’s. Let’s hope Kheeston Randall and Lamarr Houston can play every snap this year. Wilcoxon needs to put on another 20 lbs and he already looks maxed out physically. Alexander looked … round. We needed Jarvis Humphrey to play right away but it looks like he’s sidelined indefinitely.
DeSean Hales is a fast motherfucker but DeSean Jackson he ain’t. Not yet anyway. He caught a great deep ball that would have been overthrown had any other wide receiver been running the route. Then he dropped a few easy ones and ran some lazy routes. Sometimes I get the feeling Bobby Kennedy wants our receivers to solve Fermat’s Last Theorem before learning to run a simple post route. I like the Crabtree approach: “When I look up I just see footballs”. And coke dealers. And pirate ships. And Dedfischer’s briefcases full of cash …
Dan Buckner looks a lot better having spent a year in the “EXPLSV PWR(!) Strength & Conditioning Program”. He came to UT a big, soft body and is well on his way to benching the mythical 550. He lacks an explosive first step but he’s physical, uses his body well and seems to want the ball more than the DB. Ya feelin me, Montre?
If Malcolm Williams doesn’t end up All-Big 12 come early December then something is really fucking wrong with our economy. Bernanke needs to hang. It’s the only feasible excuse. Not only is Malcolm a physical freak in the Roy Williams mold, he actually seems to give a shit. In both 7-on-7’s and 11-on-11’s he ran crisp routes with a purpose, caught everything thrown his way and made our two best DB’s look downright absent on post routes from each side of the field within a five-minute span. Chykie and Aaron Williams each had great coverage both times but Colt put the ball on the money and Malcolm used his body to shield the ball and exploded out of the catch. Rinse and repeat.
Kirkendoll and Collins also looked great: sharp routes, quick feet, great hands, and just enough speed to cause problems. Chiles has some work to do and I’m not sure he’ll ever be a factor at WR but he’s got a good first step off the line. Don’t expect him to pile up YAC. He’s got thick Sergio legs yet Deon Beasley can tackle him just by thinking of tackling him. No pinky required. Chiles might look back at his time on the 40 Acres with regret but give him some credit for sticking it out. At the very least he can make the catch and get out of bounds with a ten-yard cushion from any tackler a la Terrelle Pryor.
Fozzy Whitaker looked great flaring of the backfield in the passing game. So did Tre Newton. Both guys can get upfield in a hurry. Vondrell had some quick runs inside but without tackling its hard to say if he makes it past the LOS. Hills has great feet and pretty good speed. Cody Johnson is handcuffed in our offensive scheme but wields his chicken-fried frame as a weapon. Would be tacklers slide off him and happily lie on their backs while licking greasy fingers as Cody strolls into the endzone. For all the talk from the staff about wanting a downhill running attack, the Song Remains the Same — shotgun zone read.
We’re in serious trouble if Colt goes down to injury. For all the talk about Chiles never being a QB, Sherrod Harris has been spared of the scrutiny by virtue of being buried on the depth chart. Beasley pulled down the easiest pick of his career on an underthrown Harris duck ball to the short corner of the endzone that got tagged by a 12 gauge at the 10 yard line. An SUV with a Lake Travis Football sticker was seen peeling off down Manor Rd. Muschamp had some words of praise for #7. It’s been a while, eh Deon? (Don’t let Scipio get you down. Many an undersized DB lay in his wake … you can make up for it with INTs for TDs for Bitches.)
Everything you’ve read so far has been a wandering preamble to the introduction of Alex Okafor. If this dude doesn’t look like an instant just-add-water Freshman All-American then you might as well hire Bill Little for your next guest column. He’d tell you of how tonight’s near collision of Venus and the waxing crescent moon colluded to provide a fitting backdrop for the inauguration of the next pass-rushing phenom from the University of Texas. And he’d be right. On one play in 7-on-7s, Okafor left DJ Grant wishing he was running Spring track at Austin High. I don’t even know if he ran track or went to Austin High. And that’s the conundrum of spring practice: for every great play there’s a potential indictment.
We’re in real trouble at TE if Blaine Irby can’t go. Ahmard Howard looks the part and got some reps with the first team but the next play he makes in a Longhorn uniform will also be his first. Complete unknown but hopefully he can at least block. E. Acho lined up in the Buck position at one point and ran through TE Ian Harris like Patrick Swayze in Ghost. Incidentally, both of the Acho’s looked to be in fantastic physical form. Muschamp knows what he has in those brothers and will extract their raw talent with the precision of a Nazi chemist and manifest it in the form of sacks, TFLs, batted balls, and QB pressures.
For now, we can be content with the fact that guys Kheeston Randall, Jared Norton, and Emmanuel Acho looked to be in amazing shape and ready for the pads to come on. Russell Carter looks ready to explode. We are loaded at DE, even with Eddie Jones in a protective boot honing his sideline comedy skit. Chykie Brown and Aaron Williams look like All-American lockdown corners with NFL backpedals and hip turns. Earl Thomas has a bloodhound’s nose for the ball and maintains total disregard for his body. Will Muschamp is our Defensive Coordinator.
And we now have something semi-tangible to talk about other than the and/ors/ifs/buts/can I haz? on the depth chart.
As I left the practice fields and made quick progress towards the Crown & Anchor to steep my practice thoughts in Black Butte Porter(s), I realized we’re pretty lucky. I could have been at the Dixie Chicken drinking Bud Light trying to figure out why the first practice of the Shermanator’s second season felt like an open casket funeral.
SlickStreet said:
March 1st, 2009 at 1:06 pm
nicely done
Newy25 said:
March 1st, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Thinking back to 2005 – there was a serious concern that our lack of a proven RB or WR might cost us a national title. We essentially had to count on a true freshman in Jamaal Charles and the unproven Sweed along with 39 year old ex baseball player Quan Cosby.
I’m starting to think this might be a lot like 2005 in that regard. Some freshman or redshirt freshman will play well enough at our positions of need and Colt, the receivers and a much improved defense will get us to the Rose Bowl.
Maybe that is a little too optimistic.
Scipio Tex said:
March 1st, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Thanks, Vasherized.
TaylorTRoom said:
March 1st, 2009 at 1:39 pm
This is not as pessimistic as I was last year. I had little faith in Colt, thought we were doomed with all the freshmen DBs, and couldn’t find the playmakers the Davis offense needs. I was wrong about Colt, Muschamp worked miracles, and the team was resilient enough to drive the field in chunks time and time again.
I’m an optimist this year.
Agent Starling said:
March 1st, 2009 at 1:41 pm
“And I just learned about another David Snow … he was an infamous serial killer. See where I’m going with this, McWhorter?)”
As long as he doesn’t dance around the locker room in drag demonstrating his interpretation of the “tuck rule”, I’m fine with David Snow/serial killer..
Rick James said:
March 1st, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Black Butte Porter is a hell of a beer
I hear Miguel McKay has finally solved his sleep apnea and is expected to compete for one of the starting slots at DT this year.
NateHeupel said:
March 1st, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Side Note:
For those of you who haven’t heard already, Corey Wilson (Carrollton WR at OU) was in a rollover car accident on I35 last Friday night. The word across the board is not good: broken neck, severed spine, and permanent paralysis.
RansomStoddard said:
March 1st, 2009 at 2:21 pm
David Snow will play in the NFL unless Fatdog screws him up. If I were Snow, I would run from Fatdog like investors from the market.
Prayers for Corey Wilson and his family.
Agent Starling said:
March 1st, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Nate,
Saw that in the DMN this morning. He’s kind of a local kid for me and our thoughts and prayers are with Corey and his family..
Vasherized said:
March 1st, 2009 at 2:40 pm
I realize the Barking Carnival edict for Guest Columns is Infotainment Purposes Only but I did actually pay attention to some OL, DL, and secondary formations in the case that those things are useful to anyone.
Curtis Brown and Christian Scott both got a lot of reps in the starting nickel formation with Earl Thomas up front at Rover behind Muck with Acho playing on the edge. I particularly like this lineup because it has speed in the middle and on the edges. A thinned down Norton should also so a lot more PT this year on passing downs.
Tariq Allen is a nice looking prospect but I can’t see him or Roberson for that matter playing much outside, depth chart be-damned.
Fire away if anyone has particular questions about a certain player or position and I’ll tell you how great he did or didn’t look in shirts and shorts.
Not a lot to go on yet but I realize even a cell phone pic of Ashcraft’s Dibbles-esque shelf is enough to satiate those lampooned outside of Texas.
Beeman said:
March 1st, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Good to hear our Oregon beers have penetrated Austin. Maybe Clint Chapman grabbed those instead of his game when he headed down.
bigdukesix said:
March 1st, 2009 at 4:07 pm
That was a seriously infotaining post. I say sign this Vasherized guy up.
I’ve always been more of a Sierra Nevada Porter kinda guy myself.
Railroader said:
March 1st, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Black Butt Porter?
glenn said:
March 1st, 2009 at 5:02 pm
talk about marcus davis, please. how did he look?
Vasherized said:
March 1st, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Davis looks great physically. He lined up at strong safety mostly for the second team and seemed to instinctively know when to lose contain and break off for run support. He really wasn’t tested much in the passing game and there was no live tackling but #23 looks worth of PT this year. Christian Scott really stood out physically more than any other DB. We know what we have with Chykie and Aaron Williams at corner and its a nice upgrade from what we trotted out there last year.
glenn said:
March 1st, 2009 at 6:25 pm
second team. that’s interesting. the left/right safety terminology has me confused. was he backing up earl or blake?
thanks for the response and thanks for the initial report. much appreciated.
beowulf said:
March 1st, 2009 at 6:56 pm
That was really superb. And entertaining.
Nicely done.
keenan robinson said:
March 1st, 2009 at 7:43 pm
How did I look in my shorts?
glenn said:
March 1st, 2009 at 7:49 pm
you looked great in your longs on saturday, keenan.
BatesHorn said:
March 1st, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Strong, Vasherized. And it made me want a beer.
Dave said:
March 1st, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Okafor will shatter Orakpo’s school record for most held pass rusher.
PatronSaint said:
March 2nd, 2009 at 6:15 am
I note that there is no commentary on a certain white DB. Is he on the BarkingCarnival do-not-mention-and-perhaps-he’ll-just-disappear list?
Vasherized said:
March 2nd, 2009 at 7:09 am
Nolan Brewster was everywhere. An obvious cross between Ed Reed and John Lynch.
Ag_in_TX said:
March 2nd, 2009 at 9:10 am
El Pollo does have Shiner.
Just sayin’…
Bigot said:
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:08 am
Are there any serial killers that aren’t infamous?
Vasherized said:
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:43 am
Yes. The ones that haven’t been caught yet.
Anything you would like to share with the board, Bigot?
Just give Sailor Ripley the GPS location of the bodies and he’ll take it from there…it wouldn’t be the first time Barking Carnival snared a criminal.
The site was actually launched from prison.
Henry Lee's Dead Eye said:
March 2nd, 2009 at 1:36 pm
“The site was actually launched from prison”
Ah yes, I remember it as Barking Carnal..
t1climb1 said:
March 2nd, 2009 at 1:58 pm
“The site was actually launched from prison”
Ah yes, I remember it as Barking Carnal..
Pay the man Shirley.
Rick James said:
March 2nd, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Glad to see this Vasherized.
Those columns from JoeWalkerized really sucked.