Football Articles
OU Football: Any Given Stoops Press Conference
Posted by Scipio Tex on August 16th, 2007 under Football
We’re excited about this year. This is the best team we’ve ever had at Oklahoma and possibly the best in the history of the Big 12. We’re putting in the work, doing the things that will make us successful, and looking forward to getting better every week. You know, some coaches like to talk about Big 12 titles, but some coaches – well, just one actually – have enough trophies that they can use them as a door stop, a paper weight, a bird feeder, and lose the other two and no one would miss them. I’ll take questions now.
Coach, Gerald McCoy has been such a promising talent, I’m curious if…
You know some coaches want to talk when they have never won anything. Coaches who like to stuff their fat faces with snack cakes. Who badly need some time on a Nordic Track. Punch one of those coaches in the chest and treats would come out of their pockets like a goddamn vending machine. You know we’ve had some success here at the University of Oklahoma and some coaches south of here have not, coaches that are powder haired emo boys, sporting some kind of poor man’s Bobby Cremins look and…
Pardon, coach – you’re talking about Dennis Franchione’s comments?
Did I say that name? Don’t manufacture an issue where there is none. I’m just saying there are some coaches out there – coaches of Southern European ancestry in some instances, known job hoppers – who want to jaw about “If we’d done this or that in these four games, we’d be undefeated.”
Well, let’s do that. Right now. We have the game stolen at Oregon by a bunch of eco-terrorists. There’s one. Paul Thompson betrays the Sooner Nation in Dallas and destroys a masterful coaching performance. There’s two. Boise St runs dishonorable and deceitful plays and edges us in the Fiesta as Paul Thompson pulls another choke job. There’s three. We’re undefeated now. Play Boomer Sooner and let’s all eat cake. Hey-ho, let’s all celebrate. Wasn’t that easy?
I ask you: who has had more happen to them than us? Only the Cherokee have suffered more than the 2006 OU Sooner Big 12 Championship Football Team. The Cambodians under Pol Pot, the Chinese under Mao, the residents of Stalingrad in 1944, and Oklahoma Football ‘06. All are a dead heat in torment.
Coach Stoops, when you look around the league there’s so much parity and it just seems that the Big 12 South in particular is going to be a tough divi…
Some coaches know what it takes to win it. Coaches who wear visors and have no-nonsense attitudes. They go out and get it done. Others want to talk about winning it – these “funny guys” – these comedians with their squirting flowers and hand buzzers – some of them with shrill, whiny voices and a fan base with stupid traditions. Coaches who are southeasterly from this podium, who like tomfoolery and grab-assing and talking big in front of their alumni. Those coaches should be talking to Jenny Craig, not running amok with their delusions. Maybe looking into some Just For Men so they don’t look so much like Barbara Bush.
Again, coach, I don’t want to put words in your mouth, but I’m thinking this is Dennis Franchione that you’re referring to – did his comments bother you? He said he was joking. A little harmless joke.
Bother me? I don’t even know the comments you’re talking about. So how could they bother me?
Sure, I go to bed every night with my jaw clenched at the smallest perceived slight and sit there for hours in a paralysis of rage, trying to burn holes through the ceiling with my eyes. Who doesn’t?
But I do know that some people like to prank around, to endorse tomfoolery, to grab-ass, like some children who live in a certain household who thought it would be funny to put a whoopee cushion on Dad’s office chair. This kid wants to giggle when Dad sits down to call recruits and it makes a loud farting sound. Well, sometimes that kid gets their 529 College Fund transferred to their sisters. No college for you. Are you laughing now?
Wise guys don’t think it’s funny when I hit them with a metal folding chair.
You know, some coaching wives don’t want to stop watching Big Brother when a certain multiple Big 12 Coach of the Year winner wants to watch Gunsmoke reruns. Well, sometimes those wives are pre-nupped and maybe that wife is now at risk of losing everything because she wants to grab-ass about with her reality shows and not do what she’s been coached to do. To execute. To be a fundamental wife and do the things that got her there.
Coach, back to football…
What do you mean, back to football? I’ve been trying to talk football, but certain reporters want to bring up certain coaches and create stories where there are none. I’m not saying you, but I am saying some. Many! Many reporters are doing this. All of them! Not you specifically, but all. They all do this. You, less so. I’m not even talking about you even though I’m staring at you and I’m indicating you with an outstretched index finger.
Forget all of this. It’s not worth it. It’s just not worth it. I’m just going to stare silently at this podium for a while and make you all very uncomfortable…
Hey! I’ve got it. I’m going to take this baby powder and sprinkle it on my head. Now I’m going to puff up my cheeks like I am an undisciplined snacking puff adder. Look at me! Who am I? What? No, not Captain Kangaroo. Guess again.
Now sing Boomer Sooner! I said, sing it. Good, that’s right. Da da da da da da da da! Everyone. We’re on top of the world. We’re national champions again. See how easy that is? Now I’m going to prance around and swing this mop handle like a baton.
Boomer Sooooooner! Boomer Soooooner!
Who am I?
Who am I?
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Activity
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Scipio Tex commented on the blog post All Signs Point to March Madness Expanding to 96 Teams 12 minutes ago
Horrendous idea.
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RRR wrote a new blog post: NIT Preview – Seton Hall 16 minutes ago
Sorry for the hiatus. It started with disgust as I watched us mail in the conference finale in Boulder. I didn’t have anything to say about that game. Then work got in the way and I missed the redemption game in the first round of the conference tournament. The Kansas game, too. I’m a rotten fan.
But
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dick commented on the blog post All Signs Point to March Madness Expanding to 96 Teams 16 minutes ago
Our goal for next year will be to make it to the 2nd round of the tournament.
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Texoz commented on the blog post All Signs Point to March Madness Expanding to 96 Teams 34 minutes ago
Why stop at 96? Let’s bump it up to 192.
Bigger is not always better, says the midget hooker.
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Art Vandelay commented on the blog post As if we didn’t already like Traylon Shead enough… 34 minutes ago
Traylon turns to Rick and says, Texas
Rick says what?
Traylon says, Texas
Rick says what?Perry says “I’ve got to get out of here”
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admin commented on the blog post All Signs Point to March Madness Expanding to 96 Teams 39 minutes ago
When asked to comment, Rick Barnes said “Phew”.
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post All Signs Point to March Madness Expanding to 96 Teams 39 minutes ago
When asked for to comment, Rick Barnes said “Phew”.
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dick commented on the blog post All Signs Point to March Madness Expanding to 96 Teams 39 minutes ago
i hate this idea
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srr50 wrote a new blog post: All Signs Point to March Madness Expanding to 96 Teams 1 hour, 7 minutes ago
Perhaps as soon as next year. The NCAA has an “opt out” clause in its $6 Billion contract with CBS this summer and they have already asked for a Request For Proposal from any and all networks interested.
The current contract with CBS is backloaded — the network owes the NCAA $2.3 Billion over the next
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Bush Paves the Way for Henderson? 1 hour, 7 minutes ago
Big Booty Ho’s!
BigDuke,
You, as usual, are correct about the ACT score. However, that he decided to continue with his commitment to USC this late in the process and this close to an anticipated NCAA ruling is probably the bigger story. He had an out and still decided on USC. Just wondering aloud
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Bush Paves the Way for Henderson? 1 hour, 7 minutes ago
Big Booty Ho’s!
BigDuke,
You, as usual, are correct about the ACT score. However, that he decided to continue with his commitment to USC this late in the process and this close to an anticipated NCAA ruling is probably the bigger story. He had an out and still decided on USC. Just wondering aloud
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Patrick Bateman commented on the blog post Bush Paves the Way for Henderson? 1 hour, 7 minutes ago
Big Booty Ho’s!
BigDuke,
You, as usual, are correct about the ACT score. However, that he decided to continue with his commitment to USC this late in the process and this close to an anticipated NCAA ruling is probably the bigger story. He had an out and still decided on USC. Just wondering aloud
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bigdukesix commented on the blog post Bush Paves the Way for Henderson? 1 hour, 37 minutes ago
Perhaps it’s all a coincidence, but Seantrel just got his ACT score this past week. Without a test score, a recruit is ineligible to sign with any school. I’m wondering how much of this was just a smokescreen on Henderson’s part.
I think you’re right on point number 2. They were
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Farmer Ted wrote a new blog post: Red Cash 1 hour, 37 minutes ago
Sammy Vegas over at Double Extra Point put together a summary of the NFL earnings of former Huskers since 2000. It’s worth a look, especially if you want to get depressed about your career choice.
Who would have guessed that Chris Kelsay ($29 million) was in the same ballpark as Ahman Green ($35 million)?
Or that Kris
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In the dying moments of AC Milan’s victory over Chievo on Sunday, the world’s most famous footballer ruptured his achilles tendon and with it, his dream to represent his country in one last World Cup. What a sad way to end such a fine professional’s international career.
Beckham’s legendary last-second free kick against Greece in 2001
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Kevin Berger wrote a new blog post: Bracket Anaylysis: Monsters of the Midwest 1 hour, 54 minutes ago
The top four seeds in the Midwest region were introduced by Jim Nantz on selection Sunday in seemingly rapid fire succession. Kansas. Ohio State. Georgetown. Maryland.
Like rockets fired from Columbia Broadcasting System missile command, the names lit up the Midwest Bracket. Stuff just got real.
Kansas is the
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post As if we didn’t already like Traylon Shead enough… 2 hours, 34 minutes ago
Do you have a little brother who is several meters high? Is he built just like a quarterback and says he’ll testify?
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gingerballs commented on the blog post We talkin’ ’bout brackets 2 hours, 44 minutes ago
You make a solid point, Get your buy-in asap.
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Vasherized commented on the blog post Bush Paves the Way for Henderson? 2 hours, 49 minutes ago
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Vasherized commented on the blog post Bush Paves the Way for Henderson? 2 hours, 49 minutes ago
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Vasherized commented on the blog post Bush Paves the Way for Henderson? 2 hours, 49 minutes ago
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Vasherized commented on the blog post Bush Paves the Way for Henderson? 2 hours, 49 minutes ago
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Art Vandelay commented on the blog post As if we didn’t already like Traylon Shead enough… 2 hours, 52 minutes ago
Warm winds blowing
Heating blue sky
And a road that goes forever
I’m going to Texas -
dick commented on the blog post Texas Basketball is Dangerous 2 hours, 53 minutes ago
“We never had any shot of winning the tournament ”
I meant regular season.
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dick commented on the blog post Texas Basketball is Dangerous 2 hours, 56 minutes ago
I don’t buy that we HAVE to win this conference or the conference tourney unless KU is in an awful down year. That would be like someone other than OU or Texas saying that their football season was a failure because they didn’t win the Big 12 title. The owners of the Big
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Sailor Ripley commented on the blog post Bush Paves the Way for Henderson? 2 hours, 56 minutes ago
Oh please.
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admin commented on the blog post Bush Paves the Way for Henderson? 2 hours, 56 minutes ago
Oh please.
Also, hadn’t realized that Sean was short for Seantrel. Cool.
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P.Drez commented on the blog post Can Anyone Stop Wayne Rooney? 3 hours, 8 minutes ago
When Bendtner scores 32, I’ll do that write-up.
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gingerballs wrote a new blog post: We talkin’ ’bout brackets 3 hours, 13 minutes ago
Alright, in case you all did not have a chance to swing by Barking Carnival today the fantake network is having a bracket contest. Be sure and sign up using your fantake handle and what not.
Go Here
Group name: Beat the Barkers Tourney Bracket
Password: Damien
In case you were looking for something with a little more at
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Farmer Ted commented on the blog post Castille Day 3 hours, 27 minutes ago
No, unless by “steal” you mean “smoke” and by “laptops” you mean — well, you get the idea.
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Uncle Teardrop said:
August 16th, 2007 at 11:39 am
I wished he had answered that Gerald McCoy question.
Macanudo said:
August 17th, 2007 at 12:18 am
Three in a row over that turd would make me all tingly.
Hi.
Scipio Tex said:
August 17th, 2007 at 10:03 am
Not the first time you’ve felt tingly over a turd, Macanudo.
Howdy. Glad you made it, amigo.
Uncle:
I wish he had too. That Bob!
DarrellRoyalwasASOONER said:
August 17th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Stoops owns texas…5 of the last 7 games…and another long OU winning streak begins again this season. :o)
Facebook User said:
August 17th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
…and Texas owns OU all time. We hold these truths to be self evident. Tell us more about why you think OU will win this year.
gratefulRed said:
August 20th, 2007 at 8:47 am
pretty funny stuff. I’m a Sooner fan and STILL laughed my butt off !!
labman said:
August 20th, 2007 at 11:54 am
Ditto, Pretty funny stuff!
Carol Stoops is an incredibly successful business woman in her own right. She was probably bringing in more than Bob the first season or two.
Bob would say, “We don’t need no stinking prenups.”
BigRedAuto said:
August 20th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Hill-a-r-iou-s!
Mack Brown said:
August 20th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Hey Bob… you talkin about me?
coolhorn said:
August 20th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
I don’t care who you are…that’s some funny stuff!
goodonya said:
August 21st, 2007 at 5:43 am
That’s pretty good stuff Scipio. This is another Sooner fan that laughed his a$$ off on that one. Keep em’ coming.
OUtrageous said:
August 21st, 2007 at 6:35 am
Man, that was funny. Nice work.
Boomer Sooner.
utee94 said:
August 21st, 2007 at 7:25 am
I have a friend who dose a perfect Bob Stoops impression, and I was imagining him saying all of those lines– pure brilliance. Nice job, Scipio.
Low_Gee said:
August 21st, 2007 at 7:33 am
ROFLMFAO! TOO funny!
Boomer!
Meh. said:
August 21st, 2007 at 7:33 am
Needs work. Doesn’t even sound like Stoops.
Jdog said:
August 21st, 2007 at 7:39 am
I’m a Sooner originally from Scipio OK- just west of Big Mc, and Indianola – thought it was funny. Boomer Sooner
DL said:
August 21st, 2007 at 11:02 am
Pretty good. And I’m a sooner.
MeanGreen said:
August 21st, 2007 at 7:04 pm
too bad OU has to loose their home opener…
ChrisApplewhite said:
August 21st, 2007 at 7:46 pm
F for smack, F- for spelling.
BSBobsbrother said:
August 21st, 2007 at 8:27 pm
Sailor: #1 because Vince is in the NFL.
Mark said:
August 22nd, 2007 at 6:33 am
Hey saxet, do the math
7 national championships
to
5 national championships
awwww poor mack brown is as drugged up as bevo
E Cagle said:
August 22nd, 2007 at 8:08 am
This certain is a comical article, but Bob Stoops was not the auther. He does’nt use fowl lanuage.
Doperbo said:
August 22nd, 2007 at 8:47 am
I’m pretty sure I heard him say “ptarmigan” in a press conference last year.
#1SoonerFan said:
August 22nd, 2007 at 12:38 pm
You Texas fans are a joke. Cant wait to rub it in your faces in Dallas.
CrimsontOkie said:
August 23rd, 2007 at 9:44 am
That’s freakin’ hilarious. Good job.
BOOMER SOONER!!
turk 182 said:
August 23rd, 2007 at 11:58 am
strong work.
media meltdown was classic.
Horns everywhere, watch your ballsacs…apparently our ‘fans’ (clearly alumni) are on the prowl. [we are so proud by the way]
PrelKikam said:
August 27th, 2007 at 4:47 am
enter text? test, sorry
dfdf767df
M.McCormick said:
August 27th, 2007 at 9:19 am
Ah…yes…it must be college football season again. Those Hatfield’s and McCoy’s (no similarity to persons living or dead intended) aka Oklahoma and Texas, Universities thereof…are at it again. I Love it! I live in Wisconsin…and if I as a Wisconsite were to insult a Texan (outside of the NCAA football season) in front of an Oklahoman…I’m sure to cause some ‘defense against the dark arts behavior’ by said Oklahoman in his/her support of the offended Texan. BUT…it’s football season and the enemy has shown itself in burnt Orange and Crimson…whoa…may to best team win…and you’ll see us (UW) in the Rose Bowl come January….go Longhoorners…uh…hook ‘em Sooners..uh…oh, well you get the drift…
sfsooner said:
August 28th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
That’s really funny, but it needs a few “in a great way”s thrown in for good measure.
Scott said:
August 28th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
As an Aggie, I’ve always thought Stoops was a bit of a douche. I hated 77-0, but one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen was Terrence Kiel tossing the ball he had just intercepted to seal the game to Bob, after we beat them when Reggie was a freshman.
I think one of my buddies summed up the whole family best a few years ago when he said, “You know, Mike Stoops kind of reminds me of #2 from Multiplicity.”
Bill said:
August 29th, 2007 at 7:14 am
sumbody needs a hug. coach, come here to uncle bill. I’ll give you a big hug.
Bill said:
August 29th, 2007 at 7:28 am
What a tirade. Sounds more like Leach than stoops, who I thought had some class. Oh well, I assume you all know the meaning of assume. ou should really be proud of this. I bet ou’s AD won’t even say anything about it. ou never gets into any trouble or really ever does anything about it. When TAMU, the school to which Stoops refers, got into trouble with the NCAA in the 90’s, they nearly got the death penalty, and for much less that what Bomar and his crew of 8 or 9 did, and ou is getting a mere love tap on the wrist. It is probably because their wrists or so limp. Bob, Bob, Bob take a chill. This really sounds like you are WHINING.
turk 182 said:
August 30th, 2007 at 8:03 am
[giggle]
is anyone going to say something…
Houston Chronicle » Blog Archive » Mack the Warden, Stoops is as Stoops does and, uh, Frantastic? said:
August 18th, 2008 at 9:44 am
[...] as for Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops, I’m quite sure I actually attended this press conference, or at least one quite similar to [...]