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There is no way to deny the sheer impressiveness associated with this man, and frankly I’m tired of the press casting doubts about his greatness every time a tiny chink in the armor appears, as was the case last night. Billick outcoach Belichick? Are you kidding me? Don’t you know who you are talking about?
Bill.
You are talking about The Bill. The Mad Croatian who’s name translates to the Shortening of the Way in English. The man who once made Eric Mangini’s eyebrows fall off by staring intently at him for several minutes. You better stop and consider the forces you are messing with here. I’m not going to be responsible if this happens again. Doubt him at your own peril.
Let’s run down his list of accomplishments and regain some perspective:
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He is the best coach in the history of organized sports.
He speaks seven languages, including |33t.
His playbook is written in Base 11, for clarity.
He jots down additions to the Linux kernel during times out.
He once crossed a scalar with a vector. The product of that union was Jon Bon Jovi.
He has mind control over Deebo.
He knows the real words to Benny Lava.
His prostate achieved self-awareness on March 9th, 2003, and is responsible for the last three seasons of J.A.G.
He chooses draft picks based on Reimann zeta probability statistics:
where x is a positive integer equal to his own badassedness.
He only sings the verse to End of the World As We Know It .
He controls Tom Brady’s liaison’s through a Bene Gesserit breeding progam designed to one day overthrow Don Shula’s descendants.
He started the rumor that Mr. Rogers was a sniper in Viet Nam, for reasons known only to himself.
He personally braids Randy Moss’s hair every morning according to an algorithm to maximize intra-helmet laminar airflow.
He leaves an origami unicorn in any team’s locker room that is able to beat him.
Every time his name is spelled correctly a sparrow falls from the sky.
He was once trapped in an elevator with Bryant Gumbel for three hours, who was too in awe to mutter a single word.
When he watches Star Wars, there are no Ewoks in it.
He can smell a pimp from a mile away.
His nail-clippings kill fire ants.
He once body-slammed Bill Parcells during an altercation over a club sandwich. Then gave him the sandwich.
He suspected Ender’s enemies were real.
He is the only man alive who has proof that Johnny Cash was a vampire.
He prefers Mazatlán after it became touristy.
The only thing he is afraid of is salamanders.
He once ordered a small coffee and a fritter at Starbucks. The barista gave him a Venti half-caf Mocha and a caramel praline muffin, then took off her shirt.
His coaching tree includes Nick Saban, Jim Schwartz, and Lee Majors.
He can watch Time Cop and Lionheart straight through.
His life has an ABABUpDownLeftRightSelectSelectStart feature.
His wallet is the one that says El Chingon.
He turned down the offer to play Quint in Jaws. In his version the fingernail/on/chalkboard scene lasted eight minutes.
He has a relevant opinion on Ted Marchibroda.
His most influential role model is Snake-Eyes.
He knows you are reading this.
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Activity
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dick commented on the blog post Second Round Bets 1 hour, 22 minutes ago
I wish they weren’t playing Kentucky next. Same goes for #11 seed Washington having to play West Virginia.
Sucks that we are getting the two best teams left in the tourney playing in the Elite 8 possibly.
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Farmer Ted wrote a new blog post: Bo Pelini Interview 2 hours, 21 minutes ago
Steve Sipple has a Q&A with Bo Pelini in Sunday’s Lincoln Journal Star. There are some candid comments and it’s worth a read. Some notable excerpts:
On the program’s improvement: “I’m hungrier than I’ve ever been because I think we’re getting close…I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think the players feel the
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adam-biggers wrote a new blog post: Spartan Hoopla: Here’s What I Really Think About Spartan Basketball 2 hours, 29 minutes ago
Okay, gloves off.
No stats, no recaps, none of that.
If you have ever read my stuff on Bleacher Report you would notice that I keep to a newspaper style of writing. On this blog, I want to be more opinionated, but without being out of line at the same time.
Here it goes, this is what I
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P.Drez wrote a new blog post: Carlo’s Chelsea Capitulate; United Seize Control 3 hours, 2 minutes ago
An already painful week turned excruciating for Carlo Ancelotti. After being dumped out of the Champions League midweek by former hero Jose Mourinho, Chelsea failed to rebound and dropped two valuable points at Blackburn. Manchester United edged Liverpool and now control the Premier League race.
A forlorn figure on the touchline, Carlo Ancelotti could
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Tim commented on the blog post Spring Preview: Tech Offense 3 hours, 41 minutes ago
With Leach at the wheel I was expecting a 10 win minimum season with the guys this team has coming back in 2010. Now with Tubbs, Willis, and Brown running the show I’m in agreement it’s anywhere between 9-12 wins this year.
Very exciting to hear your take on the O-line ded, as
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adam-biggers wrote a new blog post: Spartan Hoopla: Michigan State Stamps Its Ticket to Sweet 16 Without Kalin Lucas 5 hours, 22 minutes ago
No Kalin Lucas?
No problem.
“Too Easy” has had his share of leg and ankle problems this season, and with two minutes left in the Spartans’ second round matchup with Greivis Vasquez and the Maryland Terrapins, he made an early exit.
State’s 5′11″ point-man Korie Lucious may have a little something to
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 7 hours, 14 minutes ago
This really has been a great start. It’s pretty exciting to see dark horse teams winning by playing solid basketball rather than just shooting the lights out. 4 year players are so key.
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Bob in Houston commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 7 hours, 16 minutes ago
And nobody melts down like Maryland fans. I can’t even post some of the stuff they have spewed.
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dick commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 8 hours, 3 minutes ago
Hopefully, yall caught the Maryland Michigan St ending. Freakin’ thrilling. Maryland almost pulled off a comeback for the ages.
officially the best opening weekend ever
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 8 minutes ago
Tom Izzo can coach some ball.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 9 minutes ago
MSU at the buzzer!!!!!!
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 12 minutes ago
Fear the Turtle! Came all the way back from a dozen down to take the lead on MSU…
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D W commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 8 hours, 18 minutes ago
It’s incredible how few teams play good, fundamental basketball.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 22 minutes ago
tOSU will be moving on. Evan Turner does a little of everything. 22 pts, 8 reb, 8 ass. Great player.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 22 minutes ago
tOSU will be moving on. Evan Turner does a little of everything. 22 pts, 8 reb, 8 ast. Great player.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 29 minutes ago
Bob Huggins looks like a guy I wouldn’t want to play for. He makes Barnes look like Dick Vermeil….
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 8 hours, 31 minutes ago
Scratch that. The Big Red are blowing Wisconsin out.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 8 hours, 33 minutes ago
I’d be happy to see the last two minutes of the OSU/Tech game. 4 pt game with just under two minutes.
Cornell putting it to the Bo Ryan’s….
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 8 hours, 59 minutes ago
Cornell is playing phenomenally well. I’d be surprised if Wiscy doesn’t cut into the lead in the 2nd half.
Jay Bilas may end up looking like a genius.
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admin commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 9 hours, 15 minutes ago
parlin – Shoot me an email sailorripley at barkingcarnival dot com.
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 10 hours, 8 minutes ago
I really want Mizzou to give it to WVU.
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Round 2 Saturday Recaps 10 hours, 22 minutes ago
What kind of NBA player does Samhan end up as?
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dick commented on the blog post Second Round Bets 10 hours, 34 minutes ago
I really like Cal today.
ATM and Cornell look too good to be true and the public is all over both of them.
I gotta believe that Izzo beats Maryland today, I haven’t been impressed with the Terps this year. I am surprised that they are favored.
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 10 hours, 56 minutes ago
Gonzaga is getting plowed like a future Zeta during her Provisional Summer session.
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Alex wrote a new blog post: The Top 10 Reasons our Cal Bears will beat the Duke Blue Devils 11 hours ago
Kevin Berger from March To March lays it out for us here.
1) Interior Worries. As in the Bears shouldn’t have any defensively even if Cal is an undersized group. Brian Zoubek and Lance Thomas aren’t going to drop step and dunk you to death on the low block so Mike Montgomery can
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 11 hours, 7 minutes ago
Jordan Hamilton + 2 years ~ Wesley Johnson. Discuss.
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James commented on the blog post Best Opening Round I Can Remember 11 hours, 25 minutes ago
” a heavily tattooed lycanthrope Irish wookie named Lucas O’Rear”
That is just strong command of the English language.
This piece was a nice balm on the hangover.
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Texas Turns the Page 11 hours, 27 minutes ago
gotta,
I think your overall point is a good one. Barnes is a “system” guy especially defensively, which plays into how he overall plays the game. He wants to play a high pressure, overplay man2man scheme predicated on effort, good technique and overall quickness. Similar to Duke, but even Coach K (in fairness
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 11 hours, 38 minutes ago
Would have never guessed that UNI had an Ali shooting threes for them….
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post NCAA Tournament Open Thread: Weekend Edition 11 hours, 55 minutes ago
Anyone else as confused as I am by this “Ivan Brothers” ad campaign? WTF?
Huckleberry said:
December 4th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
That game was an embarrassment on the Ravens’ end. Stupid call after stupid play after stupid call in the last couple of minutes. Talk about giving a game away.
Right down to the final play when the receiver allowed himself to be tackled in the field of play with the ball.
Doperbo said:
December 4th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Are you insinuating that Bill didn’t will that to happen?
Everyone step away from Huck. He’s marked.
srr50 said:
December 4th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
He is Peyton Manning’s father.
flamingmonkeyass said:
December 4th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
He can take his guys and beat your guys. He can also take your guys and beat his guys. He can do this in the same game whilst curing cancer and shagging Elizabeth Hurley.
He will draft all three of our starting linebackers and turn them into hall of famers. They will be known as the Kitchen Men. At the induction ceremony Robert Killabrew will blindside a retired Peyton Manning. Bill Belichick will giggle. Under his breath.
Alia Atreides said:
December 4th, 2007 at 9:50 pm
He is the Kwisatz Haderach!!!
CrazyJoeDavola said:
December 4th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
I had no idea Doperbo was from Boston.
If he’s not, this is an eerily spot-on translation of you average Beantown mook.
Flamingmonkeyass said:
December 4th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Keyser Soze fears Bill Belichick
Crown & Coke said:
December 5th, 2007 at 12:46 am
On page 2,678 of the Patriot’s playbook, Belichick hides a secret formula that holds the key to creating a dermatological concoction potent enough to remedy Norv Turner’s complexion.
Chooky said:
December 5th, 2007 at 6:01 am
Bill Belichick impregnated Shawn Kemp and Travis Henry.
BiggUggly said:
December 5th, 2007 at 7:01 am
I don’t understand. Does that mean that I the illegitimate love child of Mack and Greggy?
South '06 said:
December 5th, 2007 at 7:17 am
He understands every word that comes out of Jamaal Charles’ mouth.
13ev0 said:
December 5th, 2007 at 7:20 am
After NASA staged the moon landing, he got pissed and lead a trip to Mars.
13ev0 said:
December 5th, 2007 at 7:23 am
When he listens to aggie football broadcasts, his telekinetic powers actually allows him to understand what’s happening in the game.
fostemi1 said:
December 5th, 2007 at 7:33 am
Loved the Ender comment – greatness
Mockingbird said:
December 5th, 2007 at 7:54 am
“He controls Tom Brady’s liaison’s through a Bene Gesserit breeding progam designed to one day overthrow Don Shula’s descendants.”
“He is the Kwisatz Haderach!!!”
I would cry Nerd Alert, but I caught the joke and liked it.
Yes, I’m in my mid-30’s and live a meaningful and fullfilling life reading sci-fi in my leasure time.
Tom Brady said:
December 5th, 2007 at 7:57 am
“Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear’s path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
BrickHorn said:
December 5th, 2007 at 8:26 am
He once crossed a scalar with a vector.
That’s unpossible!
LonghornScott said:
December 5th, 2007 at 8:43 am
He is the vacuum energy.
TaylorTRoom said:
December 5th, 2007 at 8:54 am
Every day he feels the will to power.
Kyle K said:
December 5th, 2007 at 11:08 am
He has translated Mack Brown’s game day clapping sequence into Morse Code, played it in reverse, and revealed a lust filled expression of love for Matthew McConaughey.
SizzleChest said:
December 5th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
He can lick a taint without ever opening his mouth.
Chooky said:
December 5th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
I seriously doubt he could lick a taint without opening his mouth.
Why must you always take it to the point of absurdity?
SizzleChest said:
December 5th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
I remember the first time I ever noticed it.
Sir, have you ever done nude modeling before?
You mean with the ding-dong and hoo-hah? Yeah.
Now open up wide for me, kid. Wider. Wider!, Whoa, not that wide!
Fuck yeah that wide!
That part of his body has more personality than his whole face.
But, Gary, we can already see his bing-bong…and his flabby-habby-babby.
I’m not talking about his cock or his you imbecile. I want that!
The taint.
http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/41968/detail/
Ryan said:
December 5th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
an ender’s game reference, wow doperdo u are cultured, im impressed
BrickHorn said:
December 7th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Bill Belichick wrote, cast, directed and produced an autobiographical film, which he titled “Two Girls and a Cup.”
Skynerd Rulz said:
December 10th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
I dunno. Who DOESN’T have a relevant opinion on Ted Marchibroda?
Facebook User said:
February 2nd, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Smile!