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The Definitive Football Guide For Filling The Cancellation Void

Posted by Scipio Tex on September 10th, 2008 under Football

There is some fine football to be had this weekend, so fret not Carnivalers. Here’s your comprehensive game-watching guide to maximal gridiron enjoyment.

I’ve included all interesting national games and every Big 12 contest (even the dull ones) broken down by time slots:

Friday evening

Fri, Sep 12 KU at USF 7:00 p.m. ESPN2
Kansas Football Preview from Barking Carnival’s State of the Union series

A great matchup of Anti-Brands. Quick – without deliberating – would you rather watch Michigan-Notre Dame or South Florida-Kansas? Almost had you. USF/KU is the correct answer, of course. These are two teams completely dominated by QB play lacking a reliable running game. Both paired with quality defenses. I’m pulling for Toto, but wouldn’t be surprised to see Grothe will the Bulls to a win. I also want to see sweat cascade off of Mangino in the Florida humidity like the falls at Yosemite.

Saturday

Early morning

California at Maryland 11:00 a.m. ESPN (HD)

Remember when Ralph Friedgen was Mark Mangino? This Maryland team is poor, but this is a very promising Cal squad and they’re worth watching. Don’t deprive yourself of the chance to glance at the amazing Jahvid Best and the constantly improving Kevin Riley. We may see these guys in the Holiday Bowl. Flip back and forth with…

Florida Atlantic at Michigan State 11:00 a.m. ESPN2 (HD)

Watching Big 10 football makes my eyes bleed, but I want to see how FAU does against an above average Division I program. I’m of the opinion that FAU can move the ball on almost anyone. I want to see if I’m completely out of my mind.

Iowa at Iowa State 11:00 a.m. BTN
Iowa State Football Preview from Barking Carnival’s State of the Union series

Cy Sperling is more exciting than CyHawk. This is terrible football, but you need to flip over late to see if Kirk Ferentz is sniped from a silo if he drops another one of these.

Nevada at Missouri 11:30 a.m. PPV
Missouri Football Preview from Barking Carnival’s State of the Union series

Missouri will roll them. Included simply because this is a Big 12 matchup and Chase Daniel resembles Gimli.

Washington State at Baylor 11:30 a.m. FSN
Baylor Football Preview from Barking Carnival’s State of the Union series

Want to see the Big 12’s best all-around athlete? He plays for…Baylor?!?!? Seriously? Ladies and gentleman, meet Robert Griffin.

Afternoon

Georgia at South Carolina 2:30 p.m. CBS (HD)

The Cocks upset UGA last year in Athens and now they get them in the Palmetto State. The problem is that South Carolina’s QB play makes children weep and Steve Spurrier is still shocked that the SEC has learned how to play nickel. Dude is 11-13 in SEC games at South Carolina and I still have to read slapdick print media guys ranking him as one of the current top 10 coaches in college football. None of that matters. If Knowshon Moreno is playing, I’m watching.

Michigan at Notre Dame 2:30 p.m. NBC (HD)

This battle of Midwestern suck is good for helmet porn and stirring fight songs. I listed it out of some weird sense of traditional obligation. I’m pulling for Michigan, primarily because I dig seeing QBs who run a 4.95 40 run option and because I have an inexplicable hatred of Jimmy Clausen welling up in me like Russian forces on the Ossetian border.

UCLA at BYU 2:30 p.m. Versus

Little Ricky Neuheisel is all grows up. After seeing BYU against Washington, it’s clear that BYU’s players are dreaming too much of afterlife celestial domination instead of this world’s blocking and tackling. The Cougars need to win convincingly to take the focus from ECU as the BCS at-large darling.

Auburn at Mississippi State 6:00 p.m. ESPN2 (HD)

My viewing interest is centered on Chris Todd’s development at QB in their spread offense. If he continues to grow, Auburn is going to win the SEC West. Tuberville is a top notch big game coach. What is forgotten is the small games he regularly loses. This could be one of them.

New Mexico State at Nebraska 6:00 p.m.
Nebraska Football Preview from Barking Carnival’s State of the Union series

I’m shocked this game isn’t televised nationally.

SMU at Texas Tech 6:00 p.m. FSN
Texas Tech Offensive and Defensive Football Preview from Barking Carnival’s State of the Union series

This will be a vicious beating. I won’t watch it, but it is a Big 12 game so if you’re into rough trade, have at it.

Missouri State at Oklahoma State 6:00 p.m. FCS
Oklahoma State Football Preview from Barking Carnival’s State of the Union series including the birth of the term “golf prick”

See above. Dez Bryant is the most dangerous playmaker in the league outside of Jeremy Maclin. King Of All Golf Pricks Gundy further stakes his claim for the Alamo Bowl.

OU at Washington Husky 6:45 p.m. ESPN
Oklahoma Football Preview from Barking Carnival’s State of the Union series

Flip here during the commercials of the USC/Ohio State game. I really like Jake Locker and there’s a .0005% chance the Huskies win. I can only pray that it’s in controversial fashion so that I can see Oklahoma elected officials threaten to invade the Pacific Northwest again.

Ohio State at USC 7:00 p.m. ABC (HD)

When Stalin takes on Hitler, you’ve got to hold your nose and throw your lot in with Uncle Joe. Then tell Patton not to stop in Berlin. Ohio State humiliation is ambrosia. Drink it, goddamn you.

Wisconsin at Fresno State 9:30 p.m. ESPN2 (HD)

Is Wiscy a pretender piloted by a Kansas State reject and another full bodied halfback? Or is Fresno State fashionable Top 25 pyrite? Pat Hill will have his team ready and the rabidity of Central Valley fans will topple your laid back California stereotypes. Could be a fun game if the Bulldogs aren’t physically overwhelmed and Brandstatter is on.

My must sees?

Kansas/USF
Georgia/South Carolina
USC/Ohio State
Wisconsin/Fresno State

Talk to me.

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40 Responses

  1. CrazyJoeDavola said:

    September 10th, 2008 at 7:37 pm

    “South Carolina’s QB play makes children weep”

    Steve Spurrier is trying desperately to find and 18th year of eligibility for Steve Tanneyhill.

    “I have an inexplicable hatred of Jimmy Clausen”

    I don’t think “inexplicable” is the right word here. Unless this is opposite day.

    Any form of hatred for Jimmy Clausen is totally explicable and morally justified. Required, even.

  2. Fair point.

  3. Nice idea. You should give spreads and pick winners.

  4. OU/UW might just be a decent game. Remember, Stoops defense has historically have had issues with mobile QBs and Locker is the best running whitey QB who can throw a lick since possibly Steve Young. Also, OU has had issues travelling to the west coast and Pac10 teams have almost always played them tough, if they did not outright beat them. I do not know what to expect, but I do know this, if Washington can get even token pressure of Bradford, this could be a real squeeker for the Sooners.

  5. the aggie echeese said:

    September 11th, 2008 at 1:52 am

    what about the ags

  6. Washington is worse than UTEP. No, it won’t be a decent game. They have a walkon playing safety, only 4 scholarship LB’s, and a decimated line. Only 6 players left from their 2005 recruiting class. Locker will have a token score, but lost 54-6.

  7. in re Spurrier- I’ve come to believe that every offensive scheme has a shelf life of about 5 – 8 years, and then it starts to go stale. What Spurrier ran in the ’90s was fresh, and effective. Now, after 15 years of tweaks, it’s very, very stale.

  8. Expensive Golf Sux said:

    September 11th, 2008 at 3:46 am

    Taylor, it could also be the case that the skill people at SC suck.

  9. Why the fuck is Robert Griffin not playing for Texas?

  10. Griffin is a good example of why recruiting services rankings reek. He was probably the best QB prospect in Texas by far that year, and why did he get no press. It was cause he was evidently just not recruited by the big named programs. It goes to show you that, for the most part, these recruiting services are just piggy backing off the recruiting lists of big name schools and using that as their guide to rank players, along with some prejudice here and there thrown in for good measure. There is very little actually originating from these services themselves, if any at all. If the big name programs went through a period of missing on a great number of their prospects, then one can only imagine that the accuracy of the recruiting services would just follow suit as well. Placing too much emphasis on recruiting rankings is akin to thinking that the tail wags the dog. These services really are nothing more than dispensers of information. Information which is not actually theirs and which they also happen to skewed to their favor many times in order to sell their subs.

  11. “When Stalin takes on Hitler, you’ve got to hold your nose and throw your lot in with Uncle Joe.”

    Uhhh,, which one is Stalin and which one is Hitler?

  12. If Knowshon Moreno is playing, I’m watching.

  13. This week’s Big 12 schedule is a measuring stick for the conference. Just how good are we as compared to the other big BCS conferences? Thus far, the Big 12 is a healthy 22-2 with the only loses coming from Texas A&M and Baylor. The conference is 3-0 on the road and 3-0 in neutral site games, including a win over a Top 25 opponent.

    If Kansas wins at South Florida (I thought USF was Top 10-caliber before the season started), that should give us a real good indication as to how strong the conference really is. That would be a real quality Top 25 road win for Kansas and the Big 12.

    Missouri is heavily favored against Nevada, but so was Texas Tech. Nevada is a good ball club. If Missouri woodsheds them (and controls their offense), Missouri fans make the case for the #1 spot in the league.

    Both Big 12 versus the Pac 10 are interesting for very different reasons. Baylor is actually now favored by 1 to beat Washington State at home. The line opened at Washington State -3.5. Where have you gone Mike Price?

    And Big Game Bob travels to the Pacific Northwest after vowing never to return to play a West Coast game officiated by Pac 10 refs. Don’t get Ducked, Bob.

    And then there is Iowa State – Iowa. Everyone acknowledges that the Big 10 blows, but if our 11th best team beats a middling (and maudlin) Big 10 team on the road, this conference just stepped up a notch. I don’t expect it to happen, but if it does, wow.

    It is a shame that the Texas game got postponed so we could show our dominance over the SEC too.

  14. Hippie Killer said:

    September 11th, 2008 at 6:47 am

    So I went out and bought a boat this morning. I’m ready for the Hurricane that will leave Austin under water. The TV is telling me we are all going to die!!!!! Good thing we cancelled the football game.

  15. dasmithjones said:

    September 11th, 2008 at 7:23 am

    “Uhhh,, which one is Stalin and which one is Hitler?”

    Doog, SC is Joe Stalin and OSU is Hitler.

  16. What sophisticated readership you capitalist pigs are having! I shake my head at you. Wolverines unite!

  17. dasmithjones said:

    September 11th, 2008 at 7:27 am

    “Want to see the Big 12’s best all-around athlete? He plays for…Baylor?!?!? Seriously? Ladies and gentleman, meet Robert Griffin.”

    Scip, You dang straight! I caught a bit of Wake/Baylor and was shocked at the athleticism displayed by Griffin.

  18. All I know is that dude has played two games, and already looks 100% better/more of an athlete/more developed as a QB than #7 in burnt orange.

  19. What was Robert Griffin’s recruiting story?

  20. Jimmy Clausen may be related to Cy Sperling.

  21. do you mean jimmy hat clausen? yes, i fucking hate him too

  22. bighornfan32 said:

    September 11th, 2008 at 9:25 am

    macanudo, I recall someone doing that on some bbs recently, but I can’t quite place it.

  23. Scipio, who you got in KU @ USF?

  24. For that matter, who do you all have? Always enjoying getting a gauge from our friends from the South.

  25. I like USF to win, KU to cover.

    I’ll be pulling for the Jayhawks though.

  26. BRAGG:

    Griffin, from what I can remember, received several offers, but I think they wanted him to switch positions. He wanted to play QB, so he committed to Houston. When Briles switched jobs, Griffin switched commitments. He basically fell into Baylor’s lap.

    Aside: the Baylor-Wazzu game is now on Friday night @ 7:30(?). No word on TV.

  27. “I like USF to win, KU to cover.”

    Scipio, that line is around three. KU loses by less than a FG? Whoa.

  28. i don’t see the ku/usf game being more than a touchdown either way. people are making a big deal about the apparent lack of running game for the ‘hawks, but are ignoring that the two previous teams have been stacking the box and daring reesing to beat them – which he has.

    i expect usf to be more arrogant with their front 4 – in some ways rightfully so – and use their lb’s to help a young secondary guard against ku’s spread. however, people forget that mangino has a pretty stout resume when it comes to offensive line and you can expect selvie to have no less than 2 blockers in his face all game. i don’t predict that this will allow ku to run all over usf, but i expect the running game to generate enough yardage to keep the bulls D honest and create the balance that everyone says is required for the ‘hawks to win.

    ku returns players that won at ksu, a&m, cu, osu and miami vs vtech last year – none of which are particularly easy venues, right ‘horns fans? i don’t expect the “away factor” to matter as much as bulls fans hope.

    ultimately i think this will come down to which team is more disciplined. and ku has a pretty good track record in that regard as of late…

    ku 24
    usf 17

    my 2 pesos

  29. I said USF would win and KU would cover.

    USF – 37
    KU – 34

    Spread – 3.5

    Also, Robert Griffin. Learn the name. He has 217 yards rushing on 11 carries right now and three runs 50+ yards. Art Briles is the man for handing a true freshman his offense.

  30. Scip, that was a shocker in Tampa, at least to me. I thought Reesing and the KU JC transfers would beat Leavitt’s JC transfers. No bueno for the Conference, but a helluva football game. No shit about Griffin. He owned that game. I don’t care if WSU was 114 in D1 – that guy can play.
    Hook Em

  31. KU lost some really key guys who didn’t get much pub but the NFL was very aware of – Anthony Collins, Aqib Talib. They have a special QB and good coaching. This KU team isn’t that athletic.

    Leavitt also screwed USF by running zone in the first half. You don’t zone Todd Reesing. Jesus Christ.

    FYI, KSU is the JUCO laden team, not Kansas.

  32. Talib was big. don’t know if you saw him on sideline. L
    They adjusted good at half.
    KSU more JUCO. KU has some, including braggert running back. But you are right – more at Kansas State Junior College.

  33. Wow, what does it say about our Kansas State Junior College and our coach with his Alesana voodoo monster that we kicked you squarely in your burnt orange nuts with those criminal thug Jucos, because that didnt begin this year.

  34. It says I am glad I don’t have an inferiority complex as Texas Fan as opposed to a team that wears Purple and manage to get in K state. From the Kansas State website, and I didn’t waste my time with the “exceptions”. Make sure you see the transfer requirements – you gotta have a 2.0. Whoa. tough

    ADMISSIONS REQUIREMENTS
    Here are K-State’s admissions requirements, established by the Kansas Board of Regents, the governing body for all state universities in Kansas.

    If you graduated from an accredited high school and meet any one of these three criteria, you will be eligible for admission to K-State:

    Score a 21 or higher composite score on the ACT or a 980 or higher on the SAT I, CR + M. Most students take the test in their junior or senior year of high school. Ask your high school counselor for a schedule of test dates.
    Or rank in the top third of your graduating class.
    Or complete the Kansas precollege curriculum with a 2.0 GPA.
    Out-of-state residents must earn a 2.5 or higher GPA.
    See the precollege curriculum

    Transfer students
    Students with 24 or more completed transfer hours must have a minimum cumulative GPA of 2.0 on all transfer course work.

    Transfer students with fewer than 24 completed transfer hours must meet one of the three high school criteria listed above. In addition, a minimum cumulative 2.0 GPA on all transfer work is

  35. So if you can manage a 2.0 (or 2.5 if you are out of state) at a the local community college, you can win the golden ticket and go to school in spectacularly beautiful Manhattan Kansas.

    Toto, time to get in touch with reality.

  36. Scip, how in hell did you arrange for that game to fall within the parameters of what can only be described as a brazen hussy of a prediction?

    Real men don’t sign compacts with Satan to obtain unholy football insight.

  37. longhornmatt said:

    September 13th, 2008 at 9:55 am

    They are playing in rain, but Rusty Smith of Florida Atlantic is 6/28 passing for 69 yards against Michigan State, and the game is in the 4th quarter. He had 200 yards in the first quarter against us.

  38. Parlin – I’d like to say something modest right now, but I just can’t.

  39. matt – I’m watching that game. I think the weather is the overwhelming story of that contest.

  40. Cal appears to be totally uninterested in playing in a sauna.

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