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OU/Missouri Postgame Thoughts

Posted by Scipio Tex on December 6th, 2008 under Football

The bomb with 4:00 minutes left in the game with OU holding a 34 point lead was class. Like David Niven in a linen suit. If coaching doesn’t work out for Stoops he should consider sommelier school.

Sam Bradford is a really good player, but he has dopey hair. So weigh that into your Heisman votes, science.

The thing I liked most about Missouri was their intensity.

Chase Daniel has successfully transformed his narrative from wrongfully scorned local boy done good to a classic case study on why you always allow the fiery gnomish intagible-laden fat boy suburban program creation to leave the state; in fact you pack his bags, give him a sandwich for his Southwest flight. The next big game he wins will be Thanksgiving touch football in a Dallas cul-de-sac.

I loved him in Rent though.

I honestly suspect Derrick Washington of having a major cocaine habit. Not since Chuck Muncie on a paint thinner binge have I seen a back so utterly removed from the action on the field. The weird halting strides; the strange lurching at tackler’s shoelaces; when he dove to the ground shrieking during the pre-game flyover. This was Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas in shoulder pads.

Not to beat a dead horse, but the hair, man. You can’t find a Pro-Cuts, Sam? Text John Parker Wilson for advice. That guy’s hair is just exquisite. He’s like a Bama Breck girl.

When Musberger and Herbstreit cheered on OU’s efforts to score 60+ by keeping in their starters until the bitter end, I was reminded that we live in a country where half of the populace believes that a zero down all interest three month ARM mortgage stacked with a home equity loan to lease a Land Rover and the use of a 24% APR credit card to flip time-shares in Reno is seen as laudable and ambitious.

Missouri WR Tommy Saunders, I saw you. You too Chase Coffman; you and your bunion toe. Your teammates had all but quit on the Thursday walk thru and the Mizzou defensive linemen were apparently told pregame that they had to count to seven Mississippi before mounting a pass rush, but you were both out there battling for every yard, blocking hard, and giving the effort guys with a shot at a championship should. Carry your heads high tonight.

Toby Keith was on the OU sideline. Wearing a camo jacket with NASCAR style wraparounds resting on his baseball cap. Sometimes reality is the best punchline.

___________________

Atomic Teeth has the postmortem from the Mizzou angle.

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38 Responses

  1. Dunstan Pearl said:

    December 6th, 2008 at 11:06 pm

    OU whips Florida in a walk. Cruelest. Season. Ever.

  2. DJ said:

    December 6th, 2008 at 11:10 pm

    I don’t think so. In a cruel twist of irony OU loses to Florida 45-35.

  3. the Bobs said:

    December 6th, 2008 at 11:23 pm

    well, in that case, are we sure it would count?

  4. Trips Right said:

    December 6th, 2008 at 11:27 pm

    Bradford’s throw into the endzone with 4 to play made me long for the days of Major Harris, Turner Gill, and the Outfield. “Josie’s on a vacation far away…”

  5. MarkW said:

    December 6th, 2008 at 11:35 pm

    I can see Stoops telling reporters “I still think we’re the better team”.

  6. Facebook User said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 12:29 am

    fuck bob stoops and his indian half breed quarterback

  7. anonymous said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 12:31 am

    After listening to the CBS crew fellate Tebow, and Musberger and Herbstreit cheer on the 60 and then act like the decision to keep scoring somehow proved how great OU was, I am wondering why I watch college football.

    This sport is becoming unbearable.

  8. Facebook User said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 12:34 am

    March Madness is just around the corner.

  9. scagnetti said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 1:03 am

    No caption needed for Ned “MU” Beatty…

    Gorgeous.

  10. longhornmatt said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 1:48 am

    Chase Daniel is perhaps the biggest frontrunner in the history of college football. Has he ever NOT completely shit the bed whenever Missouri has played against an athletic defense? Ty Detmer, Kliff Kingsbury, and Colt Brennan even shake their head at this guy.

  11. jr.Ewing.78 said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 3:12 am

    I thought Chase Daniel was supposed to be good? Tell me again why I was worried about that game back in August?

  12. saltshaker said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 4:16 am

    I’m not sure where the 60 point run ups truly place Stoops and OU. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. There is a very big reason no one has done it four games in a row….It’s called sportsmanship. To be proud of having an “all time college first” like that is the same as being proud that you spotted yourself with 10 personal fouls and still won for 4 games straight. Never been done.

    The only pleasure I derived from this whipping was the fact that indeed the Texas loss is well wedged under their skin and no amount of post Texas points will erradicated that.

    Stoop’s zeal to pile on points reminds me of a porn actress trying to set a single day gang bang record……some things are not records for reasons.

    Oklahomans are quite low on class and anyone who attends the Red River game, can tell you that OU fans are horrible losers, but even worse winners.

    I’m always amazed that even though they have owned Texas in Big 12 Titles, they still have this “short guy” Napoleon syndrome. They beat other teams and flash the horns down and hold up signs addressing Texas.

    They have a path to the National Title, but just can’t quite get the horns from under their skin….ever.

    It reminds me of the “Waterboy” when all Sandler did was see the coach that tormented him everytime he made a hit.

    No matter who Oklahoma plays, be it Tech, OK State, Missouri, or Florida……They are just trying to beat Texas.

    OU needs therapy to get over their daddy issues with Texas fast, because they are heading straight for the College Football equivalent of a stripper pole.

    Does somebody need a hug?

  13. hopefulhorn said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 5:34 am

    Word.

    When the self-esteem of a state depends on the performance of a college football team this is what you get.

  14. RansomStoddard said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 6:11 am

    I agree that the state of college football is sorry indeed. And, Missouri may be one of the worst division champions in history. What a wierd year.

  15. NM99 said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 6:27 am

    “worst division champions in history”

    I think that title goes to Virginia Tech.

  16. Bob Stoops said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 6:59 am

    Now THAT’S how you run up a score.

  17. Tigerfan said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 7:10 am

    I swear to God some of you Texas people are gonna cry. Grow up, man up, and move along you twits. It’s a game played by teenagers and you obsess on it as if your empty, pathetic lives are lived vicariously through…

    Oh, sorry. That probably hits a little close to home, which is still where Mom and Dad live, right boys?

  18. p said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 7:27 am

    sounds like somebody bruised their vagina……..

  19. Horn in Tyler said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 7:28 am

    The way the Tigers quit against an injury-riddled Kansas team last week, even the aggies would’ve blasted them last night. The game was over before it started.

    The Big XII North sucks.

  20. 53 Veer Pass said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 7:31 am

    …said a guy named Tigerfan

  21. Vasherized said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 7:48 am

    I was actually happy to watch one of my wife’s home design shows after that abomination of a football game and then it dawned on me:

    Sam Bradford has been living a double life as David Bromstad, the feverishly gay host from the show Color Splash. Are effete interior designers even Heisman eligible? Does this change our assumptions about the limitations of the uber gay athlete? Is half of Norman about to come out of the closet in South Beach?

    http://www.patrickperrine.com/.a/6a00d8341ca7ba53ef00e553c48e468834-800wi

  22. HornbyMarriage said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 8:22 am

    Vasherized,

    You apparently have a huge scoop on this thing. I can see the headlines now. “First Gay Heisman Winner”. Obviously his bad hair on game day is just his “Clark Kent” look.

  23. Nero said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 9:19 am

    Pat Forde’s article hypes up a possible Heisman winner matchup in the championship game with last year’s Tebow vs. (possibly) this year’s Bradford.

    And I think Colt is screwed because he didn’t play a game this weekend.

    Maybe it’s the Blackberry culture we live in, but attention spans are so short now, people don’t seem to acknowledge or remember anything that isn’t right in front of their faces.

    If I recall correctly, Ricky Williams won the Heisman in 1998 on a team that had THREE regular season losses and didn’t win its conference championship either.

    I don’t see voters ever thinking that critically about the Heisman again. Of course, Ricky was a freak so they didn’t have to think all that much.

  24. KilgoreTrout said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 9:38 am

    I think it is safe to say that Stoops won’t be scoring 60+ in the next game they play.

  25. J.R.69 said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 9:50 am

    Stoops does TOO have class; didn’t anyone see him extending his pinky finger as he called those late-game bombs? You probably thought he was just picking his nose.

  26. Reuben said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 11:21 am

    Hey, Scipio Tex. How old are you? You sound like my Grandpa. “You damn kids with your shaggy hair… and zippers… and penicillin!” Bradford’s hair, of course, makes him one of them damn gays. Too bad there is no HTML tag to indicate a lisp– “just exquisite.” You are a fine example of class, my homophobic friend.

  27. UTtuck said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 11:51 am

    Easy Reuben, don’t over exert those mental muscles. Scipio called his hair bad, and Vasherized made fun of him for looking like someone who was gay. Easy to misunderstand what’s happening here, but they are making fun an opponent, not making fun of gay people (unless there is implicit insult to them in comparison with Bradford).

    Upon re-reading your post, I think the most insulting thing to homosexuals would be your lisp stereotype. Rock on sir, keep up the good fight though, and we’ll all be waiting for you to come out of the closet (now I’m making fun of you, not gay people).

  28. Doperbo said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    Yeah Scipio! Way outta line!

    Please use the Amerasian Gopher moniker we agreed to from here on out.

    So as not to offend.

  29. CloseToJumping said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    That is probably that dumbest post written on any board since your final post on the 360 board as “oklahoma sooners”, Reuben.

  30. Soldier of Orange said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    I think the first head coaching responsibility Mack should delegate to Muschamp is the decision of when to call off the dogs. He could start slowly, say assigning him the duty for next year’s OU, Tech and Baylor games.

    Hell, if Muschamp had had his way this season, Texas would have scored on its last possession in the OU game (52) rather than simply run clock–then an onside kick, followed by another touchdown with a 2 point conversion to close out the scoring (60). Hell, it’s not as OU hadn’t alrady quit. I’m sure Kirk and Brent would have been duly impressed.

  31. JUICE said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 6:15 pm

    I wonder if I should be upset, feel pity, or be frightened that virtually no one in crimson in the stands Saturday night is capable of sensing the irony of holding up those homemade signs about “class” with upside down longhorns on them while their coach is almost lecherously running up the score.

  32. Phenomenal Smith said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 7:24 pm

    No matter who Oklahoma plays, be it Tech, OK State, Missouri, or Florida……They are just trying to beat Texas.

    Yeah, I got that vibe from a few OU fans I talked to last night. One woman said “and the best thing is Texas isn’t here.”

    At one point we wondered if OU hadn’t changed their colors moroon and cream to camo. Nearly all OU fans were wearing hunting gear in the cold weather.

    Saw a dozen or so UT fans at the game.

    I don’t know what to think of Chase. I’m sure after a few years I’ll look back at the Chase Daniel Era and think fondly of him, but right now I’m ready for a new era.

  33. Atomic Teeth » Blog Archive » MU/OU Autopsy said:

    December 7th, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    [...] should all remember the collateral damage of Mizzou’s drubbing – Scipio writes about the MU/OU game from the UT perspective. addthis_url = location.href; addthis_title = document.title; addthis_pub = [...]

  34. Bunbury said:

    December 8th, 2008 at 8:07 am

    There is an html tag for lisp!

    [lisp] Enter Desired Statement Here [/lisp]

    Am I wrong?

    Hope this helps in your future postings Reuben!

  35. Gene Claude said:

    December 8th, 2008 at 8:50 am

    As a Missouri fan, I would like to officially apologize to all Texas fans for the steaming turd we laid Saturday at Arrowhead. However, I would also like to remind you that we are equal opportunity steaming turd layers, and you just got yours a little earlier.

    As Phenom said, I’m sure I’ll look back on the Chase Daniel era and smile at some point. Right now, I’m ready for something else, as long as that “something else” isn’t 1985 – 2004 Missouri Tiger Football.

    Brent Venables is to Dave Christensen in football as Bobby Fisher is to Corky from Life Goes On in chess.

  36. dusk till dawn said:

    December 8th, 2008 at 9:53 am

    ohhh you got me with the Corky reference! I’m still laughing. if you would have said something about gays, you could have offended everyone here! or at least down syndrome Reuben

  37. longhornrumble said:

    December 8th, 2008 at 10:53 am

    That write-up was absolutely hysterical! Thank you.

  38. The Tortilla Retort » Blog Archive » Economic Retort: Austin, TX 2008 said:

    December 10th, 2008 at 4:58 am

    [...] authentic leather boot sector netted record profits, after reports surfaced in late 2007 that Scipio Tex was seen wearing a pair to a USC home game.  Whine and synthetic lubricants continue to peak as [...]

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