Football Articles
Mike The (Siberian) Tiger
Posted by Scipio Tex on December 11th, 2008 under Football
I love Bevo. He is the 4th best mascot in all of college football, but there are stronger choices.
My top 5 are:
5. Uga The Bulldog (Georgia)
4. Bevo The Longhorn (Texas)
3. Ralphie The Buffalo (Colorado)
2. Moishe The Clever Patent Attorney (Yeshiva)
However, whatever you think of LSU: its rampant cheating, general air of decadence, and paucity of students capable of four digits on the SAT, they know how to have a good time and they’ve got one badass mascot: behold – Mike The Tiger.
Apparently, it snowed three inches in Baton Rouge yesterday.
Some interesting facts:
- This is Mike VI
- He’s still a young sub-adult. When he’s full grown, he’ll go about 600 pounds
- His penis would make an excellent virility potion
- The likelihood of him mauling a drunken Cajun who tries to sprint across his enclosure on a dare from friends is around 87%
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53 Veer Pass said:
December 11th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Ralphie over Bevo?
Scipio Tex said:
December 11th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Yes. Ralphie over Bevo. No question. Ralphie is more dynamic and there’s always a chance he’ll get loose during his run and wreak havoc.
ChrisApplewhite said:
December 11th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Imagine how good he’d be if those wranglers didn’t hold him every play.
Texoz said:
December 11th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
I see your Siberian Tiger Mike and raise you Sammy the Santa Cruz banana slug.
Chooky said:
December 11th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
The Syracuse orange-thing-guy is either kind of cool or the scariest fucking thing to ever meet in a deadpan stare through a window.
Chooky said:
December 11th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
holy f’n shit!
Horn in Tyler said:
December 11th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Which college has “FUPA” as its mascot?
Show Horn said:
December 11th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I never have understood why we don’t run Bevo across the field….that would be cool to run him down the opponents side line and watch Bevo “hook” the bad guys!
lawdog13 said:
December 11th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
The best separated at birth ever, Chooky.
wut. said:
December 11th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
I’m convinced that the only reason Uga makes these sorts of lists is that he makes all the other similar lists the author reads. I don’t how he made the first list – I assume it was written by a Georgia grad. Can anyone name one cool thing about him?
Scipio Tex said:
December 11th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Quality work, Chooky. Eerie.
Scipio Tex said:
December 11th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
wut:
Explain to me what is not excellent about a wheezing bulldog who reclines on ice packs during games and who once tried to bite a Tennessee WR’s nuts? The fans even have a cheer for him: “Damn Good Dog!” The sight of any short muzzled dog in a spiked collar and college affiliated sweater is pleasing to any heterosexual male. This is not debatable.
Seriously, what are you, a fucking cat lover?
Chooky said:
December 12th, 2008 at 12:01 am
Horn in Tyler said:
December 12th, 2008 at 4:19 am
I think that Bevo should be ranked above Ralphie for the sole reason that Ralphie has never (to my knowledge) taken a dump in the end zone on the winning team’s name while in the process of losing a Big XII Championship game. Sat in the end zone in the Alamodome and saw Bevo lay patties all over “Nebraska”.
srr50 said:
December 12th, 2008 at 6:56 am
If Lloyd Carr had played his teams mascot, he’d still have a job.
RolloTamasi said:
December 12th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Horn in Tyler makes a strong case. Are we sure Ralphie beats Bevo? I’ll concede it’s at least close.
SeeingRed said:
December 12th, 2008 at 7:13 am
FYI, UGA has also nipped at the Tennessee hound Rocky Top on Gameday, then turned around & farted in his face. He also nipped an Auburn receiver and a Mississippi state patrolman. The big scary mascots MIGHT wreak havoc. UGA comes through again & again.
Screw some drugged up tiger – UGA is #1.
Hippie Killer said:
December 12th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Fucking hilarious thread.
UGA is a great mascot. Ralphie would make an excellent burger.
Huckleberry said:
December 12th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Wait a damn second. Scipio uses a Mac?
Horncasting said:
December 12th, 2008 at 8:07 am
An english bulldog and a tiger have absolutely nothing to do with Georgia or Louisiana (unless you count the one in the cage at the gas station on I-10 just over the border).
The longhorn is one of the iconic symbols of the State of Texas. Sorry, it’s not even close.
Clearly you’ve never seen Bevo’s, I’ve Got My Game On, music video, which pushes him ahead of Ralphie.
RolloTamasi said:
December 12th, 2008 at 8:29 am
That’s false. “I’ve got my game on” isn’t even close to Ralphie’s run. His historic dump on Nebraska and likely dominance in a deathmatch with another mascot along with his iconic visage comprise the bulk of his case for no. 1.
Pacific Life Whale said:
December 12th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Ralphie is actually a she, like many of the majestic whales in our commercials!
Odd that there are so few sea creature mascots. Wouldn’t a giant salt water tank filled with sharks or barracudas in the end zone be impressive?
srr50 said:
December 12th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Wouldn’t a giant salt water tank filled with sharks or barracudas in the end zone be impressive
topo_gigio said:
December 12th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
that banana slug has been banned by the NCAA for illicit drug use.
Horn in Tyler said:
December 12th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Ralphie wouldn’t make for good eating because buffalo meat is too lean. For a good steak or even a good burger, you need fat, damn it!
Buzzard Lips said:
December 13th, 2008 at 5:35 am
The reason Ralphie should never be ranked ahead of BEVO is simply… he’s got a real horn and she doesn’t.
I’ve lived in Baton Rouge and while I love the Tiger, he lives in a double walled cage and NEVER SEES THE FIELD.
IMO, that eliminates him from even being called a mascot….
t1climb1 said:
December 13th, 2008 at 6:10 am
In keeping with the spirit of the holiday season I vote for this Ralphie!
t1climb1 said:
December 13th, 2008 at 6:11 am
All right, apparently I don’t know how to embed a video clip. I fail.
Scipio Tex said:
December 13th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Buzzard:
They bring Mike in a rolling cage to the field all of the time. Then they put a mic inside so that the crowd can hear him roaring.
Scipio Tex said:
December 13th, 2008 at 10:02 am
t1 – post the link and I’ll do it for you.
t1climb1 said:
December 13th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I thought you just had to paste the embed code from youtube.
Tommy said:
December 13th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
you guys are all forgetting about dartmouth’s keggy the keg
Scipio Tex said:
December 13th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
I wasn’t aware of Keggy. I must rethink EVERYTHING.
Gene Claude said:
December 16th, 2008 at 11:34 am
(1) Kudos to Scipio for rejecting blatant Texas homerism and recognizing Ralphie. Bevo is great, iconic, horned, blah blah. Ralphie is a fucking buffalo stampeding around a field. No contest.
(2) I believe Georgia was once a British penal colony, giving it a faint tie to an English Bulldog. Enough to justify the #5 ranking.
(3) Thank you for leaving the idiotic Auburn war eagle off the list. Any school can end up with a respectable mascot if you get to just keep adding animals until something works. This has to break some sort of universal karmic mascot doctrine.
Herbie Husker said:
December 16th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
“Any school can end up with a respectable mascot if you get to just keep adding animals until something works.”
This has never worked for me. And “War Corn” didn’t catch on as a rallying cry either.
Gene Claude said:
December 16th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Once at a Big 12 basketball tourney game, Herbie Husker performed some anatomically unpossible halftime dance that touched my drunken soul. I’ve felt an affinity for him ever since. You have my vote, Herbie.
Facebook User said:
December 16th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I think you are thinking of Lil Red.
Gene Claude said:
December 16th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Ah, crap. You are correct. Fuck Herbie, he sucks. Lil Red needs top billing in the Husker camp.
Nik said:
December 24th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
How can you vote Bevo behind Ralphie? I get the possibility of havoc wreakage argument but Bevo is on move pain killers and barbituates than Courtney Love at Chuck E Cheese on game day.
Imagine if the Wranglers let the largest mascot in college football run loose on nothing but pure instinct: Chaos is a word that comes to mind. Mike the Tiger is a great argument but come on, Scipio.