A Texas fan&#8217;s guide to El Paso

As a native El Pasoan I thought it would be a good idea to educate the Barker readership on what to expect when visiting this fair West Texas city in the Western most part of this great state. Before making any judgments on what I’m about to tell you, please keep in mind the following. El Paso, for all intents and purposes, is more New Mexico than it is Texas. UTEP’s Aggies reside in New Mexico. They’re fanatical to the extent you’d agree the ongoing red chili vs green chili feud is fanatical. Other than that, they’re pretty damn normal. To give you a geographic feel of where you’re venturing, El Paso is about 60 miles closer to Los Angeles than it is to Beaumont, is in the Mountain Time Zone, and has shared sports conferences with Hawaii.

With that out of the way you’ll need to know the following to make sure you get the most out of your trip out west. To put things in proper perspective, I’ll try to add Austin or Longhorn equivalents where possible.

Places to Go

Cincinatti Street….Austin Equivalent 6th Street
It’s hip, it’s youthful, it has that artsy character. Okay not really, but it’s a place where students and younger folks congregate to drink and act like they don’t live with their parents. Don’t let them fool you. They do. Otherwise they’d be at New Mexico State or Sul Ross.

Chico’s Tacos…Austin Equivalent Kerbey Lane
Mainly because it’s become that overrated dining staple as a direct result of late night binge drinking driven hunger. Chico’s rocks because the majority of its clientele just paid 10 bucks for an all you can drink night in another country. Locals will tell you to drink the taco juice after consuming the hard shell rolled tacos. If you take 5 tequila shots and down 3 buckets of Dos Equis, it’s probably not a bad idea. Otherwise choke down that double with cheese at your own peril. Seriously, who gets excited about this crap unless you’re hammered and have just left the donkey show?

tacos
Drinking the Juice = Eating the Worm.

Tequila Derby…Austin Equivalent Maggie Mays
It used to be a Thursday or Friday night target of many a sub-21 party goer. Sadly, since it’s in Juarez Mexico, it’s now target practice between rival drug cartels with submachine guns. Ten dollar drink and drown on Thursday nights has been replaced with drugs and drown in cement shoes. Stay away unless you’re a Coca Patron looking to expand your sphere of influence.

The Sun Bowl…Austin Equivalent DKR
The Sun Bowl is beautifully set up in the Rocky Mountains overlooking the city and campus. It’s actually the second nicest collegiate football venue in the state of Texas behind DKR. It’s small in that it holds south of 60K, but it’s charming and there’s really nothing else like it in the state. You’ll be impressed.

Talking to an El Pasoan

If you’re talking to an El Pasoan about sports you’re most likely going to be talking basketball. It’s their claim to fame. Hell, they are the only team in the state of Texas to win a national championship in basketball. You’ve seen the movie. Embrace it. Acknowledge it. They’ll likely buy you a beer. Just remember a couple rules of thumb.

come on miners
Hang Loose. Hook ‘em. Or Pick Axe?

Tim Hardaway to them is Ricky Williams to us. Ours smokes bowls, their’s is a homophobe. David Lattin is Tommy Nobis. Bobby Joe Hill is James Street. Nate Archibald is their Earl Campbell. In football to football terms. Toraino Singleton is their will Goodloe. William Doctor is Adrian Peterson. Andre Jones is the Mike Price curse. Don’t worry, about remembering the football part. They’d rather talk basketball or bull fighting.

If all else fails and you still can’t find common ground with Miner fan, talk bad about the Aggies. It’ll work unless you expound. Or tell him you remember that night in 1985 that UTEP dropped nine into coverage and upset defending national champion BYU costing Robbie Bosco a Heisman run. Shit, tell him you were there. He’ll probably return the gratuity by talking about Vince Young. If he brings up Rashaan Salaam’s Heisman, dot him.

So here’s to a great game in my old stomping grounds. Hook ‘Em and uh Gold Rush ‘Em?

Did You Know

The UTEP fight song used to be a version of Texas Fight. Now it’s a sped up version of Marty Robbin’s El Paso. Small world, because Texas Fight is a sped up version of Taps.

Sun Bowl
Great View. Great Border Town.

Article Tags:

Food, Fuck Lion, Travel, UTEP Miners

26 Responses

nativehorn said:

September 3rd, 2008 at 6:21 pm

As Chuck Wagon and the Wheels used to say in their classic ballad Asshole from El Paso, “that’s UTEP”!!! If you have to ask what I’m talking about, you won’t understand. Hook’em.
HenryJames said:

September 3rd, 2008 at 6:23 pm

Don’t have too much fun.
srr50 said:

September 3rd, 2008 at 6:24 pm

The best bowl game-hands down to cover is the Sun Bowl. They know how to throw a party.

Before he sobered up, Pat Summeral and his NFL running buddy, Tom Brookshire would work one college game a year, and it was in El Paso.

Hell, the best time I ever had traveling with the basketball team was out to El Paso for their Holiday tournament.
rio donde said:

September 3rd, 2008 at 7:36 pm

If the dam at Elephant Butte ever broke El Paso would…..
hmmmm, maybe not………..
It might the first time in history water ran back uphill.
Trips Right said:

September 3rd, 2008 at 7:53 pm

HJ, my pop was a cop there back in the day. My guess is they still use the same vice bait.
Huckleberry said:

September 3rd, 2008 at 8:29 pm

The Greatest Upset of All Time
Chooky said:

September 3rd, 2008 at 8:46 pm

The El Paso Police Department is going to post Deloss Dodds’ photo on its website?

Trips,
You should join a gang while your down there. I here they usually have a pie-eating contest for initiation. Hey, man. Free pie.
El Guero said:

September 4th, 2008 at 6:59 am

EP was much more fun before crossing the river became a version of Russian Roulette (ditto Laredo, Brownsville, etc.).

At least the golf is getting better … check out new Butterfield Trail if you have time — Fazio did something with nothing on that track.
Nostradamus said:

September 4th, 2008 at 7:07 am

No Olive Garden?

What kind of hell is this?
Bob in Houston said:

September 4th, 2008 at 7:12 am

How close to the West Coast is El Paso? Driving back from the first Rose Bowl trip, we stayed in Van Horn. The first radio traffic reports we heard the following morning were from KNX in LA.
Trips Right said:

September 4th, 2008 at 8:09 am

The Rio Grande is stone’s throw from the Stadium. I wouldn’t necessarily call it coastal, though.
Chooky said:

September 4th, 2008 at 8:48 am

I wouldn’t necessarily call it coastal, though.

Oh shit! You just got banned from the basketball board.
Chooky said:

September 4th, 2008 at 8:51 am

Actually, El Paso is closer to L.A. than it is to the east Texas border.

I learned that from Paul Burka’s article about El Paso in ‘Texas Monthly.’

According to that article, someone from the El Paso city council probably wouldn’t hesitate to sell you beach front property there.
HenryJames said:

September 4th, 2008 at 9:31 am

Shenanigans!
Black Scholes said:

September 4th, 2008 at 11:46 am

“As a native El Pasoan …”

You don’t hear that often.
dedfischer said:

September 4th, 2008 at 11:51 am

Cuando un El Pasoan nativo?
Stu said:

September 4th, 2008 at 1:59 pm

El Paso? I spent a month there one night.
scagnetti said:

September 4th, 2008 at 5:58 pm

dudes,
saw pink floyd in the sun bowl spring ’94.
graduated coronado six weeks later.
great town, the free market over the santa fe bridge, everything cost 2 dollars… even a 98 buick!
rio donde said:

September 4th, 2008 at 6:33 pm

“the first traffic reports we heard were from …..LA”
how long did you wait to hear one for Van Horne?
Texas vs. UTEP « Tastes Like El Paso said:

September 4th, 2008 at 6:35 pm

[...] Check out this native/former El Pasoan, current Austinite’s take on El Paso [...]
dasmithjones said:

September 4th, 2008 at 7:47 pm

In ’79 I drove from Tyler to San Diego. When I got to El Paso, I was MORE than halfway there!
dedfischer said:

September 5th, 2008 at 4:10 am

Tyler is closer to Atlanta, GA than El Paso, and it’s not much further to Louisville, KY.
Gus said:

September 5th, 2008 at 6:13 am

Don’t they have a Chinese restaurant located in a former steak house, and the all you can eat buffet is the “Chinese Chuckwagon”.

Just asking.
Trips Right said:

September 6th, 2008 at 10:13 am

Just got back fromt the Alberston’s by the Stadium. I saw a Tuck Fexas, a “Saw ‘Em Off”, and an upside down horns…all printed on UTEP gear. Oh it’s on now.
Trips Right said:

September 6th, 2008 at 10:15 am

Oh, and they closed the original Chico’s on McRae. Motherf@&*^r.
Minnesotahorn said:

September 8th, 2008 at 12:11 pm

Trips your first name doesn’t happen to be Rob does it?

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A Texas fan’s guide to El Paso

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26 Responses

nativehorn said:

HenryJames said:

srr50 said:

rio donde said:

Trips Right said:

Huckleberry said:

Chooky said:

El Guero said:

Nostradamus said:

Bob in Houston said:

Trips Right said:

Chooky said:

Chooky said:

HenryJames said:

Black Scholes said:

dedfischer said:

Stu said:

scagnetti said:

rio donde said:

Texas vs. UTEP « Tastes Like El Paso said:

dasmithjones said:

dedfischer said:

Gus said:

Trips Right said:

Trips Right said:

Minnesotahorn said:

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