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Here come the Tacklin’ Baptists

Posted by Doperbo on November 5th, 2008 under Uncategorized

Raise your hand if you’ve seen more than a quarter of Baylor football this season. Yeah, me neither. Hopefully some of our NCAA fantasy football geeks who have been paying closer attention can fill us in, since other than Art Briles and Robert Griffin I’m hard pressed to name anyone on the squad. I think Briles plays cornerback. That’s guesswork on my part.

I also must admit I’ve always liked Baylor, in that non-threatening demure sort of way they go about their business year in and year out in a conference they have absolutely no business being in. It’s like the home-schooled kid who shows up in class wearing suspenders and BeDazzler jean jacket and keeps right on reading his romance novels and eating organic bran muffins at lunch. I always tried to reach out to those kids, as I respect that sort of response to adversity, and complete suspension of reality.

Starting with Scipio’s Baylor Preview I learned that Briles is actually the coach. Makes sense. He also nailed the Robert Griffin starting if Baylor wants a chance to win angle. Well done. Smith and Gay appear to be pretty good linemen of some sort. Kendall Wright is the real threat at WR.

Digging around on some of the matchups heading into this week I stumbled across this, and got completely derailed, since it appears to have been compiled by Callkevin on crystal meth. I competely gave up on the football matchup angle halfway through. It’s just loaded with fun facts.

Did you know?

    Texas leads the all-time series 71-22-4, and the Longhorns have won the last 10 meetings since a 23-21 Baylor victory Nov. 1, 1997, in Waco. The Bears are 8-42-2 all-time at Austin, where they have not won since 1991. Of note, Texas made coaching changes at the conclusion of both the 1991 and 1997 seasons.

The last sentence made me laugh. Unintentional humor is the best kind.

    Baylor’s 2008 currently is tied for the 11th nationally in strength of schedule (61-35, .635); that ranks second among Big 12 teams behind only Texas. In fact, Baylor’s remaining schedule is tied with five other teams — including Oklahoma and Oklahoma State — as the nation’s third-toughest (21-6, .778).

Karmically speaking, Baylor must have been personally responsible for the formation of the Khmer Rouge at some point.

    The Bears are 2-42 against ranked opponents since the inception of the Big 12 Conference?

Basically crack the top 25 and it’s a lock. I’m looking at you, Aggy.

    Baylor head coach Art Briles has a penchant for giving his players nicknames. Virtually every player on the Bears’ roster has a nickname.

Briles has apparently devised clever monikers for his players in lieu of the saxo-germanic surnames that are so difficult to scream coherently in critical game situations. Among my favorites: Shazam, Swerve, Romeo, MoTown and Rambo. I applaud the youthful zeal with which Coach Briles has renamed his players after Decepticons and members of C.O.B.R.A. One Mack Clap for you, Coach. I mean Snake Eyes. Well done.

    Baylor’s 2008 roster features 10 student-athletes who were starting quarterbacks in high school, including two former signal callers who played quarterback beyond high school.

No shit. One of them plays defensive end. Think about that for a minute and see if you too can design the mother of all trick plays your head. Mine is called the Whazzaaa?! and involves convincing the opposing quarterback to direct snap it to my defensive end.

    The series dates back to a 23-0 Texas victory Oct. 29, 1901, in Waco. The programs have played every year since 1923, making this Baylor’s longest continually running rivalry.

To be fair BC staff has not been informed that we are Baylor’s rival in an official capacity. We did receive a note during shop saying Will you be my rival? If so check yes, if not, pass this to Aggy during Home Ec. but HenryJames incinerated it in the TIG welder.

    Baylor has followed a vicenary rule this season, going 3-3 when scoring at least 20 points and 0-3 when scoring less than 20 points. Furthermore, the Bears are 3-2 when recording at least 20 first downs, compared to 0-4 when gaining fewer than 20 first downs.

Yeah I realize it’s statistical nonsense. I just wanted to give proper accolades for the correct use of the word vicenary. If any of them dare venture to 6th street after the game don’t let them smooth talk your women. Not worth the risk, as vocabulary is one area where Baylor matches up well. You macroverbumsciolists don’t stand a chance.

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26 Responses

  1. Kansas Horn said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 11:32 am

    Baylor head coach Art Briles has a penchant for giving his players nicknames. Virtually every player on the Bears’ roster has a nickname.

    Sounds like Briles is a big fan of Flavor of Love, and wants to copy his boy Flavor Flav

  2. HenryJames said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 11:49 am

    Is J.J. Joe still there?

  3. Parlin Hall said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 11:54 am

    Have seen two of their games. Griffin is a dominant player but is going to get injured the way he’s playing.

    Lake, the safety, is one to watch. Hits like a hammer.

  4. HenryJames said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 12:01 pm

    Covers like one as well.

  5. dimecoverage said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 12:01 pm

    Joe Palawek (or however you spell that kid’s name), LB. Rock M Nation has some good info on Baylor’s most talented players. Of course, this was written before Mizzou came close to losing to the Bears.

  6. dimecoverage said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    Sorry, should have finished the sentence…

    Joe Palawek (or however you spell that kid’s name), LB, is someone to watch for.

  7. Vasherized said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    Does Bragg have Robert Griffin starting in all five of his college fantasy leagues? Or was the Eyes?

  8. jc25 said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 12:53 pm

    I’ve seen way too much Baylor action solely because of Robert Griffin.

    People keep saying he’s the truth. I’m not quite sure what kind of meme that is, but it is the truth (sorry).

    Jay Finley runs the zone read way better than Oggie or McGee. It may be because he has the next VY in the backfield with him.

    Joe Pawelek puts Rashad Bobino to shame.

    Jason Smith will be drafted higher than Phil Loadholt. Plus he likely won’t have Orakpo lining up in front of him, ready to burst his first-round millionaire trust fund.

    Jordan Lake is fun to watch in run support. Good thing we can’t run the ball anyway.

    That’s about it, I guess.

  9. HenryJames said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Jason Smith is the best offensive lineman in the Big 12.

  10. Kansas Horn said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    Joe Pawelek puts Rashad Bobino to shame.

    Who doesn’t put Bobino to shame?

  11. JD Walton said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    “Jason Smith is the best offensive lineman in the Big 12.”

    Not what Jesus says.

  12. Scipio Tex said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    Chuck Reedy will have this Baylor team ready to play.

  13. Vasherized said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    Jason Smith is the best offensive lineman in the Big 12.

    Bait set. dedfischer lurking … looking like a sure kill.

  14. ponderos said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 1:30 pm

    Saw Griffin in person back in October. He has a decent arm, but no protection. He is, however, faster than a cheetah. Being the Big 12 hurdles champion in two events, he’s especially fast when jumping over shit … like his fallen o-linemen.

  15. jc25 said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 1:45 pm

    “Who doesn’t put Bobino to shame?”

    Robert Killebrew.

  16. dedfischer said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    Honestly, Vasher, I haven’t seen him play, which will refrain me from commenting. But, I might DVR this game, if I remember to check him out. My vote has been Okung to date, although, Nebraska had a kid that I was thoroughly impressed with by the name of Williams. I think he’s just a sophomore and will be good. Winn is the only all conference player, IMO, on Tech’s team.

  17. Vasherized said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    SNAP!

  18. dedfischer said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Isn’t that what I was supposed to do?

  19. The General said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    http://ar.wiktionary.org/wiki/macroverbumsciolists

  20. Minnesotahorn said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    While my arabic is a little rusty I believe it says that macroverbumsciolists is closely related to analbumcoversciolists.

  21. DrJHorn said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 3:50 pm

    For slogging through reams of Baylor football minutia to promote the word “vicenary”, I would like to nominate Doperbo for the Lan Hewlett/Joseph W. Moore Award for Tenacious Academic Achievement in Blogging to be given at the 2008 Annual Barking Carnival Awards Banquet.

  22. DrJHorn said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    I meant minutiae, of course.

  23. honkskillet said:

    November 5th, 2008 at 8:24 pm

    I saw them play wake forest early in the year. I think it was before we played our first game and I was football starved. That being said, I couldn’t be more impressed with Griffin. He came off the bench in this game and looked like a stud. Great arm, super elusive. Griffin against WF looked like VY vs USC. That being said, Griffin against OU looked like road kill. Hopefully we get after him the same.

  24. The Tortilla Retort » Blog Archive » OSU Personnel: These Guys Can Play said:

    November 6th, 2008 at 7:16 am

    [...] LT Okung – arguably the 2nd best OL in the Big 12 behind Baylor’s Jason Smith?  he can play something other than paddy cake up front and he’s not required to use WWF [...]

  25. JP said:

    November 6th, 2008 at 7:34 am

    I’ve watched several Baylor games (Wake, Washington State, UConn, 1st half v. Nebraska).
    The thing that sticks out to me is Briles’ affinity for taking chances (Exhibit A: Taking the BU job). 4th and 7 in their own territory? He’ll go for it as often as he won’t. He throws deep balls early and often, both to stretch the D out and looking for a home run. Briles is smart enough to know, unlike past Baylor HCs, that he simply doesn’t have the depth to line up and win a grudge match. So far, he hasn’t been burned by his aggressiveness, mainly because Griffin has done a terrific job of taking care of the ball. Oh, and Griffin doesn’t need much space to break one. He may not be as strong as Vince, but he’s faster and is every bit as creative in the open field. He can throw it, too. Against Washington St, he rolled left, nearly to the sideline, doubled back to the right sideline, and threw a frozen rope about 35 yds, off one leg, to the corner of the end zone for a TD. It was a breathtaking play, and I don’t even like Baylor. I just happen to live in Waco.
    Offensive personnel is actually pretty good; they have a lot of speed and ability. Gettis can fly but can’t catch, Kendall Wright is very good for a Frosh, and their backs, Jay Finley, Jeremy Sanders, and, of course, Griffin, can motor.

    We’ll win, but I doubt it will be the pounding many seem to expect.

  26. DRP said:

    November 11th, 2008 at 6:27 am

    I did forget to mention, on a flight from Austin to LVIA I missed the Giants-Eagles game. When I head back north to Quebec I’ll miss even more games!! I’m a hopeless Sports addict, so maybe its better I give it a rest, eh?

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    CJD -

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    uthookem-

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    Very interesting piece. These games can’t start soon enough. Thanks, Scip.