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Texas Football: Nebraska Post-Mortem

Posted by Scipio Tex on October 30th, 2007 under Football

I have a work colleague whose husband is a manager at the Venetian in Las Vegas. It might surprise you then, classy joint that the Venetian is, to learn that it is the site of the prestigious Adult Video Awards. Aside from the enjoyment of seeing porn stars being led through the lobby on leashes or Tito Ortiz terrorizing anyone who gawks at Jenna Jameson, he was most struck by the fact that the winners of the awards were genuinely thrilled to win. The awards were never received with ironic posturing or a roll of the eyes. The girls were weeping, mascara in full liquid sprint down their cheeks, thanking their mothers and those who always believed in them, telling their former doubters at Van Nuys High School to suck it. After the event, the girls on the gaming floor carried their awards like a newborn; you couldn’t have pried their hands off of their prize with a jaws of life speculum.


The Nobel Piece of Ass Prize

Beating a bad Nebraska football team is the college football equivalent of winning Best Anal. A close win is better than a loss, but most Texas fans were hoping to be featured in a different category at a different awards show. But you can’t pry Bill Little’s hand off of the trophy (at least without the lure of a thermos of turkey gravy and a tome of Smythe & Struther’s 101 Writing Cliches). After all, this is Nebraska – a fellow member of the court of college football royalty. We beat NEBRASKA! In a chess match, no less. Of course, this is eerily reminescent of the dark decade from 1985 to 1995 when teams would crow about beating TEXAS. We…beat…TEXAS! Who cares if we were 5-6?

Nebraska came into the game after suffering a series of home field humiliations, with a lame duck coaching staff, a QB who once tried to snort half of Scottsdale, and a defense that faints at the sight of a handoff. They then proceeded to clobber us for three quarters until we stumbled upon the zone read and commenced to whipping ass. We were once again reminded that Charles is a very fast human being who has excellent running instincts when his brain hasn’t succumbed to the psychological mind bang that is the Greg Davis running game. Dude is, admittedly, a fumbler, but there’s more bloom on his rose than thorn when he’s used appropriately.

Our OL was horrific in some instances, though it’s on Colt and our scheme to account for the extra unblocked man. We didn’t do much of that. Once again, the blitz was treated as if it were the most exotic and unpredictable thing a defense can do (even though Akina is guaranteed to blitz any opposing offense on change of possession and give up 22 yards on the predictable screen to come). The Davisian notion that basic blitzes render your offense inept unless you’ve specifically prepared all week for them is a strange conceit we’ve seen from this staff time and again. Southlake Carroll and Westlake have anti-blitz measures hardwired into their JV offense. Why don’t we? Actually, we do, but, as with all of our offensive schemes, they are tied to a specific player – Limas Sweed – who is out for the year. Throwing a fly to him in single coverage was our way of dissuading the blitz. It was pretty simple and effective. Now that we have a WR corps incapable of seperation – a crew of #2’s – we’re going to see more and more teams pressing us. Either we find a way to relieve that pressure through some other avenue, or defenses are going to blow us up. I vote for the unpredictable tunnel screen!!!!!!!


I shall tunnel screen you into submission if you bring this

One thing that I find fascinating about our OL is how solid they look when they’re allowed to block down in the running game rather than reach block guys lined up on an outside shoulder. To fully understand the ramifications of this, secure one dog treat, your family dog, and a hallway. Stand at attention. Place your dog two feet in front of you towards the area where you’ll be throwing the treat. Yell,”Hut hut” and throw the dog treat to the end of the hall. Attempt to stop your dog without holding. You’re reach blocking. Good luck.

Now, place your dog two steps behind you, your body between the dog and the treat throwing area. Throw the treat. Lazily reach out and impede your dog’s progress. You’re now down blocking. If you’d like to add a further layer, down block on Fido twice and in the third instance, pretend to throw the treat. While he careens down the hallway into the kitchen, gently throw the treat into the hands of Jermicheal Finley running the opposite direction. You just ran play action.


I poop on your reach block

Good running schemes create a virtuous cycle. It begats advantangeous play action passing situations, which, in turn, begats advantageous running situtations, all neatly joining in a never-ending loop of happy and coherent offense. This, among other reasons, is why well-coached schools like Highland Park can run the ball so effectively out of the spread with halfbacks named Chaz Worthington III.


I say, that DE seems to be biting on the playfake

Defensively, we gave up 400+ yards and 20+ points again. Nebraska had a 100 yard rusher, a 100 yard receiver, and a 300 yard passing performance. Akina’s movable fantasy football feast. Our version of Cover 2 is more vulnerable to the post than a careening drunk driving through a ranch gate. When Nate Swift sticks it to you, you have to wonder what the hell it is you’re doing out there. Young LBs blah blah blah blah. Old LBs blah blah blah blah. Fill it in. You know the drill. I’m tired of it. Sergio Kindle deserves special mention as someone who continues to fly around and wreck human beings in the opposing uniform, which is something I generally value in a LBing corps more than an ability to dominate our walk ons in spring drills. Graduation will improve our LBing corps considerably in 2008.

Much is being written about a state of regress for our DL and I don’t think it’s all fully deserved. Our quickish DE’s aren’t being cut loose to penetrate for fear of exposing our LBs and our DTs always face a playside double team. This is usually the recipe for LBs to have stat lines with 14 tackles and two forced fumbles since the running game pretty much becomes an Oklahoma drill without the blocker, but it’s not really playing out that way.

Our special teams are pretty much dedicated to fielding the ball cleanly and not fumbling which tells you a hell of a lot about where we are in our approach to the game. Quan is a negligible entity in the return game – 8.8 yards a punt return; 23.5 yards per kickoff return. The guy is a phenomenal possession receiver and a true football player, but he offers us very little explosiveness. I have to think there are some guys on our roster who could create some plays for us here. I can’t think of a team more in need of creating cheap scoring opportunities, but our goal here is clearly not to have setbacks.

We’re 7-2 and ranked in the Top 15. We’ve played seven sorry teams and beaten them all; we’ve played two above average or good teams and lost to them both. Our remaining three games feature three teams that range from average to above average, so your guess is as good as mine as to how this all plays out.

Were I a handicapping man, I’d assign it thusly as to how we finish the regular season:

3-0 10%
2-1 42%
1-2 41%
0-3 7%

I chose a lack of roundedness to my numbers in hopes that it would suggest to the reader that they are unimpeachably scientific and not to be questioned; speaking to some degree of precision and knowledge I possess that you cannot know. Let me know if that shit worked.

Truthfully, there is no result in Stillwater that would surprise me. Though I’m guessing the mechanisms by which the result happens will surprise no one. I think it’s pretty clear what this team is and how we’ll lose or win any game from here on out.


It’s science

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46 Responses

  1. dedfischer said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 12:46 pm

    “Beating a bad Nebraska football team is the college football equivalent of winning Best Anal. A close win is better than a loss, but most Texas fans were hoping to be featured in a different category at a different awards show.”

    That is the most GD funny thing I have ever read.

  2. dedfischer said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    The breakdown of Jamar Taylor was pretty close, though.

  3. BigSatan said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 12:58 pm

    Great read. Thanks.

  4. Carr Throws Far said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    “Once again, the blitz was treated as if it were the most exotic and unpredictable thing a defense can do (even though Akina is guaranteed to blitz any opposing offense on change of possession and give up 22 yards on the predictable screen to come).”

    teH suck4g3

  5. ShocktheNation said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    Does Chaz Worthington III hold on to the ball and like the zone read?

  6. NBMisha said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    Agreed, no more surprise with any result or the way it happens.

    Now I can just sit back and enjoy the game. Except that I’m off booze for the month, goddammit. Maybe a brick thru the big screen will do the trick.

  7. Uncle Rico said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:13 pm

    my dog doesn’t bite on play action

  8. Uncle Rico said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:18 pm

    “Now, place your dog two steps behind you, your body between the dog and the treat throwing area. Throw the treat. Lazily reach out and impede your dog’s progress. You’re now down blocking. If you’d like to add a further layer, down block on Fido twice and in the third instance, pretend to throw the treat. While he careens down the hallway into the kitchen, gently throw the treat into the hands of Jermicheal Finley running the opposite direction. You just ran play action”.

    since we are talking about allsome quotes…please add this.

  9. Socratic Ag said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:21 pm

    What if my dog is named Chaz Worthington III?

    Can I clip him?

  10. CrazyJoeDavola said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:29 pm

    No one gawks at Jenna Jameson anymore. Except possibly people from Roswell.

  11. EyesOfTX said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    Thanks – great stuff as usual.

    Like you, I remain agog at the postgame remarks of our coaches that attempt to convince the average fan that our coaches should never attempt to anticipate or prepare for the possibility that the opposing defense might actually – gasp! – BLITZ!!! We have a coaching staff that has almost literally been around forever. Our offense gets blitzed time after time, week after week, and yet it’s always a surprise of gargantuan proportions to Mack and Greg when it happens.

    I also fully agree that nothing, absolutely nothing that happens with this team from here on out this season would surprise me. There is absolutely no way to reliably predict how this team will perform from week to week.

    This is the most frustrating Longhorn season in the last 20 years.

    Hook ‘em!!!

  12. kchorn04 said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:43 pm

    Why is Jermichael Finley in my hallway? Has he been in there the last 3 weeks? Which hallway?

  13. Woody Bombay said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:47 pm

    Damn, kchorn04, he’s been there since halftime of the OU game.

  14. Gooba said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 1:51 pm

    “One thing that I find fascinating about our OL is how solid they look when they’re allowed to block down in the running game rather than reach block guys lined up on an outside shoulder.”

    Yeah, I like watching rpongett’s breakdowns too.

  15. Jesus H. Christ said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    Our players must LOVE playing for a staff that throws caution to the wind and always plays to win.

  16. kchorn04 said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    “Our players must LOVE playing for a staff that throws caution to the wind and always plays to win.”

    They don’t really LOVE it since they are constantly worried about losing their jobs to more talented underclassmen.

  17. Traffic said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 2:50 pm

    “They don’t really LOVE it since they are constantly worried about losing their jobs to more talented underclassmen.”

    How could they LOVE it, since the fans keep booing them.

  18. echeese said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 2:51 pm

    Greg Davis is still my hero. I don’t care what you think

  19. DBH said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 3:36 pm

    “But you can’t pry Bill Little’s hand off of the trophy (at least without the lure of a thermos of turkey gravy and a tome of Smythe & Struther’s 101 Writing Cliches).”

    Greatness as always, Scipio. Links to your post-mortems and live blogs have been making the rounds among my email contacts all season. Thanks for keeping us amused at the unamusing.

  20. kujotx said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 5:22 pm

    I was at the game. They weren’t booing the players. They booed a really crappy play call by Davis, and the refs inability to allow football to occur on the field.

  21. beowulf said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 6:35 pm

    One word.

    Brilliant.

  22. charles worthington III said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 6:53 pm

    Don’t call me Chaz

  23. Texoz said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 7:18 pm

    Sweet stuff.

    When I think of this season for UT, and for the rest of Div. 1 in general, I hear Rod Serling’s narrative, “Submitted for your consideration…”

    Then I crack open a beer and chew on some Tums.

  24. Crown & Coke said:

    October 30th, 2007 at 8:28 pm

    Bullseye as always. I knew I was in for a treat as soon as I saw the picture of the dog in the football uniform.

  25. nickadeemus2002 said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 5:49 am

    excellent stuff, man. solid.

  26. DrkBgrk said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 8:19 am

    awesome.

  27. SeeingRed said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 8:56 am

    At this point any team that can’t produce the Big 12 Offensive Player of the Week against the Cosgrove Career Day scheme is doing something very wrong. Charles is the 4th consecutive NU opponent to garner the award & when USC & Ball St. add their respective Pac-10 & MAC OPOTW trophies to the pile, that makes it 6/9 on the year.

    Todd Reesing? Better dust off a place on the mantle, little slugger. Immortality awaits you in Lawrence this Saturday.

  28. Vasherized said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 9:39 am

    I just tore my meniscus attempting that reach blog. Dark days indeed …

  29. matt said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 10:36 am

    The analysis is great, but worries me. The coaches screw up, web sites like this lay out the screw ups, but won’t recruits read this and not want to play for UT? Are fan web sites possibly detering good recruits from coming to Austin?

  30. SeeingRed said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 11:22 am

    Damn you to hell, “matt”! You have caught on to our dastardly Husker scheme to take over Texas recruiting. You will pay for your interference dearly. There is no corner of the earth in which you can hide.

    Shut down the site boys! We’re outta here.

  31. HenryJames said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 11:25 am

    Scipio personally cost us Adrian Peterson.

  32. Chas said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 12:05 pm

    Who the fuck spells Chas with a z?

  33. beowulf said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 12:06 pm

    And Vince’s last year.

  34. Superfan said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 1:40 pm

    Jamaal Charles has 6 less fumbles than Darren McFadden…. on 13 less carries. And 13 more yds. And the same amount of TD’s.

    Scouts regularly masturbate to McFadden’s highlight videos… I know because Chris Landry says McFadden can make all the throws in the passing tree.
    pt

  35. soulglo said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 5:22 pm

    that was a fantastathon of a read

  36. retrobater said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 5:54 pm

    Those Yaleys are barbarians!!!

  37. Lowery said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 6:17 pm

    Scipio also cost us Sam Adams with some ill timed comments to Shane.

  38. McLovin said:

    October 31st, 2007 at 6:37 pm

    The passing tree looks an awful lot like the schematic of my girlfriend trying to parallel park.

  39. matt said:

    November 1st, 2007 at 10:43 am

    All I know is we lose a lot of players to OU, and they seem to play a lot harder at OU than they do at UT.

    I’m not blaming the posters; they are merely demonstrating that the coaching staff have no clothes now that VY is gone (and he ain’t walking through that door any time soon).

  40. Murfdogg21 said:

    November 1st, 2007 at 2:20 pm

    Sites like these are meant to educate novice fans about why it is clever to run the shotgun draw 20 times a game. It may go for a loss on 19 of them, but oh boy, when you get that 6 yard gain you’re living high on the hog!

  41. longhornmatt said:

    November 1st, 2007 at 2:59 pm

    “Scipio also cost us Sam Adams with some ill timed comments to Shane.”

    He was just quoting what the guy in the bathroom said!

  42. DBH said:

    November 1st, 2007 at 5:30 pm

    “Sergio Kindle deserves special mention as someone who continues to fly around and wreck human beings in the opposing uniform, which is something I generally value in a LBing corps…”

    And now Kindle has officially been listed as out for Okie Lite. So we’ll have to settle for Killebrew wrecking human beings after the whistle blows.

  43. old ut fan said:

    November 2nd, 2007 at 6:11 am

    first off, you have a typo on “separation”. second, why bother? i fear little change from the previous game strategy. perhaps i should have gone to technical school and not one of the biggest, richest, and best universities on the planet.
    dadgummit.

  44. Richard Baccus said:

    November 3rd, 2007 at 8:01 pm

    So that’s why the Nebraska quarterback has milkbones in his front pouch? I though Killebrew and Derry were going to break their teeth with all the biting on play action and misdirection going on. Good grief it was even worse with OK State. Does no one else see this on the staff? Killebrew is the worst open field tackler on the team coupled with Scooby Doo investigative skills. Most of the time he starts the play with his head cocked going “rut roe” and bites on any and every fake. If it’s one on one open field…..he bites on the juke. Jees I think his play would improve 100%f if he just did the opposite of his instincts. Bring on Kindle and Muckelroy, they actually understand how to tackle and make things happen.

  45. MIke Gundy said:

    November 3rd, 2007 at 8:29 pm

    Attack me dont attack Killabrew. I am a grown man

  46. Johnnie Theuner said:

    December 20th, 2009 at 1:01 am

    I have been trying to add your blog to my feed reader, but it gives me an error. Can you suggest a tutorial on how to do it?

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