Football Articles
Barking Carnival’s Oklahoma State State of the Union Union
Posted by HenryJames on August 18th, 2007 under Football
I feel like Oklahoma State has had the same team for the last 25 years. Good to very good running back, above average quarterback, a big time receiver every now and then and scattered athletes on defense. Pick them to go 5-5/6-4, rinse and repeat. When they do find a coach capable of getting them over the hump, you can bet he’ll jump when the inevitable better offer comes around.
So they’ve gone out and got a local boy like when Florida hired Steve Spurrier. Or when Texas hired David McWilliams. Mike Gundy has experienced everything Okie St has to offer. In other words, he’s banged a drunk coed he picked up at Eskimo Joe’s and lost to OU four straight years as a player.
They finished 7-6 last year, won their bowl game and their offense averaged over 200 yds per game both rushing and passing. Almost all of the offensive firepower is back. Exciting! But they were 2-6 against bowl teams and 1-4 in the South Division because their defense couldn’t stop Dexter Manley from joining a book of the month club.
Part of the problem is that there’s obviously not enough talent in Oklahoma to feed both OU and Okie St. OU is always the first choice for in state recruits making them the hot and trashy chick in the tube top. Ok St is her fat friend. Also in a tube top. That wiley Gundy has overcome this by getting his QB from Texas, his WR via transfer and his RB from JUCO. He still gets his hairstyle from the pages of International Male catalogue.
Offensive coordinator Larry Fedora knows what he’s doing, moving his family to Stillwater aside. He’s the guy that made Chris Leak a household name. Granted, it was ‘That Leak guy at Florida is a huge p*ssy,’ but at least people were talking. He runs a no huddle spread offense that worked really well last year against teams not named Texas.
Bobby Reid is potentially better than Chris Leak. He’s bigger, faster, has a stronger arm and his body’s hormone of choice is testosterone. He was inconsistent last year though and even threw 3 interceptions against Arkansas St. T. Boone Pickens responded by buying the Arkansas St team and selling it off in pieces. I think Baylor bought the secondary.
The Cowboys have two good running backs returning. I’ll compare Dantrell Savage to Barry Sanders because he’s short, black and plays running back for Okie St. I’ll compare Keith Totson to Tatum Bell because he’s big, black and plays running back for Okie St. Both of these guys averaged over 6 yards per carry last year which is much better than what both Sanders and Bell averaged last year.
Adarius Bowman is the best receiver in the Big 12. He’s Hart Lee Dykes sans the variable annuity. Whomever lines up next to him will see lots of single coverage.
If you want to stump your friends, ask them to name any offensive lineman that played for Oklahoma State in the last 20 years. John Lennon once famously remarked that ‘Before Elvis there was nothing.’ In Stillwater after Jon Kolb, there was nothing. They do have a future star in LT Russell Okung who won the team’s Dick Bogert Award as OSU’s outstanding freshman on offense. Why they named an award after Lt. General Browning in A Bridge Too Far is anyone’s guess.
New defensive coordinator Tim Beckman has arrived from Ohio St. He was sold on the idea of having complete control over the defense and not having to sell any of his Dickies jean shorts that are so popular in Columbus. He was also Urban Meyer’s DC at Bowling Green. He was confident enough in his ability to stop Meyer’s offense that he and the rest of the tOSU staff spent the BCS title game practices laughing at pictures of A.J. Hawk. ‘He looks like the offspring of Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer and that dude from Mask!’ Beckman has brought renewed energy to the defense and they break every huddle by screaming ‘Bend it like Beckman!’ I just made that part up. Or did I?
There isn’t another Kevin Williams in the interior, but help is on the way in the form of Tonga Tea. This is either a player or a sports drink made from taro root. Senior Nathan Peterson returns at one DE spot, and he’s a player. He’s not the biggest or fastest guy around, but he finished with 8 sacks and 12 TFLs last year. Fellow senior Marque Fountain, who led the team in TFLs last year, returns at the other end. Having your DEs combine for 25 tackles behind the line is a good start, but the rest of the team combined for about 500 tackles well past the line of scrimmage.
Chris Collins is potentially the team’s best linebacker if he can recover from an injured knee. He also has some off the field issues to deal with. Twelve-year-olds. Dude.
Donovan Woods was a starting safety last year, but will get some play at LB this season. He is the 3rd member of his family to play for the Cowboys following in the footsteps of his older brothers Keenan Ivory and Damon. Sophomore Patrick Lavine will be the other LB. Last year’s starting MLB, Roderick Johnson, was moved to DE in the spring. Having graduated from Galveston Ball, he’s used to adversity and finds the sound of gunfire relaxing.
Martel Van Zandt returns at one corner spot. Van Zandt, who is deaf, relies on an interpreter to relay information from the coaches. Much of what was relayed last year was ‘Van Zandt?! Are you dumb and blind too?!’ The other corner is a scarecrow dressed like R.W. McQuarters. Sophomore Andre Sexton led the team in tackles last year from his SS spot.
I’ll admit to having a soft spot in my heart for the Cowboys although my cardiologist would disagree. But I’ve always liked watching the great individual players like Sanders, Kevin Williams and Rashaun Woods. The thing I like best is that every once in awhile Okie St will upset the natural order of things and beat OU.
So come on, Cowboys. Beat OU.
It’d be a lot cooler if you did.
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Seeing Red commented on the blog post Beat the Barkers NCAA Tourney Bracket 3 minutes ago
How’s it going bitches?? Okay, it’s funnier when Mac says it on Sunny in Philadelphia.
If I win, can one of the Vietnamese spammers be made to tote the porn bag around for me?
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James commented on the blog post Shocking! Unthinkable! OU player accepts cash? 5 minutes ago
Love that TMZ is all over this.
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HenryJames wrote a new blog post: Ty Warren doesn’t understand economics 12 minutes ago
So former Aggie and current New England Patriot Ty Warren has decided to forego his $250,000 offseason workout bonus to instead stay home and attend college classes.
“I try to put the kids in the best educational system possible and I think there is something to be said for their father, who has been blessed to -
Ag_in_TX wrote a new blog post: Shocking! Unthinkable! OU player accepts cash? 14 minutes ago
OU player accepts $3000 to attend OU
University of Oklahoma basketball star Keith “Tiny” Gallon may have violated a cardinal NCAA rule by accepting thousands of dollars from a guy who appears to have been courting him.
Gallon — a freshman center for the Sooners – scored a $3,000 wire transfer last August, according to a
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Magnificent Bastard commented on the blog post Now THAT’S Taking One For The Team 48 minutes ago
After the Aggie nut squeeze, when youtube decides which clips should most appropriately follow, there’s a whole lot of gayness.
Pope is a giant douche, but Bobby Gonzalez seems like a nice enough guy.
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ursa major wrote a new blog post: Baylor v. Sam Houston State Preview 5 hours, 47 minutes ago
If we can get past the statue alive, we have a chance…
(Sorry to Barking Carnival for stealing their meme.)
About the Bearkats
I will not waste your time extolling the various pros and cons of our team. Let’s learn a little bit about Sam Houston State.Seriously, who the #$@ spells Bearkats with a k? According to Wikipedia,
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Place Your Bets, Gentlemens 6 hours, 50 minutes ago
explain…
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Now THAT’S Taking One For The Team 7 hours, 6 minutes ago
He played for New Mexico State.
We recruited him briefly, along with Louisville, Pitt and a host of others. Everyone ran when they realized he was a lunatic.
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Now THAT’S Taking One For The Team 7 hours, 6 minutes ago
He played for New Mexico State.
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Jorgrama commented on the blog post Bracket Breakdown & Gambling Tips 7 hours, 8 minutes ago
Had some harsh words about Barnes in that podcast, that’s for sure. . . .
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dick commented on the blog post Now THAT’S Taking One For The Team 7 hours, 12 minutes ago
Didn’t we think we target him at one point?
He’s a good player, imagine UNM with him on their #3 seed roster.
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dick wrote a new blog post: FLV March Madness First Round Bets 7 hours, 14 minutes ago
Here we are, my favorite weekend of the year. I’ve taken sick days on the first two days of the tourney every year except my first and this year is no different (i’m feverish, which is true). My one goal for the gambling season (August thru first weekend of April) is to have enough money to bet on every
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Now THAT’S Taking One For The Team 7 hours, 43 minutes ago
Pope was a real head case recruit, if I recall correctly.
Shot four times in high school too.
Transferred to the Hall from New Mexico St after all of the Big Schools gave him the cold shoulder for his recruiting antics.
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Scipio Tex wrote a new blog post: Place Your Bets, Gentlemens 7 hours, 50 minutes ago
First, if you’re not reading Fading Las Vegas or March to March, you’re missing out on the best college basketball prognostication available in the free market. The vast bulk of Kevin Berger’s basketball writing is going to be found there, so click accordingly.
The key delineation to make is that Fading Las Vegas
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admin commented on the blog post Final Four Prediction 8 hours, 42 minutes ago
Baylor scares me. They have no idea what the bright lights feel like.
Huggins also has a horrible history with high seeds from his days at Cincy.
Bingo.
Bingo.
Yet Gary Williams has a ring. Maybe this is Huggy’s year and maybe Scott Drew can get laid in a morgue. Love to see what Huggy could have
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admin commented on the blog post Final Four Prediction 8 hours, 42 minutes ago
Baylor scares me. They have no idea what the bright lights feel like.
Huggins also has a horrible history with high seeds from his days at Cincy.
Bingo.
Bingo.
Yet Gary Williams has a ring. Maybe this is Huggy’s year and maybe Scott Drew can get laid in a morgue.
I have these guys in my bracket. DEEP.
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dick commented on the blog post Early NCAA Tournament Bets 8 hours, 54 minutes ago
Travis,
63-58 on KenPom for 121. That’s still a really low scoring game
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post Bracket Breakdown & Gambling Tips 9 hours, 33 minutes ago
Thanks, dick. Interesting perspective.
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dick commented on the blog post The Definitive Bracket: 63 Guaranteed Winners! 9 hours, 56 minutes ago
KB,
You are going to be too smart for your own good. A common fault amongst Bracket makers. There’s a reason why the 55 year old admins win 80% of these things every year.
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dick commented on the blog post Bracket Breakdown & Gambling Tips 10 hours ago
“which impresses me since I know he didn’t hear the podcast.”
You shouldn’t be, after reading both guys over the past year, KB knows more about basketball and gambling than Millman does and it’s not even close.
A little warning about Chad Millman. I was pretty excited when I heard that ESPN hired a
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Luke wrote a new blog post: Some perspective for a generation of Wildcats 10 hours, 1 minute ago
Kansas State is beginning the NCAA tournament as a #2 seed with legitimate final four hopes (just ask the president) in less than 24 hours.
I’m going to need a moment to admire that sentence…….
OK, I’m good.
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whiskey wrote a new blog post: Chalk Talk: The ND 3-4 Transition Part I- Expectations 10 hours, 26 minutes ago
Welcome to the first of what I hope will be many installments of “Chalk Talk” with LB Coach. I am excited to introduce LB Coach as a new contributor to One Foot Down. LB Coach has a significant amount of experience playing football at Notre Dame and on the professional level. He also has a
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dick commented on the blog post Early NCAA Tournament Bets 10 hours, 42 minutes ago
I’ll post all of my first day games tonight.
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srr50 wrote a new blog post: Now THAT’S Taking One For The Team 13 hours, 2 minutes ago
Aggie Corp with “Squeeze Army?”
POSERS
Texas Tech forward Darko Cohadarevic doesn’t just talk the talk — he walks the walk.
Tuesday night Tech faced Seton Hall in a first round NIT contest. With the game tied at 10, Seton Hall forward Herb Pope delivered two below-the-belt blows to Cohadarevic.
After Pope was ejected, Tech went on
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Kevin Berger commented on the blog post Bracket Breakdown & Gambling Tips 14 hours, 46 minutes ago
Louisville has a great chance if Jerry Smith is healthy.
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Kevin Berger commented on the blog post Final Four Prediction 14 hours, 47 minutes ago
Good team that took number 1 seeded Louisville to the wire in last year’s tournament. Start 3 seniors and two juniors, very athletic. Solid pass first point guard. Their leading scorer was player of the year in the conference.
Good club that plays multiple defenses.
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ghostofagroundgame commented on the blog post Bracket Breakdown & Gambling Tips 15 hours, 12 minutes ago
I just took Baylor going to the Elite 8. It’s a crazy mixed up world we live in.
Is it just me, or does it pain anyone else to not be able to determine who is going to beat Duke early? It’s bound to happen, but who will it be?
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Art Vandelay commented on the blog post Final Four Prediction 15 hours, 14 minutes ago
By “we” I meant the Horns. Kevin, why should I take Siena over A&M?
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Kevin Berger commented on the blog post Bracket Breakdown & Gambling Tips 15 hours, 28 minutes ago
colorado ag, Utah State is as athletic as Nebraska. You’ll be fine as long as they don’t go 16 for 31 from three.
Siena, on the other hand, is going to beat you like you stole something. Maybe not, but the Saints should win.
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Kevin Berger commented on the blog post Bracket Breakdown & Gambling Tips 15 hours, 32 minutes ago
Great article Scipio. Also, thanks for the dime.
Looking at the Tournament futures market, Vegas is telling us what they think about Onuaku’s health. The Orangemen have the easiest region and road to the fianl four, yet they’re +700 to win it all, while UK and Kansas, teams with much tougher roads, are +250
Phil Robins said:
August 18th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Dumb Ass!
Rob Reichert said:
August 19th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
I wonder if you’re brave enough to say this to Van Zant’s face?
“Much of what was relayed last year was ‘Van Zandt?! Are you dumb and blind too?!”
Maybe you are…so long as his interpreter isn’t around?
Jerk!
osumark said:
August 19th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Idiot.
ChrisApplewhite said:
August 19th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Scallywag!
UTEXAS98 said:
August 19th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
Lighten up Okie Lite Cowboys. Why should we feel sorry for Van Zandt? I could only dream of playing Division I football.
Brian said:
August 20th, 2007 at 6:31 am
You are neither a good sports writer nor a funny comedian. My advice is to quit doing one and focus on the other.
Brian #2 said:
August 20th, 2007 at 7:23 am
That was awesome. Keenan Ivory and Damon… :)
A totally different Brian said:
August 20th, 2007 at 7:33 am
That was hilarious. I would say keep at what you’re doing. You have a talent. I was laughing out loud the whole time.
The Bandit said:
August 20th, 2007 at 9:53 am
Dude, that was good stuff. Very funny.
chris said:
August 20th, 2007 at 10:05 am
I’m an OSU fan and thought that was pretty damn funny. Pretty accurate too
I don’t understand why you people were offended.
Robert said:
August 20th, 2007 at 10:41 am
I thought it was pretty funny too, although I think I’m going to HELL now for laughing when I read the part about Van Zandt!
Ya gotta admire a guy like that though! Not many athletes could say they played College Football if they were deaf.
Scipio Tex said:
August 20th, 2007 at 10:44 am
“The other corner is a scarecrow dressed like R.W. McQuarters.”
That’s just genius.
DarrellRoyalwasASOONER said:
August 20th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Tell us about Chris Simms’ tattoo again. Now that’s a sign of TRUE LOVE!
Trips Right said:
August 20th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Is there an audio version for Dexter Manley? Pure greatness, pardna.
RxCowboy said:
August 20th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
I could live with the sarcasm of this piece until I reached the comments about Van Zandt. That was simply crude and uncalled for. Van Zandt is a fine young man who is deaf through no fault of his own. Yet he faces life with courage and resolve that HenryJames will never know as he pulls the wings off of flies for fun. Idiot.
JohnDavid said:
August 20th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Ladies & Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce you to HenryJames, the OSU wannabe Dennis Miller.
All kidding aside, your talent is there but I simply refuse to accept and/or appreciate anyone with two first names.
aaron said:
August 20th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
I actually liked it, except for the Van Zandt. At least you waited until the end to blow it.
bill simmons said:
August 20th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
hey i want my writing style back you unoriginal bastard.
T Boone Pickens said:
August 20th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
Sir, that was the most to the point and accurate write up I have seen in some time. Not many people can be spot on and funny at the same time. You have serious talent.
pmg said:
August 21st, 2007 at 9:12 am
Offensive was not the remark re: Van Zandt but rather the use of “whomever.” Him say what?
Woody Bombay said:
August 21st, 2007 at 6:23 pm
You, sir, are an abhorrent jackanape of the lowest order!
Van Zandt said:
August 23rd, 2007 at 4:44 am
Well, when yoor wight, yoor wight!
OSU does NOT Rule!!!!!!!!!!!!! said:
August 23rd, 2007 at 8:09 am
That seriously was Hilarious. The Wayon brothers was pure genius… I was laughing out loud the hardest at Bend it like Bekham part though. Your write up on OU was great also. Keep up the good work and don’t worry about the OSU fans that take their 6-5 team too seriously.
Soulecervesa said:
August 23rd, 2007 at 8:36 am
OK, I just got this link from one of my Georgia blogs that I read and I am super cerial this is the funniest sht I’ve read in a long time. Keep it up.
MrWyatt said:
August 23rd, 2007 at 9:21 am
So if you’re a receiver lined up opposite Van Zandt, do you talk any smack to him? Or do you just maintain an awkward silence. If you try using sign language, you might draw a procedure penalty.
ChrisApplewhite said:
August 23rd, 2007 at 9:37 am
You flip him off.
turk 182 said:
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:16 pm
RxCowboy
“…Van Zandt. That was simply crude and uncalled for. Van Zandt is a fine young man who is deaf through no fault of his own.”
no fault of his own, huh. aside from the q-tip blame game out there…what the hell are you talking about? is there a huge contingent of fault-laden deaf people out there?