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2008 Nebraska Football Preview – State of the Union

Posted by HenryJames on August 18th, 2008 under Football

Nebraska stares into the college football abyss. They see Bo Pelini staring back at them. That’s when Nebraska finds their new head football coach, and that’s what keeps them out of the abyss. That’s the task at hand for Pelini. The once dominating Nebraska football program has gone missing and is no longer in the public eye. He has to return it to its past glory.

“You’re Nebraska. You used to win national championships. You used to be big.”

The Oklahoma Nebraska plan is to take a hard-nosed defensive guy from the state of Ohio, let him coach a few years in the Big 12 before sending him to the SEC to win a national championship. Then bring him back to be your head coach.

He’s not alone in this endeavor. Nebraska legend Tom Osborne returned as AD to help get the program turned around. The prodigal coach spent a few years in congress before coming back. You can admire his loyalty while at the same time questioning his sanity.

“It was I who asked to come back. I could have continued my career, but I found it unbearable.”

Pelini has inherited a soft Cornhusker team. Calling this team soft is an insult to the Dallas Mavericks. They looked great walking off the team bus until you noticed that they were carrying a playbook the size of Anais Nin’s diaries and that their head coach was wearing ladies glasses. Former coach Bill Callahan brought 250 plays into each game, using around 60. That’s a lot of valuable practice time wasted on shit you’re not even going to use. It’s like practicing foreplay.

“There once was a time in this business when I had the ground of the whole world! But that wasn’t good enough for them, oh no! They had to have the air of the whole world too. So they opened their big mouths and out came throw. Throw! THROW!”

Returning offensive coordinator Shawn Watson’s first order of business is to simplify the offense. If he’s smart, he’ll use the offense he used under Gary Barnett at Colorado. Nebraska could run that. They could recruit for it too. But he’s probably going to be swayed by quarterback Joe Ganz who passed for like a jillion yards in Nebraska’s final three games. Stats are for losers. They went 1-2.

NFL prospect Marlon Lucky is back for his senior year at tailback. He might split carries with sophomore Roy Helu and the once plodding Quentin Castille. Castille has the other half of Henry Melton’s amulet. The fullback will probably be about 6’1” 250 with the last name of Mackovica. Callahan had a single play designed for the fullback. Makes perfect sense. Except in Nebraska it’s the equivalent of calling Tom Osborne a cross dressing Nazi.

The offensive line should be a lot better than it is. It might even be a strength. Seniors Lydon Murtha, Matt Slauson and Mike Huff are big and strong, but last year they looked like guys wearing sumo suits while trying to run block in Callahan’s offense. Lack of physical zone play usually means that the offensive linemen aren’t sure of their assignments.

Nebraska’s top two returning tight ends have combined to catch one collegiate pass, but play action is your friend. My memories of the Nebraska tight end usually involved screaming at the Texas safety as Tracey Wistrom-Herrian was wide open 40 yards downfield. Can they block? Who knows? It’s not like I research this shit. Nate Swift, appropriately named only when playing against Texas, is back at receiver along with Todd Peterson. Every time you start two caucasians at wide receiver, an SEC defensive back kills one of Jim Tressel’s kittens.

“They took the idols and smashed them, the Browns, the Peters, the Ruuds! And who’ve we got now? Some nobodies!”

The defense has a fragile psyche right now. Pelini walked into the first meeting with defensive players and proceeded to slap each and every one of them like Patton. We’ll see if it took. PTSD is notoriously difficult to cure. New defensive coordinator Carl Pelini has a degree in English Lit. Just thought I’d mention that.

They return all four starters on the defensive line, but these guys got pushed around like an usher at one of Magic Johnson’s theatres. Defensive tackle Ty Steinkuhler is the son of former Husker great Dean Steinkuhler. He was born out of a kitchen mishap when his father accidentally dropped a syringe full of dianabol into an electric toaster. But he’s everything you’d want in a defensive tackle. If this was 1983. The other tackle is Ndamukong Suh, whose name in the Ngema tribe in Cameroon means ‘I’ll move aside. Take the open grasslands.’ Senior ends Barry Turner and Zach Potter look great on paper. So did Heaven’s Gate.

The linebackers will be a challenge. Former walkon Tyler Wortman will bring his 3.9 GPA to the strongside. He’s like the computer guy in Jurassic Park. He might know math, but when the shit goes down Phil Loadholt is going to get loose from his pen and eat him. Middle linebacker Phillip Dillard lost over 20 pounds in the offseason when the yoke called Kevin Cosgrove was removed from around his neck. Starting on the weakside is former running back Cody Glenn. The coaches are hoping his propensity for getting tackled after 3 yards rubs off on opposing ballcarriers.

Pelini is at his best disguising coverages in the secondary. This season he’ll probably need to become adept at disguising players. He worked magic with the last Nebraska secondary he coached, but that unit included NFL draft picks Fabian Washington and the Bullocks brothers. Corner Armando Murillo is used to playing on an island, but he didn’t much like it. He defected from Cuba as a child. He is susceptible to double moves though, still not fully understanding that Yanquis have choices. The other cornerback will be Anthony West as in the entire west side of the field is open. The safeties are Larry Asante and Rickey Thenarse.

Nebraska fans are notorious for being nice. But they’ve grown impatient, and impatient people aren’t nice forever. Just ask Frank Solich and Bill Callahan.

“Funny, how gentle people get with you once you’re dead.”

The college football landscape has changed since Nebraska was dominant. They had one coach embrace the past while another tried to take the program forward. Prop 48s? Gone. The option? Finished. Can Nebraska regain their past glory? Bo Pelini will now try to answer that question.

“I’m ready for my closeup, Mr. Pelini.”

For more on all things Nebraska Football, check with our buds over at Big Red Network and Corn Nation.

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41 Responses

  1. dedfischer said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 5:06 am

    “Corner Armando Murillo is used to playing on an island, but he didn’t much like it. He defected from Cuba as a child. He is susceptible to double moves though, still not fully understanding that Yanquis have choices.”

    Well played, sir.

  2. Well done, sir. I think they’re going to be one of the more interesting teams this year. They have some players, but no one has a clue if any of them know how to play football.

  3. Finally, a team with some history.

    Best Team
    Year Record Season Rank All-Time Rank
    1971 13-0 1 (1%) 1 (0%)
    Finishes
    #1 Top 5 Top 10 Top 25
    4 20 37 68
    Average Season Ranking
    Last 4 Last 10 Last 25 All-Time
    44.0 (37%) 27.4 (23%) 14.9 (13%) 26.3 (26%)
    Worst Team
    Year Record Season Rank All-Time Rank
    1899 0-3 53 (96%) 11774 (97%)
    Worst Team (Last 25 Years)
    Year Record Season Rank All-Time Rank
    2004 4-6 57 (49%) 5693 (47%)
  4. If I understand this right, Huck, the 1971 Nebraska team is considered the best team of all time. Correct?

  5. Aye.

  6. TaylorTRoom said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 5:56 am

    Where, in the list of all time teams, does their ‘95 team rank?

  7. #2

  8. Stuck in MN said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 6:14 am

    I know you’ve posted this before, but do you mind reposting the all-time rankings? I always assumed 95 would be tops.

  9. The ‘95 team was a juggernaut. They absolutely destroyed us in the Big XII title game that year.It was refreshing to go to Lincoln last year and watch us run the option with impunity. Their fans lose a little civility when they get their ass handed to them at home(as do most of us).

  10. dedfischer said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 6:26 am

    I may be wrong here, but I think in 95 they were still in the Big 8. You may be thinking of the 96 team.

  11. The ‘95 team was a juggernaut. They absolutely destroyed us in the Big XII title game that year.

    No they didn’t.

  12. Correction noted my bad. Whoever those guys were in San Antonio in 1997 they were a pretty damn good team.

  13. Statalyzer said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 6:36 am

    The ‘96 NU team didn’t destroy anyone in the Big XII Title game. Since his handle is “Aggie Lurking”, I’m guessing he’s thinking of ‘97, when Nebraska beat A&M 54-15.

  14. Top 10 as I’m too lazy to put up the Top 25.

    All Time College Football Teams
    Rank Year/Team Rating PF PA Record
    1 1971 Nebraska 116.54 507 104 13-0
    2 1995 Nebraska 116.06 638 174 12-0
    3 1945 Army 107.82 325 33 7-0
    4 1902 Michigan 107.14 240 6 6-0
    5 1971 Oklahoma 106.53 534 217 11-1
    6 1934 Minnesota 104.98 214 26 7-0
    7 1912 Wisconsin 104.89 233 29 6-0
    8 1991 Washington 104.60 495 115 12-0
    9 2005 Texas 104.28 652 213 13-0
    10 1987 Miami (FL) 103.10 412 125 12-0
  15. This preview is a sobering reminder of how far we’ve fallen… depressing. The average season ranking of 27.4 in the last 10 years shocks me; has it really been that bad? (I guess so). The last vintage Nebraska team was probably the 12-1 1999 squad that split with UT.

  16. Hurricane Ditka said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 7:01 am

    I could beat all 10 of those teams put together by four touchdowns.

  17. What is it with Fuskers and backward spellings, Ojnab? You, Ak-sar-ben Dog track? gimme a break!

    Let’s not forget Bo’s alleged NC(?!?)defense allowed an average of over 27 pts per game in the stodgy(Read: No Spread O)SEC, despite having All-Universe players like K Dorsey!

    Bo’s DC is his brother who moved over from the MAC —or was that HS foo’bah? Yeah, he’s contain the likes of the Land Thieves and Leach’s band of merry Pirates alright! Not mention that goombah at MU!

    As for Shawn Watson? He was half of Cally’s problem! His playbook at CU was even bigger than Callahan’s 600+ pages and the annual refrain fom SW while in Boulder was always “We’re gonna simplify things”.

    In ‘01 he was forced to when starting QB Ochs went down and JUCO Pesavento learned just enough to hand off to Chris Brown and throw to Dan Graham!

    No, let’s see if Shawn has learned anything and whether a MAC transfer at DC can cope in the bigs, before we call the Fuskers “interesting”

  18. The Defensive Tackle paragraph was brilliant.

  19. coach Callahan said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 7:39 am

    What’s wrong Earl? Did we fuck your mother? again?

  20. Pelini was tremendous in his first go-round with NU, and had they hired him instead of Callahan, and lord knows why they didn’t, they’d be in a lot better place right now.

    However, Pelini’s days were before the spread took root here, so we’ll have to see how he does. The offenses are better than Arkansas’, and his defense won’t be as good as LSU’s.

  21. His brother should have some experience with the spread coming from the MAC.

  22. TaylorTRoom said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 8:08 am

    It’s amazing that NU had the run it did. The state does not produce enough talent to stock an elite D-1A team, yet Devaney and Osborne developed a formula to acquire that much talent. Getting every decent player in state to walk on, having the best strength and conditioning program in the country, and running an option offense that needed skill talent that was not valued by rival programs (option QBs, etc.).

    It couldn’t last. The S&C was copied by rivals, and the spread teams started grabbing the backfield talent the Huskers needed. The Callahan hire was a hail mary to jump ahead of the D-1A world, and it was underthrown.

    Nebraska still has things going for it. For one, it is Nebraska, with great support from fans and the school. They can be a perennially ranked team, and occasionally make a BCS run. They just won’t be able to do it every year again.

  23. Parlin Hall said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 8:38 am

    HJ missed the obvious Buster Keaton/Frank Solich analogy.

    I would like my money back please.

  24. Carl Pelini’s defensive coordinator title means about as much as when Rebecca named Woody Assistant Head Bartender.

  25. Woooowee! coach Callahan! Brilliant insight and repartee worthy of Fusker devotees everywhere! So, mr WCO genius, Sir: ’splain jes’ where I mistated any facts associated with Bo Peep?

  26. coach Callahan said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 11:04 am

    You must be one of those people that think CU is Nebraskas rival because you win 28% of the time. Things aren’t the same in Lincoln as they were the last four years. Unfortunately for CU things are exactly the same in the Peoples Republic of Boulder. Had and linebackers hit anyone with an unlicensed rock this week? I suppose we should be happy your football players at least use environmentally freindly weapons. How is Scotts momma liking her new job?

  27. Huck, where does the 2005 USC team rank?

  28. Brushpile Bill said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Hey Taylor, re-read the note on Steinkuhler in the SOTU above and read J. Peter’s book. Then get back to us on the S&C program at NU in their glory years.

  29. #70, BRAGG.

  30. Earl T = Not that Smart said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 2:45 pm

    Well Earl, where should we start?

    - Bo actually gave up 24.5ppg in SEC competition, and 19.9ppg overall. You may also want to add that his defense played 6 overtimes, inflating the points per game.

    - He had no player named K Dorsey you tool. I think you meant Glenn Dorsey, but then again, from your comments, no one would ever accuse you of actually watching a game.

    - Kentucky and Florida actually run variations of the spread offense. Spurrier has incorporated some spread into his Fun N’ Gun, and Arkansas’ wildcat formation was spread based. Pelini has seen the spread in the SEC.

    What other facts would you care to make up Earl?

  31. Earl T=disgruntled buff fan/drunken mountain dwarf.
    Bow down, little earl t. Take your place.

  32. Jeremy in MPLS said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 5:17 pm

    Linked to this off Big Red Network.

    Hilarious and very well written. I’ll come back.

    Cheers!

  33. TA in Denver said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 5:48 pm

    That was extremely funny. Husker fans are very (overly?) optimistic this year. And it should only get better. We’ll finally be smacking people in the mouth again.

  34. Ian in Omaha said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 7:04 pm

    That was awesome. The Cody Glenn thing was fab.

  35. Greg Davis Rides the Short(pass) Bus said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    “He was born out of a kitchen mishap when his father accidentally dropped a syringe full of dianabol into an electric toaster”

    I was brushing my teeth and spit my toothpaste out in laughter. Damn you HenryJames.

  36. coach callahan said:

    August 18th, 2008 at 8:49 pm

    I didn’t laugh cause that coulda happened.

  37. The Big XII needs to have a strong Nebraska. The conference looks so much better when all of your “Cathedral” schools are at the top of the standing. The Huskers did get rid of their “Mackovic” though so that cannot hurt.

  38. Husker fans were optimistic last year. And the year before. Husker fans would be optimistic if the Tunguska Event was 2 minutes from arriving in Lincoln. Husker fans are optimistic about democracy in Iraq, Russian withdrawal from Georgia and the chances of seeing Jessica Alba fellating Scott Frost. Husker fan optimism is not predictive of future events.

  39. correction said:

    August 19th, 2008 at 9:34 am

    “It couldn’t last. The S&C was copied by rivals, and the spread teams started grabbing the backfield talent the Huskers needed.”

    I don’t think the old Nebraska strength and conditioning program was copied by others. I do think it was outlawed by the Food and Drug Administration.

  40. Dianabol is a pill, silly. I think you meant winstrol.

  41. roach callahan said:

    August 30th, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    “…….and that their head coach was wearing ladies glasses.”

    Hey!
    I was just trying to look intelligent but that damn blank stare just kept coming through.

    I hope all you hicks are happy now that you have a coach who has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

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    Trips,

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  • Trips Right commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Wake Forest Open thread   3 hours, 29 minutes ago

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  • Trips Right commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Wake Forest Open thread   3 hours, 29 minutes ago

    Pat, you know I don’t, but I’ve had coaches draw up plays to free up the best foul shooter and then tell that guy they’d put their foot up his ass if they passed the ball. It’s funny, but as a fans of football we nitpick blitz pickup and shit like that. Shit

  • Trips Right commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Wake Forest Open thread   3 hours, 29 minutes ago

    Pat, you know I don’t, but I’ve had coaches draw up plays to free up the best foul shooter and then tell that guy they’d put their foot up his ass if they passed the ball. It’s funny, but as fans of football we nitpick blitz pickup and shit like that. Shit that’s

  • Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Wake Forest Open thread   3 hours, 31 minutes ago

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    Trips,

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  • uthookem commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Wake Forest Open thread   3 hours, 35 minutes ago

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  • Trips Right commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Wake Forest Open thread   3 hours, 39 minutes ago

    Pat, if you were making 2 million a year, would you leave that up to chance?

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    Oh, and a stupid decision by Brown in giving up the ball to Johnson.

  • Trips Right commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Wake Forest Open thread   3 hours, 41 minutes ago

    Be nice if we’d coached our 90 percent foul shooter not to give the ball up.

  • Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Wake Forest Open thread   3 hours, 41 minutes ago

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  • uthookem commented on the blog post Texas Hoops vs. Wake Forest Open thread   3 hours, 42 minutes ago

    The line kills us, as it should have.

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    F’n Gary’s been awful tonight….

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    GJ at the line…big heart needed!

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    Why does Brown give it up there?

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    Bilas explaining why we’re not a smart team…Oh good, I want Gary at the line…

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    The good news is that now I know to fill out the census, so i’m not going to jail…not for that anyway.