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Texas Tech vs. Nevada Wolf Pack Half Ass Preview

Posted by dedfischer on September 4th, 2008 under Football

What do Chris Ault, Bobby Bowden, and Joe Paterno have in common? 

If you said they’re the only three active coaches in the College Football Hall of Fame, then you would be correct. Surprised me too, I wasn’t aware of it. A graduate of Nevada himself, Ault is the epitome of loyalty to his alma mater and this is his third time to come out of retirement to salvage his beloved program. He’s the Terry Funk of college football.

A more notable accomplishment is that Ault is credited with being the inventor of “The Pistol Offense”. Luckily for us, Beergut hangs around here, so if the Barking Carnival ever schedules the Wolf Pack, we’ll be in good hands. However, Texas Tech doesn’t quite have that luxury and dual threat QBs like Colin Kaepernick have given my Red Raiders trouble in the past. Kaepernick is a mountain of a man, he stands 6′6″ and weighs 225, kind of broad in the shoulders and narrow in the hip and everybody knows you don’t give any lip to Big Col. During the offseason, he got in a fight over a Mormon queen and a crushing blow from a huge right hand sent a Susanville man to the Promised Land. I apologize, 14 hours a day listening to AM radio on a 4440 as a youth will do that to you. Kaepernick served his suspension and he’s good to go. I’ve read rumblings that NFL scouts are intrigued by his “live arm”, which is the NBA prospective forward equivalent of “length” these days. 

Nevada rolled up a Tom Osborne-like 426 yards on the ground against Grambling last week with 3 backs eclipsing 69 yards or better, and Kaepernick tacking on 51 with 3 TDs. What does this prove? The Pistol works on black guys, I guess, and Tech has a few of them. Although, safety Anthony Hines was the subject of a stabbing two years ago.   I would expect a coach the caliber of Ault will have done his homework and knows this, so Ruffin McNeill and company should be prepared for a couple of switchblades as well.  

Rocky Long (the Godfather of the 3-3-5) blanked the Pistol in the 2007 Las Vegas Bowl 23-0.  I’m pretty sure that New Mexico is one school that hasn’t outrecruited Tech, so how McNeill’s unit performs in this contest should provide a fair measuring stick as to his competency as a Big 12 DC. The fleet-footed Nebraska defense of 2007 also contained the Wolf Pack in a 52-10 spanking.

Good thing for Texas Tech, Mike Leach doesn’t fuck around with pistols. He prefers utilizing MOABs in these types of fights loaded with a deadly combination of accuracy, Rabid Chupacabras, and Oak Cliff precision.  And unless the sophisticated RADAR jamming systems of Pig Brown’s Columbian regime are involved, it’s proved pretty effective.  Nevada has 8 new starters, 2 of which will be CBs making their first headlining gig in a Division 1 football game. Take cover. A shootout should be expected, but after that sentence, I don’t need to go any further to suggest a victory of the 48-31 nature is in store for Pirateers of the Plains.

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10 Responses

  1. Andy's Dad said:

    September 4th, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    Good God man, you’re channeling Jimmy, don’t call me James, Dean, pride of Plainview
    and the bane of barrows’ and gilts’ everywhere.

  2. HenryJames said:

    September 4th, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    A pistol versus a pirate’s sword?

  3. Andy's Dad said:

    September 4th, 2008 at 1:35 pm

    ded,
    Since you’re a fan of Jimmy’s,
    did you know his wife Tammy has
    just been accepted to Jesse Lee’s
    School Of Cosmotology, you know,
    that other college down there in
    Lubbock?

    She got advanced placement
    into the School of
    Frosting and Perms.
    She clep’d out of Pedicures.

  4. dedfischer said:

    September 4th, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    Good for her. The family probably needs the money since they lost a sponsor years ago for Jimmy mis-dropping “Ragsdale Western Wear” on the radio.

  5. WildWillie said:

    September 4th, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    dedfischer, if that’s a John Deere 4440 and it has the enclosed cab with A/C, that doesn’t really count as tractor duty. Your ears have to ring from the noise and your pants need to be brown from dirt before it counts.
    http://www.tractordata.com/farm-tractors/000/0/9/96-john-deere-4440.html

  6. dedfischer said:

    September 4th, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    By 1991, there were a lot more efficient ways to farm than with 80 hp cabless Olivers and one-way plows.

  7. WildWillie said:

    September 4th, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    Ah, a one-way plow… almost singlehandedly responsible for The Dust Bowl. I will condescend to power steering, though.

    But we’ve gotten off track. Continue on with the TTU-Nevada discussion. Sorry.

  8. ChicagoTTU said:

    September 5th, 2008 at 5:12 am

    Oak Cliff precision – genius.

  9. ManInBlack said:

    September 5th, 2008 at 7:20 am

    You had the perfiect opportunity to work in something about shooting a man in Reno and missed it.

  10. dedfischer said:

    September 8th, 2008 at 11:36 am

    I was off by a point.

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