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Why Mike Leach is Perfect for Tech

Posted by EyesOfTX on October 30th, 2008 under Football

  • He’s crazy as hell.  Think about it:  A person has got to be crazy as hell to want to live in Lubbock, or anywhere else in the Texas Panhandle for that matter.  My first ( and sometimes only ) thought whenever I happen to be up that way is why in the hell did any poor crazy bastard ever stop here to put down a stake in life?  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I realize that the hardy souls who settled that area back in the 19th century either had just come out of Oklahoma Territory or the New Mexico desert, but the ones that came out of New Mexico started in California, which at the time wasn’t such a bad place, and the ones who came out of Oklahoma started somewhere east of there.  But they stopped right there in the middle of the flattest land on the North American continent and decided to live their lives plagued by frequent dust storms and ball lightning produced by dry storms, where the main appeal was that you could see the Apaches coming from 27 miles away to cut your nuts off, stuff them in your mouth and bury you up to your neck in the middle of a red ant nest.  A person has got to be crazy as hell to want to do that, so Leach fits right in.

 

 A fun day in Lubbock.

  • His gimmick offense attracts recruits that Tech would otherwise not land.  Face it:  A coach has got to have a gimmick to successfully recruit in Lubbock.  Leach has such a gimmick:  it’s called his offensive system.  And what a system it is, producing prodigious bites of yards and points that annually create a minimum of 7 wins and send the Red Raiders to bowl games around the country.  And really, at this point, it’s no longer even a gimmick anymore – it’s been so successful that other programs, like Missouri, have taken to running systems very similar to it.  The system has been so successful that Leach is able to change out quarterbacks every year and seemingly not miss a beat.   Graham Harrell is the first multi-year starting quarterback the Red Raiders have seen since Cliff Kingsbury.  It doesn’t appear to much matter who Leach has running the offense, it always grinds out the yards, the points, and the bowl games at the end of the season.

 

This guy would throw for 4,500 yards in the Tech system.

  • He’s entertaining.  Let’s face it:  the average Lubbockite – or is it Lubbockian? – longs to be entertained.  He’s stuck out there, 200 miles from anywhere else, in a town where the Olive Garden and Outback Steak House are the fine dining venues.  Even the very layout of the city itself – a north/south, east/west grid made up of streets named with numbers and avenues with letters – is boring as hell.  These people desperately need to be entertained, which is why a folksy guy like Spike Dykes lasted so long in the job.  Mike Leach doing the local weather report or talking about going to donkey shows is the perfect distraction for such people.

 

He has a second career to fall back on.

  • He was separated at birth from Vince Gill, and Tech fans do love them some Vince Gill.

 

  •  The man is a pirate.  Get it?  Red Raiders?  Pirates?  I mean, case closed.

 

Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhh! 

Dude’s perfect.  He isn’t going to beat Texas Saturday night, but then, Tech is still Tech, even with the perfect coach.

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70 Responses

  1. Yeah, and if it wasn’t for us, you would be fluent in Commanche right now and serving as currency in the Mexican slave trade industry. You’re fucking welcome, you soft piece of shit.

  2. Dunstan Pearl said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 11:17 am

    How dare you. Barney Frank is a fine American.

  3. dedfischer – lol!

    Dustan – indeed he is and he’d make a fine QB in Tech’s system. So would pretty much any other member of congress except John McCain, who can’t lift his arms above his shoulders.

  4. Dunstan Pearl said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 11:23 am

    That one Congressman who’s missing both arms and a leg might need some extra reps to get up to speed.

  5. Dustan: he got beat a few years back, but your point is well-taken.

  6. Dunstan Pearl said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 11:26 am

    I have dishonored myself with my poor fact checking.

  7. We had our global sales meeting today. You knew this one would bait me out eventually. What’s funny, is that’s not far from the truth.

    btw, enjoyed the rhetoric, but that’s not the MO I’m playing on this thread.

  8. heard Leach on ESPN radio today and when the subject of why stay in Lubbock came up, he sounded genuine when he said, “Listen, I love Lubbock.”

    And why not? His mad genius,go on 4th down inside your 30 style would grow thin at a lot of other BCS stops.

    Like Bobby Knight, Leach likes the small, pliable media base that will accept just about anything thrown their way.

    All in all, a pretty good place for a Pirate.

  9. I’m pretty sure the Comanches were fucked by European amoebas. The germs, not Tarkanian’s zone defense.

  10. You’re saying Larry Johnson couldn’t handle a Comanche?

  11. Actually, I think he’s saying Larry Johnson couldn’t handle a group of comanches if he was stuck playing a box and one. If Johnson could man up on ‘em, he’d take them all out. That’s what I took away from it, anyway.

  12. You saying Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?

  13. Yes, I think that’s a given.

  14. Larry Johnson never lost at black jack. That’s what I wanted to say. I just couldn’t work in the Indian casino reference until you guys chimed in.

  15. Lubbock is not for everybody, but there is something about that isolation, the single digit humidity, the huge sky and Tech being the biggest deal for miles that can be attractive.

    I was born in Lubbock. We moved when I was two. I think I’d just spoken my first words, “Can we move somewhere else?” But then, I’m not Mike Leach.

  16. That’s probably my only legitimate beef with the residents of Austin. We’re just happy-go-lucky, mind-our-own-business, enjoy our freedom, leave our doors unlocked, set aside your own troubles to help your neighbor in times of need, Norman Fucking Rockwall, folksy people. My family has chosen to live in an area for 135 years, after resigning from serving their duties of fighting off the Mexicans and whatever mess the fine folks of Austin send us out to clean up. Not because we wanted to, but because we felt it was our obligation to our fellow statesmen. How do they view my parents and relatives who still farm that same land today? As cockroaches, who were cursed to a life of desolation in the Texas Panhandle because we offer no other skills of value to industrialized society. They sometimes seem to forget that in the grand scheme of things, 200 years is not a long period of time. Within that time, we’ve effectively saved their lives once, fed them for decades, stood behind them when they requested our services; and all the while, they’re plundering our natural resources to finance their empire. They wouldn’t even fucking be here if it weren’t for us. So, when they tell me my family is redneck, whitetrash, I just roll my eyes, smile, and think, well at least I can sleep at night knowing I didn’t sell out Texas to the pussification of America. We were here looong before any of you and did the dirty work, so you could get drunk at tailgates, enjoy national titles, drag our image through the mud to the media, etc. It’s cool, though. We’ll be here long after you’re gone, too. Not really, I just thought I would write that out and see how it looked on paper.

  17. dedfischer: dude. I don’t live in Austin, and actually like Lubbock – married a nice girl from there 27 years ago, in fact. I also like Mike Leach. This post was meant in good fun – I’m sorry it obviously offended you. Seriously.

  18. It was more fun when you were making fun of A&M and OU. I’m getting drawn offsides, but I can’t help myself. I want you to know that this post contributed to violence against children and old people at the game. Hair pulling and tripping mostly.

  19. “dedfischer: dude. I don’t live in Austin, and actually like Lubbock – married a nice girl from there 27 years ago, in fact. I also like Mike Leach. This post was meant in good fun – I’m sorry it obviously offended you. Seriously.”

    I was joking, man.

  20. “I was joking, man.”

    Well, it was a hell of a rant for a joke. :)

  21. tension

  22. But, sadly, there are a large majority of folks in Austin, who are unaware of anything significant we’ve contributed to this state. Obviously, I know folks around here aren’t like that or I wouldn’t hang out be here.

  23. Eyes, you can thank me in one way. Email that rant to Geoff Fucking Ketchum, tell him I wrote it, and if he wants to retort, I’ll go on his radio show and put him in his place any day of the week.

  24. Uh, oooooooh. Something tells me Ketchum has royally screwed the pooch on his radio show. Makes me glad I can’t pick it up.

  25. BTW, Ketchum’s email is geoff@rivals.com .

  26. I’m not going to instigate a fight here, but if someone accidently, puts that in his inbox. I’ll fucking back it up.

  27. You guys can say what you want about Lubbock, but there is no way in hell a trany prostitute or an Aggie would get a single vote for Mayor of Lubbock.

  28. dedfischer: Your message has been sent. I’ll let you know if I get anything back from him. :)

  29. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

  30. Horncasting said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    Eyes – did you make sure to sign it

    Fuck you,

    Paul

    ????

  31. “dedfischer: dude. I don’t live in Austin, and actually like Lubbock – married a nice girl from there 27 years ago, in fact. I also like Mike Leach. This post was meant in good fun – I’m sorry it obviously offended you. Seriously.”

    I did start laughing when I read that. I my intent was not to scare you into denouncing your allegiance to the city of Austin.

  32. I lived in Austin and Lubbock, and not that anyone cares, I may be the only one here qualified to speak about both from experience. Austin’s great, but what constantly whipped me was how hard Austin tries so hard to be cool. Austin is a wannabe San francisco, Dallas is a wannabe LA… and Lubbock is just Lubbock. UT is full of themselves, A&M is a wannabe UT, and Tech is angry. The main reasin they’re angry is becasue they are constantly told they wish they were something they’re not. Same thing with Lubbock. It may be a dump juco in a dump town to some, but at least it’s genuine. I suspect OSU fans feel the same way.

  33. If you promise Ketch a free Big Mac, Super Size Fries and large chocolate shake he’ll probably beg you to be on his show. Just don’t get him too rile up or you might send his lard infested food dumpster into cardiac arrest.

  34. I grew up in El Paso played juco ball in Clarendon, and Eyes is dead on.

  35. Is it still okay to hate HenryJames?

  36. Ketchem, you Douche Waffle with Male Yogurt!

    You best not be in the LBK this weekend…WE WILL FIND YOU!

  37. Eyes – did you make sure to sign it

    Fuck you,

    Paul

    ????
    ================================

    Uh, was that a mistake?

  38. I did start laughing when I read that. I my intent was not to scare you into denouncing your allegiance to the city of Austin.
    =============================================

    I wasn’t denouncing anything – I was just trying to talk you down off the ledge. :)

  39. Had to add some new tags to this one.

  40. I endorse the one about Prairie Dog.

  41. During my brief stint in the panhandle I witnessed two things that will haunt my dreams.

    I saw a horse masturbate (successfully).
    I saw a girl pee standing up (successfully w/out a penis).

    No bullshit. It’s just a different place.

  42. Spud Crowley said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 1:14 pm

    trany prostitute or an Aggie would get a single vote for Mayor of Lubbock.

    I beg to differ. There is a homosexual Native American, (how is that for being politically correct) that runs for mayor every election I lived there. His name is Roger Settler. Really entertaining Native American.

  43. How did the horse…with the…no thumbs…um?
    It’s not that different. In Lubbock the women pee standing up becasue the wind gets their butts wet. In Austin the men pee sitting down becasue the other men get their butts wet. See?

  44. “I grew up in El Paso played juco ball in Clarendon, and Eyes is dead on.”

    I never said he was wrong.

  45. Nice, HJ. I just re-read this and it sounds like it was written by a guy who snapped. I thought I was laughing as I wrote it, but I sure seem pissed off.

  46. I lived in Lubbock 13 years before moving to super-duper-cool Austin – man you should have seen how we made fun of Plainview….those sorry bastards. They gotta be crazy to live there…I bet they do it with their goats…I was so glad to be a cool guy from Lubbock when it came to talking about Plainview.

    …what if UT lost….what if.

  47. The horse just jumped up and down really fast and found the slapping on his belly arousing I suppose. It was weird.

    The girl peeing a stream standing up was weird in a different way. I suppose the big chaw in her mouth prepared me for what was about to happen.

  48. Because of dedfischer, I’m going to stop calling ‘em desert aggies.

    I’m actually married to a Tech girl. And, I’ve had a blast the couple of times I’ve been out there for games – 1 and 1 on those in the W-L.

    This has been a fun week. You can’t joke with the aggies like this without them going postal.

  49. Soldier of Orange said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 2:10 pm

    EyesofTX

    Hey buddy, you said Lubbock was 200 miles from anywhere else. I got news for you. Odessa is only 140 miles away.

  50. I rest my case.

  51. I can’t believe nobody has mentioned that, withouth the Panhandle, there would be no Longhorns.

    We’d be the UT Armadillos or some fucking thing.

  52. Charles Goodnight said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    Amen to that.

  53. “Amen to that.”

    That is the best yet, Colonel.

  54. I’m just now getting back to this as all my neighbors love me in Dallas because I’m the only one on the block who can back a fucking trailer.

  55. Oliver Loving said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    Apaches are a bunch of pussies.

    Comanches, on the other hand…

  56. horses gotta make due. Like Tech fans sometimes. Not this Saturday though, you sassy bitches.

  57. Unfortunately for Tech, when we made the decision to bring on UT, the Aggies kind of came with the deal.

  58. “Apaches are a bunch of pussies.

    Comanches, on the other hand…”

    I dare you to say that to my face.

  59. Oliver Loving said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    Shit, I thought you were a Mescalero.

    LIPAN Apaches are a bunch of pussies.

    howzat?

  60. Oliver Loving said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 5:28 pm

    Chiricahua.

    mybad

  61. “It may be a dump juco in a dump town to some, but at least it’s genuine.”

    Amen Brother.

  62. Trips, I just want to know why you were watching that horse. I mean really? Was Catherine the Great a Longhorn, or is that really Beergut typing?

  63. Parlin Hall said:

    October 30th, 2008 at 6:50 pm

    All I know about the Comanche I learned from “The Searchers.”

  64. I’m content in the fact that the traveling party for my campaign westward this weekend will include Mr. Michael Bennett, Sr. and the esteemed Dr. Mike McKinney as outriders. They each tell me they’ve successfully tangled with these plainsmen in the past, and are wise to their wily and sneaky ways. Dr. McKinney has suggested we pack many GAP t-shirts, assorted visors and Harry Potter videos for trade with the locals, and that we also include additional pairs of binoculars in our store as an emergency measure. Mr. Bennett has requested at least half of them be filled with Southern Comfort. For medicinal purposes only I am told, as I have seen with my own eyes the effect of the heathen spirits during many an organized sporting event.

    Speaking of heathens, I am reminded of a time I made camp with the Arapahos along the Greeen River in Wyoming. Perhaps another time, however.

  65. Quanah Parker said:

    October 31st, 2008 at 2:56 am

    ded & white family come shoot our horses, take our homes & have piss on my grave for many moons after.

    x

  66. You mean this guy isn’t Kingsbury? I thought all the Tech quarterbacks were the same guy? Who knew?

  67. dedfischer’s rant is reminiscent of Nicholson’s rant in “A few good men”.

  68. Tim's Tranny said:

    October 31st, 2008 at 7:55 am

    Vote for me

  69. Uh…Lubbock is not in the fucking Panhandle. It’s on the South Plains.

    Nevertheless, the co-eds are SMOKINGLY hot–that’s all you need to know about Tech.

  70. VirginiaRaider said:

    November 1st, 2008 at 7:32 pm

    I find your sniveling post mildly amusing.

    Raider F’n Power!

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