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Got here early this time. Nothing is really happening. Everyone is just kind of looking around.
DeLoss is wearing a white shirt/ black sweater combo, tortoise shell glasses, and a Tag Heuer. He just sat down, looked around, then looked around some more. Shuffled some papers. I’d play some Bloons but my phone is out of batteries. Fucking phones. Man his hair is impeccable, just impeccable. I wonder if he uses product. Not Bed Head. No spike. Not Badazz either. The sheen is all wrong. Plus he’s got a touch of the Jimmy Johnson wave. White Rain maybe? Breck? Fuck it, I’ll use that as one of my questions. I have to find out. OK, he’s talking…
WTF? He stole my best pickup line. Who does he know that I know that goes to Emo’s? Did Steve tell you that? @#%&! Steve.
Okay I’m not typing any more, mainly because I’m metaphorically lost- we are some kind of family…. canyon… thing… but we are very good at it and at being deep and wide and happy, a flowing river of deep family awesomeness and whatnot, mainly due to the wideness… exactly a mile or so… okay now he’s talking about something else…
Cavorting with scumbag job-hoppers during your search process tends to have that effect on a program, but I guess it’s a valid argument, since he’s the one who knows whether or not he might want to try that. Hard to argue with what might be self insight there.
I swear he just recapped the plot from Kramer vs. Kramer. It was dead on. Maybe I can snatch Cedric’s phone and IMDB it. Great movie.
Wow. That is huge. Just huge. This changes everything. You know who I feel sorry for? Who’s really getting screwed here? major Shut up. No, not Major. This is a cult free board. Sure we have our Etruscan entrails divination contingent. Who doesn’t? And the Zoroastrians. And CrazyJoe is kind of into Cthulhu. Of course scally worships Judy Garland. But those are harmless, really, compared to the Good News of Applewhite disciples. I am specifically not worried about Major. No, the real victims here are those guys who can tell what planes are landing where during a coaching search. What are they supposed to do when Mack retires? Did anyone consider them? They get maybe one chance a decade to be really important on the message boards and DeLoss just completely screwed them over. It’s tragic, really. Did DeLoss even consider how unrewarding air traffic control is without that perk to look forward to? NO. Now he’s talking more about Will…
Coaching decisions meet Spanish soap opera. Viva La Passion! Quien es ella? Ella es… es… mi amiga… No! Ella es su… su puta! Ay! Dios mio… es verdad. Pero, ella dice yo soy el mero mero. Y me gusta. Que lastima! Disculpeme. Disculpeme. Viva La Passion!
He’s talking about how long this has been in the works, looks like a month, no years, no several months. Excellent bit of evasion there, his X-Man power would be Teflon Integument. Saying Brown can coach until the fans completely tick him off, which is awesome. You know we don’t really do that on purpose, DeLoss, it’s sort of our X-man power though. It’s hard not to do something when you’re really good at it as a fanbase. Okay Will is talking…
Man he’s saying all the right things. Talking about Coach Royal, the city, the family atmosphere. Hitting on the talent, recruiting, resources etc. Good on ya, Will. Talking about being in charge…
It is always the right time to yell Boom Motherfucker Will. It’s appropriate in any social situation. It’s the new Whitman barbaric yawp. I do it several times a day, in faculty meetings, at the bank, picking up the kids at Montessori, it really sets the tone. Let’s ‘em know this is going to be a high-speed low-drag kind of exchange. Don’t ever lose that. Stay gold, Will. Stay gold.
Look I already told you we’re trying really hard not to tick him off but I can’t promise anything. We asked dfl to change handles three times specifically for this reason but you know, at some point he’s going to figure it out. Talking about how long he considered the offer…
So he blitzed Orakpo off the edge at Powers during the discussion. This whole thing makes a lot more sense now. Okay Mack is talking, don’t play the exciting time/neat deal drinking game on this one; it’s way too early and you’ll probably wrap your car around a Starbuck’s on the way home and I don’t want that on my conscious…
I’d argue 6 years of Carl Reese was way more unfair, but I promised Will we’d behave as fans from here on out, and I always keep my promises that don’t involve working out…
Talking about the timetable…
Has anyone else noticed how closely we resemble the Mafia in terms of promotion structure and vernacular? We need to get the assistant coaches some mistresses and pinkie rings. Talking about the timing of the announcement…
Translation: I mainly want to destroy Aggie. Talking about his retirement…
Wow coach, that’s deep.
Talking about youthful energy…
Talking about breaking the news to the team…
DJ said:
November 19th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Like a pepper pot?
bighornfan32 said:
November 19th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
pepper pot hot?
kevwun said:
November 19th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
let’s hope someone with jackhammer feet doesn’t facerape our pepper pot
Minnesotahorn said:
November 19th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Outstanding.
“Not in a skanky Paris Hilton way.” This cracked me up. That’s got to be Bobby Petrino right? The glitter makeup and five inch heals look just good enough to make you see past the fact the they’ll leave you with nothing but the burning itch of NCAA violations at the drop of hat.
J.R.69 said:
November 19th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Hotter’n a fire ant on a fever blister.
Big Satan said:
November 19th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Great writeup Doperbo.
MIA said:
November 19th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
This team is going to absolutely bury aggy on Turkey day. We are gonna see fire and brimstone coming out of their noses.
it moved
96% of Aggies reacting to the Presidential election said:
November 19th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
conscience
exuLt said:
November 19th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Haute damn! Funeralic pyre funny.
Time enough to vie.
Parlin Hall said:
November 19th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Doperbo: Mac channeling Chicago would be priceless satire if it weren’t realism.
Any guess as to his iPod playlist, if it exists?
Facebook User said:
November 19th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Herve Villechaize said:
November 19th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Fuck.
exuLt said:
November 19th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
gawd.
Doperbo said:
November 19th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Thanks guys.
Sorry 96%- I meant to type concierge.
AustinYankee said:
November 19th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Major froze Greg Davis’ jock before the Arkansas game and we just laughed and laughed and laughed.
That’s gold Jerry! Gold!
he hate me said:
November 19th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
The reference to Akina playing grabass on the sidelines was so cleverly inserted I almost missed it…
Nicely done my man!
ATXHornsFan said:
November 19th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Great work. Very entertaining read.
Sports Jesus said:
November 20th, 2008 at 11:58 am
That Muschamp is so hot right now…
Nik said:
November 20th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I just wrapped my car around a Starbucks.
dasmithjones said:
November 20th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
kevwun >> let’s hope someone with jackhammer feet doesn’t facerape our pepper pot
Perish the thought!
DRP said:
November 22nd, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Everytime I think of The Playoffs that new song by the amazing Keisha Cole plays in my head. There is no heaven, Keisha. Sorry. Love your music, though.