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In a surprising turn of events the United Nations has formally leveled sanctions against the Houston Texans organization following a loss to the Indianapolis Colts yesterday afternoon, leaving owner Bob McNair and many of his staff stunned. The move apparently came on the heels of what has been described as a heart wrenching loss for the Texans fanbase, following the loss of a large fourth quarter lead and what would have been the first victory of the season for the franchise.
Meanwhile U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon wasted no time elaborating the major points of concern.
After extended deliberation with the General Assembly, the Security Council, and Dan Pastorini, it is with great regret and personal sadness that I revoke official professional football team status from the Houston Texans organization, and implore them to cease and desist all activities related to the practice of professional football immediately. Seriously, please stop. We have grave concerns for the emotional health and humanitarian burdens being placed on the four million inhabitants of Harris County. This region, half the size of Somalia in terms of population density, has suffered so much already, and we feel it to be in direct violation of both Hague and Geneva protocols to allow the perpetuation of false hope for this fan base. It’s simply to much to ask of anyone.
When pressed Secretary-General Ki-moon admitted that he had no direct authority over any entity within the National Football League and did not expect his sanctions to impact league play. He did reiterate his personal concerns and that it was important to use any means at his disposal to advocate for relief for the Texans fanbase. He also pointed out that potential compromise solutions such as scheduling the Chiefs or the Rams had not been discussed.
Attorneys for the Texans organization are currently looking into what, if any, legal ramifications these sanctions might have for their team. Initial counters have focused around protected ethnic status since Sage Rosenfels sounds Jewish. Spokesmen for the Texans can confirm that currently Reliant Stadium is well stocked with bottled water and perishable food, mainly nachos, but have not committed to a plan of action, and are calling any cessation of league play or ‘oil for wins’ trade scenarios premature at this point.
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Activity
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Magnificent Bastard commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor: Post-Mortem, kinda 13 minutes ago
Thanks for the writeup Trips. It’ll all be over soon. Mercy killing, imo.
Albert Einstein says Rick Barnes is clearly insane.
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Top 10 Defensive Lapses 1 hour, 33 minutes ago
Is Gilbert Ariza a cross between Gilbert Arenas and Trevor Ariza? A guy that will play lockdown D and then threaten you with a firearm?
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D W commented on the blog post Top 10 Defensive Lapses 1 hour, 47 minutes ago
Next year is very frightening
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D W commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor: Post-Mortem, kinda 1 hour, 54 minutes ago
We have to live with the fact that Baylor is a more talented and better coached basketball team than we are.
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Hank Dudek commented on the blog post Top 10 Defensive Lapses 2 hours, 11 minutes ago
CJD,
I know exactly what you are talking about. Pitiful defense. We open the second half giving up about 4 easy buckets on run-outs. Damion shoots a three, Mason watches and does not get back, easy bucket. Lucas gets beat down court and gives a way a soft foul for a 3 point -
Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Top 10 Defensive Lapses 4 hours, 47 minutes ago
That was a ruthless and depressing cataloguing of failure. Thanks Hank! I think.
EggNog –
There’s no question that Barnes without point guard just doesn’t work.
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Luke wrote a new blog post: One down, two to go 4 hours, 49 minutes ago
Wildcat fans everywhere took a deep sigh of relief at halftime Thursday night.
Kansas State reminded everyone just how good it is when the intensity is turned all the way up. This team will be tough to beat in any tournament, whether it’s the NCAAs or the Big 12 conference.
They won’t have that much of a
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor: Post-Mortem, kinda 4 hours, 49 minutes ago
Good write-up, Trips. I laughed and learned. It was like an episode of Family Ties.
ipowers -
You’re happy with our transition defense? Because that’s what Trips is referencing with respect to floor balance.
And your typing about point guards is something we’d pretty much discussed, established, and put to bed
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Scipio Tex wrote a new blog post: Rick Reilly Is A Walking Amber Alert 5 hours, 5 minutes ago
And he’s protecting your kids.
Particularly the 17 year olds that are healthy, tall, and bad at sports.
I stumbled across this Rick Reilly article on Inside Texas and I think it calls for discussion on a number of issues centered around fair play, basic consideration of others, competition, and our society’s increasingly
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admin commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor: Post-Mortem, kinda 5 hours, 17 minutes ago
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor: Post-Mortem, kinda 5 hours, 17 minutes ago
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Black Scholes commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor: Post-Mortem, kinda 5 hours, 19 minutes ago
Fran Fraschilla? What the hell has she done since ‘Nanny and the Professor’?
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Trips Right commented on the blog post Quick Preview of Today’s Big East Tournament Action 5 hours, 51 minutes ago
travis, they have a chance. If they win out and beat WVU, the committe might give the Hoyas the nod.
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Trips Right commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor: Post-Mortem, kinda 6 hours, 19 minutes ago
Egg, that’s all fine and good, but what did JH do tonight to warrant the benching? You’re talking in generalites parroted by know nothing ESPN color analysts who watch one or two Texas games a year. I saw one egregiously bad shot tonight. The other shots were significantly better than most any other
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Trips Right commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor: Post-Mortem, kinda 6 hours, 19 minutes ago
Egg, that’s all fine and good, but what did JH do tonight to warrant the benching? You’re talking in generalities parroted by know nothing ESPN color analysts who watch one or two Texas games a year. I saw one egregiously bad shot tonight. The other shots were significantly better than most any other
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ursa major commented on the blog post Why The 1994 Goodwill Games Might Be A Sign of Things To Come 6 hours, 40 minutes ago
Ducks>Iceland
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ursa major commented on the blog post Baylor v. Texas – Postgame 6 hours, 42 minutes ago
Of course, Texas fans are prone to overreact to every single game. I.E. tonight.
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Baylor v. Texas – Postgame 6 hours, 43 minutes ago
Four in a row. Last two haven’t really been close. Our program is in trouble. Of course, Baylor shows how quickly things can be turned around…
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ursa major wrote a new blog post: Baylor v. Texas – Postgame 6 hours, 50 minutes ago
Ekpe Udoh’s back must be sore… Baylor has beaten Texas three times in one season for the first time since 1981-1982. Baylor has also beaten Texas four times in a row.
If you had told me before the game…. that Texas would outrebound us 38 to 28, and grab 17 offensive rebounds to our 5…. that
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Baylor v. Texas – Preview 7 hours, 3 minutes ago
UT: Where talent submits to mediocrity.
Um, OK.
Anyway, good game Bears. You guys have a really good team, us not so much. Be fun to see how you do in the big dance.
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Trips Right wrote a new blog post: Texas Hoops vs. Baylor: Post-Mortem, kinda 7 hours, 18 minutes ago
I really can’t take it anymore. If you must know how or why Baylor continues to play Earl “the Goat” Manigault to our sports-goggled, weekend warrior check out the last Baylor write-up.
What happened tonight was eerily similar. In fact, it’s mindnumbingly frustrating that our staff made nary an adjustment to try
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ursa major commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor Open Thread 7 hours, 22 minutes ago
The funny thing is, I honestly expected my Bears to lose tonight. I am stupid.
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admin commented on the blog post Kstate Post-Mortem 7 hours, 22 minutes ago
There are no laws in Oklahoma.
So, I think the Horns might be good enough to make the quarterfinals of the NIT. And maybe not. Just a team completely adrift.
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skymonkeyhorn commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor Open Thread 7 hours, 39 minutes ago
Trips , You are so right about not having fun and playing without emotion. I really thought that Barnes was going to get a T this game. You know that a team plays and reflects their coach.
Our team that had so much talent and most of the parts needed and turned into
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skymonkeyhorn commented on the blog post Top 10 Defensive Lapses 8 hours, 1 minute ago
It was hard to watch and really made me sick to read it again. And that was just the second half. I feel so used and dirty after this game.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor Open Thread 8 hours, 24 minutes ago
Trips,
I hear you and I agree. And I know most are just frustrated, angry, and beaten down by this year. I really hope that any staff change that takes place will bring energy and maybe a little joy. Just a little. Obviously we need to rework our offense. Barnes installed
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Blues commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor Open Thread 8 hours, 25 minutes ago
There’s no sense in looking up a dead horse’s ass.
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uthookem commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Baylor Open Thread 8 hours, 26 minutes ago
Yep…this is just like watching the 2003 Holiday Bowl, for two months straight.
Hey, did anyone else watch the 2003 Holiday Bowl while on their honeymoon, in Louisiana?
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admin commented on the blog post Top 10 Defensive Lapses 8 hours, 28 minutes ago
I won’t even get started on the offense because there is no prayer in getting that changed this year.
Well the year appears to be one more game. Thus, love to read your thoughts for next season.
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admin commented on the blog post Top 10 Defensive Lapses 8 hours, 28 minutes ago
I won’t even get started on the offense because there is no prayer in getting that changed this year.
Well the year appears to be one more game. Thus, love to read your thoughts for next season.
Scipio Tex said:
October 6th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Very funny stuff.
I’ve not seen a deliberate choke like that in a very long time.
ATXHorn said:
October 6th, 2008 at 10:33 am
I turned it off after Houston recovered the onside kick, thinking that the Texans had secured a quality first win of the season. I guess I should have remembered Frank Reich and the 1993 Oilers-Bills playoff game.
Or maybe I should have thought about Phi Slamma Jama and NC State…..
CrazyJoeDavola said:
October 6th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I was at the game.
It was truly something to behold. The 21 Colts points happened too fast for anyone in the crowd to have much of a chance to react. Yeah, a smattering of boos at the end, but it was mostly just dead silence.
It was as if 70000 ninjas emerged from the shadows all at once and sliced everyone’s heads off cleanly, and everybody still being able to, like, blink and shit for a few seconds before it all went dark.
ATXHorn, there were a couple of Colt fans in our row who left the stadium at that onside kick. Dumb fuckers.
PESCKYCOW said:
October 8th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Green Manning …a term used to describe a ritual when a boy witch enters manhood.BTW…DRP is NOT married, is NOT a Scot, and doesn’t have any children but a “Marmaduke” and a tabby cat. DoperboY is just another one of my many,many “personalities”…
SizzleChest said:
October 8th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I kinda figured it was a fictional character since in REAL life you don’t like 2 drink all that much and you prefer cigarettes 2 people. In regards to your Home Brew-Just Say No article, SeeingRed’s comment has got you pegged all wrong. Your an asexual, virgin bottom-boy, in love with Eli & Peyton.
PESCKYCOW said:
October 8th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
No I’m NOT-those 2 aren’t such nice southern boyz-they’ll rip my throat out & kick and tear my az…tear out my liver for dessert.Don’t let their “aw shucks” demeanor fool ya…they’re Mountain Lions.
SizzleChest said:
October 8th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Yeah, they do look like Mountain Lions now that you mention it, “cigarette breath”.
PESCKYCOW said:
October 8th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
They’re not fine,gentle beasts,eh…ay..I can see Philly from my office window…Phillies…Dodgers..dodge a bullet?
BrickHorn said:
October 8th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
What… the… fuuuuuuuuhhhck???
If it is possible to rhetorically back slowly away from a frighteningly creepy discussion that you’ve inadvertently stumbled upon and regret witnessing?
BrickHorn said:
October 8th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
…then that is what I’m doing right now.
PESCKYCOW said:
October 8th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Dodge a bullet-just an expression for God/dess’ sake.Phillies are phantastic,but if The Dodgers win-oh well,they win.What we have here are four incredibly talented baseball teams.I tip my hat to all of them.Just like the three Presidential candidates.We had three(now two)incredibly talented people running for President.All three of them breaking stereotypes in their own way.That’s the North American way…
Scipio Tex said:
October 8th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
PESCKYCOW said:
October 8th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
There are so many talented teams,and politics aside,all of the players are worthy of our admiration and respect.May the best team win.
Minnesotahorn said:
October 8th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Staring at this thread threatens one’s virility.
PESCKYCOW said:
October 8th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I still think Eli and Peyton look like Mountain Lions;ay ya ya ya…
ILLUSTRATED mAN said:
October 9th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Alright, Pescky which way is up. You are deliberately vague, phreek. Complicated on prpose, there’s a method to your madness, Willy Wonka. Communist or A Confederate? Rich or poor? White or ethnic? Winner…looser? Relevant or a has-been…or dare I say-NEVER BEEN?! Narcissistic or self-hate…Gay, Str8 or even neither? ? ? What the hell are ya!
PESCKYCOW said:
October 13th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Does it really matter? I’m talkin’ sports and world events and your getting all personal-philosophical. Love me for who I am, damnit! When I travel to visit a dear friend of mine at his sports barber shoppe in North Philly, he has a picture of MLK, Eli Manning and JFK on the wall. Lets keep the focus on historical figures.
PESCKYCOW said:
October 13th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
HA-HA-HA…AY– AY YA…HAPPY THANKSGIVING AND COLUMBUS DAY, MORTALS…