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Come, to Tebow….

Posted by Doperbo on January 9th, 2009 under Football

Thinking of traveling this winter, taking a vacation with friends and family? We’d like to take this opportunity to invite you to make the trip of a lifetime. You know you’ve been thinking about it. It’s time to take that trip you’ve always wanted, but have never found the time. Do it now, while you still can. Come, to Tebow.

Come to Tebow!

tim

Come, to Tebow….

Just listen to these testimonials from others and see if you think Tebow! is the right decision for you:

    Stacy Nix., New Jersey: I rode in the elevator with Tebow! several years ago and it cured my plantar fasciitis.
    George Chomsky, Florida: I see this big fella comin’ up the road, devils and angels all swirling about his head, I knew right then it was this Tebow! fella they talk about, bought some gas and a Skor bar, then just left. He touched my hand. I’ll never forget it.

Come, to Tebow!

    Thom Brennaman: Spending just a few minutes with Tebow! will change your life!

    Charles Davis: He has this aura, this… ability to… to… to make you completely forget about second down, or something. I don’t know, it’s hard to describe.

    Jason Hawes, TAPS: We have reason to suspect that a person or persons of a paranormal persuasion are using Tebow! to communicate with us- listen to this recording of him in the john….frooooooooossghhhhhhh…. Hear that? Yeah. Eerie.

    Batoon Bacayay: AAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! HE CUTTED MY WANG!

See folks. Powerful stuff.

Come, to Tebow!

What we here at Barking Carnival are offering is a once in a lifetime chance, the chance for you and one of our staff members to get within several feet of Tebow! for a few seconds, depending on traffic/weather conditions and his personal vigilance at the time. All purchases are fully refundable if not satisfied, conditions may require spending hours with scally and advanced surveillance equipment in an unmarked van.

Please, don’t pass up this opportunity to change your life. Come, to Tebow.

Before it’s too late.

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27 Responses

  1. Bartoncreek said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 11:27 am

    I’m pretty sure that Brennaman had more than a few cum to Tebow moments last night.

  2. Scipio Tex said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 11:32 am

    Hilarious.

    Batoon Bacayay: AAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! HE CUTTED MY WANG!

  3. mr. sunshine said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 11:33 am

    Its true, folks. I had a callus on my heel that I just touched to my TV screen last night. I’ve still got the callus but now it looks like Jesus.

  4. Texas_Dawg said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Thom Brennaman (voice of Big 10 Network football, fittingly) figured it might be his only Tebow game ever so he let it all go. It’s the 21st Century. He’s not ashamed of being who he is.

  5. TXinDC said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 11:57 am

    The Power of Tebow compelled me last night to start speaking in tongues.

    That, and the half a handle of Beam that I imbibed.

  6. Steve Nebraska said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    When Tebow said “I just told God that I wasn’t gonna let him down,” I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

  7. ponderos said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    From Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel. This is not tongue in cheek, either:

    The fourth-best quarterback in the Big 12?

    More like the greatest college football player in history.

    There has been a plethora of anti-Tebow venom being spewed throughout the airwaves and message boards this week. Ridiculous stuff. The fact is, if you hate Tebow, you hate humanity. You hate yourself because he makes you feel guilty.

    I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

  8. nee said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    Couldn’t Father Tim come up with a more original bible verse than one that was made widely known by an insane man who wore a rainbow wig? Come one, I know John 3:16 and I go to church twice a year. Its like saying you’re a huge Led Zeppelin fan and saying “that one from the Cadillac commercial” is their best song.

  9. nee said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Couldn’t Father Tim come up with a more original bible verse than one that was made widely known by an insane man who wore a rainbow wig? Come one, I know John 3:16 and I go to church twice a year. Its like saying you’re a huge Led Zeppelin fan and “that one from the Cadillac commercial” is your favorite song.

  10. Sasha_Is_A_Longhorn_Dog said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    “When Tebow said “I just told God that I wasn’t gonna let him down,” I threw up in my mouth a little bit.”

    Did Tebow really say that about a football game? And what would he have said if Florida had been playing Texas? Colt is a strong Christian as well. Wouldn’t that imply that Colt somehow let God down?

    I have a lot of respect for Tebow, but the media love affair with him is getting beyond ridiculous.

  11. Willacy Chick said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    I just threw my promise ring into the Gulf of Mexico.

  12. Texas_Dawg said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    The fact is, if you hate Tebow, you hate humanity. You hate yourself because he makes you feel guilty.

    Like I say… at least Texas fans haven’t had to deal directly with 3 years of this coming from an arch-rival.

    The guy was fonking 9-4 before he had a defense… but facts like this quit mattering a long, long time ago. Sigh.

  13. Groundhog Day said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    nice post, Ponderos. Tebow is not even the best player on his team and certainly not the best player of the last 10 years. I’ll take Vince and media can have Tebow and our team will win every time. Hell, I still think McFadden should have won the heisman last year.

  14. ponderos said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    Groundhog. Does any of us here really think that Tebow’s not the third or fourth best QB this year in the Big 12 SOUTH? Hell, he might be behind unibrow Zac Robinson.

  15. Sports Jesus said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    Note to Planet Earth: Please keep Tebow…

  16. DJ said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    When the announcer said they had talked to Tebow’s father, I wondered if they did it through Pat Robertson.

  17. Thom Brennaman said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    Inspired by the events of last night, I went out and circumcised about 35 people last night. It didn’t matter if they were already circumcised, or if they were women, I did it.

    Now I sit in a jail cell talking to a guy with a strangely calm voice asking if I realize what I did was wrong. He is so small in the world. Forgive him, he knows not what he does.

    Though I am surrounded by men with mesmerizing tattoos and rippling muscles and lecherous miens, I am not afeared. I am strong in my faith. I will be saved.

  18. CrazyJoeDavola said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 4:30 pm

    Personally, I’d like someone to explain what Tebow did this year that Colt McCoy didn’t do, but better.

    It’s going to be a real goddamn shame next year if Tebow waltzes to another Heisman with McCoy outperforming – or at least matching – him in both stats and wins over a career.

    But it won’t be anything new for Horn fans. Texas has got to be the most disrespected highly respected team in the universe right now.

    We’ve already beaten the best team in the history of the game. I guess we’ll just have to see if we can get a chance to beat the best human being to ever walk the planet next year.

  19. DJ said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    How about the fact that the “greatest player to ever play the game” finished third in the Heisman voting this year? If everyone in the media thought he was so great, why didn’t he win? Much like Vince, I think he outperformed the Heisman winner and made his case that he deserved it more than Bradford. One problem: I don’t think he proved that he deserved it more than Colt.

  20. Bookman said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    Scouts Inc. Source: Tebow won’t be heading to USC, because he’s a damned idiot.

    Updated 12/13/05

  21. lowery said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    I guess I’m the only one who thought this was going to be Bevis and Butthead satire.

  22. t1climb1 said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    I guess I’m the only one who thought this was going to be Bevis and Butthead satire.

    Me too.

    http://www.fortunecity.com/lavender/loxwood/38/bb-come.wav

  23. Doperbo said:

    January 9th, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    I’d be lying if I said “come… to Butthead” wasn’t filtering through on some level when I wrote it. If it didn’t translate well that’s my fault. Of course so was the “Come, to Scott!” sketch from the gay guy on Kids in the Hall.

    I think they both work on a fundamental level.

  24. Facebook User said:

    January 10th, 2009 at 12:03 am

  25. Doperbo said:

    January 10th, 2009 at 9:13 am

    oh my

  26. Minnesotahorn said:

    January 10th, 2009 at 10:06 am

    Not having participated in the making of that video will be an eternal stain on my soul.

  27. RansomStoddard said:

    January 19th, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    Nice incomprehensible post there, D. Good work.

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