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Fight! Fight!

Posted by Doperbo on August 7th, 2008 under Football

A series of melees broke out yesterday at Titans camp during an intrasquad scrimmage with the St. Louis Rams.

Players vent their aggression at practice

tennessee titans rams scrimmage

It started off innocently enough; second year running back Chris Henry misread a key block and careened directly into Rams head coach Scott Linehan who was standing next to a Gatorade stand about 40 yards away from the play, throwing a viscious forearm on the way down. When he looked up and realized where he was, he quickly helped two assistant trainers set the table back up and apologized profusely to Coach Linehan, who was dazed by the collision. Unfortunately before the Titan’s players could explain that this was the normal running style for Henry, tempers flared and the situation destabilized. Torry Holt, noting that Cortland Finnegan was the smallest player on the field with the pansiest sounding name, wrestled him to the ground on the next play while mocking him in a fake Irish accent. The defensive unit as a whole, save Albert Haynesworth- known around the league for his restraint and calm demeanor, retaliated. Keith Bulluck earholed Reche Caldwell, Michael Griffin slammed two receivers heads together several minutes after the whistle, and Stephen Tulloch stabbed Jacob Bell in the leg with a trident. Kyle VanDen Bosch attempted to soothe the general disruption and calm the situation down by disemboweling Adam Goldberg and using his entrails to smear a bloody visage of the Cimmerian god Crom on his torso while chasing Antonio Pittman around the goalposts in an ever tightening spiral.

Things were calmer on the offensive practice field, with the exception of David Stewart whipping Chris Long about the face and head with a short piece of rubber siphon hose he always keeps in his truck. Coach Jeff Fisher downplayed the incident, noting that a little aggression was healthy and normal this time of year. Said Fisher “Dave was just whomping him a bit with that Oklahoma credit card, he’s just being feisty. It’s training camp.” Titans defenders also downplayed the incident. Noted Bulluck “I feel like, as a defense, we’re progressing. Last year in camp the only player who’d lay someone out after the play was Vince. As a linebacker, you feel like you should be tougher than the quarterback. Also, it’s good to see that if someone calls Cortland a “wee little man” we can all come together like that and handle our business. Plus I got to slap Reche Caldwell.” Kyle VanDen Bosch was initially unavailable for comment, and was later found several blocks away from Baptist Sports Park assaulting a Diet Coke vending machine. He was quietly tased and led back to the field house, no charges were filed.

Jeff Fisher added, “You know, it’s really good to see the chippiness out there, it’s healthy. These guys are competitors and it showed out there today. We don’t condone fighting, but it’s good to get those juices flowing and take on another team to see what we’re made of. The assistant coaches and I are going to sneak into Linehan’s hotel tonight and freeze their bras. We’ve dressed Lendale up like Kamala the Ugandan Giant to create a diversion.”

Brett Favre was unavailable for comment.

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16 Responses

  1. TaylorTRoom said:

    August 7th, 2008 at 6:22 am

    Greatness!

    Evidently, this is what it takes for the Titans to get some press. I don’t know that I have ever seen a team be so young, go 10 – 6, and return nearly everybody, and still be a consensus also-ran.

  2. Lowery said:

    August 7th, 2008 at 7:02 am

    “fake irish accent”, “quietly tased” That was rich.

  3. Spider said:

    August 7th, 2008 at 7:16 am

    “The feistiness started early Wednesday morning at Baptist Sports Park.”

    Heh. Instead of having to wait ’till sundown, behind the field house, I assume.

  4. miketag said:

    August 7th, 2008 at 8:12 am


    “Kyle VanDen Bosch attempted to soothe the general disruption and calm the situation down by disemboweling Adam Goldberg and using his entrails to smear a bloody visage of the Cimmerian god Crom on his torso while chasing Antonio Pittman around the goalposts in an ever tightening spiral.”

    Genius!!!

  5. Scipio Tex said:

    August 7th, 2008 at 8:18 am

    I enjoy any post that works in a trident assault.

  6. 555 said:

    August 7th, 2008 at 9:31 am

    Excellence.

  7. SeeingRed said:

    August 7th, 2008 at 11:43 am

    Stephen, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder.

  8. Beergut said:

    August 8th, 2008 at 5:09 am

    Way to keep your head on a swivel out there.

  9. A said:

    August 8th, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    “The home boy threw a punch at me,” Bulluck said. “He threw a punch at me and I caught it like Neo in The Matrix.”

    ROFL

  10. TitanLurker said:

    August 9th, 2008 at 3:33 pm

    Conan fan?

  11. Facebook User said:

    August 11th, 2008 at 9:19 am

    Some Titans highlights: LINK

  12. Doperbo said:

    August 11th, 2008 at 11:14 am

    It was hard to tell much from Vince since he only threw 6 passes but overall the offense looked really good. His running looked like shades of 2006. Both lines are going to be dominant, especially with Haynesworth still playing for a paycheck. Chris Johnson is legit, total pursuit angle destruction. scally could make the squad at wide receiver. Reynaldo Hill is a global assault on fan sobriety. I want to see a few more preseason games before putting up preseason previews/season predictions.

  13. Facebook User said:

    August 11th, 2008 at 11:18 am

    I was blown away by CJ’s wheels. How well does he catch the ball?

  14. HenryJames said:

    August 11th, 2008 at 11:22 am

    With his hands I assume.

  15. Doperbo said:

    August 11th, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    He’s got good hands. Dinger lined him up in the slot during practice. Fish is working him into kick returns next week per today’s interview. Commented that there were multiple plays in practice they wondered about, questioned if he would have actually broke for a TD in an actual game. Looking back now he feels that he would have. Splitting the safeties like Vince against Missou is never a bad thing.

  16. Facebook User said:

    August 12th, 2008 at 9:13 am

    Clayton on Vince.

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