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Games I’ll watch this weekend

Posted by HenryJames on September 13th, 2007 under Football

Tennessee at Florida

Remember when Phil Fulmer was thought to be a great head coach? He went 45-5 from ‘95-’98 and won a national championship. Rocky Top! He then proceeded to lose 30 games over the next 8 seasons and never won a conference title. His fall from the mountain top made Hank Williams Jr wince. Phil Fulmer is not a great head coach. Phil Fulmer is Joe Don Baker.

Reporter
“Coach, wake up! Bama just hired Saban!”

Florida is led by Tim Tebow who is going to put up huge numbers in Urban Meyer’s offense. Raised by missionaries, Tebow has now turned his attention to football with a missionary zeal. He lives and breathes it so much that during the offseason he carries around his offensive linemen and bangs chicks with tits the size of footballs.

Notre Dame at Michigan

I used to like Notre Dame when Lou Holtz was there, when they had guys like Tony Rice, Jerome Bettis and Chris Zorich. Guys who taped their wrists, pulled up their jerseys and went out there and played. Now you kids get off my lawn!

Reporter
“Visors? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!”

So why am I watching this game? Two bad teams both coming in having lost four straight. Lloyd Carr running on fumes at this point, and Charlie Weis is running…well, Weis has never run in his life. Look at him. Notre Dame’s offense is averaging 6.5 points per game. Michigan’s defense is giving up 36.5 points per game. The stoppable force meets the movable object. Something must give!

And thanks to overtime they can’t both lose.

Arkansas at Alabama height=

Bill Clinton. Houston Nutt. Apparently the only one not enjoying consequence free fucking in the state of Arkansas is that woman with 17 kids.

Alabama boosters are some of the most demanding in the country, exherting a huge influence on the football program. Well, they finally hired the coach that will bring their program back. And you want to know the best part? Nick Saban’s treatment of boosters runs the gamut from ‘Fuck you’ to ‘Go fuck yourself.’

USC at Nebraska

Halftime of the 2005 USC-Arizona St game. QB Sam Keller has led the Sun Devils to a 21-3 over the number one ranked Trojans. Should’ve quit while you were ahead, Sam. He proceeds to throw 4 interceptions in the second half. Arizona St loses the game, the next year he loses the starting job and eventually he loses his mind and transfers to Nebraska.

Reporter
“I thought I was dead too. Turns out I was just in Nebraska.”

Pete Carroll is the best coach in college football. He and Urban Meyer have signed the college football equivalent of the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact, agreeing to divide up the most fertile recruiting areas and divide future national championships among their two schools. They’ll eventually attack each other.

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6 Responses

  1. Senor Feliz said:

    September 13th, 2007 at 7:26 am

    I always saw Lou Holtz as more of a Bobby Peru than a Frank Booth.

    Now if we’re talking about Stoops, there’s a Frank Booth.

  2. Alex said:

    September 13th, 2007 at 9:55 am

    Whoa! Pete Carroll is the best coach in college football? WTF. Best recruiter, maybe. Pete runs a pro-style team with pro-calliber players. I am still not convinced that his offense is the same without Norm Chow. 2005 was the fist year Chow left and all the pieces were already trained and in place. I need to see another dominant USC offense before I can credit Carrol as knowing anything about that side of the football.

  3. Facebook User said:

    September 13th, 2007 at 10:57 am

    Let’s see what they do SAT vs. the Huskers. Although, I think Scipio thinks the USC offensive strategy and output this weekend might be belie its true potential.

  4. Colby said:

    September 13th, 2007 at 11:14 am

    Thanks so much for the Blue Velvet reference.

  5. srr50 said:

    September 13th, 2007 at 4:01 pm

    If I were Arkansas, I would keep an eye on every one of the video photogs on the sideline.

    Nick Saban is best pals with Bill Bellichek.

  6. CrazyJoeDavola said:

    September 13th, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    I like “Mitchell” a lot more than “Final Justice”. “Mitchell” had Merlin Olsen, Linda Evans, John Saxon and Martin Balsam along with JDB.

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  • Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Barnes worst team   3 hours, 17 minutes ago

    I wasn’t trying to say they quit. They just didn’t play hard a lot of the time. Lazy = lack of effort. Example, our transition defense was about 75% effort and 25% stupidity. We loafed down court a lot. The kids didn’t like to lose so they would fight back,

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    This the most disappointing team because our talent level is higher than those others.

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    Agreed on Damo being my favorite Longhorn basketball player, I wish him all the best.

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    Second awesomest thing — Magnus gets his woman to go to Hooters with him.

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    I ain’t talking about the girls Brick.

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