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“Don’t blame the American people! Blame the Democratic Party leadership. Terry McAuliffe is an idiot.” – Zack Exley, 2002
“I ought to be left alone; I’m not doing money anymore. I’m not involved in any campaigns. My wife and I decided I don’t want to do it anymore.” — Terry McAuliffe during federal inquiries, 2000
“… in 2000, we had a devastating loss. This party was demoralized in 2001, people were madder than heck at the party. ‘Why did we allow this to happen?’ and ‘Why didn’t we fight harder?’ . . . We went through a very tough time in 2002 after the midterm election.” – Terry McAuliffe, 2002
“Thanks to Terry McAuliffe, we are ready to lead this country, we’re ready to change this nation and I thank him for his leadership.” — Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.), at the Democratic Convention, Boston, 2004
Do you detect an odd pattern there?
We can only hope that the languid, bloated, limp-wristed cowards that dominate the right wing media have enough savvy and gravitas to twist the proper torsion necessary to truly unveil the oily vileness that seeps from the pores of the Clinton Institution. If you’ve ever been masochistic enough to endure more than eight minutes of Sean Hannnity or more than six hundred sixty six minutes of Rush Limbaugh you’d know that they do not. They never have.
Bill Clinton managed to expand federal wiretaps, deny states federal money, not to mention the dreamy notion of independence, by refusing to grant federal funds if they didn’t lower their drunk count to an innocuous .08. He even got his crusted member salivated upon all the way to a second term. He did that on their watch. The lessons they learned were that squinty eyes, overt finger gestures, stomach surgeries, mousy lawyers and an edacious thirst for Liza Minelli and Elizabeth Taylor’s drug of choice was not near manly enough to stop that runaway semen train.

At least Timothy Leary was leathery enough to drop acid. Hell, even Judy Garland was cowboy enough to drain her pharmaceuticals with gin or whiskey. Somewhere, out there, even Kate Moss is questioning the intestinal fortitude of Limbaugh, giggling about his stomach surgery and wondering how anyone could acquire such a pussyish addiction.
The focus of the feces-flinging world of talk radio and screeching cable news hosts usually narrowly scoped their indignant dialogue to the death of Arkansas lawyer, Vince Foster, or the sperm stains on fichus and dresses designed for the big and tall.
Why? Why was it so hard to stifle the liquid ambition of the Clinton era? The tempting but wrong answer to that question is that the Clintons were just too smart. The Clinton’s go to guy, Terry McAuliffe, then orchestrator of illegal campaign funds, later corrupt DNC chairman and fleecer of labor union dues and now hilarious strategy foreman who expanded his folly far enough to adorn the desk plate of Clinton Campaign chairman, has flaunted his almost Mardi Gras flamboyance of ignorance without so much as a warning shot over the bough from any ideologically-based medium. Where is the deserved venom for such a mindless, yet powerful and sycophant asshole like Terry McAuliffe? The “liberal media” are as much to blame as the power base of conservative tin horns that can’t seem to quarantine John McCain, handle their meds or pull off a simple burglary even with the backing of Nixon’s federal agents. I know, I’m supposed to lend an ominous respect to G. Gordon Liddy as some kind of cloak and dagger genius, even though he couldn’t organize a group of clandestine agents to snake some documents from his hometown without looking like a drunken teenager stealing his neighbor’s car stereo. The piano wire is not for flossing, Gordon.
Even Clinton opponents within the Democratic Party remain confounded on how to pry themselves from the resilient seminal net that the Clintons sprayed upon them.
To the credit of the press corps, even if you devoted an entire cable show devoted to spelling out the improprieties of Terry McAuliffe, it would be difficult to sum them up accurately within a year.
In an effort to keep this article smaller than ‘The Sopranos’ series, I’ll provide a gist of what that greedy, penis sheathe, Terry McAuliffe, has done.
WASHINGTON POST, JANUARY 12, 1998: McAuliffe, the premier Democratic fund-raiser of the decade, has spent much of the past 12 months dealing with hostile Republican investigators, federal prosecutors and adverse news stories. He has emerged as a key, but enigmatic, figure in two overlapping federal investigations: the broadening inquiry into illegal fund-raising on the part of the Teamsters union conducted by the U.S. Attorney’s Office in New York, and the Justice Department’s investigation into alleged 1995-96 Democratic presidential fund-raising abuses. In addition, the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the District of Columbia investigated McAuliffe’s role in the award of a $160.5 million federal lease, but decided against bringing criminal charges. . . McAuliffe has given depositions to federal prosecutors and congressional investigators, but he has not been called to testify publicly, and he has not been charged with any crime…. McAuliffe’s success has come from his knack for being in the middle of a deal while maintaining a critical distance. For almost 17 years – as broker, lawyer, promoter and facilitator – McAuliffe had estimated with uncanny precision the sustainable distance between contributor and candidate, as well as between seller and buyer.
ASSOCIATED PRESS, 1999: The Labor Department is suing two union officials alleging they invested pension funds in “imprudent” deals with companies owned by a top fund-raiser for President Clinton and Hillary Rodham Clinton. Terence McAuliffe, the fund-raiser who recently offered to help the Clintons purchase a home in New York, is not a defendant in the lawsuit. The Labor Department regulates those who manage workers’ pensions, not those who do business with such funds. The lawsuit says that in one instance McAuliffe made $2.45 million on a deal in which the fund bought him out of a real estate partnership. He had invested $100, the pension fund $39 million …. The department alleges the pension fund lost money as a result of a loan and a partnership deal that comprised more than $47 million in investments with McAuliffe’s companies. Tax records show the fund didn’t receive all the principal and interest due under the loan.
WALL STREET JOURNAL: In his defense of the [Clinton house] loan, Mr. McAuliffe asks: What can Bill Clinton do for me? For starters, he could make it tough for the U.S. Attorney’s office to get to the bottom of Mr. McAuliffe’s oft-denied role in the sleazy 1996 “contributions swap” between the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee and the Teamsters union …. What Terry McAuliffe did in essence is make a contribution to Hillary’s campaign. Its whole purpose is to enable her to establish residence in New York, thus the money is absolutely essential to her campaign …. In the Hillary race, no McAuliffe “loan,” no residency, no campaign. His contribution would seem to be more than $1,000.
Strategy wise, the Clinton Fist wallowed in a dumbness that delved deep enough that they actually touted Hillary’s mock New York residence and rogue senate seat and first lady duties as valid job experience for the presidency. How could an inexperienced freshman senator compare to those vitae? After all, as first lady she performed mostly ceremonial duties such as picking brunch themes, Christmas decorations and the promotion of a healthcare plan that was swatted like a wet, wingless fly. She supported a bogus war when the headwind of 9-11 projected a 70% approval rate for dead American soldiers in an effort to police and preempt a supposedly imminent attack from a nation that had seven canoes mounted with shotguns for a navy and a team of novice kite surfers for an air force. We should, however, respect her stern refusal to accept accountability while simultaneously denouncing the war when it plummeted to less than a 30% approval rate. What a gal. How is one to even attempt to topple the wisdom of that kind of well-oiled political machine? By my estimation, and I admit that the numbers are somewhat nebulous, she would rank at about 666% foul.
The only thing more shameful than the list of names that were, and were not, on Bill Clinton’s list of pardons is his last moment chess maneuver to wedge McAuliffe into the position of DNC chairman. Anyone seeking federal office as a democrat since 2001 was likely forced to do so by weaving through the test and confirmation of a Clintonite. When President Clinton left office he didn’t just leave with a firm grip on the Democratic Party, but the Clintons actually became the Democratic institution, controlling almost all spigots of cash flow.
What did this hijacking provide for the Democratic Party? In the 2002 mid terms the democrats left the battlefield after losing the house and the senate, leaving absolute control to republicans. The clownish leadership and direction of the Clinton/McAuliffe penumbra has been a heart-shaped box of chocolates for the RNC.
Did the democrats not hear Bill and Terry’s whispered chant for “eight more years?” How did they allow that to happen?
Much attention was paid to the Kennedy’s sparkling endorsement of Senator Obama, certainly a sign of a growing fissure within party ranks. The most telling sign, however, of resentment within the party was the endorsement of Obama from Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., and longtime ally of the Clintons.
McAuliffe took his flaccid leadership and stepped down as DNC chairman in 2005, retracting to concentrate his efforts on writing a book, building a record-breaking warchest for Senator Clinton’s run for the presidency and not using union pension funds for corrupt investments. In the absence of that guidance, the democrats swept the house and senate in the midterm elections of 2006, while also gaining new governor seats.
The only existing entity that could fill the chasm between a fragmented Republican Party is Hillary Rodham Clinton. Based on the recent history of the Democratic Party, I’m certain that she’ll win the nomination. For the last eight years the democrats have insisted on showing up to the prom with their pants on backward.
If there was ever a marriage that could reverse the axis of a divided RNC to a united one, and a transitive divide within the DNC, it’s the unholy union of Bill, Hillary and Terence “McAuliffe” Clinton.
The fun never stops? Bullshit. The fun stopped a long time ago.
Woody Bombay said:
February 8th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Nice read.
It’s hard to believe that after the past 7 1/2 years of Nixonian corruption and Carterite incompetence, the Clinton years look like Camelot.
EyesOfTX said:
February 8th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
I’m sorry, you lost me at “right wing media”. Just can’t get past that.
Chooky said:
February 8th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
You’re right. In hindsight I realized that Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy and Rush Limbaugh are notorious hippies.
CrazyJoeDavola said:
February 8th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
“For the last eight years the democrats have insisted on showing up to the prom with their pants on backward.”
And in some cases, with classified national security documents stuffed down said pants.
Chooky said:
February 8th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Sandy Berger just wanted to look bulgy for Senator Craig.
EyesOfTX said:
February 8th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
“You’re right. In hindsight I realized that Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy and Rush Limbaugh are notorious hippies.”
Ok, that is “rightwing media”. I mistakenly though you might be referring to the remaining 98% of the news media in this country. Thanks for the clarification.
“Sandy Berger just wanted to look bulgy for Senator Craig.”
Senator Craig is a flamer, but he’s not a traitor. There is a difference there, believe it or not.
Chooky said:
February 8th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
How do you know that Sandy Berger isn’t a flaming traitor?
Facebook User said:
February 8th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Craig did once yell “Show me your tits!” at Terry McAuliffe. Laissez Le Bon Temps Roulet.
Woody Bombay said:
February 8th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
“I mistakenly though you might be referring to the remaining 98% of the news media in this country. Thanks for the clarification.”
And Fox News. And The Wall Street Journal. And half the op-ed writers for The New York Times. And The Washington Times. And half of MSNBC. And the New York Post. And … well, the point obviously is that you’ve got to be either stupid or dishonest to hold on to the tired old “liberal media” canard in this day an age. And, Eyes, we all know you aren’t stupid.
ALTHOUGH …
About a month ago you declared that 1) 9udy Giu11ani was the GOP frontrunner, and 2) Mike Huckabee would be politically dead by now. So who knows?
Uttuck said:
February 9th, 2008 at 2:54 am
Woody
When the conservatives say that the news is horribly biased, and the liberals say that they think the media is even, a rational person would think that the media sides with that liberals.
Luckily Harvard didn’t think they could rely on people to be rational and tested it themselves. In their studies, people who viewed news found that every network was biased towards the liberals. Even Fox News was found to have a liberal slant (although they were only just barely liberal, those bastards).
I didn’t find the article I read that on, but it took me 5 seconds to find another study that backs me up: LINK
Hopefully you were just misinformed.
DrkBgrk said:
February 9th, 2008 at 6:28 am
wtf. so none of these people is a WR recruit?
potential coaching hire?
funny joke about another big 12 school?
Frozen Horn said:
February 9th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Stop refuting assumed facts, Uttuck.
Thank God for McAuliffe. Or maybe regular Americans deserve some blame.
With any luck, a wave of failures in Iraq will erase the recent gains so Obama and Hillary can surf their main plank all the way to the White House.
NateHeupel said:
February 9th, 2008 at 8:53 am
“The only existing entity that could fill the chasm between a fragmented Republican Party is Hillary Rodham Clinton.”
I’ve been saying this for a year now, and it is absolutely refreshing to know that someone else sees it as well. There is no way that a Republican gets elected to the Oval Office unless his opponent is Hillary Clinton.
Tragically, I also have another prediction. If Barack Obama wins the Democratic nomination, he’ll win the presidency. He’ll also be assassinated in office within 18 months of election, if he’s not killed before he even takes the oath of office.
Sexism is more prevalent than racism in America, but it’s more superficial. Racism, on the other hand, runs to the very core of those it infects. People will vote against a person for sexism’s sake, but they will kill for racism’s sake.
Major Cult said:
February 9th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Jeez, Nate. Thanks for your uplifting presentation of reality. And I thought our offense was depressing.
RansomStoddard said:
February 9th, 2008 at 11:02 am
All of this is Greg Davis’s fault.
Super said:
February 9th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
You’ve said it all for me, Chooky. Suitable for framing.
Sweet justice that Obama is now crucifying her in the very states that the Carville-McAuliffe Strategy left for dead 16 years ago (which of course happens to be about 2/3 of the lot). I put in a call to the fat lady after Iowa, when Terry Mac boasted to the NY Times about Clinton’s eventual nomination, “I feel better about our chances now than I ever have”.
I laid down my money that night with some Clinton tool, at 5-1.
EyesOfTX said:
February 10th, 2008 at 6:24 am
“About a month ago you declared that 1) 9udy Giu11ani was the GOP frontrunner, and 2) Mike Huckabee would be politically dead by now. So who knows?”
Really? Actually, about a month ago I was saying that Giuliani was likely the GOP’s strongest general election candidate (which is still true), and I hoped that his strategy of skipping Iowa and NH would work because if it did, the importance of those two pissant states would be forever diminished in the electoral process, which would be great for the country. However, I also speculated that the strategy would not work, which it didn’t. You ought to work on those reading comprehension skills.
As for Huckabee, he is dead, he just doesn’t want to admit it yet. He may even continue to pick off little caucus states here and there as the campaign wears on, and probably has a chance here in Texas, where GOP voters have an unusually high level of disdain for McCain.
But the math simply does not work for him, and never has. There’s just no way for him to get to a majority under all but a single scenario. That single hope is that Romney, who hates Huckabee (and the felling is mutual) gets to the convention and pledges his delegates to Huckster. You will note that Romney merely suspended his campaign thursday – he did not end it. So, if he chooses to do so, he will still be able to control his delegates (almost 300 of them) at the convention.
Now, if Huckabee were to win every remaining primary, he might – depending on his margin of victory in proportional states, which would have to be huge – MIGHT be able to creep to within 300 delegates of McCain. And if all the remaining states were South of the Mason/Dixon line, he might stand a tick of a chance. But they aren’t, and he doesn’t.
EyesOfTX said:
February 10th, 2008 at 6:53 am
BTW, Chooky, you’re dead on right about McAuliffe, who is one of the all-time corrupters of our political system. Sorry I got hung up on the whole “right-wing media” thing. FWIW, Limbaugh did at the time rail about the things you point out here at great length. Naturally, though, the left-wing media studiously looked the other way, as they have done for the Clintons and their minions for the last 16 years.
Blackwater CEO said:
February 10th, 2008 at 11:56 am
I agree with Eyes…Giuliani is our strongest candidate. Those who disagree want the Islamofascists to rape our children. Giuliani’s low numbers must be attributed somehow to a liberal media, the Clintons, or….give Eyes a few days, he’ll figure out the real reason and tell you all about it.
Facebook User said:
February 10th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Can we all agree that each side is chockablock with meretricious bags of both the gaseous and scummy variety?
Chooky said:
February 10th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Eyes —
Thanks. I gummed up my choice of words with that sentence, so it was kind of hazy. At first glance it definitely looks as though I’m bemoaning the conservative dominated media, which would certainly be a bizarre take.
I agree with you that Huckabee doesn’t have a chance. However, you must admit that last night’s caucuses were pretty much an expression of buyer’s remorse and a slap in the face to the McCain campaign. The conservative base resents and fears McCain more than Scipio’s recurring, cold sweat inducing nightmare of an all white defensive backfield.
I side with Woody on the fact that the liberal media card is overplayed. It’s a highly competive market and anything with a muddy face will get play. As I typed that, I cringed a little at the thought of Matt Lauer, Katy Couric and Wolf Blitzer/Talon Fire/Stormy Nails … whatever his name really is.
Super –
I hope your bet pays out in a crown of gold and rubies. However, considering that you placed your bet with a Clinton supporter, you might be paid out in either hugs or stolen union dues.
Sailor –
I hope someone is considering taking your children away for voting Nader. I know, it didn’t matter because you were submerged in democrats, but anyone who votes for a man that refuses to get a driver’s license deserves to be flogged with a meretricious bag of gas, scum and blitzing wolves.
Facebook User said:
February 10th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I’ve already sent my write-in ballot for Al Sharpton.
Chooky said:
February 10th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
At least he knows how to merge onto a freeway and pump his own gas.
EyesOfTX said:
February 10th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
“I agree with you that Huckabee doesn’t have a chance. However, you must admit that last night’s caucuses were pretty much an expression of buyer’s remorse and a slap in the face to the McCain campaign. The conservative base resents and fears McCain more than Scipio’s recurring, cold sweat inducing nightmare of an all white defensive backfield.”
Oh, that’s absolutely right – no question about it. I share the disdain for McCain, and would be very concerned that a person with his well-known emotional instability was leading the country during a time of war.
The irony, though, is that, once Giuliani was eliminated, McCain was probably the strongest general election candidate the Rs could nominate. His position on illegal immigration may enable him to pick up as large a percentage of the Hispanic vote as Bush did in 2000 and 2004, which is a big, big factor. It becomes especially important if the Ds are dumb enough to nominate Hillary, given that that will produce a very dampened turnout by African Americans, who the Clintons royally pissed off with their race-baiting campaigns in Nevada and South Carolina, a tactic that they have continued since.
You and I will just have to disagree about the balance of bias in the news media, which is fine.
Hook ‘em!!!