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Redeem Team Awards…Barking Style

Posted by Trips Right on August 24th, 2008 under Basketball

My five year old son offered me 7 dollars to count to a billion. Considering the task would rate roughly a dollar per year, I politely declined. Instead, I offered a deal that would procure his monthly allowance if I could abstain from using phrases like “pampered, pompous, selfish, soulless robotic pricks” when describing this year’s crop of Dream Teamers. Thanks to Coach K and his band of And 1 Patriots, I was able to collect on the bet. The lesson my kindergarten gym-rat will learn about juice and vig is only a bonus.

On to the awards.

usa basketball
Redemption.

Most Surprising Performance from a Redeem Teamer
Dwayne Wade. He shot the ass out of the ball. For a team going into the Games with perimeter shooting as its biggest concern, Wade answered all doubters.

Most Surpising Performance from a Redeem Teamer Part II
Kobe Bryant’s perimeter defense. He straight up checked fools and set the tone for the team’s pressure. When the best player in the world is getting up in people’s jocks, it goes a long way in shaping the team’s identity on defense. Kobe could have gone 7-16 on offense and not played a lick of defense night in and night out, and no one would have squawked. Instead basketball fans were able to enjoy an impassioned all-around performance from this dynamic and polarizing star.

Most Surpising Performance from a Redeem Teamer Part III
Chris Bosh. Dominating defensive effort by the young hybrid forward helping to dispell the theory that this team lacked size inside. The wide international lane made Bosh a terrific choice to be one of team USA’s bigs.

Most Surprising Olympic Sentiment
Kobe Bryant stating patriotism is cool. My Mike Eruzioni side takes him at his word, but my HenryJames self-loathing side screams publicist brilliance.

Most Surprising Olympic Sentiment II
Carmelo Anthony’s water-works during the medal ceremony and the playing of the National Anthem. Bitches must be kicked takes a back seat to hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet.

Personnel Group Most Resembling Illinois Illini Circa 1986
Chris Bosh, Lebron James, Dwayne Wade, Kobe Bryant, and Chris Paul. Are you shitting me? Five Praying-mantis athletes to get into passing lanes, pressure the whole floor with size and athleticism to rebound the basketball and close out possessions on defense. On offense, five players possessing the skillset that includes shooting, ability to dribble penetrate, and create for teammates. A nightmarish lineup that gleaks in the salad bar of traditional 1-5 personnel. Kudos to Coach K and crew for tailoring their personnel group to the international game.

Dean Smith’s Run and Jump Personnel Wet Dream
See above. Insert Dwayne Wade and Chris Paul for Dante Calabria and Jeff Lebo in Smith’s full court man pressure defense and you get where I’m coming from. Anyone know why Dante didn’t wear socks?

XXX
‘Ason Kidd because he has no J.

What the Hell Was Coach K Thinking
Jason Kidd. I still don’t get it. There probably isn’t a more mismatched point guard for international play. I get the chemistry thing, but I’d rather have Bo Kimble shooting left handed.

Coach K Knows a Little Bit About Coaching
He took one legit big man in Dwight Howard, one perimeter shooting specialist in Michael Redd, two wet behind the ears point guards, and a collection of prima donnas, and made them Olympic Champions. Nice work from the Bobby Knight disciple. Perhaps we should keep him.

Queue Lil Wayne’s remake of Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA”. Nice work gentlemen.

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11 Responses

  1. ChrisApplewhite said:

    August 24th, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    Kobe fell apart defensively against guys that could actually dribble. Rudy Fernandez psterized Dwight Howard because Kobe got too aggressive. He has poor on ball instincts. He still looks great guarding other teams worst defender though. I did enjoy watching him play on this team because he never felt the need to force anything outside of crunch time against Spain. Good for him.

    Wade might’ve been the best power forward in the tournament. Christ. The best thing he did all tournament long was offensive rebound and block shots.

    Kidd is now 56-0 in international play, or something. Great team defender, great distributor, great pick for the team.

  2. Trips Right said:

    August 24th, 2008 at 6:29 pm

    You’re crazy if you think Kobe made it a priority to keep dribblers in front of him.

    Did you watch Wade Shoot?

    As for Kidd, what does he do that Paul, Williams, Ford, Sherman Douglass, Chris Corchiani, etc. can’t? He’s a Westlake legacy pick. A beneficiary of Tony Gonzalez knocking out Bobby Hurley’s Coach K coached squad. You’re all wet here.

  3. ponderos said:

    August 24th, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    Not sure I understand using Bo Kimble’s tribute to Hank Gathers …

  4. Trips Right said:

    August 24th, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    I’ve been plotting against Loyola Marymount apologists for decades now. I thought this was the perfect time to exact my revenge.

  5. ChrisApplewhite said:

    August 24th, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    Maybe, but it didn’t look like Kobe told anybody else his plan, because pretty much every time he got burned it resulted in points.

    Yeah. He shot well. He was also amazing around the basket without the ball, much better than I realized.

    I cannot decipher your last paragraph. But Kidd was probably just insurance in case the young guys cratered, and he’s earned it. He’s not an elite player anymore but he’s the best American distributor over 30. Last thing this team needs is a shooter at PG. If I was picking the team I probably just would’ve used James though.

  6. Art Vandelay said:

    August 25th, 2008 at 5:22 am

    Trips,

    I have to disagree with your Kidd comments.

    Good article here:
    http://olympicsblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2008/08/back-again-jason-kidd-ready-fo.html

  7. Scipio Tex said:

    August 25th, 2008 at 7:52 am

    I think Kidd was picked simply because they needed to fill roster space and they chose the guy who would pout least with minimal minutes and no shots.

  8. Art Vandelay said:

    August 25th, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    That was Carlos Boozer’s role.

  9. comeonminers said:

    August 25th, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    Needed them to destroy in the gold medal game for the “redeem” part to have been successful but nice that we took home the gold atleast.

    Unfortunate that Kobe Bryant has a gold medal, however.

  10. Ricky Bobby said:

    August 26th, 2008 at 8:23 am

    If not for Kidd, Melo probably gets tossed from the Argentina game, and the US might have even lost to Argentina. Kidd came back in when it was 46-40 and calmed the team down and got them back to playing smart offensively.

    Against Argentina, when he wasn’t in the game, the team was erratic and the ball movement and smart offensive play disappeared.

  11. Addict said:

    August 29th, 2008 at 8:35 am

    Not sure where else to ask, but are you going to be running your football betting picks each week this year?

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